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[@aelfred_D](/creator/twitter/aelfred_D)
"My wife was walking our dogs earlier and they got into it with some other dog. As she was trying to separate them the other dog bit her. Dont know where that dog or its owners are. However after she got her shots I was able to help by drawing eyes on her bite mark"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979341505384059196) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-18T00:19Z 56K followers, 12.9K engagements


"Nailed it as Ive always said the best jokes require explanations"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979349880025026794) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-18T00:52Z 56K followers, 10.9K engagements


"Can I say something without everyone getting mad"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979621205893173717) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-18T18:50Z 56K followers, 99.7K engagements


"At a renaissance fair. Several meads deep. Watching dudes hitting each other with swords. Giant turkey leg. I am never leaving"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979956836196335766) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-19T17:04Z 56K followers, 42.7K engagements


"@GomesBolt She should smother me to death"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979983998974583012) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-19T18:52Z 56K followers, XXX engagements


"The Royal Court has seen better days (I assume the recent unpleasantness in the highlands has resulted in a paucity of retainers) but the harpist was on point"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1980012234668413168) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-19T20:44Z 56K followers, 3669 engagements


"It is happening again"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1973881748615540993) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-02T22:44Z 56K followers, 16.5K engagements


"Spent damn near XX seconds waiting for the soap dispenser to dispense soap including a far too-loud oh what the fuck around second XX only to realize it was not motion activated and I had to push for soap. Anyway I can never go back to that restaurant"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1978236719225811034) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-14T23:09Z 56K followers, 4061 engagements


"But I try to give my priest an ocelot and everyones all it does not do well in captivity and I dont think this is ok with animal control and its crepuscular"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1978593683084628062) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-15T22:47Z 56K followers, 10.2K engagements


"Say what you will but Hitler definitely saved Germany from having an excess of military-aged men"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1978806497518735459) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-16T12:53Z 56K followers, 6122 engagements


"Back on my bullshit"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1978916982368903634) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-16T20:12Z 56K followers, 6542 engagements


"I am an American. Like most USA Americans I feel the need to preface every tweet with I am an American. The proud eagle of the United S. demands it"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1978998990797472141) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-17T01:38Z 56K followers, 14.9K engagements


"His pinned tweet has a construction no American would usemiddle-income. We say middle class lower-middle class etc etc"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979000093148647726) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-17T01:42Z 56K followers, 2042 engagements


"My wife: Ok gonna go try Pilates. Me: Have fun at your girl stretching class My wife texting: There are a lot more men here than I expected. Me: Huh. Also me: *googles How To Win at Pilates*"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1957109945016484242) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-08-17T15:59Z 56K followers, 33.9K engagements


"Keith Olbermann is a 66-year old 13-year old and it never stops being hysterical"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1966633518533939688) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-09-12T22:42Z 56K followers, 53.6K engagements


"I dont know whats going on but HR just sent a company-wide email that said theyre canceling Pizza Fridays and instituting Hegseth Hotdogs and when I asked what a Hegseth Hotdog was they said its a carrot and a note that says fuck you fatty"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1973060037758038224) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-09-30T16:19Z 56K followers, 24.8K engagements


"Watching my puppy absolutely guzzle water after taking her for her nth pee of the day"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1974531396938186981) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-04T17:45Z 56K followers, 3870 engagements


"Oh sure but I send unsolicited pics of my silver figurine depicting either a dragon or a tiger and somehow Im the bad guy"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1975574732918694191) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-07T14:51Z 56K followers, 9256 engagements


"RFK Jr is hyper focused on one issue constantly talking about it even in times and ways that make people uncomfortable but he cant tell. I wonder if theres a word for that"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1976382393100702036) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-09T20:20Z 56K followers, 22.1K engagements


"Hahahahaha its real"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979011613588926955) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-17T02:28Z 56K followers, 21K engagements


"Frankly my dear I dont give a shit"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979168738000715777) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-17T12:52Z 56K followers, 6758 engagements


"Great now Im wondering if Hitler somehow did 9/11"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979202301748208116) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-17T15:06Z 56K followers, 20.1K engagements


"1. Escape Russian advance use rat lines to get to Argentina. X. Boys from Brazil situation. X. Chemically darken the skin of the Hitler clones infiltrate into Saudi Arabia. X. 9/11 X. Hitlers head in a jar cackling with glee from his underground base in Buenos Aires"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979202809150021711) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-17T15:08Z 56K followers, 2211 engagements


"@DrMichaelBonner People called Romans they go the house"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979269429427884310) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-17T19:32Z 56K followers, XXX engagements


"Say what you will about the man he knows how to look good"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979339920293662946) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-18T00:13Z 56K followers, 9520 engagements


"Sure youve heard of toxic empathy but how many of you have the courage the fortitude and the serious mental issues to feel bad for the waiters at Brazilian steakhouses who are walking around with chicken"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979610382504230986) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-18T18:07Z 56K followers, 3833 engagements


"Charles Nelson Reilly is looking great"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979616883646296516) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-18T18:33Z 56K followers, 4670 engagements


"References I only know from other references (specifically Alec Baldwins playing him on SNL)"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979617027460612264) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-18T18:34Z 56K followers, 1410 engagements


"So you sold your watch to get your wife a comb Yes Dave. But she sold her hair to get you a chain for your watch Yes Dave. So now you have a chain with no watch a comb with no hair and no money Yes Dave"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1976103121915904395) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-09T01:51Z 56K followers, 286.8K engagements


"David French like"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1980002150672449947) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-19T20:04Z 56K followers, 9871 engagements


"@Le_Roi_Est_Mort Itsa lot of turkey"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1980022115740090755) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-19T21:23Z 56K followers, XX engagements


"Ok but who are we getting to play Salieri Paul Bettany Paul Bettany Paul Bettany looks about as Italian as a leprechaun Who the hell do we have playing Mozart Stay with me you are going to love this"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1978244849640902717) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-14T23:41Z 56K followers, 93K engagements


"Obamas library is terrible Im sorry this kicks ass"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979638695646159148) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-18T20:00Z 56K followers, 7393 engagements


"Now: To be clear Im not going to wear anything goofy. X meads later: I am Aragorn son of Arathorn and I need a cloak now"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979957248886464717) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-19T17:06Z 56K followers, 3038 engagements


"No one told me how tittyful Renaissance fairs were but damn ladies bringing the girls out to play"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1979974988816933323) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-19T18:16Z 56K followers, 22.4K engagements


"Hoshoryu was gifted a giant soy sauce after becoming Grand Champion But Hoshoryu made awful discoverygiant soy sauce bottle fake No soy sauce Hoshoryu despondent. Vows revenge on Kikkoman. Hoshoryu not stop until their tears flow like soy sauce should"  
[X Link](https://x.com/aelfred_D/status/1980297653092221368) [@aelfred_D](/creator/x/aelfred_D) 2025-10-20T15:38Z 56K followers, 2946 engagements