#  @mariana057 mariana Z mariana Z posts on X about if you, in the, so i, night the most. They currently have [-------] followers and [---] posts still getting attention that total [-------] engagements in the last [--] hours. ### Engagements: [-------] [#](/creator/twitter::15284799/interactions)  - [--] Week [-------] -60% - [--] Month [---------] -62% - [--] Months [----------] +254% - [--] Year [----------] +629% ### Mentions: [--] [#](/creator/twitter::15284799/posts_active)  - [--] Week [--] -33% - [--] Month [---] +13% - [--] Months [---] +406% - [--] Year [---] +33% ### Followers: [-------] [#](/creator/twitter::15284799/followers)  - [--] Week [-------] +0.16% - [--] Month [-------] +0.60% - [--] Months [-------] +7.20% - [--] Year [-------] +4.90% ### CreatorRank: [-------] [#](/creator/twitter::15284799/influencer_rank)  ### Social Influence **Social category influence** [countries](/list/countries) 3.55% [stocks](/list/stocks) 2.13% [finance](/list/finance) 1.42% [celebrities](/list/celebrities) 1.42% [technology brands](/list/technology-brands) 1.42% [products](/list/products) 1.42% [musicians](/list/musicians) 0.71% [social networks](/list/social-networks) 0.71% **Social topic influence** [if you](/topic/if-you) 7.8%, [in the](/topic/in-the) 3.55%, [so i](/topic/so-i) 2.84%, [night](/topic/night) 2.13%, [eat](/topic/eat) 2.13%, [bag](/topic/bag) 2.13%, [word](/topic/word) 2.13%, [how to](/topic/how-to) 2.13%, [star](/topic/star) 2.13%, [store](/topic/store) 2.13% **Top accounts mentioned or mentioned by** [@dorian_aurora](/creator/undefined) [@scrotes3](/creator/undefined) [@dorianaurora](/creator/undefined) [@docatcdi](/creator/undefined) [@darrenjohnhill](/creator/undefined) [@magicmark9](/creator/undefined) [@mockking_j](/creator/undefined) [@blunt_always](/creator/undefined) [@wildfirechris1](/creator/undefined) [@neilgerardo](/creator/undefined) [@davey12string](/creator/undefined) [@bunkaih](/creator/undefined) [@born_in_54](/creator/undefined) [@skyyyprincess](/creator/undefined) [@jill13141567](/creator/undefined) [@onedarkseed](/creator/undefined) [@theliamnissan](/creator/undefined) [@juliuskim](/creator/undefined) [@mdmoore23](/creator/undefined) [@kurps84518](/creator/undefined) **Top assets mentioned** [BlackBerry Limited (BB)](/topic/blackberry) [Spotify Technology (SPOT)](/topic/$spot) ### Top Social Posts Top posts by engagements in the last [--] hours "Ate an edible last night and cooked a pizza at [--] degrees for [---] minutes" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1999164639448334799) 2025-12-11T17:09Z 106.4K followers, 3.2M engagements "A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2008515015834517862) 2026-01-06T12:24Z 106.4K followers, 621.4K engagements "Step 1: Start a beer company named Responsibly. Step 2: Watch as every other beer company promotes you for free at the end of their commercials. Step 3: Enjoy the 💰💰💰" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2019239755834425420) 2026-02-05T02:40Z 106.3K followers, 856.1K engagements "The fact that hemorrhoids aren't called asteroids is a major missed opportunity for science health and the English language" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2020309303174045972) 2026-02-08T01:30Z 106.4K followers, 266.5K engagements "If you watch the movie "Jaws" backwards it becomes the heartwarming story about a shark who swims around giving arms and legs to disabled people" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021582723404415104) 2026-02-11T13:50Z 106.4K followers, 296.8K engagements "Before I die Im going to eat a bag of unpopped popcorn. That should make the cremation a little more interesting" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021772161166578132) 2026-02-12T02:23Z 106.4K followers, 56.6K engagements "Apparently this weekend there will be constant rane hale gails drissle thundre litnin hy tydes tawnaydoes and frizzing colde. Really bad spell of wether" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1993283165797208247) 2025-11-25T11:38Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements "It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: Built in Antenna. I dont even know where that is" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1996276878567498059) 2025-12-03T17:54Z 106.2K followers, 216.2K engagements "Just helped my neighbor bury a rolled up carpet in the woods. Her boyfriend would've done it but he's out of town" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1997395723495580073) 2025-12-06T20:00Z 106.3K followers, 175.3K engagements "A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: - Jane ate her friend's sandwich. - Jane ate her friend's colon" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2005408412314808822) 2025-12-28T22:39Z 106.3K followers, 1.4M engagements "I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters and your entire post is urined" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2008143516480983337) 2026-01-05T11:48Z 106.3K followers, 178.3K engagements "Sing it with me" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2010177042101469349) 2026-01-11T02:28Z 106.4K followers, 68.8K engagements "Me: "Look. A flock of cows." Son: "Herd of cows." Me: "Of course I've heard of cows. There's a flock of them right there."" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2014173381986267498) 2026-01-22T03:08Z 106.3K followers, 94.9K engagements "So I think it's a disgrace on society and our education system when after [--] years most people have no idea who Neil Armstrong is. Or what kind of trumpet he played" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2016535950789144991) 2026-01-28T15:36Z 106.3K followers, 48.5K engagements "The [--] second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a [--] second dog" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2016610801650487798) 2026-01-28T20:34Z 106.3K followers, 117.4K engagements "Accordion to a recent survey [--] out of [--] people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2018122542221873364) 2026-02-02T00:41Z 106.3K followers, 499.7K engagements "A large group of Karens is called a Homeowners Association" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2019195682033397843) 2026-02-04T23:45Z 106.2K followers, 32.3K engagements "I have an emotional support spider. Well at least thats what Im calling him. Hes always in my corner" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2019452671879499777) 2026-02-05T16:46Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements "I'm making a new documentary on how to fly a plane. We're currently filming the pilot" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2019605919064289519) 2026-02-06T02:55Z 106.2K followers, [----] engagements "Justice is a dish best served cold. If it was served warm it would be justwater" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2019760691863781779) 2026-02-06T13:10Z 106.3K followers, 44.3K engagements "My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. Its called "lunch."" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2019829066749415698) 2026-02-06T17:42Z 106.3K followers, 19.5K engagements "Apparently you cant use beef stew as a password. Its not stroganoff" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2020132169788657953) 2026-02-07T13:46Z 106.3K followers, 515.7K engagements "I thought chiropractors were a waste of money but i stand corrected" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2020167162346733982) 2026-02-07T16:05Z 106.2K followers, 16.9K engagements "I hate it when I'm singing a song and the singer gets the words wrong" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2020248705442673057) 2026-02-07T21:30Z 106.2K followers, 13.7K engagements "I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2020489727758024819) 2026-02-08T13:27Z 106.3K followers, 63.1K engagements "@DarrenJohnHill I grew up in Rogers park Small world" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2020652291225977093) 2026-02-09T00:13Z 106.2K followers, [--] engagements "People who can't tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2020865298677563860) 2026-02-09T14:20Z 106.3K followers, 90.1K engagements "The sentence: "Are you as bored as I am" can be said backwards and still makes sense" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2020940084963631231) 2026-02-09T19:17Z 106.3K followers, 61.8K engagements "@Skyyy_Princess 😂😂" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2020951832013480002) 2026-02-09T20:03Z 106.2K followers, [---] engagements "My wife texted me Your great and I replied No you're great". She's been really happy and smiling at me all weekend. I just corrected her grammar. Don't need to get so excited" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2020977259570696682) 2026-02-09T21:45Z 106.3K followers, 10.1K engagements "The whole salad dressing industry exists because people really just don't like the taste of salad" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2020994298934648907) 2026-02-09T22:52Z 106.3K followers, 30.4K engagements "@DocAtCDI Life is definitely getting better. If you told me [--] months ago Id meet someone new and start enjoying life again I dont think Id believe you but here we are ❤❤" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021009440208716138) 2026-02-09T23:52Z 106.2K followers, [--] engagements "Wife: sometimes I like to mess with my husband and hide his stuff where he can't find it. Like I put his shoes in the shoe closet his jacket on the hanger and his keys on the key hook" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021206971127353597) 2026-02-10T12:57Z 106.3K followers, 12.1K engagements "Mixed up my pizza app and my dating app Now theres a [--] inch vegetarian at my door" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021273086314627155) 2026-02-10T17:20Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements "@Dorian_Aurora Ew no thank you 😂😂😂 Hi honey" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021300625938522285) 2026-02-10T19:09Z 106.3K followers, [--] engagements "If an email shows up titled "Knock knock" don't open it Its a Jehovah's Witness working from home" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021357949969670168) 2026-02-10T22:57Z 106.3K followers, 12.3K engagements "@Dorian_Aurora 😂😂😂😂😂" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021612918761025889) 2026-02-11T15:50Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements "@Jill13141567 I did I borrow 90% of stuff I post and I say it on my profile. I just want to make people smile" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021707107653783735) 2026-02-11T22:05Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements "@Dorian_Aurora @Scrotes3" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021787887285809179) 2026-02-12T03:26Z 106.3K followers, [--] engagements "Stop killing Alligators to make Gatorade" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021804643408289856) 2026-02-12T04:32Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements "@Scrotes3 @Dorian_Aurora Whos fondling whom" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021825766950940877) 2026-02-12T05:56Z 106.3K followers, [--] engagements "@Dorian_Aurora @Scrotes3 Ouch. What happened to taking it easy for a while" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021832401874256114) 2026-02-12T06:23Z 106.3K followers, [--] engagements "If there is soup of the day is there a sexier soup of the night somewhere" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2022029837544935812) 2026-02-12T19:27Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements "I played Stairway to Heaven for the 1000th time today. I think that was a record" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2022320637960658956) 2026-02-13T14:43Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements "I just mashed up some Kelloggs Frosted Flakes into a paste & used it between my bathroom tiles. Theyyy'rre GROUT" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2022454197799825533) 2026-02-13T23:33Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements "@MagicMark9 @OneDarkSeed Thanks Mark" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2022491946619670587) 2026-02-14T02:03Z 106.3K followers, [--] engagements "@theliamnissan Tupac" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2022524333940416770) 2026-02-14T04:12Z 106.3K followers, [---] engagements "My wife told me: Sex is better on vacation. I wasn't expecting that on the postcard she sent from Greece" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2010106709520666961) 2026-01-10T21:49Z 106.4K followers, 1.3M engagements "Eggs are great for a diet. If you don't like the taste just add cocoa baking powder flour sugar and butter. bake at [---] degrees for [--] minutes" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2018047041516040575) 2026-02-01T19:41Z 106.4K followers, 437.9K engagements "The first rule of Condescension Club is complex and I don't think you'd understand even if I explained it to you" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2020648649639051313) 2026-02-08T23:59Z 106.4K followers, 64K engagements "Very friendly service" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2022472973773607057) 2026-02-14T00:48Z 106.4K followers, 14K engagements "Her: At least invite me out to dinner. Him: I don't go out with married women. Her: But I'm your wife. Him: I make no exceptions" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2023081228560183385) 2026-02-15T17:05Z 106.4K followers, 31K engagements "Has anyone tried unplugging the United States and plugging it back in again" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2023129640957620226) 2026-02-15T20:17Z 106.3K followers, 108K engagements "Buying something nice for myself because today would've been my birthday if I was born today" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2023154218358706588) 2026-02-15T21:55Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "The fact that some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bugs me in ways I can't put into words" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1464697922851946497) 2021-11-27T20:49Z 106.4K followers, 29.6K engagements "I watched a documentary on weed last night. I think thats how Ill watch all documentaries from now on" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1502463668864303108) 2022-03-12T01:57Z 106.4K followers, 17.3K engagements "My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. My daughter Chewbacca not so much" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1581439586781184001) 2022-10-16T00:19Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "My twin sister called me from prison. She said: You know how we finish each others sentences" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1587882475350638597) 2022-11-02T19:00Z 106.4K followers, 35.1K engagements "My 75-year-old mother just informed me that she is going to her first "sex party" and doesn't know what to bring. After some awkward questions I said "Gender reveal. You're going to a gender reveal."" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1671269634375577601) 2023-06-20T21:31Z 106.4K followers, 1.8M engagements "The next Star Wars movie will introduce Darth Vaders annoying brother: Aggra Vader" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2022393115316007149) 2026-02-13T19:31Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements "@Dorian_Aurora @Julius_Kim 😂😂😂" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2023418384067842112) 2026-02-16T15:25Z 106.3K followers, [--] engagements "When I was a kid bedtime was [--] pm and I couldn't wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed any time I wanted. turns out that's [--] pm" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1729318515830587671) 2023-11-28T01:57Z 106.4K followers, 323K engagements "When I was a little kid I used to think "this little pig went to market" meant it was going shopping" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1944134334652592469) 2025-07-12T20:38Z 106.4K followers, 12.1M engagements "I've just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1950690491797827624) 2025-07-30T22:50Z 106.4K followers, 500.6K engagements "The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1966229037581480425) 2025-09-11T19:55Z 106.4K followers, 17.4M engagements "My co-worker said - "You should never eat donuts for breakfast to me today. I told her "My Grandmother lived to [---] years old." She asked "Did she eat donuts for breakfast I said "No she minded her own business."" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1971942715429658911) 2025-09-27T14:19Z 106.4K followers, 152.4K engagements "Why is no one ever the right amount of whelmed" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1998073801687654451) 2025-12-08T16:54Z 106.4K followers, 475.7K engagements "I love the phrase "bear with me" because it can either mean "be patient" or "the zoo heist was a success"" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2011839182927204663) 2026-01-15T16:33Z 106.4K followers, 1.4M engagements "There's no way everybody was kung fu fighting" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2017042134398877957) 2026-01-30T01:08Z 106.4K followers, 707.1K engagements "If you serve frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for dinner you are a terrible parent. I dont care how busy you are Find the time to microwave the stuff" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2021424530854752699) 2026-02-11T03:22Z 106.4K followers, 48.8K engagements "Sometimes its just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2022071990300082252) 2026-02-12T22:15Z 106.4K followers, 11.5K engagements "@DocAtCDI Why is it always John Damnit 😂😂" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2022091828531748912) 2026-02-12T23:33Z 106.4K followers, [---] engagements "Three hardest things for a man to say: 1: I need help. 2: I was wrong 3: Worcestershire Sauce" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2022333040324927517) 2026-02-13T15:32Z 106.4K followers, 12K engagements "I've been told that I need professional help So I'm looking for a Butler a Maid and a nanny" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2022692422770143504) 2026-02-14T15:20Z 106.4K followers, 10K engagements "My wife has just told me that shes going to leave me over my obsession with Wham. I said "Okay wake me up before you go go"" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2022806263931793746) 2026-02-14T22:52Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "It's been raining cats and dogs ALL DAY I just stepped in a poodle" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2023050162608738635) 2026-02-15T15:01Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "Horse walks into a bar. Bartender: Hey. Horse: Sure" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2023440323473789204) 2026-02-16T16:52Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "An apple a day is bogus Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve Snow White Blackberry or any pig at a luau" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2023495084185161979) 2026-02-16T20:29Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements "That last tooth brushing before heading to the dentist is the adult version of cramming for finals" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1474078631387402245) 2021-12-23T18:05Z 106.4K followers, 16K engagements "Say got if you get it" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1474123204851601412) 2021-12-23T21:02Z 106.4K followers, 10.7K engagements "Today I found a twenty dollar bill on the ground. As I went to walk away with it I thought "What would Jesus do" So I went to a store and turned it into wine" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1477784771245793283) 2022-01-02T23:32Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "Changed all my passwords to Kenny. Now all I have are Kenny Loggins" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1479656149049823234) 2022-01-08T03:28Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "My wife and I have decided we don't want to have children. So we are going to tell them tonight at dinner" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1480728747917643780) 2022-01-11T02:30Z 106.4K followers, 19.9K engagements "I have questions 😂😂😂😂" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1481779324617437189) 2022-01-14T00:04Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of worcestershire sauce" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1487623865316655109) 2022-01-30T03:09Z 106.4K followers, 17.8K engagements "Milli Vanilli just announced that theyre pulling someone elses music from Spotify" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1489035428573454339) 2022-02-03T00:38Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "I asked my daughter to give me a phone book. She laughed at me called me a boomer and lent me her iPhone. So now the spider is dead her iPhone is broken & my daughter is furious" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1492208501749424139) 2022-02-11T18:46Z 106.4K followers, 58.5K engagements "Say got it if you get it" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1494863135538360324) 2022-02-19T02:35Z 106.4K followers, 17K engagements "I've just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1499501151653404680) 2022-03-03T21:45Z 106.4K followers, 68K engagements "Sometimes I think Im buying organic vegetables but when I get home I realize theyre just regular donuts" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1499930073343963139) 2022-03-05T02:09Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "Stallone: I'm making a movie about composers. I'm playing Beethoven. Van Damme: I'll be Mozart. Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I'm not saying it" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1501345080430448642) 2022-03-08T23:52Z 106.4K followers, 62.8K engagements "HEY WALMART DON'T GET PISSED AT ME IF I FORGOT TO SCAN SOMETHING. YOU LITERALLY GAVE ME ZERO TRAINING BEFORE MAKING ME A CASHIER" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1505312440912863242) 2022-03-19T22:37Z 106.4K followers, 111.9K engagements "I was today years old when I found out that if you hold down the [--] button/key you get the degree sign" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1508178061086363649) 2022-03-27T20:24Z 106.4K followers, 18.7K engagements "What did the police at the oscars find when they dusted Chris Rock's face Fresh Prints" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1508428705755975685) 2022-03-28T13:00Z 106.4K followers, 21.4K engagements "Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So I grounded him. He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1511447540033626125) 2022-04-05T20:55Z 106.4K followers, 16.9K engagements "Why is Iron Man called Iron Man and not Fe-Male" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1511869391557873667) 2022-04-07T00:52Z 106.4K followers, 92.8K engagements "My dog accidentally swallowed a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. We took him to the vet to get him checked out. No word yet" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1512923026437853184) 2022-04-09T22:38Z 106.4K followers, 165.7K engagements "Elon Musk bought twitter for $43 Billion. Didnt he know that he could download it for free from the App Store" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1519143956935806977) 2022-04-27T02:38Z 106.4K followers, 17.1K engagements "The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1520941169378832384) 2022-05-02T01:40Z 106.4K followers, 31.1K engagements "Cooking for [--] hours just to eat for [--] minutes is the biggest scam in the world" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1533555095257980928) 2022-06-05T21:03Z 106.4K followers, 52.2K engagements "As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season. I would LOVE you to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1542558142923509760) 2022-06-30T17:18Z 106.4K followers, 127.4K engagements "If you're cremated after you die you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1545881755470675969) 2022-07-09T21:25Z 106.4K followers, 466.9K engagements "A large group of Karens is called a Homeowners Association" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1545938153906790402) 2022-07-10T01:09Z 106.4K followers, 20.5K engagements "FYI: It's no longer "box wine" The classy term is "cardboardeaux"" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1548859962788552704) 2022-07-18T02:39Z 106.4K followers, 56.5K engagements "I got carded at the liquor store & my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said"Never mind."" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1557541353772523523) 2022-08-11T01:36Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "How to cook crack and clean a crab. Step 1: Use fucking commas" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1565027185534140417) 2022-08-31T17:22Z 106.4K followers, 15.6K engagements "Mr. Rogers did not adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1567190091663130630) 2022-09-06T16:36Z 106.4K followers, 17K engagements "I found $20 laying in the parking lot and thought to myself What would Jesus do So I turned it into wine" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1568442903051001856) 2022-09-10T03:35Z 106.4K followers, 61.8K engagements "My dog accidentally swallowed a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. We took him to the vet to get him checked out. No word yet" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1570931451146936320) 2022-09-17T00:23Z 106.4K followers, 16.3K engagements "That moment when you drive your Chevy to the levy and the levy isnt dry. This is what happens when you drink whiskey and rye" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1570936976324579328) 2022-09-17T00:45Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "The only thing flat earthers have to fear. .is sphere itself" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1571348442495983617) 2022-09-18T04:00Z 106.4K followers, 36.1K engagements "The walk from my house to the bar is [--] minutes. The walk from the bar to my house is [--] minutes. The difference is Staggering" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1574905205686247462) 2022-09-27T23:33Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "If you lose your Khakis in Texas it means you can't find your pants. If you lose your Khakis in Boston it means you can't start your car" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1578411216338403328) 2022-10-07T15:45Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "I asked my daughter to give me a phone book. She laughed at me called me a boomer and lent me her iPhone. So now the spider is dead her iPhone is broken & my daughter is furious" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1579530264271024128) 2022-10-10T17:52Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "So this was a Zoom meeting this whole time" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1579668177084370945) 2022-10-11T03:00Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "BREAKING NEWS: Sting has been kidnapped. The Police have no lead" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1581385773945073664) 2022-10-15T20:45Z 106.4K followers, 46.5K engagements "Apparently there is a Patron Saint of copying people on an email. It's St. Francis of a CC" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1585023596375683072) 2022-10-25T21:40Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "Caught my son chewing on electrical wires so I grounded him. He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1586465320134246400) 2022-10-29T21:09Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "I've just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1586510037501214720) 2022-10-30T00:07Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you're on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1586530030804295680) 2022-10-30T01:26Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "I was at the library when people began throwing Stephen King novels around. I could not figure out why. Then IT hit me" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1588725115734306816) 2022-11-05T02:49Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements "How to speak Irish WHALE OIL BEEF HOOKED (say it fast)" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1589068608348753921) 2022-11-06T01:34Z 106.4K followers, 12K engagements "Just helped my neighbour bury a rolled up carpet in the woods. Her boyfriend would've done it but he's out of town" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1595261073925734401) 2022-11-23T03:40Z 106.4K followers, 14.8K engagements "Don't forget to turn your bathroom scales back [--] pounds tonight at 1AM for Thanksgiving" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1595466772781703172) 2022-11-23T17:18Z 106.4K followers, 39.8K engagements "I was today years old when I found out that if you hold down the [--] button/key you get the degree sign" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1595963710102974464) 2022-11-25T02:12Z 106.4K followers, 21.6K engagements "Does anyone else tell their pets "I'll be back soon" when they leave the house Just me" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1599487149241380864) 2022-12-04T19:33Z 106.4K followers, 42.8K engagements "Which wine pairs best with finding out my in-laws are staying a day longer than I thought" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1612860044449841152) 2023-01-10T17:12Z 106.4K followers, 884.9K engagements "If someone from ziplock could contact Literally anyone in the cereal Business that would be great" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1613370984635195393) 2023-01-12T03:03Z 106.4K followers, 1.9M engagements "Back in my day there was so much Toilet Paper and Eggs that we would throw them at the houses of our enemies" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1615076482983886848) 2023-01-16T20:00Z 106.4K followers, 489.5K engagements "QUICK QUESTION: Is it "for fucks sake" or "for fuck sake" It's for a work email so has to sound professional" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1630616370428755968) 2023-02-28T17:10Z 106.4K followers, 677.4K engagements "I was arguing with a guy at a bar. He said he was a big pop star in the 80s. I didnt believe him but he was adamant" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1634675600278339586) 2023-03-11T22:00Z 106.4K followers, 11.9M engagements "Parenting is buying [--] yogurts and watching them all get eaten In one day. Then buying [--] yogurts and watching them expire because Nobody likes yogurt" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1727433395385577783) 2023-11-22T21:06Z 106.4K followers, 333.6K engagements "Cassette tapes had an A side and a B side so it makes sense that their successor would be the CD" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1765414425232634330) 2024-03-06T16:29Z 106.4K followers, 626K engagements "We DO NOT throw perfectly good food away in this house. We put leftovers in a Tupperware & let it go bad THEN throw it out" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1803835623809191986) 2024-06-20T17:01Z 106.4K followers, 5.4M engagements "My 76-year-old mother just informed me that she is going to her first "sex party" and doesn't know what to bring. After some awkward questions I said "Gender reveal. You're going to a gender reveal."" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1940971358181380495) 2025-07-04T03:10Z 106.4K followers, 1.5M engagements "@MDMoore23 It didnt come back from the market" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1944136828430221603) 2025-07-12T20:48Z 106.4K followers, 360.5K engagements "Accordion to a recent survey [--] out of [--] people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1945920985393172926) 2025-07-17T18:58Z 106.4K followers, 831.2K engagements "Which wine pairs best with finding out my in-laws are staying a day longer than I thought" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1969081232001536108) 2025-09-19T16:48Z 106.4K followers, 544.9K engagements "Please pray for my daughter who had to empty the dishwasher when she "just did this yesterday and she's tired."" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/1984729959319945443) 2025-11-01T21:11Z 106.4K followers, 2.3M engagements "I cant 😂😂😂" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1987620803127509148) 2025-11-09T20:38Z 106.4K followers, 172.7K engagements "loud knocking "Open up. its the police". Me: "prove it". "How". Me: "Sing Roxanne"" [X Link](https://x.com/mariana057/status/2009996377376591885) 2026-01-10T14:30Z 106.3K followers, 26.1K engagements Limited data mode. Full metrics available with subscription: lunarcrush.com/pricing
@mariana057 mariana Zmariana Z posts on X about if you, in the, so i, night the most. They currently have [-------] followers and [---] posts still getting attention that total [-------] engagements in the last [--] hours.
Social category influence countries 3.55% stocks 2.13% finance 1.42% celebrities 1.42% technology brands 1.42% products 1.42% musicians 0.71% social networks 0.71%
Social topic influence if you 7.8%, in the 3.55%, so i 2.84%, night 2.13%, eat 2.13%, bag 2.13%, word 2.13%, how to 2.13%, star 2.13%, store 2.13%
Top accounts mentioned or mentioned by @dorian_aurora @scrotes3 @dorianaurora @docatcdi @darrenjohnhill @magicmark9 @mockking_j @blunt_always @wildfirechris1 @neilgerardo @davey12string @bunkaih @born_in_54 @skyyyprincess @jill13141567 @onedarkseed @theliamnissan @juliuskim @mdmoore23 @kurps84518
Top assets mentioned BlackBerry Limited (BB) Spotify Technology (SPOT)
Top posts by engagements in the last [--] hours
"Ate an edible last night and cooked a pizza at [--] degrees for [---] minutes"
X Link 2025-12-11T17:09Z 106.4K followers, 3.2M engagements
"A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me"
X Link 2026-01-06T12:24Z 106.4K followers, 621.4K engagements
"Step 1: Start a beer company named Responsibly. Step 2: Watch as every other beer company promotes you for free at the end of their commercials. Step 3: Enjoy the 💰💰💰"
X Link 2026-02-05T02:40Z 106.3K followers, 856.1K engagements
"The fact that hemorrhoids aren't called asteroids is a major missed opportunity for science health and the English language"
X Link 2026-02-08T01:30Z 106.4K followers, 266.5K engagements
"If you watch the movie "Jaws" backwards it becomes the heartwarming story about a shark who swims around giving arms and legs to disabled people"
X Link 2026-02-11T13:50Z 106.4K followers, 296.8K engagements
"Before I die Im going to eat a bag of unpopped popcorn. That should make the cremation a little more interesting"
X Link 2026-02-12T02:23Z 106.4K followers, 56.6K engagements
"Apparently this weekend there will be constant rane hale gails drissle thundre litnin hy tydes tawnaydoes and frizzing colde. Really bad spell of wether"
X Link 2025-11-25T11:38Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements
"It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: Built in Antenna. I dont even know where that is"
X Link 2025-12-03T17:54Z 106.2K followers, 216.2K engagements
"Just helped my neighbor bury a rolled up carpet in the woods. Her boyfriend would've done it but he's out of town"
X Link 2025-12-06T20:00Z 106.3K followers, 175.3K engagements
"A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: - Jane ate her friend's sandwich. - Jane ate her friend's colon"
X Link 2025-12-28T22:39Z 106.3K followers, 1.4M engagements
"I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters and your entire post is urined"
X Link 2026-01-05T11:48Z 106.3K followers, 178.3K engagements
"Sing it with me"
X Link 2026-01-11T02:28Z 106.4K followers, 68.8K engagements
"Me: "Look. A flock of cows." Son: "Herd of cows." Me: "Of course I've heard of cows. There's a flock of them right there.""
X Link 2026-01-22T03:08Z 106.3K followers, 94.9K engagements
"So I think it's a disgrace on society and our education system when after [--] years most people have no idea who Neil Armstrong is. Or what kind of trumpet he played"
X Link 2026-01-28T15:36Z 106.3K followers, 48.5K engagements
"The [--] second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a [--] second dog"
X Link 2026-01-28T20:34Z 106.3K followers, 117.4K engagements
"Accordion to a recent survey [--] out of [--] people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument"
X Link 2026-02-02T00:41Z 106.3K followers, 499.7K engagements
"A large group of Karens is called a Homeowners Association"
X Link 2026-02-04T23:45Z 106.2K followers, 32.3K engagements
"I have an emotional support spider. Well at least thats what Im calling him. Hes always in my corner"
X Link 2026-02-05T16:46Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements
"I'm making a new documentary on how to fly a plane. We're currently filming the pilot"
X Link 2026-02-06T02:55Z 106.2K followers, [----] engagements
"Justice is a dish best served cold. If it was served warm it would be justwater"
X Link 2026-02-06T13:10Z 106.3K followers, 44.3K engagements
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. Its called "lunch.""
X Link 2026-02-06T17:42Z 106.3K followers, 19.5K engagements
"Apparently you cant use beef stew as a password. Its not stroganoff"
X Link 2026-02-07T13:46Z 106.3K followers, 515.7K engagements
"I thought chiropractors were a waste of money but i stand corrected"
X Link 2026-02-07T16:05Z 106.2K followers, 16.9K engagements
"I hate it when I'm singing a song and the singer gets the words wrong"
X Link 2026-02-07T21:30Z 106.2K followers, 13.7K engagements
"I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest"
X Link 2026-02-08T13:27Z 106.3K followers, 63.1K engagements
"@DarrenJohnHill I grew up in Rogers park Small world"
X Link 2026-02-09T00:13Z 106.2K followers, [--] engagements
"People who can't tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point"
X Link 2026-02-09T14:20Z 106.3K followers, 90.1K engagements
"The sentence: "Are you as bored as I am" can be said backwards and still makes sense"
X Link 2026-02-09T19:17Z 106.3K followers, 61.8K engagements
"@Skyyy_Princess 😂😂"
X Link 2026-02-09T20:03Z 106.2K followers, [---] engagements
"My wife texted me Your great and I replied No you're great". She's been really happy and smiling at me all weekend. I just corrected her grammar. Don't need to get so excited"
X Link 2026-02-09T21:45Z 106.3K followers, 10.1K engagements
"The whole salad dressing industry exists because people really just don't like the taste of salad"
X Link 2026-02-09T22:52Z 106.3K followers, 30.4K engagements
"@DocAtCDI Life is definitely getting better. If you told me [--] months ago Id meet someone new and start enjoying life again I dont think Id believe you but here we are ❤❤"
X Link 2026-02-09T23:52Z 106.2K followers, [--] engagements
"Wife: sometimes I like to mess with my husband and hide his stuff where he can't find it. Like I put his shoes in the shoe closet his jacket on the hanger and his keys on the key hook"
X Link 2026-02-10T12:57Z 106.3K followers, 12.1K engagements
"Mixed up my pizza app and my dating app Now theres a [--] inch vegetarian at my door"
X Link 2026-02-10T17:20Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements
"@Dorian_Aurora Ew no thank you 😂😂😂 Hi honey"
X Link 2026-02-10T19:09Z 106.3K followers, [--] engagements
"If an email shows up titled "Knock knock" don't open it Its a Jehovah's Witness working from home"
X Link 2026-02-10T22:57Z 106.3K followers, 12.3K engagements
"@Dorian_Aurora 😂😂😂😂😂"
X Link 2026-02-11T15:50Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements
"@Jill13141567 I did I borrow 90% of stuff I post and I say it on my profile. I just want to make people smile"
X Link 2026-02-11T22:05Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements
"@Dorian_Aurora @Scrotes3"
X Link 2026-02-12T03:26Z 106.3K followers, [--] engagements
"Stop killing Alligators to make Gatorade"
X Link 2026-02-12T04:32Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements
"@Scrotes3 @Dorian_Aurora Whos fondling whom"
X Link 2026-02-12T05:56Z 106.3K followers, [--] engagements
"@Dorian_Aurora @Scrotes3 Ouch. What happened to taking it easy for a while"
X Link 2026-02-12T06:23Z 106.3K followers, [--] engagements
"If there is soup of the day is there a sexier soup of the night somewhere"
X Link 2026-02-12T19:27Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements
"I played Stairway to Heaven for the 1000th time today. I think that was a record"
X Link 2026-02-13T14:43Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements
"I just mashed up some Kelloggs Frosted Flakes into a paste & used it between my bathroom tiles. Theyyy'rre GROUT"
X Link 2026-02-13T23:33Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements
"@MagicMark9 @OneDarkSeed Thanks Mark"
X Link 2026-02-14T02:03Z 106.3K followers, [--] engagements
"@theliamnissan Tupac"
X Link 2026-02-14T04:12Z 106.3K followers, [---] engagements
"My wife told me: Sex is better on vacation. I wasn't expecting that on the postcard she sent from Greece"
X Link 2026-01-10T21:49Z 106.4K followers, 1.3M engagements
"Eggs are great for a diet. If you don't like the taste just add cocoa baking powder flour sugar and butter. bake at [---] degrees for [--] minutes"
X Link 2026-02-01T19:41Z 106.4K followers, 437.9K engagements
"The first rule of Condescension Club is complex and I don't think you'd understand even if I explained it to you"
X Link 2026-02-08T23:59Z 106.4K followers, 64K engagements
"Very friendly service"
X Link 2026-02-14T00:48Z 106.4K followers, 14K engagements
"Her: At least invite me out to dinner. Him: I don't go out with married women. Her: But I'm your wife. Him: I make no exceptions"
X Link 2026-02-15T17:05Z 106.4K followers, 31K engagements
"Has anyone tried unplugging the United States and plugging it back in again"
X Link 2026-02-15T20:17Z 106.3K followers, 108K engagements
"Buying something nice for myself because today would've been my birthday if I was born today"
X Link 2026-02-15T21:55Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"The fact that some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bugs me in ways I can't put into words"
X Link 2021-11-27T20:49Z 106.4K followers, 29.6K engagements
"I watched a documentary on weed last night. I think thats how Ill watch all documentaries from now on"
X Link 2022-03-12T01:57Z 106.4K followers, 17.3K engagements
"My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. My daughter Chewbacca not so much"
X Link 2022-10-16T00:19Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"My twin sister called me from prison. She said: You know how we finish each others sentences"
X Link 2022-11-02T19:00Z 106.4K followers, 35.1K engagements
"My 75-year-old mother just informed me that she is going to her first "sex party" and doesn't know what to bring. After some awkward questions I said "Gender reveal. You're going to a gender reveal.""
X Link 2023-06-20T21:31Z 106.4K followers, 1.8M engagements
"The next Star Wars movie will introduce Darth Vaders annoying brother: Aggra Vader"
X Link 2026-02-13T19:31Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements
"@Dorian_Aurora @Julius_Kim 😂😂😂"
X Link 2026-02-16T15:25Z 106.3K followers, [--] engagements
"When I was a kid bedtime was [--] pm and I couldn't wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed any time I wanted. turns out that's [--] pm"
X Link 2023-11-28T01:57Z 106.4K followers, 323K engagements
"When I was a little kid I used to think "this little pig went to market" meant it was going shopping"
X Link 2025-07-12T20:38Z 106.4K followers, 12.1M engagements
"I've just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax"
X Link 2025-07-30T22:50Z 106.4K followers, 500.6K engagements
"The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend"
X Link 2025-09-11T19:55Z 106.4K followers, 17.4M engagements
"My co-worker said - "You should never eat donuts for breakfast to me today. I told her "My Grandmother lived to [---] years old." She asked "Did she eat donuts for breakfast I said "No she minded her own business.""
X Link 2025-09-27T14:19Z 106.4K followers, 152.4K engagements
"Why is no one ever the right amount of whelmed"
X Link 2025-12-08T16:54Z 106.4K followers, 475.7K engagements
"I love the phrase "bear with me" because it can either mean "be patient" or "the zoo heist was a success""
X Link 2026-01-15T16:33Z 106.4K followers, 1.4M engagements
"There's no way everybody was kung fu fighting"
X Link 2026-01-30T01:08Z 106.4K followers, 707.1K engagements
"If you serve frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for dinner you are a terrible parent. I dont care how busy you are Find the time to microwave the stuff"
X Link 2026-02-11T03:22Z 106.4K followers, 48.8K engagements
"Sometimes its just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge"
X Link 2026-02-12T22:15Z 106.4K followers, 11.5K engagements
"@DocAtCDI Why is it always John Damnit 😂😂"
X Link 2026-02-12T23:33Z 106.4K followers, [---] engagements
"Three hardest things for a man to say: 1: I need help. 2: I was wrong 3: Worcestershire Sauce"
X Link 2026-02-13T15:32Z 106.4K followers, 12K engagements
"I've been told that I need professional help So I'm looking for a Butler a Maid and a nanny"
X Link 2026-02-14T15:20Z 106.4K followers, 10K engagements
"My wife has just told me that shes going to leave me over my obsession with Wham. I said "Okay wake me up before you go go""
X Link 2026-02-14T22:52Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"It's been raining cats and dogs ALL DAY I just stepped in a poodle"
X Link 2026-02-15T15:01Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"Horse walks into a bar. Bartender: Hey. Horse: Sure"
X Link 2026-02-16T16:52Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"An apple a day is bogus Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve Snow White Blackberry or any pig at a luau"
X Link 2026-02-16T20:29Z 106.3K followers, [----] engagements
"That last tooth brushing before heading to the dentist is the adult version of cramming for finals"
X Link 2021-12-23T18:05Z 106.4K followers, 16K engagements
"Say got if you get it"
X Link 2021-12-23T21:02Z 106.4K followers, 10.7K engagements
"Today I found a twenty dollar bill on the ground. As I went to walk away with it I thought "What would Jesus do" So I went to a store and turned it into wine"
X Link 2022-01-02T23:32Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"Changed all my passwords to Kenny. Now all I have are Kenny Loggins"
X Link 2022-01-08T03:28Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"My wife and I have decided we don't want to have children. So we are going to tell them tonight at dinner"
X Link 2022-01-11T02:30Z 106.4K followers, 19.9K engagements
"I have questions 😂😂😂😂"
X Link 2022-01-14T00:04Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of worcestershire sauce"
X Link 2022-01-30T03:09Z 106.4K followers, 17.8K engagements
"Milli Vanilli just announced that theyre pulling someone elses music from Spotify"
X Link 2022-02-03T00:38Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"I asked my daughter to give me a phone book. She laughed at me called me a boomer and lent me her iPhone. So now the spider is dead her iPhone is broken & my daughter is furious"
X Link 2022-02-11T18:46Z 106.4K followers, 58.5K engagements
"Say got it if you get it"
X Link 2022-02-19T02:35Z 106.4K followers, 17K engagements
"I've just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax"
X Link 2022-03-03T21:45Z 106.4K followers, 68K engagements
"Sometimes I think Im buying organic vegetables but when I get home I realize theyre just regular donuts"
X Link 2022-03-05T02:09Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"Stallone: I'm making a movie about composers. I'm playing Beethoven. Van Damme: I'll be Mozart. Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I'm not saying it"
X Link 2022-03-08T23:52Z 106.4K followers, 62.8K engagements
"HEY WALMART DON'T GET PISSED AT ME IF I FORGOT TO SCAN SOMETHING. YOU LITERALLY GAVE ME ZERO TRAINING BEFORE MAKING ME A CASHIER"
X Link 2022-03-19T22:37Z 106.4K followers, 111.9K engagements
"I was today years old when I found out that if you hold down the [--] button/key you get the degree sign"
X Link 2022-03-27T20:24Z 106.4K followers, 18.7K engagements
"What did the police at the oscars find when they dusted Chris Rock's face Fresh Prints"
X Link 2022-03-28T13:00Z 106.4K followers, 21.4K engagements
"Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So I grounded him. He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly"
X Link 2022-04-05T20:55Z 106.4K followers, 16.9K engagements
"Why is Iron Man called Iron Man and not Fe-Male"
X Link 2022-04-07T00:52Z 106.4K followers, 92.8K engagements
"My dog accidentally swallowed a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. We took him to the vet to get him checked out. No word yet"
X Link 2022-04-09T22:38Z 106.4K followers, 165.7K engagements
"Elon Musk bought twitter for $43 Billion. Didnt he know that he could download it for free from the App Store"
X Link 2022-04-27T02:38Z 106.4K followers, 17.1K engagements
"The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend"
X Link 2022-05-02T01:40Z 106.4K followers, 31.1K engagements
"Cooking for [--] hours just to eat for [--] minutes is the biggest scam in the world"
X Link 2022-06-05T21:03Z 106.4K followers, 52.2K engagements
"As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season. I would LOVE you to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode"
X Link 2022-06-30T17:18Z 106.4K followers, 127.4K engagements
"If you're cremated after you die you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night"
X Link 2022-07-09T21:25Z 106.4K followers, 466.9K engagements
"A large group of Karens is called a Homeowners Association"
X Link 2022-07-10T01:09Z 106.4K followers, 20.5K engagements
"FYI: It's no longer "box wine" The classy term is "cardboardeaux""
X Link 2022-07-18T02:39Z 106.4K followers, 56.5K engagements
"I got carded at the liquor store & my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said"Never mind.""
X Link 2022-08-11T01:36Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"How to cook crack and clean a crab. Step 1: Use fucking commas"
X Link 2022-08-31T17:22Z 106.4K followers, 15.6K engagements
"Mr. Rogers did not adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood"
X Link 2022-09-06T16:36Z 106.4K followers, 17K engagements
"I found $20 laying in the parking lot and thought to myself What would Jesus do So I turned it into wine"
X Link 2022-09-10T03:35Z 106.4K followers, 61.8K engagements
"My dog accidentally swallowed a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. We took him to the vet to get him checked out. No word yet"
X Link 2022-09-17T00:23Z 106.4K followers, 16.3K engagements
"That moment when you drive your Chevy to the levy and the levy isnt dry. This is what happens when you drink whiskey and rye"
X Link 2022-09-17T00:45Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"The only thing flat earthers have to fear. .is sphere itself"
X Link 2022-09-18T04:00Z 106.4K followers, 36.1K engagements
"The walk from my house to the bar is [--] minutes. The walk from the bar to my house is [--] minutes. The difference is Staggering"
X Link 2022-09-27T23:33Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"If you lose your Khakis in Texas it means you can't find your pants. If you lose your Khakis in Boston it means you can't start your car"
X Link 2022-10-07T15:45Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"I asked my daughter to give me a phone book. She laughed at me called me a boomer and lent me her iPhone. So now the spider is dead her iPhone is broken & my daughter is furious"
X Link 2022-10-10T17:52Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"So this was a Zoom meeting this whole time"
X Link 2022-10-11T03:00Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"BREAKING NEWS: Sting has been kidnapped. The Police have no lead"
X Link 2022-10-15T20:45Z 106.4K followers, 46.5K engagements
"Apparently there is a Patron Saint of copying people on an email. It's St. Francis of a CC"
X Link 2022-10-25T21:40Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"Caught my son chewing on electrical wires so I grounded him. He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly"
X Link 2022-10-29T21:09Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"I've just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax"
X Link 2022-10-30T00:07Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you're on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up"
X Link 2022-10-30T01:26Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"I was at the library when people began throwing Stephen King novels around. I could not figure out why. Then IT hit me"
X Link 2022-11-05T02:49Z 106.4K followers, [----] engagements
"How to speak Irish WHALE OIL BEEF HOOKED (say it fast)"
X Link 2022-11-06T01:34Z 106.4K followers, 12K engagements
"Just helped my neighbour bury a rolled up carpet in the woods. Her boyfriend would've done it but he's out of town"
X Link 2022-11-23T03:40Z 106.4K followers, 14.8K engagements
"Don't forget to turn your bathroom scales back [--] pounds tonight at 1AM for Thanksgiving"
X Link 2022-11-23T17:18Z 106.4K followers, 39.8K engagements
"I was today years old when I found out that if you hold down the [--] button/key you get the degree sign"
X Link 2022-11-25T02:12Z 106.4K followers, 21.6K engagements
"Does anyone else tell their pets "I'll be back soon" when they leave the house Just me"
X Link 2022-12-04T19:33Z 106.4K followers, 42.8K engagements
"Which wine pairs best with finding out my in-laws are staying a day longer than I thought"
X Link 2023-01-10T17:12Z 106.4K followers, 884.9K engagements
"If someone from ziplock could contact Literally anyone in the cereal Business that would be great"
X Link 2023-01-12T03:03Z 106.4K followers, 1.9M engagements
"Back in my day there was so much Toilet Paper and Eggs that we would throw them at the houses of our enemies"
X Link 2023-01-16T20:00Z 106.4K followers, 489.5K engagements
"QUICK QUESTION: Is it "for fucks sake" or "for fuck sake" It's for a work email so has to sound professional"
X Link 2023-02-28T17:10Z 106.4K followers, 677.4K engagements
"I was arguing with a guy at a bar. He said he was a big pop star in the 80s. I didnt believe him but he was adamant"
X Link 2023-03-11T22:00Z 106.4K followers, 11.9M engagements
"Parenting is buying [--] yogurts and watching them all get eaten In one day. Then buying [--] yogurts and watching them expire because Nobody likes yogurt"
X Link 2023-11-22T21:06Z 106.4K followers, 333.6K engagements
"Cassette tapes had an A side and a B side so it makes sense that their successor would be the CD"
X Link 2024-03-06T16:29Z 106.4K followers, 626K engagements
"We DO NOT throw perfectly good food away in this house. We put leftovers in a Tupperware & let it go bad THEN throw it out"
X Link 2024-06-20T17:01Z 106.4K followers, 5.4M engagements
"My 76-year-old mother just informed me that she is going to her first "sex party" and doesn't know what to bring. After some awkward questions I said "Gender reveal. You're going to a gender reveal.""
X Link 2025-07-04T03:10Z 106.4K followers, 1.5M engagements
"@MDMoore23 It didnt come back from the market"
X Link 2025-07-12T20:48Z 106.4K followers, 360.5K engagements
"Accordion to a recent survey [--] out of [--] people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument"
X Link 2025-07-17T18:58Z 106.4K followers, 831.2K engagements
"Which wine pairs best with finding out my in-laws are staying a day longer than I thought"
X Link 2025-09-19T16:48Z 106.4K followers, 544.9K engagements
"Please pray for my daughter who had to empty the dishwasher when she "just did this yesterday and she's tired.""
X Link 2025-11-01T21:11Z 106.4K followers, 2.3M engagements
"I cant 😂😂😂"
X Link 2025-11-09T20:38Z 106.4K followers, 172.7K engagements
"loud knocking "Open up. its the police". Me: "prove it". "How". Me: "Sing Roxanne""
X Link 2026-01-10T14:30Z 106.3K followers, 26.1K engagements
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