# ![@NoahGarfinkel Avatar](https://lunarcrush.com/gi/w:26/cr:twitter::40931468.png) @NoahGarfinkel Noah Garfinkel

Noah Garfinkel posts on X about money, twitter, nba, tiktok the most. They currently have [------] followers and [---] posts still getting attention that total [------] engagements in the last [--] hours.

### Engagements: [------] [#](/creator/twitter::40931468/interactions)
![Engagements Line Chart](https://lunarcrush.com/gi/w:600/cr:twitter::40931468/c:line/m:interactions.svg)

- [--] Week [---------] +3,188%
- [--] Month [---------] -71%
- [--] Months [----------] +1.90%
- [--] Year [----------] +9.50%

### Mentions: [--] [#](/creator/twitter::40931468/posts_active)
![Mentions Line Chart](https://lunarcrush.com/gi/w:600/cr:twitter::40931468/c:line/m:posts_active.svg)

- [--] Months [--] -20%
- [--] Year [---] -27%

### Followers: [------] [#](/creator/twitter::40931468/followers)
![Followers Line Chart](https://lunarcrush.com/gi/w:600/cr:twitter::40931468/c:line/m:followers.svg)

- [--] Week [------] +0.17%
- [--] Month [------] +0.14%
- [--] Months [------] +0.90%
- [--] Year [------] +2.10%

### CreatorRank: [-------] [#](/creator/twitter::40931468/influencer_rank)
![CreatorRank Line Chart](https://lunarcrush.com/gi/w:600/cr:twitter::40931468/c:line/m:influencer_rank.svg)

### Social Influence

**Social category influence**
[celebrities](/list/celebrities)  [technology brands](/list/technology-brands)  [social networks](/list/social-networks)  [countries](/list/countries)  [finance](/list/finance)  [us election](/list/us-election)  [travel destinations](/list/travel-destinations)  [stocks](/list/stocks)  [automotive brands](/list/automotive-brands)  [nba](/list/nba) 

**Social topic influence**
[money](/topic/money), [twitter](/topic/twitter), [nba](/topic/nba), [tiktok](/topic/tiktok), [donald trump](/topic/donald-trump), [joe biden](/topic/joe-biden), [ai](/topic/ai), [rfk](/topic/rfk), [if you](/topic/if-you), [and it](/topic/and-it)

**Top assets mentioned**
[Uber Technologies, Inc. (UBER)](/topic/$uber)
### Top Social Posts
Top posts by engagements in the last [--] hours

"They changed the ABC song to clarify the LMNOP part and it is life ruining"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1187885082431741952)  2019-10-26T00:14Z 47.4K followers, 151.5K engagements


"@DGJourno Oh I meant real Soviet anthem as a mood descriptor. It is not an actual anthem for anything accept Polish peoples birthdays"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1202710570744434690)  2019-12-05T22:05Z 47.3K followers, [--] engagements


"Gonna tell my kids this is us"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1204161326223781888)  2019-12-09T22:10Z 47.3K followers, [---] engagements


"Come on down to the pi-a-no SPOT Where the salamis old But the pi-a-nos NOT Theres a monkey man we all call Monkey Dan And Allllllllll Thaaaaaat JAAAAAAZZZZZZZ Dont know how the song really goes not going to look it up"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1374093657263857674)  2021-03-22T20:20Z 47.4K followers, [--] engagements


"If someone said to me Listen carefully because I never repeat myself like they do in the movies Id just be like Well thats a voluntary thing and sometimes Im distracted because Im thinking about a Geico ad and thats involuntary so youre going to have to adjust"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1526436971534372864)  2022-05-17T05:38Z 47.2K followers, [--] engagements


"One time I was falling asleep watching a PBS Nova about sword making and then this happened and I had to get up put on my glasses and replay it [--] times"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1580782376480710656)  2022-10-14T04:47Z 47.4K followers, 23.2K engagements


"When I wrote for New Girl we did an episode where its revealed that Nick loaned Coach an absurd amount of money. The amount we settled on was $71000 because we felt anyone would be able to recognize it as excessive. Anyway Harlan Crow has given Clarence Thomas millions"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1654271352872787969)  2023-05-04T23:46Z 47.4K followers, 1.8M engagements


"It was originally $73000 but I changed it at the last minute because I thought that was a hacky number"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1654556268550586369)  2023-05-05T18:38Z 47.4K followers, 117.6K engagements


"Thank you for solving the bot problem Sir Elon"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1662899945916231681)  2023-05-28T19:13Z 47.2K followers, [----] engagements


"I wrote a tweet about Barbie/Oppenheimer and now there is a Time article about my tweet and maybe one day there will be a movie about this article. Barbenheimer is fun But also a little sad in what it says about the current landscape and our moviegoing habits. (h/t to @NoahGarfinkel) https://t.co/Eg2tPvbsil Barbenheimer is fun But also a little sad in what it says about the current landscape and our moviegoing habits. (h/t to @NoahGarfinkel) https://t.co/Eg2tPvbsil"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1679886635629170689)  2023-07-14T16:12Z 47.4K followers, 10K engagements


"Let me get this straight you got your asses kicked by four fully mature mutant ninja turtles No sir its actually worse than that"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1716979421331214391)  2023-10-25T00:46Z 47.4K followers, 1.9M engagements


"Oh sweet Ill just do this. Amazing tip🔓🔐 https://t.co/7HehTPGc59 Amazing tip🔓🔐 https://t.co/7HehTPGc59"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1717960676407427450)  2023-10-27T17:45Z 47.4K followers, 3.2M engagements


"@dave_schilling No gym locker is safe provided I have time materials and privacy"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1717961214909976896)  2023-10-27T17:47Z 47.2K followers, 98K engagements


"I dont know what late stage capitalism actually means but when I say it it means something sucks and Im smart"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1776343480945836243)  2024-04-05T20:17Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Im no longer sorry. This is actually the only good thing Ive ever made. Sorry I made this. https://t.co/K9utiEJoVO Sorry I made this. https://t.co/K9utiEJoVO"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1783233086614065468)  2024-04-24T20:34Z 47.2K followers, 901.3K engagements


"Biden says its not true that he has to go to bed at [--] pm Biden says its not true that he has to go to bed at [--] pm"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1811553622821601403)  2024-07-12T00:10Z 47.2K followers, 61.8K engagements


"This is the Chicago Bulls bull. backpack panties https://t.co/lIhV39eBib backpack panties https://t.co/lIhV39eBib"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1824533911428579495)  2024-08-16T19:49Z 47.3K followers, 73.6K engagements


"This took a while to make and Im not even sure if I thought of it on my own or if its something I already saw on here. Anyway. You come to me:"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1829392333739266201)  2024-08-30T05:34Z 47.2K followers, [----] engagements


"(Having phone sex with RFK Jr.) You know what Lets do this by text actually. The person said the relationship was emotional and digital in nature not physical. The person said the relationship was emotional and digital in nature not physical"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1836978638542995493)  2024-09-20T04:00Z 47.4K followers, 15.9K engagements


"Could be a secret Ratatouille situation. Patrick Mahomes looks like hes wearing lifts but for his helmet. https://t.co/5bfSwLoovG Patrick Mahomes looks like hes wearing lifts but for his helmet. https://t.co/5bfSwLoovG"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1888739679312207994)  2025-02-10T00:00Z 47.4K followers, 4.2M engagements


"My favorite is when he has an idea thats fine on its own and then the reasoning is insane. Hell be like You should wear sunscreen and then the explanation is Aliens have UV vision and it blocks them from seeing your face bones which they collect. BREAKING: Robert Kennedy Jr says he will work to get cell phones out of schools: Cell phones produce electric magnetic radiation which has been shown to do neurological damage to kids when it's around them all day. https://t.co/yoObC8kzG0 BREAKING: Robert Kennedy Jr says he will work to get cell phones out of schools: Cell phones produce electric"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1903499525173723338)  2025-03-22T17:30Z 47.4K followers, 2.8M engagements


"Were now in the walls are closing in on Trump part of the story arc that always happens right before there are still no political or legal consequences. Were all going to die before he does"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1945964365762433339)  2025-07-17T21:50Z 47.4K followers, 508.7K engagements


"The glug glug glug sound when you pour from a big bottle thats not real. They add that"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1969916633553715685)  2025-09-22T00:08Z 47.4K followers, 587.8K engagements


"Me deciding to take a scooter home when Im drunk"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1970244695726211145)  2025-09-22T21:51Z 47.3K followers, 398.2K engagements


"Were going to destroy the planet for a technology whose progress is measured by fake videos of The Fresh Prince eating spaghetti. [---] years of AI progress Modelscope (left) Grok Imagine [---] (right) https://t.co/D4rXnkGJXx [---] years of AI progress Modelscope (left) Grok Imagine [---] (right) https://t.co/D4rXnkGJXx"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1976129695818330415)  2025-10-09T03:36Z 47.4K followers, 6.3M engagements


"Lets not get bogged down in the details of most or least"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1976332659476607447)  2025-10-09T17:03Z 47.2K followers, 37.4K engagements


"You come to me on the day of my friends kids second birthday party that Im not going to"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1977957991325536408)  2025-10-14T04:41Z 47.2K followers, [----] engagements


"Now we cant even do lobster voice White guy is at karaoke doing "under the sea" and is doing the voice https://t.co/SPLuJBaZYR White guy is at karaoke doing "under the sea" and is doing the voice https://t.co/SPLuJBaZYR"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1980018917763616924)  2025-10-19T21:11Z 47.2K followers, [----] engagements


"I dont like A.I. video garbage. I dont. And I dont support its existence and would never encourage anyone to make it. That said I did just watch Bob Ross single-handedly take on the Boston Celtics and I was riveted"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1980483365167067280)  2025-10-21T03:56Z 47.2K followers, [----] engagements


"@justin_halpern Its a happy little accidents league"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1980485849717551439)  2025-10-21T04:06Z 47.2K followers, [---] engagements


"Rockets doing a lineup of all stretch fives and Amen Thompson as a stretch one"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1980804139958632767)  2025-10-22T01:11Z 47.2K followers, [--] engagements


"There seems to be something about being a [--] year old musician in LA that tricks them into thinking they should wear a grey v-neck and multiple necklaces"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1981175090500030495)  2025-10-23T01:45Z 47.2K followers, [---] engagements


"I love the wonderful old men of the Golden State Warriors"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1981582825838256350)  2025-10-24T04:45Z 47.2K followers, [----] engagements


"Does anyone have Mark Zuckerbergs number I accidentally liked an ad for a jacket on Instagram while I was trying to get an eyelash off my screen and I dont want to now keep getting this ad for the rest of my life"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1982577320054620647)  2025-10-26T22:37Z 47.2K followers, [----] engagements


"Baseball is interesting because the announcers will be like The Blue Jays are outplaying the Dodgers in every way and the score is 3-1"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1983716834076717364)  2025-10-30T02:05Z 47.2K followers, [----] engagements


"The lesbian bar around the corner from my place is now available on Uber Eats"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1984793473908961349)  2025-11-02T01:23Z 47.2K followers, [----] engagements


"@ClaireMPLS Just switched. Forgot about Dell Curry. Thank you"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1985876883972767900)  2025-11-05T01:08Z 47.2K followers, [--] engagements


"Representation matters. Thank you Steph Curry for going on TV with severe sinus congestion. "The second half the tank was on (empty). just trying to dig through it and get to the finish line and get a win." It took a visibly sick Steph Curry everything he had to fight through tonight's game. https://t.co/s7H8DfQaoM "The second half the tank was on (empty). just trying to dig through it and get to the finish line and get a win." It took a visibly sick Steph Curry everything he had to fight through tonight's game. https://t.co/s7H8DfQaoM"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1986130885444575411)  2025-11-05T17:57Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"A lot of men on here who have never lived more than [--] miles from their mother are like Ill tell you this. Youre not going to see me taking the New York City subway any time soon. Yeah we know"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1986848754918633663)  2025-11-07T17:30Z 47.3K followers, 230.5K engagements


"Had to look up what this is called so I didnt have to ask the guy at the store if they had a pasta finger boy"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1986887872956571961)  2025-11-07T20:05Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Im watching my first NBA game on Amazon and their score ticker changes WAY too fast"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1987005372729888966)  2025-11-08T03:52Z 47.2K followers, [----] engagements


"If he would have stayed the host of The Apprentice he could have gone to a football game and gotten a huge cheer just for saying the other team is fired which is actually all he ever wanted in the first place. Trump getting booed at the Commanders game https://t.co/ZKgoLqvpqz Trump getting booed at the Commanders game https://t.co/ZKgoLqvpqz"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1987683872486895829)  2025-11-10T00:48Z 47.4K followers, 2.7M engagements


"EXPIRED MILK SAYS MOLDY BREAD IS OKAY SHOULD BE EATEN JEFFRIES SAYS SCHUMER IS EFFECTIVE SHOULD KEEP HIS JOB JEFFRIES SAYS SCHUMER IS EFFECTIVE SHOULD KEEP HIS JOB"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1987986442539462686)  2025-11-10T20:51Z 47.4K followers, 1.5M engagements


"I spent [--] minutes making this in defiance of A.I"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1988329718928863545)  2025-11-11T19:35Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Tommy Lee Jones looks like Tom Cruise in a Mission Impossible movie wearing a Tommy Lee Jones mask. [----] #Oscars acting quartet: Tom Hanks Philadelphia Holly Hunter The Piano Tommy Lee Jones The Fugitive Anna Paquin The Piano https://t.co/ZsWejMsHet [----] #Oscars acting quartet: Tom Hanks Philadelphia Holly Hunter The Piano Tommy Lee Jones The Fugitive Anna Paquin The Piano https://t.co/ZsWejMsHet"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1988849579106660515)  2025-11-13T06:01Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"NOT LARRY SUMMERS FUCK hes crashing out https://t.co/hRmaqPXqbf hes crashing out https://t.co/hRmaqPXqbf"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1989376066344177968)  2025-11-14T16:53Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Ill fuckin die if it turns out Larry Summers is bad. Ill have to rethink my politics"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1989381911673016527)  2025-11-14T17:16Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"They should make merch for the NBA Cup divisions. Who wouldnt want to wear a West Group C sweatshirt"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1989456158390980721)  2025-11-14T22:11Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"This is a very funny place to draw the line but welcome I am no longer am entertained by this man I beginning to find him repulsive. https://t.co/NKpyOlNgAr I am no longer am entertained by this man I beginning to find him repulsive. https://t.co/NKpyOlNgAr"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1989930500509896727)  2025-11-16T05:36Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"There is a perfect amount of Walton Goggins and we are far past that now"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1990154727221534848)  2025-11-16T20:27Z 47.3K followers, 22K engagements


"I still have faith that Robert Mueller will fix all of this"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1990518873574228207)  2025-11-17T20:34Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Saying Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh in the tone Al Pacino uses for Oh what a big man you are"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1991243660759826646)  2025-11-19T20:34Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Im sorry to be the one to say it but Betty White should have retired when Barack Obama could have appointed her successor"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1991729580001095933)  2025-11-21T04:45Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Me when I tested positive for Covid the day after having a drunk dinner with friends where we all talked loudly right in each others faces. I didnt expect my ass to go viral that was lowkey embarassing I didnt expect my ass to go viral that was lowkey embarassing"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1991993990540099720)  2025-11-21T22:15Z 47.3K followers, [---] engagements


"I havent lived in Texas since I was [--] so I dont really say yall anymore but Ill make an exception for this. Yall gotta shut the fuck up about not liking turkey. Its what we eat on Thanksgiving and its not going to change"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1992022677536866783)  2025-11-22T00:09Z 47.3K followers, 18.1K engagements


"Sometimes Ill order something like a couple of refrigerator magnets on Amazon and itll suddenly be delivered THE NEXT MORNING and then I get the Amazon email that asks Howd we do and its like well honestly you went a little overboard. You got too worked up"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1992273099270873398)  2025-11-22T16:44Z 47.3K followers, 63.3K engagements


"Yes Columbus was a genocidal monster but he also folded up the turkey slices so you cant separate them without taking all the turkey out of the package every time you want some and thats bad too"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1993053691654685052)  2025-11-24T20:26Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Vaxxed Wow RFK stadium is gone. https://t.co/U87gPO9qgt Wow RFK stadium is gone. https://t.co/U87gPO9qgt"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1993366447729627561)  2025-11-25T17:09Z 47.3K followers, 377.4K engagements


"If I were in black phone I would simply not use black phone. (I have never seen black phone.)"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1993459986723381515)  2025-11-25T23:21Z 47.3K followers, [---] engagements


"Whats that Ben Folds Five song about the morning after Thanksgiving where the girl is taking her boyfriend to get his wisdom teeth out"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1994454092333089271)  2025-11-28T17:11Z 47.3K followers, [--] engagements


"The whole All of them"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1994593775377944716)  2025-11-29T02:26Z 47.3K followers, 1.1M engagements


"HEGSETH did a war crime Youre telling me the alcoholic with white supremacy adjacent tattoos did a war crime Youre saying this is the guy who said Kill them all without thinking about the legal or moral implications Tell me how that adds up"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1995682409959096417)  2025-12-02T02:32Z 47.3K followers, [---] engagements


"The best thing about NBA League Pass is being exposed to local commercial jingles for cities youve never visited. SAVE BIG MONEY AT MENARDS Love you Minneapolis local businesses"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1996051431561068853)  2025-12-03T02:58Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"In Sultans of Swing by Dire Straits theres that one part where he goes Way on down south and its like right on Im with you. And then he goes Way on down south London Town and its like actually I need to regroup for a second I was picturing something different"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1996827479953362990)  2025-12-05T06:22Z 47.3K followers, 331.2K engagements


"Oh NOW its a treat. Okay. Got it. -Rice Crispies inventor being insecure about rice crispy treats"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2003903851167207444)  2025-12-24T19:01Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"I cant tell you how exactly but singing donut holes to the tune of Oh LAmour by Erasure feels like Christmas"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2004005372554813800)  2025-12-25T01:44Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Responsibility. Seafood"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2004612399681462699)  2025-12-26T17:56Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"I didnt realize I had put on the ASL version of One Battle After Another and was confused by what I thought was a very big choice"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2005478560446976301)  2025-12-29T03:18Z 47.4K followers, 2M engagements


"We have two days to explain New Years Eve to the orcas. Pretty much every billionaire in the Caribbean has anchored their mega-yachts in St. Barths for New Years EveJeff Bezos Michael Jordan David Geffen and an impressively long list here: https://t.co/z7M7Nv1A5o https://t.co/mDSGLW1gNT Pretty much every billionaire in the Caribbean has anchored their mega-yachts in St. Barths for New Years EveJeff Bezos Michael Jordan David Geffen and an impressively long list here: https://t.co/z7M7Nv1A5o https://t.co/mDSGLW1gNT"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2006080066896454004)  2025-12-30T19:08Z 47.4K followers, 358.1K engagements


"The neighbor boy told me there was going to be a rock show in the garage in [--] minutes and somehow I thought he was going to be showing me rocks but no it is music and I am the first one here"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2006839359455244754)  2026-01-01T21:26Z 47.4K followers, 223K engagements


"Okay big news it is cancelled"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2006839609674883255)  2026-01-01T21:27Z 47.4K followers, 19.9K engagements


"Banks are always like We are the future of banking Anyway what was your mothers name when she was a MAIDEN"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2007153050327318605)  2026-01-02T18:12Z 47.3K followers, 364.8K engagements


"No two things cannot be true. Only one thing can be true. And that thing is The Rock (1996 Michael Bay) rules"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2007574888610205819)  2026-01-03T22:08Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"I hate spilling stuff but here I go spilling another thing"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2007649517844508766)  2026-01-04T03:05Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"Donald Trump I know youre reading this. Cut the bad stuff out"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2007867525196083670)  2026-01-04T17:31Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"You wanna fight bro Meet me at the Jennifer Hudson Uber Dropoff/Pick Up"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2008967538202583348)  2026-01-07T18:22Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"A fish jacking off to a dry tee shirt contest"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2010148698148483343)  2026-01-11T00:36Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"Every 90s sitcom about a teacher. Tyrese Haliburton bench fit check ✅ https://t.co/FPel5Rv2Zd Tyrese Haliburton bench fit check ✅ https://t.co/FPel5Rv2Zd"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2010417302152618117)  2026-01-11T18:23Z 47.3K followers, 847.9K engagements


"Check out this Homer ass road sign"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2010745202139627561)  2026-01-12T16:06Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"The Green Bay Packers should be the Green Bay Mutant Ninja Turtles"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2010747364097818683)  2026-01-12T16:15Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Skyrizi for psoriasis: Nothing is everything. Enlightened zen thoughtful. Skyrizi for IBS: Control is everything. Manic fascist maybe violent"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2011280562263322730)  2026-01-14T03:33Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"And when there was one set of foot prints Thats when the ICE officer suffered internal bleeding to the torso"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2011687495453589742)  2026-01-15T06:30Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"If you like food less spicy than I like it you are culinarily illiterate and if you like food more spicy than I like it you are lying to yourself and everyone else for some pathetic form of clout"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2011690010748318115)  2026-01-15T06:40Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"The tagline on a Will Trent (ABC 8/7c) billboard I just saw is The truth is out of control which is so meaningless that I like it and might become the first person to watch Will Trent"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2012221981752758495)  2026-01-16T17:54Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Okay hes worn me down. Im willing to give Kevin Hart money directly so he doesnt have to keep doing this"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2013360153966383310)  2026-01-19T21:17Z 47.3K followers, [--] engagements


"Sucked down to the size of a chili dog. Go Hoosiers #Hoosiers #Football #championship #miami https://t.co/KR2Q17xqIF Go Hoosiers #Hoosiers #Football #championship #miami https://t.co/KR2Q17xqIF"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2013404644425302516)  2026-01-20T00:14Z 47.3K followers, [--] engagements


"Sure Jimmy Butler is out for the season and the Warriors have no hope but Quinten Post almost did the coffee grinder after the ball got knocked out of bounds so thats something"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2013819788267507981)  2026-01-21T03:43Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"I need to see an Oscar bait biopic about the fucked up Temple Grandin who invented the horse jack off machine. How much would you have to get paid to do this https://t.co/dFsxkvFIyT How much would you have to get paid to do this https://t.co/dFsxkvFIyT"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2014001362523099531)  2026-01-21T15:45Z 47.3K followers, 22.8K engagements


"Can I say something without everyone being glad"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2014402740605288901)  2026-01-22T18:20Z 47.3K followers, 20.1K engagements


"(Trent Reznor scraping the bottom of the barrel for new lyrics) This fucking muffin i was given https://t.co/sjOCWt0P6k This fucking muffin i was given https://t.co/sjOCWt0P6k"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2014912439637413968)  2026-01-24T04:05Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"@DGJourno Not quite a holiday song but Polish Happy Birthday is a real Soviet anthem. https://youtu.be/mGdytuGZhj4 https://youtu.be/mGdytuGZhj4"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1202694396925210625)  2019-12-05T21:01Z 47.3K followers, [--] engagements


"The guns dont kill people people sure seem to think a book can make you gay"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1661232759669682176)  2023-05-24T04:48Z 47.4K followers, 3.1M engagements


"This is when Twitter was at its best. Just a bunch of people in Utah and Santa Barbara sharing Hello Dolly memes. Map shows the Internet in [----]. Source: https://t.co/4eO2AzA7RK https://t.co/fcHi2RtzA9 Map shows the Internet in [----]. Source: https://t.co/4eO2AzA7RK https://t.co/fcHi2RtzA9"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1697812892509458699)  2023-09-02T03:25Z 47.3K followers, 44.8K engagements


"The only way you can tell a video isnt A.I. now is if its of a masked federal officer murdering someone"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2015244494149730761)  2026-01-25T02:05Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Im so annoyed I have to go downtown today and peaceably ask the government to not murder people"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2017263513052565993)  2026-01-30T15:47Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Hung like a horse to the tune of Head Like A Hole by Nine Inch Nails. Scoop: Epstein files include "hung like a horse" message to Clinton email https://t.co/cV9zm0D7RQ Scoop: Epstein files include "hung like a horse" message to Clinton email https://t.co/cV9zm0D7RQ"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2017388075719213392)  2026-01-31T00:02Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"I decided I had enough at home. Spaghetti with tomato paste garlic butter parmesan and a little bit of Canadian Kraft powder. With cut up Trader Joes turkey corn dog. No work no school no shopping but also I didnt think to pick up anything yesterday that I can make for dinner so Im gonna have to be a little bit complicit and stop by Vons today. No work no school no shopping but also I didnt think to pick up anything yesterday that I can make for dinner so Im gonna have to be a little bit complicit and stop by Vons today"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2017430505952874945)  2026-01-31T02:51Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"I dont think online businesses realize they have worn me down so much that I would be willing to pay them a monthly fee to not get emails"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2017753992626135420)  2026-02-01T00:16Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Cold have been nice if Bad Bunny brought out Savannah Guthries mom"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2020673039537479691)  2026-02-09T01:36Z 47.4K followers, 886.5K engagements


"Every vase my mom owns kind of has this face painted on it. Dichen Lachman photographed by Jason Armond for the Los Angeles Times. https://t.co/FfMIOJJL5G Dichen Lachman photographed by Jason Armond for the Los Angeles Times. https://t.co/FfMIOJJL5G"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2008023796171898989)  2026-01-05T03:52Z 47.3K followers, 137K engagements


"Houston city planners realized very early on that the ultimate solution to the trolley problem was to have no mass transit"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2014970029608173671)  2026-01-24T07:54Z 47.3K followers, [----] engagements


"(Deepest reluctant sigh youve ever heard) If you want to go after Don Lemon youre gonna have to go through me"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2017315218402250917)  2026-01-30T19:13Z 47.4K followers, 144.6K engagements


"Sure dozens and dozens of NFL players have been accused of domestic abuse over the last decade but a musician singing in Spanish while they take a break is where I draw the line. Purposefully turning off the halftime show Lets rally together and show big corporations they cant just do whatever they want without consequences (which equals viewership for them) You are their benefit. Realize you have power. Turn off this halftime. A fake American Purposefully turning off the halftime show Lets rally together and show big corporations they cant just do whatever they want without consequences"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2020669258544414785)  2026-02-09T01:21Z 47.3K followers, [--] engagements


"Ive found this pasta thats packed with protein and fiber and has like half the calories of regular pasta and it actually tastes pretty much like dress shoes"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2009108552280101079)  2026-01-08T03:43Z 47.4K followers, 2M engagements


"I dont think we need two whole songs about how great America is before the Super Bowl. I think we need two whole performances of the Chilis baby back ribs song"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2020641134628983259)  2026-02-08T23:29Z 47.4K followers, 11.2K engagements


"Little in the middle but she got hunchback. -Sir Bif-I-Da"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2021350246564102647)  2026-02-10T22:27Z 47.4K followers, [---] engagements


"Its going to be so funny when it finally happens and its a bigger celebration than when we got Bin Laden:"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2021615576674918823)  2026-02-11T16:01Z 47.4K followers, [---] engagements


"Obviously mattresses What am I missing here If all humans suddenly lost the ability to lie what industry would collapse first If all humans suddenly lost the ability to lie what industry would collapse first"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2022401309463412800)  2026-02-13T20:03Z 47.4K followers, 551.2K engagements


"I wouldnt be a good NBA coach because every timeout I would just be like You guys have to win or Im gonna blow my brains out"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1993915102521905447)  2025-11-27T05:29Z 47.4K followers, 1.2M engagements


"I unfortunately was born without any interest in Avatar"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2004597199855124748)  2025-12-26T16:56Z 47.4K followers, 1.5M engagements


"They have to call it Chocolatey Payday instead of chocolate because whatever garbage theyre covering it in isnt real chocolate. Anyway these are incredible"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2016690414246600849)  2026-01-29T01:50Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"They should invent an uber with free toothbrushes and floss so you can get ready for bed on the way home"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2019657958117056867)  2026-02-06T06:22Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"Stephen Kings prose about female sexuality is sometimes way off but when it comes to male sexuality Yeah he gets it"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2020711940235067412)  2026-02-09T04:10Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"This is an insane thing to include with the sweatpants I bought in the TikTok app"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2021785339615236598)  2026-02-12T03:16Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"Im not sure why commercials for A.I. think I think it would be cool to have flirty rapport with A.I"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2021791793571107237)  2026-02-12T03:41Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"If you took all the chicken wings Americans ate on Super Bowl Sunday and lined them up end to end surely *someone* would have sex with you"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2022128496185864250)  2026-02-13T01:59Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"Perfect from beginning to end"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2022793233714287091)  2026-02-14T22:01Z 47.4K followers, 26.9K engagements


"These are jalapeo poppers and they look good. Abraham Lincoln's actual slippers. Any thoughts https://t.co/nImWwqyorz Abraham Lincoln's actual slippers. Any thoughts https://t.co/nImWwqyorz"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2022090425625088143)  2026-02-12T23:28Z 47.4K followers, 36.1K engagements


"Bird flyin high you know how I feeeeel. Bird: Lady Im looking for food for my kids"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2022859960934174904)  2026-02-15T02:26Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"I like to walk a lot so when I got to the part of The Stand by Stephen King where youre introduced to a character called the Walking Dude I was like Okay here we go this is my guy but then it turns out he is basically the devil"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/2022930573841568078)  2026-02-15T07:06Z 47.4K followers, [----] engagements


"The restaurant down the street specializes in foods that aren't words. http://twitpic.com/3c34ss"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/10193627548487680)  2010-12-02T04:48Z 47K followers, [--] engagements


"I microwaved some spinach squeezed all the water out of it mixed it with parmesan black pepper salt and garlic powder then coated it in breadcrumbs and threw it in the waffle iron. It wasnt that good. Covid"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1239237555683332097)  2020-03-15T17:10Z 47.4K followers, 22K engagements


"I dont even really like this or stand by it"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1287559112729882626)  2020-07-27T01:23Z 47.1K followers, [--] engagements


"@DanaSchwartzzz Im sorry you have to live with that. I have to live with having made it. We all have our burdens"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1287560008696135680)  2020-07-27T01:26Z 47K followers, [--] engagements


""FUCKING GODDAMNIT" - The CIA when they realized Kia took the phonetic name they should have been using"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/129046919170375680)  2011-10-26T04:09Z 47K followers, [--] engagements


"I thought part of Trumps speech tonight sounded like a verse from Fast Car by Tracy Chapman so I spent an hour and a half on this"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1304229111682887681)  2020-09-11T01:23Z 50K followers, [---] engagements


"OH FUCKING CHRIST GODDAMNIT I missed the swearing in of the new Greek Prime Minister. I always do this"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/135198993541111808)  2011-11-12T03:35Z 50.6K followers, [--] engagements


"The woman who owns Buca di Beppo is named Becky di Buppo"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1409754149210574851)  2021-06-29T06:02Z 47.6K followers, 11.5K engagements


"@Sethrogen Without this very dumb app I would have had to just say this out loud to a person and at best they would have been like Okay"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1409941758952153089)  2021-06-29T18:28Z 47.6K followers, [---] engagements


"Tom DeLonge coming in with Where are you And Im so sorry in I Miss You"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1424222859191148548)  2021-08-08T04:16Z 47.1K followers, [----] engagements


"At a weed store you can say I want something to help me sleep that wont make me wonder if my back door is unlocked and they will take you seriously think hard about it and then say something like Have you tried Ooga Booga Skywalker Cake"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1490028489768009734)  2022-02-05T18:24Z 47.4K followers, 256.3K engagements


"One reason I still have trouble believing crypto currency is money is that there arent commercials for money"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1493044107790348288)  2022-02-14T02:07Z 47.4K followers, 254.1K engagements


"So this commercial is going to air [--] times during every NBA playoff game. Should we get a take where the waiter doesnt sound like hes choking on sand No Then were wrapped"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1523124584681144320)  2022-05-08T02:16Z 50.2K followers, [---] engagements


"@DanaSchwartzzz Also dont try to cook anything. It turns out half the time youre only not burning stuff because of subtle smells telling you when its done"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1529930355049828352)  2022-05-26T20:59Z 47K followers, [--] engagements


"If youre not watching For All Man Kind on Apple youre missing one of the best mysteries in TV: How old is this character supposed to be"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1558545011473408000)  2022-08-13T20:04Z 47.1K followers, [----] engagements


"Sorry I made this. "The n-word Do you know what the n-word is It's-" *crowd yells* "No no no it's the nuclear word." https://t.co/xyGt8rYFDF "The n-word Do you know what the n-word is It's-" *crowd yells* "No no no it's the nuclear word." https://t.co/xyGt8rYFDF"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1573510371125522432)  2022-09-24T03:11Z 47.4K followers, 24.1K engagements


"These are the lyrics to the Indiana Jones Theme Song"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1573815962289131520)  2022-09-24T23:25Z 47.4K followers, 57.2K engagements


"Billy Joel should play the Super Bowl halftime show and just sing halftime show to the tune of Uptown Girl the whole time"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1619830602567663617)  2023-01-29T22:51Z 47.4K followers, 3M engagements


"One day Chipotle is going to start serving shrimp and were all going to be like What the fuck are they doing And then two years later well just be eating a Chipotle shrimp burrito on one of their stools staring out the window thinking about what we need from Target"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1639085133142818816)  2023-03-24T02:02Z 46.6K followers, 11K engagements


"Chipotle paid me $350000 to make a video promoting their all new chicken al pastor"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1650208618845970432)  2023-04-23T18:42Z 46.6K followers, 32K engagements


"(Calling from the kitchen to the room with the TV) Hey babe who did they just say the game was presented by tonight Chipotle. Nice"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1654673866185400321)  2023-05-06T02:26Z 46.6K followers, [----] engagements


"Okay but if the apocalypse doesnt come youre just an asshole"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1678193825297121280)  2023-07-10T02:23Z 46.2K followers, 10.9K engagements


"The Elon Musk/Mark Zuckerberg dynamic gave me an idea for a company. Its called Worse You and its a service that finds someone exactly like you but a little worse and then everyone decides youre not so bad"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1678434985647443968)  2023-07-13T13:57Z 46.2K followers, 19K engagements


"As Ive gotten older my patience for monkeys has dwindled. They seem too chaotic and high frequency now"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1678592426674651136)  2023-07-11T02:29Z 50K followers, [----] engagements


"This isnt the old Angies List. This is Angi. She calls YOU for help"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1678969376626864128)  2023-07-12T13:13Z 46.4K followers, [----] engagements


"The writers have plenty and are asking for too much and also we suspect most of them dont have five months savings"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1678984867378528256)  2023-07-12T23:48Z 46.3K followers, 370.6K engagements


"Theres a universe where everyone kept making fun of Elon at McDonalds so he bought McDonalds started charging for napkins changed its name to R and now all you can get is day old burgers while they let customers yell conspiracy theories from the drive through menu speaker"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1685173844188020736)  2023-07-30T04:39Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"I know its not cool to be promoting my work during the writers strike but Ive been working on this Entyvio jingle for SIX ENTIRE YEARS and it just came out so Im posting it anyway"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1685811846899773440)  2023-07-31T00:37Z 46.4K followers, 71.2K engagements


"Well I lost my drill an object I have never used outside of my home"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1694834609710899363)  2023-08-24T22:10Z 50K followers, [----] engagements


"I never actually laughed out loud at the cop falling down the slide video until just now when I remembered it for no reason. The guy was out of control"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1694856865845547264)  2023-08-24T23:39Z 46.2K followers, [----] engagements


"A cable news show just began the hour showing Trumps mugshot and saying Today is one of those days youre going to remember for the rest of your life. I wont even remember which arrest this mugshot was for in like a month and a half"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1694908138267549914)  2023-08-25T03:02Z 46.4K followers, 21K engagements


"I bet when The Big Bopper got famous the KKK was like Oh thats what we should have called the Grand Wizard. Thats better"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1696342597483249964)  2023-08-29T02:02Z 46.4K followers, [----] engagements


"Trying to see the octopus at a crowded aquarium"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1696572857604600317)  2023-08-29T17:17Z 46.4K followers, [----] engagements


"Specificity is relatable but only to a point"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1696573718829695346)  2023-08-29T17:21Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Im hopelessly behind on pop culture so I have no idea if its already been addressed how much this Doja Cat song sounds like How my penis look"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1699089433373348102)  2023-09-05T15:57Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"I tried not to post this all day and finally gave up"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1699906956016992334)  2023-09-07T22:06Z 46.2K followers, 12K engagements


"Their positioning seemed so familiar and then I figured it out"  
[X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1700696657292382298)  2023-09-10T02:24Z 47.4K followers, 24M engagements


"I was in Houston earlier this week and my mom gave me this Pumbaa Pez dispenser to remind me where Im from. I asked her what she thought this was and she said A bull"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1700956093751648462)  2023-09-10T19:35Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Hi Im a director from the 70s. Now lets get a wide shot and pump the room tone up to 600%"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1701281342368129430)  2023-09-11T17:07Z 49.9K followers, [----] engagements


"The part of the Drew Barrymore thing I cant wrap my head around is how anyone would go back to work when all you have to do for people to not be mad at you is to stay rich and on vacation"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1701376031259758909)  2023-09-11T23:23Z 46.2K followers, 876.7K engagements


"The fuck I dont remember this part"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1701405490201382935)  2023-09-12T01:20Z 46.2K followers, 15.5K engagements


"Unfortunately Sen. John Kennedy read out loud from Gender Queer and even more unfortunately I matched it up to the Ninja Turtles song"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1701755589322518931)  2023-09-13T00:32Z 46.2K followers, 33.9K engagements


"Genuinely touched by the TV hosts willing to make millions of dollars for themselves for the crew"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1702157137580089429)  2023-09-14T03:07Z 46.4K followers, 18.9K engagements


"I dont believe in God but I think Bill Maher would be a more tolerable person if he did"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1702160922066788852)  2023-09-14T03:22Z 46.2K followers, [----] engagements


"We cant be together. I just dont accept the premise of the characters you do on TikTok"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1702759279571374083)  2023-09-15T19:00Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"It is my shame and cross to bear that against the full gravity of the Earth philosophy and ethics I think Lauren Boebert is hot"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1702836172169568605)  2023-09-16T00:05Z 46.3K followers, [---] engagements


"This dumb fucking Las Vegas LED sphere is the only thing that makes me feel patriotic"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1703564343328305260)  2023-09-18T00:19Z 46.4K followers, 38.5K engagements


"One thing I have against the major studios is that after Disney bought 20th Century I needed a check reissued and it took so many phone calls to get it settled that at one point I was talking to an employee at Disney World Orlando"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1704934587384889802)  2023-09-21T19:04Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Im furious because I listen to lectures about ancient Rome on Audible to fall asleep and now suddenly because someone decided to be a smart ass Im a hack"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1705401948877586564)  2023-09-23T02:01Z 46.4K followers, [--] engagements


"The AMPTP loves to sound aggressive but theyre just imitating how aggressive people talk in movies and TV that the writers theyre negotiating against made up and its not how any sane person acts in real life"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1705767071601369567)  2023-09-24T02:12Z 46.2K followers, 88.4K engagements


"There are things I actually need to get done today but the way they said medical debt on cable news reminded me of something so I made this instead"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1706041933385359719)  2023-09-24T20:24Z 47.6K followers, 15.2K engagements


"Ive always said that a James Bond movie should take longer to explain"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1707173237602628022)  2023-09-27T23:19Z 46.2K followers, [----] engagements


"Governor Christie sir let me congratulate you. This is going to be what does it"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1707855072032657540)  2023-09-29T20:29Z 46.2K followers, 17.1K engagements


"Congressman Jamaal Bowman Statement from Congressman Jamaal Bowman. JAMAAL BOWMAN STATEMENT FROM CONGRESSMAN JAMAAL BOWMAN For Immediate Release September [--] [----] Congressman Jamaal Bowman released the following statement"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1708340950513365056)  2023-10-01T04:39Z 46.3K followers, 12.1K engagements


"Congressman Jamaal Bowman"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1708507752279220590)  2023-10-01T15:42Z 46.2K followers, [----] engagements


"If you find the whole idea of NBA basketball boring you should be a huge Nikola Joki fan"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1708939549035106742)  2023-10-02T20:18Z 46.2K followers, [----] engagements


"Your favorite Kirsten Dunst movie. The Speaker Of The House will go first"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1709013028950425627)  2023-10-03T01:10Z 46.4K followers, 28.1K engagements


"I like any song like Sultans Of Swing where the whole song is about how you gotta check out this other band"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1710475792558534735)  2023-10-07T02:03Z 46.2K followers, 187.7K engagements


"Okay but this is also something someone might say right before Ben Simmons doesnt play basketball tonight. Ben Simmons plays basketball tonight 👀 https://t.co/UIHKniYsg5 Ben Simmons plays basketball tonight 👀 https://t.co/UIHKniYsg5"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1711427308266152015)  2023-10-09T17:04Z 50.6K followers, 11.8K engagements


"Its very funny to run for President when being ineligible isnt even a top three reason you wont ever President"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1712230074898850048)  2023-10-11T22:13Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"When the AMPTP complains about how much a residual proposal costs theyre usually just admitting to how much money they have managed to withhold from people since they began streaming"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1712490225891782742)  2023-10-12T15:27Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Rerelease Independence Day with voiceover from Jada Pinkett Smith where she keeps saying that Captain Steve Hiller is actually afraid of aliens and is a bad pilot"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1713665698222969120)  2023-10-15T21:18Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Okay thank you"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1714045875788648472)  2023-10-16T22:29Z 46.3K followers, 40.8K engagements


"My Lyft driver just responded to a sneeze with No worries"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1714087068295696421)  2023-10-17T01:12Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"What if this is how all cable news ended forever"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1714312971802087927)  2023-10-17T16:10Z 46.4K followers, [----] engagements


"I think its good and productive that we live in an era where every single person writes a press release in response to every single thing that unfolds internationally"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1714404562122244165)  2023-10-17T22:14Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Microwaves should have a Get Butter To Room Temperature Without Melting button"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1715211581410447643)  2023-10-20T03:41Z 46.2K followers, 52.6K engagements


"It truly bums me out when NBA players go into venture capital. Hey youve just made more money than anyone should reasonably hope to make in a lifetime what would you like to do next Make money"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1715487256402870461)  2023-10-20T21:56Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"What song is playing in the background at the end of this 76ers game Is this The Grateful Dead Phish I might hate it depending"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1715847344686850424)  2023-10-21T21:47Z 46.4K followers, [----] engagements


"Ive been the Nike/NBA liaison for years now and Ive finally been able to convince both sides once and for all that the purpose of a basketball jersey is to look bad"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1715984419864121367)  2023-10-22T06:52Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"The multiverse is of course short for the multigrain universe representing the battle between Outback Steakhouse bread and Cheesecake Factory bread"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1716654833695109184)  2023-10-24T03:16Z 46.3K followers, [----] engagements


"Pretty wild that the Greeks pioneered drama and went straight to Guy Killed His Dad And Slept With His Mom completely skipping past Dog Can Play Sports and Goofy Neighbor"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1716726326449799386)  2023-10-24T08:00Z 46.4K followers, 14.1K engagements


"Republican Speaker Of The House (They/Them)"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1716959485829480623)  2023-10-24T23:26Z 46.3K followers, 14K engagements


"I have a girlfriend but youve never met her because shes tired from praying"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1717281096826822971)  2023-10-25T20:44Z 46.4K followers, 29.3K engagements


"All of them can stay. Congrats everyone"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1718303190721151000)  2023-10-28T16:26Z 46.4K followers, [----] engagements


"I think Jordan Poole just tried to stare down the Grizzlies bench on a miss"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1718409646049055202)  2023-10-28T23:29Z 46.4K followers, 11.7K engagements


"(Doing Bob Dylan voice during sex) How does it FEEL"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1719010373368729720)  2023-10-30T15:16Z 46.4K followers, [----] engagements


"Amy Schumer is moving to the Right like she got called out for sexual assault"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1719129405891715211)  2023-10-30T23:09Z 46.4K followers, 15.7K engagements


"All Bruce Springsteen songs are 50% Come on lets go and 50% I will die working at the factory"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1719757090347205070)  2023-11-01T16:43Z 46.4K followers, 21.8K engagements


"Vaping Groping Lauren Boeberting Say it aint so I will not go turn the lights off carry me home"  
[X Link](https://x.com/NoahGarfinkel/status/1720155108397490581)  2023-11-02T19:05Z 46.4K followers, 28K engagements

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