[GUEST ACCESS MODE: Data is scrambled or limited to provide examples. Make requests using your API key to unlock full data. Check https://lunarcrush.ai/auth for authentication information.] [@jarvis_best](/creator/twitter/jarvis_best) "No idea what this is or what I should do with it. Will report back"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948552712733204515) 2025-07-25 01:15:43 UTC 82.6K followers, 71.4K engagements "I already posted this once but I cant get it out of my head. Marvel at this prose. The refusal to go ahead forestalled a step backward"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946603400935723273) 2025-07-19 16:09:51 UTC 82.6K followers, 8132 engagements "The Jets must have been founded through a joint venture of Hitler and the Devil who cut off the wrong guy in traffic and got cursed by witches and wizards and the stadium built on land where they conducted ancient human sacrifices I have no other explanation for this shit"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948377744946913771) 2025-07-24 13:40:28 UTC 82.6K followers, 7440 engagements "Oh man this is gonna age me. There used to be an online magazine - sort of like a normal magazine but online - called Slate. You guys remember this"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946428415445516576) 2025-07-19 04:34:31 UTC 82.6K followers, 3M engagements "I have decided to actually do it. No more talk. Im going to invade Canada"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947509691984318535) 2025-07-22 04:11:08 UTC 82.6K followers, 30.8K engagements "I think the cool thing about aliens is that I'd have a whole new group of living beings to be racist against"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948144954037223856) 2025-07-23 22:15:26 UTC 82.6K followers, 13.2K engagements "Re the Hulkster this was a good read. Fair minded way to tell a wild story. Interviews with both Thiel and Nick Denton"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948566191422759147) 2025-07-25 02:09:17 UTC 82.6K followers, 16.3K engagements "Lots of people asking why you need AI on a vending machine but how many NORMAL vending machines do you know that can pretend to be Hitler"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947357197261803956) 2025-07-21 18:05:10 UTC 82.6K followers, 26.7K engagements "This was considered comically obese in the 1970s"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948010305143128562) 2025-07-23 13:20:23 UTC 82.6K followers, 22.8K engagements "Alright lets see if I can trick this guy into letting me into the country"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948424807906709554) 2025-07-24 16:47:28 UTC 82.6K followers, 10.5K engagements "Raw milk contains mind expanding bacteria that allow you to see Jewish tricks. No wonder they demand pasteurization. Connect the dots"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947652451026538957) 2025-07-22 13:38:24 UTC 82.6K followers, 13.6K engagements "I have a solution to heterofatalism but yall aint gonna like it"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947836261236093154) 2025-07-23 01:48:48 UTC 82.6K followers, 17.6K engagements "Sampling the exotic delicacies of the Great White North"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948800996055867528) 2025-07-25 17:42:19 UTC 82.6K followers, 23.9K engagements "Occurs to me that if it was truly about politics and not economics you wouldnt kill the entire franchise - youd just replace Colbert with a centrist. If it was about economics then the franchise cant be saved by anyone so youd just get rid of it. Which is what they did"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946560998539673898) 2025-07-19 13:21:22 UTC 82.6K followers, 45.5K engagements "Pretty sure this Getty photographer captured a murder:"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1945575204681368048) 2025-07-16 20:04:10 UTC 82.6K followers, 30.9K engagements "My grandpappy always told me that if youre in XX bar fights you might have just met XX assholes but if youre in XX bar fights YOURE the asshole"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946775367131578755) 2025-07-20 03:33:11 UTC 82.6K followers, 67.6K engagements "Every NPR story: And heres Special Needs Feminist Reporter Xiao Mei Petrov Fernndez. ::knocking:: "When he first arrived at Oberlin College Mahmoud bin Laden did not expect to encounter discrimination. So when he discovered that there was not a school sponsored affinity group for gay Muslim anime fans with learning disabilities he figured there must have been some mistake." ::car horn::"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1945534372754366715) 2025-07-16 17:21:55 UTC 82.6K followers, 391.5K engagements "If Biden had done this in the debate he would have been reelected. "Oh you're concerned about illegal immigration FUCK YOU.""  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947360904464449947) 2025-07-21 18:19:54 UTC 82.6K followers, 17.9K engagements "Some genius I cant remember who suggested that every subscription to the NYT come with at least seven rage cancellations where you get to rage cancel and post about it on social media and then after a week the subscription would quietly renew. Its a great idea"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947365494979236339) 2025-07-21 18:38:08 UTC 82.6K followers, 7560 engagements "Are we thinking the aliens will be hot or what's the consensus on this"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948120312672833638) 2025-07-23 20:37:31 UTC 82.6K followers, 57.3K engagements "I don't know what's going on here but all of these people should be imprisoned"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947784343092662353) 2025-07-22 22:22:30 UTC 82.6K followers, 249.2K engagements "They should give Jay Leno a late night comedy show if he wasn't currently tied up in some mobster's basement being beaten to death"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946232821120438281) 2025-07-18 15:37:18 UTC 82.6K followers, 11.7K engagements "While you were sleeping I was studying the charts. While you were having your coffee I was projecting the forecast. While you were having pre-marital sex I was imagining whole new systems. By this time tomorrow you will be standing in line for government cheese and I will be wrist deep in your mother. Rise and grind"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948030221397160327) 2025-07-23 14:39:32 UTC 82.6K followers, 15.9K engagements "I have obtained a copy of the alleged picture that Trump drew for Jeffrey Epstein. It is not for the faint of heart"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1945982104963002611) 2025-07-17 23:01:03 UTC 82.6K followers, 93.4K engagements "My google maps is like "turn right in XXX meters" and it's like what the fuck does that even mean hahahahahaha"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948549986649563564) 2025-07-25 01:04:53 UTC 82.6K followers, 8178 engagements "I don't want to give the boomers ANOTHER tax break but we have to find some humane way to make nana homeless"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947771457775239403) 2025-07-22 21:31:18 UTC 82.6K followers, 13.7K engagements "Me: Its not about Trump guys Jesus Christ. The problem is fundamentally structural you have more and more identical late night shows chasing a smaller and aging audience. Plus there is no evidence that the Paramount merger had anything to do with it. Trump: HAHAHA ITS ME I DID THIS SHIT AND ILL DO IT AGAIN LMAOOOOOOO"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947700105034846355) 2025-07-22 16:47:46 UTC 82.6K followers, 291.9K engagements "With the boomers deciding to live forever I'm not sure there's any way AROUND doing this. I've had several family members buy big houses when they had young families but then the value of their house increased 10X over the decades (not unheard of in Colorado). So by the time they're empty nesters and would love to downsize their capital gains at XX% would have been ENORMOUS. Capital gains of $1M plus broker fees plus moving fees and maybe you're giving up $250K+ just for the privilege of having a smaller house. As a result the boomers are living in big empty houses while young families can't"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947770910477586744) 2025-07-22 21:29:07 UTC 82.6K followers, 218.2K engagements "Keith Olbermann the senior statesman the adult in the room the voice of reason"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946788467792376057) 2025-07-20 04:25:14 UTC 82.6K followers, 492.1K engagements "The thing you gotta remember about political types is that they hate each other with the fire of a thousand suns. Us civilians can't even comprehend"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947391133065351668) 2025-07-21 20:20:01 UTC 82.6K followers, 13.4K engagements "Autistic guys hitting on chicks at the bar:"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1945274011904069727) 2025-07-16 00:07:20 UTC 82.6K followers, 152.5K engagements "this clip is amazing jesus hahahahahahaha"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947340911832404095) 2025-07-21 17:00:27 UTC 82.6K followers, 21.8K engagements "The first like XX episodes of The Colbert Report when he was parodying that dipshit OReilly were tremendous and hes been coasting ever since"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946029404221550626) 2025-07-18 02:09:00 UTC 82.6K followers, 128.1K engagements "Goodness gracious the Biden Family Swear Jar is going to be overflowing this year"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947329345036673285) 2025-07-21 16:14:30 UTC 82.6K followers, 14K engagements "Fund NPR you miscreants. Rich people with sophisticated taste like me NEED to listen to jazz and classical without the boorish ads that litter the commoner stations. Can you IMAGINE enjoying the heavenly closing counterpoints of Bach's 17th oregano cantata only to get verbally assaulted by some woman screaming at you to buy a Cheesy Gordita Crunch I would intentionally drive my M3 into a kindergarten"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1945537496961757409) 2025-07-16 17:34:20 UTC 82.6K followers, 113.3K engagements "INVITE ME TO THE WHITE HOUSE AND GIVE MY ASS THE ALIEN BINDERS"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948113271426531670) 2025-07-23 20:09:32 UTC 82.6K followers, 25K engagements "Quick summary of the very helpful replies: X. It's a natural thing that happens as you age. X. You're gay. X. You're trans. X. You're a pussy. X. You're a gay trans pussy. X. Just do drugs like an adult"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1941558992830070980) 2025-07-05 18:05:10 UTC 82.6K followers, 43.3K engagements "I would have definitely taken the chain off. Taking the chain off would have been at the top of my list when I was in the machine"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947393748901700073) 2025-07-21 20:30:25 UTC 82.6K followers, 31.9K engagements "Women claim theyre broke but spend money on coordinating outfits 🙄"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947038011679514633) 2025-07-20 20:56:50 UTC 82.6K followers, 22.1K engagements ""No Grok I told you a million times Will Stancil lives in Minnesota""  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1945858574506197334) 2025-07-17 14:50:11 UTC 82.6K followers, 92.5K engagements "@RepNancyMace @POTUS This is next level queen"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946388361322877325) 2025-07-19 01:55:22 UTC 82.6K followers, 8714 engagements "Not to be sexist but we are reaching staggering new levels of girl math"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946960528095719795) 2025-07-20 15:48:57 UTC 82.6K followers, 11.2K engagements "Been dealing with some real life nonsense all day whats the latest over here"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946349148934226192) 2025-07-18 23:19:33 UTC 82.6K followers, 25.6K engagements "UPDATE head hurts mouth full of cotton. This is how Canadians wake up every morning. Thats why theyre so grumpy"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948740428779475354) 2025-07-25 13:41:38 UTC 82.6K followers, 7847 engagements "2016 was everything. 2016 is the only year that matters. The current year is 2016+9. We are all children of 2016. We must Pokemon Go to the polls"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1945206493445300245) 2025-07-15 19:39:02 UTC 82.6K followers, 825.2K engagements "@redsteeze Oh I know X shells per beaver pelt X beaver pelts per seal hide. Learned the exchange rate in school"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948792331512971732) 2025-07-25 17:07:53 UTC 82.6K followers, 2235 engagements "Now Shopping For: Sandals. These things are PURE SEX. Ladies you see me walking down the street in these bad boys try to refrain from ripping off your shirts"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946645603381109031) 2025-07-19 18:57:33 UTC 82.6K followers, 77.8K engagements "You guys are going to love these. I think the message theyre sending is Yes Im a sophisticated and worldly businessman but Im not above the occasional slight DUI. Im very happy with these"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946994452528324995) 2025-07-20 18:03:45 UTC 82.6K followers, 52.4K engagements "being a Jesuit priest must be awesome you just shitpost all day"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947416569581342981) 2025-07-21 22:01:06 UTC 82.6K followers, 24K engagements "Imma rule Canada with an iron fist just as soon as I get up"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948787323132313850) 2025-07-25 16:47:59 UTC 82.6K followers, 23.7K engagements "Ive tried to do this same thing MULTIPLE times but I always end up killing them 😩"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948749078222843907) 2025-07-25 14:16:00 UTC 82.6K followers, 197.3K engagements "Babe wake up new type of walking just dropped"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1939337711938359705) 2025-06-29 14:58:36 UTC 82.6K followers, 45K engagements "Overseeing Operation Europa from the Situation Room"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1944818392718041502) 2025-07-14 17:56:52 UTC 82.6K followers, 9454 engagements "Scope out the territory I will someday govern with an iron fist"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947510614555038089) 2025-07-22 04:14:48 UTC 82.6K followers, 6823 engagements "Me boarding my flight to Canada and seeing Canadians everywhere"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948344500041994288) 2025-07-24 11:28:21 UTC 82.6K followers, 29.2K engagements "Failed Terrorist Airlines lost one of my bags"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948493821756486037) 2025-07-24 21:21:43 UTC 82.6K followers, 11.7K engagements "I was not aware of that. Jesus what are we even doing here"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947772680499040282) 2025-07-22 21:36:09 UTC 82.6K followers, 22.2K engagements "The key to Ruthlesss success Top notch source material"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1945195530801311805) 2025-07-15 18:55:29 UTC 82.6K followers, 16.6K engagements "Me and the boys arriving in Canada to scope out which cities we want to rule after Trump invades"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948380517314843054) 2025-07-24 13:51:29 UTC 82.6K followers, 13.3K engagements "Air Canada flights are just like American flights except smoking is legal and there is no lavatory and the pilot is a moose"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948446174962225610) 2025-07-24 18:12:23 UTC 82.6K followers, 16.3K engagements "Its so obvious. Connect the *fucking* dots anon"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947651707321913554) 2025-07-22 13:35:27 UTC 82.6K followers, 16.5K engagements "Colbert was kept afloat by grants from USAID so this is no surprise"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946013955740127602) 2025-07-18 01:07:36 UTC 82.6K followers, 368K engagements "Your nana is having the f word screamed at her XXX times a night"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947673772393173304) 2025-07-22 15:03:08 UTC 82.6K followers, 121.6K engagements "The actual greatest podcast of all time - the one that basically invented the genre and set every early podcasting record - was The Ricky Gervais Show"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1948325386024313260) 2025-07-24 10:12:24 UTC 82.6K followers, 1M engagements "Spit out my Jewish Mind Control Milk when I read this"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1947651375099208148) 2025-07-22 13:34:08 UTC 82.6K followers, 86.6K engagements "New life goal: preserve will to live long enough until robot maids are a thing"  [@jarvis_best](/creator/x/jarvis_best) on [X](/post/tweet/1946596338231283907) 2025-07-19 15:41:47 UTC 82.6K followers, 9574 engagements
[GUEST ACCESS MODE: Data is scrambled or limited to provide examples. Make requests using your API key to unlock full data. Check https://lunarcrush.ai/auth for authentication information.]
@jarvis_best
"No idea what this is or what I should do with it. Will report back"
@jarvis_best on X 2025-07-25 01:15:43 UTC 82.6K followers, 71.4K engagements
"I already posted this once but I cant get it out of my head. Marvel at this prose. The refusal to go ahead forestalled a step backward" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-19 16:09:51 UTC 82.6K followers, 8132 engagements
"The Jets must have been founded through a joint venture of Hitler and the Devil who cut off the wrong guy in traffic and got cursed by witches and wizards and the stadium built on land where they conducted ancient human sacrifices I have no other explanation for this shit" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-24 13:40:28 UTC 82.6K followers, 7440 engagements
"Oh man this is gonna age me. There used to be an online magazine - sort of like a normal magazine but online - called Slate. You guys remember this" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-19 04:34:31 UTC 82.6K followers, 3M engagements
"I have decided to actually do it. No more talk. Im going to invade Canada" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-22 04:11:08 UTC 82.6K followers, 30.8K engagements
"I think the cool thing about aliens is that I'd have a whole new group of living beings to be racist against" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-23 22:15:26 UTC 82.6K followers, 13.2K engagements
"Re the Hulkster this was a good read. Fair minded way to tell a wild story. Interviews with both Thiel and Nick Denton" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-25 02:09:17 UTC 82.6K followers, 16.3K engagements
"Lots of people asking why you need AI on a vending machine but how many NORMAL vending machines do you know that can pretend to be Hitler" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-21 18:05:10 UTC 82.6K followers, 26.7K engagements
"This was considered comically obese in the 1970s" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-23 13:20:23 UTC 82.6K followers, 22.8K engagements
"Alright lets see if I can trick this guy into letting me into the country" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-24 16:47:28 UTC 82.6K followers, 10.5K engagements
"Raw milk contains mind expanding bacteria that allow you to see Jewish tricks. No wonder they demand pasteurization. Connect the dots" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-22 13:38:24 UTC 82.6K followers, 13.6K engagements
"I have a solution to heterofatalism but yall aint gonna like it" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-23 01:48:48 UTC 82.6K followers, 17.6K engagements
"Sampling the exotic delicacies of the Great White North" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-25 17:42:19 UTC 82.6K followers, 23.9K engagements
"Occurs to me that if it was truly about politics and not economics you wouldnt kill the entire franchise - youd just replace Colbert with a centrist. If it was about economics then the franchise cant be saved by anyone so youd just get rid of it. Which is what they did" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-19 13:21:22 UTC 82.6K followers, 45.5K engagements
"Pretty sure this Getty photographer captured a murder:" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-16 20:04:10 UTC 82.6K followers, 30.9K engagements
"My grandpappy always told me that if youre in XX bar fights you might have just met XX assholes but if youre in XX bar fights YOURE the asshole" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-20 03:33:11 UTC 82.6K followers, 67.6K engagements
"Every NPR story: And heres Special Needs Feminist Reporter Xiao Mei Petrov Fernndez. ::knocking:: "When he first arrived at Oberlin College Mahmoud bin Laden did not expect to encounter discrimination. So when he discovered that there was not a school sponsored affinity group for gay Muslim anime fans with learning disabilities he figured there must have been some mistake." ::car horn::" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-16 17:21:55 UTC 82.6K followers, 391.5K engagements
"If Biden had done this in the debate he would have been reelected. "Oh you're concerned about illegal immigration FUCK YOU."" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-21 18:19:54 UTC 82.6K followers, 17.9K engagements
"Some genius I cant remember who suggested that every subscription to the NYT come with at least seven rage cancellations where you get to rage cancel and post about it on social media and then after a week the subscription would quietly renew. Its a great idea" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-21 18:38:08 UTC 82.6K followers, 7560 engagements
"Are we thinking the aliens will be hot or what's the consensus on this" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-23 20:37:31 UTC 82.6K followers, 57.3K engagements
"I don't know what's going on here but all of these people should be imprisoned" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-22 22:22:30 UTC 82.6K followers, 249.2K engagements
"They should give Jay Leno a late night comedy show if he wasn't currently tied up in some mobster's basement being beaten to death" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-18 15:37:18 UTC 82.6K followers, 11.7K engagements
"While you were sleeping I was studying the charts. While you were having your coffee I was projecting the forecast. While you were having pre-marital sex I was imagining whole new systems. By this time tomorrow you will be standing in line for government cheese and I will be wrist deep in your mother. Rise and grind" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-23 14:39:32 UTC 82.6K followers, 15.9K engagements
"I have obtained a copy of the alleged picture that Trump drew for Jeffrey Epstein. It is not for the faint of heart" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-17 23:01:03 UTC 82.6K followers, 93.4K engagements
"My google maps is like "turn right in XXX meters" and it's like what the fuck does that even mean hahahahahaha" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-25 01:04:53 UTC 82.6K followers, 8178 engagements
"I don't want to give the boomers ANOTHER tax break but we have to find some humane way to make nana homeless" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-22 21:31:18 UTC 82.6K followers, 13.7K engagements
"Me: Its not about Trump guys Jesus Christ. The problem is fundamentally structural you have more and more identical late night shows chasing a smaller and aging audience. Plus there is no evidence that the Paramount merger had anything to do with it. Trump: HAHAHA ITS ME I DID THIS SHIT AND ILL DO IT AGAIN LMAOOOOOOO" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-22 16:47:46 UTC 82.6K followers, 291.9K engagements
"With the boomers deciding to live forever I'm not sure there's any way AROUND doing this. I've had several family members buy big houses when they had young families but then the value of their house increased 10X over the decades (not unheard of in Colorado). So by the time they're empty nesters and would love to downsize their capital gains at XX% would have been ENORMOUS. Capital gains of $1M plus broker fees plus moving fees and maybe you're giving up $250K+ just for the privilege of having a smaller house. As a result the boomers are living in big empty houses while young families can't" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-22 21:29:07 UTC 82.6K followers, 218.2K engagements
"Keith Olbermann the senior statesman the adult in the room the voice of reason" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-20 04:25:14 UTC 82.6K followers, 492.1K engagements
"The thing you gotta remember about political types is that they hate each other with the fire of a thousand suns. Us civilians can't even comprehend" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-21 20:20:01 UTC 82.6K followers, 13.4K engagements
"Autistic guys hitting on chicks at the bar:" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-16 00:07:20 UTC 82.6K followers, 152.5K engagements
"this clip is amazing jesus hahahahahahaha" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-21 17:00:27 UTC 82.6K followers, 21.8K engagements
"The first like XX episodes of The Colbert Report when he was parodying that dipshit OReilly were tremendous and hes been coasting ever since" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-18 02:09:00 UTC 82.6K followers, 128.1K engagements
"Goodness gracious the Biden Family Swear Jar is going to be overflowing this year" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-21 16:14:30 UTC 82.6K followers, 14K engagements
"Fund NPR you miscreants. Rich people with sophisticated taste like me NEED to listen to jazz and classical without the boorish ads that litter the commoner stations. Can you IMAGINE enjoying the heavenly closing counterpoints of Bach's 17th oregano cantata only to get verbally assaulted by some woman screaming at you to buy a Cheesy Gordita Crunch I would intentionally drive my M3 into a kindergarten" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-16 17:34:20 UTC 82.6K followers, 113.3K engagements
"INVITE ME TO THE WHITE HOUSE AND GIVE MY ASS THE ALIEN BINDERS" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-23 20:09:32 UTC 82.6K followers, 25K engagements
"Quick summary of the very helpful replies: X. It's a natural thing that happens as you age. X. You're gay. X. You're trans. X. You're a pussy. X. You're a gay trans pussy. X. Just do drugs like an adult" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-05 18:05:10 UTC 82.6K followers, 43.3K engagements
"I would have definitely taken the chain off. Taking the chain off would have been at the top of my list when I was in the machine" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-21 20:30:25 UTC 82.6K followers, 31.9K engagements
"Women claim theyre broke but spend money on coordinating outfits 🙄" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-20 20:56:50 UTC 82.6K followers, 22.1K engagements
""No Grok I told you a million times Will Stancil lives in Minnesota"" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-17 14:50:11 UTC 82.6K followers, 92.5K engagements
"@RepNancyMace @POTUS This is next level queen" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-19 01:55:22 UTC 82.6K followers, 8714 engagements
"Not to be sexist but we are reaching staggering new levels of girl math" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-20 15:48:57 UTC 82.6K followers, 11.2K engagements
"Been dealing with some real life nonsense all day whats the latest over here" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-18 23:19:33 UTC 82.6K followers, 25.6K engagements
"UPDATE head hurts mouth full of cotton. This is how Canadians wake up every morning. Thats why theyre so grumpy" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-25 13:41:38 UTC 82.6K followers, 7847 engagements
"2016 was everything. 2016 is the only year that matters. The current year is 2016+9. We are all children of 2016. We must Pokemon Go to the polls" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-15 19:39:02 UTC 82.6K followers, 825.2K engagements
"@redsteeze Oh I know X shells per beaver pelt X beaver pelts per seal hide. Learned the exchange rate in school" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-25 17:07:53 UTC 82.6K followers, 2235 engagements
"Now Shopping For: Sandals. These things are PURE SEX. Ladies you see me walking down the street in these bad boys try to refrain from ripping off your shirts" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-19 18:57:33 UTC 82.6K followers, 77.8K engagements
"You guys are going to love these. I think the message theyre sending is Yes Im a sophisticated and worldly businessman but Im not above the occasional slight DUI. Im very happy with these" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-20 18:03:45 UTC 82.6K followers, 52.4K engagements
"being a Jesuit priest must be awesome you just shitpost all day" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-21 22:01:06 UTC 82.6K followers, 24K engagements
"Imma rule Canada with an iron fist just as soon as I get up" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-25 16:47:59 UTC 82.6K followers, 23.7K engagements
"Ive tried to do this same thing MULTIPLE times but I always end up killing them 😩" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-25 14:16:00 UTC 82.6K followers, 197.3K engagements
"Babe wake up new type of walking just dropped" @jarvis_best on X 2025-06-29 14:58:36 UTC 82.6K followers, 45K engagements
"Overseeing Operation Europa from the Situation Room" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-14 17:56:52 UTC 82.6K followers, 9454 engagements
"Scope out the territory I will someday govern with an iron fist" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-22 04:14:48 UTC 82.6K followers, 6823 engagements
"Me boarding my flight to Canada and seeing Canadians everywhere" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-24 11:28:21 UTC 82.6K followers, 29.2K engagements
"Failed Terrorist Airlines lost one of my bags" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-24 21:21:43 UTC 82.6K followers, 11.7K engagements
"I was not aware of that. Jesus what are we even doing here" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-22 21:36:09 UTC 82.6K followers, 22.2K engagements
"The key to Ruthlesss success Top notch source material" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-15 18:55:29 UTC 82.6K followers, 16.6K engagements
"Me and the boys arriving in Canada to scope out which cities we want to rule after Trump invades" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-24 13:51:29 UTC 82.6K followers, 13.3K engagements
"Air Canada flights are just like American flights except smoking is legal and there is no lavatory and the pilot is a moose" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-24 18:12:23 UTC 82.6K followers, 16.3K engagements
"Its so obvious. Connect the fucking dots anon" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-22 13:35:27 UTC 82.6K followers, 16.5K engagements
"Colbert was kept afloat by grants from USAID so this is no surprise" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-18 01:07:36 UTC 82.6K followers, 368K engagements
"Your nana is having the f word screamed at her XXX times a night" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-22 15:03:08 UTC 82.6K followers, 121.6K engagements
"The actual greatest podcast of all time - the one that basically invented the genre and set every early podcasting record - was The Ricky Gervais Show" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-24 10:12:24 UTC 82.6K followers, 1M engagements
"Spit out my Jewish Mind Control Milk when I read this" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-22 13:34:08 UTC 82.6K followers, 86.6K engagements
"New life goal: preserve will to live long enough until robot maids are a thing" @jarvis_best on X 2025-07-19 15:41:47 UTC 82.6K followers, 9574 engagements