[GUEST ACCESS MODE: Data is scrambled or limited to provide examples. Make requests using your API key to unlock full data. Check https://lunarcrush.ai/auth for authentication information.] #  @fesshole Fesshole🧻 Fesshole🧻 posts on X about sweden, stockholm, money, leeds the most. They currently have XXXXXXXXX followers and XXX posts still getting attention that total XXXXXXX engagements in the last XX hours. ### Engagements: XXXXXXX [#](/creator/twitter::1007749631818821638/interactions)  - X Week XXXXXXXXX -XXXX% - X Month XXXXXXXXXX +2.10% - X Months XXXXXXXXXXX -XX% - X Year XXXXXXXXXXX -XX% ### Mentions: XXX [#](/creator/twitter::1007749631818821638/posts_active)  - X Week XXX -XX% - X Month XXX -XXXX% - X Months XXXXX +39% - X Year XXXXX -XX% ### Followers: XXXXXXXXX [#](/creator/twitter::1007749631818821638/followers)  - X Week XXXXXXXXX -X% - X Month XXXXXXXXX +0.05% - X Months XXXXXXXXX +0.53% - X Year XXXXXXXXX -XXXX% ### CreatorRank: XXXXXX [#](/creator/twitter::1007749631818821638/influencer_rank)  ### Social Influence **Social category influence** [countries](/list/countries) XXXX% [travel destinations](/list/travel-destinations) XXXX% [technology brands](/list/technology-brands) XXXX% [finance](/list/finance) XXXX% [social networks](/list/social-networks) XXXX% [stocks](/list/stocks) XXXX% [musicians](/list/musicians) XXXX% [currencies](/list/currencies) XXXX% **Social topic influence** [sweden](/topic/sweden) #65, [stockholm](/topic/stockholm) #23, [money](/topic/money) 1.55%, [leeds](/topic/leeds) #99, [books](/topic/books) #240, [facebook](/topic/facebook) #1241, [to the](/topic/to-the) 1.55%, [bin](/topic/bin) #358, [los angeles](/topic/los-angeles) #1775, [uni](/topic/uni) #434 **Top accounts mentioned or mentioned by** [@jonjooday](/creator/undefined) [@mofomat](/creator/undefined) [@lordljs](/creator/undefined) [@sidewayssince](/creator/undefined) [@personhalfa](/creator/undefined) [@pucatub](/creator/undefined) [@josephhighfiel1](/creator/undefined) [@loverofsnark](/creator/undefined) [@ambientsheep](/creator/undefined) [@_derekmchugh_](/creator/undefined) [@birdietweetieac](/creator/undefined) [@ellelledeell](/creator/undefined) [@tynemouth](/creator/undefined) [@guirilondoner](/creator/undefined) [@roshanonline](/creator/undefined) [@daij1960](/creator/undefined) [@beepee2004](/creator/undefined) [@76rufus](/creator/undefined) [@pmberry2007](/creator/undefined) [@watchornshaun2](/creator/undefined) **Top assets mentioned** [Microsoft Corp. (MSFT)](/topic/microsoft) [Spotify Technology (SPOT)](/topic/$spot) ### Top Social Posts Top posts by engagements in the last XX hours "I worked at a semi-fancy bar in Los Angeles while at uni. One of my jobs was to shovel ice into the urinals ahead of opening. One day the girl who did the ladies was out so I did those stalls too. It was later pointed out to me that women might need to shit as well as piss" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992872080304451879) 2025-11-24T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 263.9K engagements "Australia knows when a person has never visited their country before. It would be extremely helpful if they'd hand first time visitors a one pager on words with extra colloquial meanings. No one told me that root was a rude word when I visited Darwin and it was humiliating" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992902271428874254) 2025-11-24T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 155.2K engagements "Fesshole Live is coming to Leicester Luton and Leeds get your tickets now Were also taking the show to Sweden (Malm Gteborg Stockholm) and doing Anon Opin in Leicester" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993223166777344097) 2025-11-25T07:40Z 1.1M followers, 81.5K engagements "I'm a consultant dermatologist who makes most of my money on cosmetic procedures which bore me to tears. On the other hand there are way too many people who think they can't get skin cancer in the UK because "it's cloudy." So my patients fit in two categories: vain or ignorant" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993732743268630730) 2025-11-26T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 73.9K engagements "Whenever I pass a dog on a walk I let it sniff my hand and say hello. Though I like dogs I'm also doing a check-in like the original Terminator film to prove I'm a human not a flesh covered robot. If you're with me and don't let the dog sniff you I'll be judging/suspicious" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993808242489672149) 2025-11-26T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 80.6K engagements "I've foolishly got myself doing gardening and odd jobs for the old geezer next door. It started as a one-off now I'm balls-deep doing everything. Hate to admit it but I think a lot about whether or not he's gonna leave me anything when he carks it" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994110229395484939) 2025-11-27T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 86.3K engagements "Wife told me not to defrost the freezer with a screwdriver and a hammer. I knew better. XXX later and we have the exact same one as before but newer. She cant believe the job ive done "cleaning it". Broken one is now in next door's garage until I figure out how to get rid. Help" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994714211713237420) 2025-11-29T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 202.8K engagements "Every night wife falls asleep on the sofa. Last thing like a ninja I load the dishwasher turn the TV off lock up turn the lights off as silently as I can. Tonight I have finally succeeded in not waking her light sleeping self and have the bed to myself. VICTORY IS MINE" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994759506845167777) 2025-11-29T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 120.1K engagements "My marriage wasn't great. Ex-husband had an operation and there was a risk he'd die on the operating table. After the op he called to say he was fine. I realised I was disappointed he'd be coming home. I knew it was definitely time to leave" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994865205939937442) 2025-11-29T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 194.5K engagements "I always try my best to keep my shits for work. It saves a fortune on bog roll and stops the house smelling manky" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995046396878020883) 2025-11-30T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 92.5K engagements "I teach at the school I attended. Many teachers are still teaching from when I was there but when I returned only two remembered me. Did hurt a little I wasn't a big character but I thought I was one of the nicer ones that teachers would remember" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995091702898458633) 2025-11-30T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 108.8K engagements "I once saw my mum looking into a shop window in town. I walked straight past her without stopping. This was about XX years ago and some for reason it haunts me even though I'm sure she wouldn't be bothered if I told her now" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995484293087289571) 2025-12-01T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 186.7K engagements "COME TO FESSHOLE LIVE. Tickets available for Leicester Luton and Leeds. There's the Sweden Tour in Malm Gteborg Stockholm. Also we're doing Anon Opin in Leicester" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995763668336709843) 2025-12-02T07:55Z 1.1M followers, 68.7K engagements "Mum had dementia and I took her car keys away. She demanded I return them. I lied and said I didn't have them but I'd help her find them. Every morning like the movie Groundhog Day we'd play out the same scene. My cousin called it "gentle deception" but it felt like a lie to me" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995861780103373048) 2025-12-02T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 168.9K engagements "Met a guy for a discreet shag. Afterwards said it was nice be great to meet more often told him to take my number. He needed a discreet name so his wife didn't know so I told him to put me under "screwfix direct". Sadly the pun was lost on him which made me think less of him" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995438987163357503) 2025-12-01T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 333K engagements "I've worn really distinctive clothing for years but in my 60s I just felt I wanted to look normal. I gave a dozen boxes of clothes to the local charity shop and now I keep seeing people in my old clothes; I realised I have looked like a twat for years" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995937267316056195) 2025-12-02T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 171.5K engagements "In my younger days I liked to sneak into hotels to use the swimming pool there. One time I was so excited to have been successful that I jumped into the pool with my phone still in my pocket. That day was the end of my phone and also my days of sneaking into hotel pools" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994502817394934266) 2025-11-28T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 87.1K engagements "COME TO FESSHOLE LIVE. Tickets available for Leicester Luton and Leeds. There's the Sweden Tour in Malm Gteborg Stockholm. Also we're doing Anon Opin in Leicester" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994676497924186531) 2025-11-29T07:55Z 1.1M followers, 79.2K engagements "I've no Irish blood at all but in recent weeks I've been listening to and have become obsessed with rebel music it's fantastic. I'm hoping nobody has noticed the change in my music trends and I've been placed on a watchlist on case people think I've become radicalised" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994744416708243576) 2025-11-29T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 241.7K engagements "Mid nature wee my toddler takes a dump in the dark on some grass. I can't find the poo so I got my torch out and a man turns his torch on offering to help asking what we have dropped while she shouts she's had a MASSIVE POO" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995106803785330986) 2025-11-30T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 101.8K engagements "Dancer here. If men in strip clubs knew how dancers talk about them in the dressing room they would never come back. Best case is pity. Mostly we think you're scum. We know you all think you're the exception. Making you think that is our job" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995469190191317252) 2025-12-01T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 2.4M engagements "Started dating again. I am now grey up top with grey chest back and underarm hair. But black pubes. I didn't think about it at first but now I'm starting to worry that a stream of women believe that I dye my pubes. I don't it's just biology being peculiar and inconsistent" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995574882793328655) 2025-12-01T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 126.4K engagements "I ended up deciding not to hire a lass named Saoirse because she pronounced her own name wrong according to Saoirse Ronan. Can't be having that going on all day" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995620178063675798) 2025-12-01T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 140.2K engagements "I went on work experience in the mid 90s and was told to frank some mail I decided to see what the highest cost stamp I could produce by balancing all sorts on the machine and then printing out the stamps. Must have cost them a small fortune that week" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995816481922118055) 2025-12-02T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 85.1K engagements "I used to use Microsoft Excel to talk to a married woman when I was in my early 20s. She would share the file with me and we could see changes in the file. We would just erase and save new messages" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996163760939999256) 2025-12-03T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 173K engagements "While walking my dog in woods I found a large tea-flask. It had been hollowed out and was packed with drugs. Little bags of Heroin and cocaine and XXX. I told the police where and what but kept the money. They put it back and later arrested two dealers" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996284558811996597) 2025-12-03T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 222.1K engagements "I gave a promotion to the second top employee on my team instead of the first. Because I caught the first one making himself a cup of tea in the office microwave. Inexcusable barbaric behaviour" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996299663696187798) 2025-12-03T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 95.8K engagements "Seen a fantastic Black Friday deal on a robot vacuum cleaner which would be perfect for my flat. Can't bring myself to buy it as it would break Henry's heart" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996858340257759534) 2025-12-05T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 76.1K engagements "I chatted to a random guy at a bar for over an hour. The next day at the same bar he never acknowledged me. For the last 3yrs I've taken any and every opportunity to say hello to him often shouting across a room supermarket pub or DIY store. It's rude to ignore someone" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996933842951696597) 2025-12-05T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 198.5K engagements "FESSHOLE LIVE TICKETS: Liverpool Leicester Leeds Sweden (Malm GTEBORG STOCKHOLM) Also Anon Opin In London / Leicester BOOK(s): Add your fess: Fesshole is also on: Facebook: Threads: Bluesky: Insta: Mastodon: FAQ: PODCAST: Fesshole run/edited by Rob Manuel of" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1985333872922370484) 2025-11-03T13:10Z 1.1M followers, 871.3K engagements "Ex-fianc turned into an anti-vaxxer wanker & conspiracy theory dickhead. He thinks his daughter is unvaccinated. She isn't. I got her vaccinated behind his back before I finally made the right decision to dump him. A child cannot be raised around that kind of stupid bullshit" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991935903112069393) 2025-11-21T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 332.9K engagements "We're friends with a family who do the same X holidays every year go to the same restaurant every birthday go the same takeaway every Friday and order the same food. They just re-enact a handful of life experiences on loop. I don't know why but it really fucking pisses me off" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992358687692755171) 2025-11-22T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 268.3K engagements "Some evenings when I've had a few too many I go out in the garage and piss around the perimeter to deter mice. Husband hasn't caught me yet. Mice don't care but I like doing it" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992554983120654449) 2025-11-23T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 104.6K engagements "I was the bassist in a well-known group in the 80s to 90s. Decent career. On Ken Bruce's Popmaster a contestant couldn't name any of our hits. This hurt more than any of the regular kickings we got from those smug fucks at the NME" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992630478487060604) 2025-11-23T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 252.6K engagements "Genuinely curious to know how unusual it is to use ones toenail clippings as a toothpick I know you'll all say it's disgusting but I bet if you could comment anonymously we'd find that there are loads of us" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992721076745285855) 2025-11-23T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 157.9K engagements "I have a private code phrase known to no one but myself that I will use to verify it's really me if I ever meet my past or future self via time travel" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993023065781895193) 2025-11-24T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 115.9K engagements "I spent XX years calling my best friend's mum Mrs P because I'd have a brain panic about whether her name was Sheila or Shirley" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993309955810582685) 2025-11-25T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 76.7K engagements "Recently single. One of the things I miss the most is dropping a reference to having a partner/girlfriend when talking with women I've just met so they know I'm not hitting on them or have an agenda. I just liking chatting with people" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993355255682093523) 2025-11-25T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 99.9K engagements "His fess I guess but thought husband was sneaking off most nights to watch porn didn't really care but curiousity got the best of me checked his browser history. He's playing chess. At 2am. Multiple times a week. Worst part is I saw his ELO he's not even any good" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993370355918884960) 2025-11-25T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 164.1K engagements "I'm a married woman. I don't embarrass easily but I've discovered recently that there's nothing more mortifying than not having to do a pregnancy test before a hospital procedure because you haven't had sex in ages" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993385453383274711) 2025-11-25T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 159.8K engagements "I caught my wife shouting 'nonce' at our dog. Apparently she had no idea what it really meant and has been doing it for years in public thinking it was just what you said when someone was naughty" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993445852753309992) 2025-11-25T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 111.6K engagements "Mum came around to visit me noticed a lot of tissues in the bathroom bin. Asked if I'd had a cold said I had but was feeling better now. Couldn't tell her they were the result of a week's worth of wanking" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993657246731903050) 2025-11-26T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 92K engagements "I work in a bus station. I often get people coming to me asking why their coach is late and demanding information. I take great satisfaction in pointing out that their ticket is for a coach that left at 4:25am so complaining to me at 16:45 is not going to help" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993672350353527137) 2025-11-26T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 127K engagements "My kids were very naughty so I told them their lunch would be cream cheese and lemon rind sandwiches. Little did I know how much they'd love them. Now our grandkids come over and ask for cream cheese and lemon rind sandwiches. Not sure who won that one" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994034740710543802) 2025-11-27T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 94.6K engagements "I was cooking Christmas dinner and drunkenly tried to tip some of the turkey juice into the toilet as the sink was full of pots. As I did this the turkey slid from the tin and wedged itself into the toilet. I managed to unwedge it and returned it to the oven. I ate the gammon" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994095131583037740) 2025-11-27T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 88.5K engagements "I hate it when my kids buy me something with 'World's Best Dad' on it. Because it's so blatantly not true and makes me realise what a failure of a father I've been" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994170627276611603) 2025-11-27T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 90.9K engagements "Filling out the blood donation form is depressing as it illustrates how boring and predictable my life has been " [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994321628574961891) 2025-11-28T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 70.5K engagements "I know this sounds ridiculous but up until the age of XX I thought all cats were female and all dogs were male. Openly shared this knowledge with a school friend who then went on to make sure everyone in school knew including my teachers" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994336720637104448) 2025-11-28T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 70.3K engagements "Is there something on your mind that's troubling you Tell Fesshole and Fesshole might tell the world:" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994375729417482481) 2025-11-28T12:00Z 1.1M followers, 57.1K engagements "Every morning around 5:30am I drive past my work neighbour walking in whatever the weather. I could easily stop and give him a lift but years ago we had a small fire in our unit and he refused to let us use his fire extinguisher so screw him" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994472616455745734) 2025-11-28T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 114.8K engagements "My BF has ADHD one of his tics is bouncing his leg. When it starts to annoy me I put a hand on his knee and he stops. An unspoken thing between friends of which the guy next to me on the train knew nothing about. He was sure surprised to get my hand on his knee" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994487717250347510) 2025-11-28T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 157K engagements "Wife and I are in a XX year-long unspoken war about whether the soap dispenser goes next the tap or up on the shelf. I've even engaged her sister into my side of the battle. I refuse to give in. Took me X years to win the silent which-way-round-does-the-loo-roll-hang war" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994684018101567599) 2025-11-29T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 100.1K engagements "If I can't do a task I put on a costume of a person who can do a task. I can't clean my kitchen but the tavern wench who pours the grog can" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994729318144987350) 2025-11-29T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 79.6K engagements "I have a small gap between two of my teeth where food gets stuck. The hygienist asked me what size interdental brush I use I didnt want to tell her I just trim my toenails and use a clipping so I said "1.5"" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994880303643427086) 2025-11-29T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 101.1K engagements "I was having a wee when the MD walked in & began peeing in the next urinal. To fill the silence I said to him "this is the only socially acceptable situation where two employees can get out their willies standing next to each other". He glared at me & walked out. Anyone hiring" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994895406321303660) 2025-11-29T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 125.9K engagements "The town of St Helens is just between Liverpool and Manchester. When I was a small child in Liverpool Mount St Helens in Washington erupted. Not having a grasp of geography I spent two weeks in mortal fear of dying in a volcanic eruption before my dad set me straight" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995061498251514065) 2025-11-30T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 110.7K engagements "A guy in my office is obsessed with Concorde and gets upset every year on the anniversary of the last flight. He even has a mini Concorde on his desk. Seriously tempted to chuck it when he pisses me off" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995121903346888873) 2025-11-30T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 100.3K engagements "My mum passed and was cremated. My brother never helped me care for her in the time she was ill so when he demanded half of her ashes I added dirty cat litter to an urn out of the charity shop gorilla glued the lid and every time he walks passed said urn he strokes it lovingly" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995197394653167818) 2025-11-30T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 152.8K engagements "I like to wave at double decker buses passing me and then watch the sheer confusion as people turn to each other to see who waves back. Despite me not having a clue who anyone is on that bus" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995227591997862075) 2025-11-30T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 94.8K engagements "As a kid my dream job was to be a clippie on a bus. On the one hand I'm glad I didn't end up doing that as they are no more. On the other hand I'm divorced live alone and work in marketing. I'd still love to be a clippie and think they should bring them back" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995257799073275977) 2025-11-30T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 95.9K engagements "I was the Queen of 'Slip-a-word-in' while working in the call centre for British Gas. The phone rang you were given a word by a colleague you said it in the greeting. Best one I got away with was 'gonorrhea'" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995454096204026023) 2025-12-01T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 110.2K engagements "I looked after babies with a sailing company one week we had a seven month baby they REALLY didn't want to do hand painting the mum was not happy so I took handprints from a similar sized baby and did a set. I sometimes wonder if the now XX year old still thinks they are his" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995771175213949404) 2025-12-02T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 89.6K engagements "My neighbours are miserable cunts who rudely refuse to take in parcels for anyone else on the street. I take great pleasure in signing for theirs and then holding it hostage for a few days. Bonus points if I'm in when they come knocking" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995786273286496426) 2025-12-02T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 98.3K engagements "As a disabled person I aspire to be the person the DWP think I am" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995846679635894667) 2025-12-02T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 102K engagements "In the days before Spotify I'd look through the CD wallets in customers cars that I was working on. If there was anything in there that I wanted I would burn a copy of it to CDR for myself. Also once added XX% to a bill for finding a Nickelback CD" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995922172749963674) 2025-12-02T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 88.8K engagements "Dont miss Fesshole Live Grab tickets for Leicester Luton or Leeds. The Sweden Tour stops in Malm Gteborg and Stockholm and Anon Opin hits Leicester too" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996129824960663780) 2025-12-03T08:10Z 1.1M followers, 63.6K engagements "My 40-year-old wife went to buy champagne for our wedding anniversary dinner. I phoned the off licence after she left gave a description of her and what she was buying and requested they ask her for ID. She came home absolutely beaming. It's the simple things" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996329857152671763) 2025-12-03T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 3.5M engagements "My dad always pissed on the toilet seat and never wiped it up. I got so sick of this I started to use his sponge to mop it up before sitting for a dump. I did this for at least a year and he never swapped that sponge out up until I moved out. Piss face. Bet he still pisses on it" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996541249101209731) 2025-12-04T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 91.9K engagements "I have a large collection of order of service books from funerals I've been to over the years. I keep them in a box in the boot of my car. I can't seem to throw them in the bin after the service as it seems so disrespectful. What are you supposed to do with them" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996662042753679506) 2025-12-04T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 169.7K engagements "Instead of just letting my son watch Bluey or any of the crap children love nowadays I got him hooked to my childhood series. Now he is asking Santa for toys from those shows. You don't want to know how much I've spent on vintage figurines. Made my own bed didn't I" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996903635125522936) 2025-12-05T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 121.9K engagements "I once shouted out of my car window "Haha You life is over" to what I thought was a wedding outside of a church. I was then smacked by my girlfriend saying "What did you say that for". It was a funeral. Walton in Essex. Must have been around 2008" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1997039531292279033) 2025-12-05T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 120.3K engagements "I always see these battery recycling points at the supermarket and yet I have never once in my adult life used one. Dead AA batteries go in the trash. Sorry binmen" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1997281125887053999) 2025-12-06T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 208.7K engagements "3 years ago company laid off lots of people. I was selected for possible redundancy. HR person couldn't cope & quit. Their replacement from Accounts never continued my consultation I was forgotten. My manager got laid off. I've never had any work since but still get paid" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1990848737950740747) 2025-11-18T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 348.3K engagements "Be part of Fesshole Live Tickets are now on sale for Leicester Luton and Leeds. The Sweden Tour visits Malm Gteborg and Stockholm and Anon Opin hits London and Leicester" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991045061442707611) 2025-11-19T07:25Z 1.1M followers, 79.8K engagements "We watched a nature documentary about primates. Now my son "grooms" me by looking for lice he can eat in my chest shoulder and back hair. I shower every day. I don't have lice. Not sure this should continue" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991558423209480638) 2025-11-20T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 75.9K engagements "I've just ordered my first case of wine from Laithwaites. While there was a good discount I do feel like I've somehow just given up on life and now have to admit I'm old" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991573521323974926) 2025-11-20T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 77.2K engagements "Catch Fesshole Live in Leicester Luton and Leeds tickets available now Were off to Sweden too visiting Malm Gteborg and Stockholm and bringing Anon Opin to Leicester" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991769842022568082) 2025-11-21T07:25Z 1.1M followers, 68.6K engagements "The silverware at Buckingham Palace was particularly good in the 1990s. I like the pastry fork I pilfered. I always give it to my sister when her family come over for tea" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991815105714020418) 2025-11-21T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 72.5K engagements "I have ended at least three blossoming & promising relationships after discovering that my otherwise perfectly normal new g/f is allergic to cats. The thought of not being able to have at least one cat in the house is just too depressing to contemplate" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991830220081373335) 2025-11-21T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 74.9K engagements "There's a guy at the gym who suddenly started spotting for me after I got nipple bars. I like to think I'm motivating the community" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991845311313006932) 2025-11-21T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 110.5K engagements "As a man in my 50s these days when I have a Tommy tank it's not because I want to I just want to know that I still can" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991951003382378831) 2025-11-21T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 116.9K engagements "Husband has always been an angry pompous twat. Thinks he's the love of my life. He doesn't know that I've written a published book that basically is just a fictional list of characters who all meet their deaths in the ways in which I wish he'd die in terrible circumstances" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991966101245243430) 2025-11-21T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 145K engagements "Thinking about changing my pets' vet only because their appointment confirmations say "pleased to confirm tomorrows appointment" and the lack of apostrophe annoys me to no end" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992675779549766103) 2025-11-23T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 99.6K engagements "I apologise to my school French teacher M. Gilles Berger for making my 1991 classes a living hell once I learned the French word for "seal"" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993747844402942173) 2025-11-26T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 339.6K engagements "Just asked someone on the train if they didn't have any headphones they could use as the video they were watching was really loud and intrusive. They didn't have any headphones but have apologetically turned it way down and now I feel like a bully" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994125328566849712) 2025-11-27T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 121.3K engagements "I just want to quickly apologise to Thomas Jones who died in the early 1900s. When I was XX my emo girlfriend at the time sat on top of your gravestone in the local graveyard spread her legs and successfully seduced me into giving her cunnilingus. Sorry about that mate. RIP" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991618813666742668) 2025-11-20T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 226.4K engagements "Planning a trip to Los Angeles to visit my sister. Terrified of getting shot in the US. Ordered what I thought was a bullet proof vest for my X year old son. What arrived from Amazon was a military costume with pockets for Nerf "bullets." Son loves it and won't take it off" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991800015912620241) 2025-11-21T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 88.3K engagements "I have a husky who "talks" when he wants something. Whilst on the phone to a then colleague I heard a husky talking in the background & commented on having the same breed. it turned out the noise was his non-verbal daughter. I wanted the floor to swallow me up" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1991920805819601336) 2025-11-21T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 238.9K engagements "I ride from work to my son's school. I walk home with him from there pushing my bike. People use the pavement as their own personal parking space while their driveway is empty. If the pedal of my bike scratches your car because you're blocking half of the pavement. I'm not sorry" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992177496352051691) 2025-11-22T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 111.7K engagements "Saw a photo of myself from XX years ago barely brushed my teeth they were gleaming white and straight fast forwarded to now they look like long forgotten tombstones in an abandoned Victorian graveyard. Listen to your dentist folks" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992313388957827430) 2025-11-22T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 134.5K engagements "Mum missed me when I left for uni. I sneaked home as a surprise and jumped out at her and Dad for a laugh. But this was Northern Ireland in 1993 I was dressed in goth black and Dad was police. The poor guy thought the IRA had come to kill him. Still feel awful about it" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992343589825790362) 2025-11-22T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 192.7K engagements "Took my sister to my favourite restaurant for dinner. Wanted to see if they'd make a comment at any point then or later that I was with a woman who wasn't my wife. Result: taking the mistress there next week" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992615380808826918) 2025-11-23T15:25Z 1.1M followers, 150.5K engagements "I hate my job so much that I drink 4-5 litres of water a day when I'm in the office so I can go to the toilet more and spend more time away from my desk. It cannot be good for me" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992932478156165425) 2025-11-24T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 188.7K engagements "Catch Fesshole Live in Leicester Luton and Leeds tickets available now Were off to Sweden too visiting Malm Gteborg and Stockholm and bringing Anon Opin to Leicester" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993585556748431661) 2025-11-26T07:40Z 1.1M followers, 62.7K engagements "Fesshole Live is coming your way Get tickets for Leicester Luton and Leeds. Well also be touring Sweden Malm Gteborg Stockholm and doing Anon Opin in Leicester" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992494613223899223) 2025-11-23T07:25Z 1.1M followers, 71.9K engagements "I don't know what it is. I don't have any siblings but I'm weirdly attracted to women who could be mistaken for my sister" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992509685321056672) 2025-11-23T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 116K engagements "I told my partner that I have to work from home over Christmas except for the bank holidays. My empoyer shuts down for a week so I actually get to sit in my home office and ignore the family" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992705977360027737) 2025-11-23T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 152.9K engagements "Catch Fesshole Live in Leicester Luton and Leeds tickets available now Were off to Sweden too visiting Malm Gteborg and Stockholm and bringing Anon Opin to Leicester" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992860778093809929) 2025-11-24T07:40Z 1.1M followers, 93.5K engagements "I used to play squash with a friend who I could never beat. He insisted on using a yellow dotted ball which have less bounce. I began to beat him when I introduced a beginners ball with a blue dot but made sure to rub it out and paint a yellow dot on it instead" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993083464531198139) 2025-11-24T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 116.1K engagements "I keep Christmas and Birthday cards for the following year in case one of the senders dies and I can then keep theirs forever as the last one they ever sent me. Morbid but worthwhile" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993234461178183730) 2025-11-25T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 72.3K engagements "When I was a kid I started pissing on my bedroom floor for some reason. I'd get up in the middle of the night and spray it across the carpet like a sprinkler. My parents never confronted me about it and one day they just got me a new carpet. I stopped doing it immediately" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993294857452794136) 2025-11-25T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 88.2K engagements "We grant access to the office network. We added a fictitious lady called Morag McTuckus to the directory who we can have 'meetings' with off-site. We also reply to email for her. It's gone undetected for so long we're now considering hiring an actor to play her at the xmas party" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992539889234006260) 2025-11-23T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 127.2K engagements "Divorced and remarried. Both times just wanted a plain gold band as a ring. Kept the first one at the back of a drawer when we broke up never got round to selling it. Dropped my current wedding ring into that drawer a few weeks back. Now have no idea which ring I'm wearing" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993279756649787406) 2025-11-25T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 102.1K engagements "If I do a stinky dump in the work toilets I flush then run to a cubicle further down the row and flush that one then wash my hands in the sink nearest the 'fresh' toilet so if a colleague comes in they will assume I came out of the clean one" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993974333664850251) 2025-11-27T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 74K engagements "Broke my hand when the massage table collapsed during an oily rub. Told my wife it was a trip on a pavement. She's now written a three-page letter to the council. I've just spent my Sunday identifying a suitably raised slab in case they send someone to investigate" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994004539456803113) 2025-11-27T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 126.4K engagements "Fesshole Live is coming your way Get tickets for Leicester Luton and Leeds. Well also be touring Sweden Malm Gteborg Stockholm and doing Anon Opin in Leicester" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994310333284917549) 2025-11-28T07:40Z 1.1M followers, 61.8K engagements "Whole family is mystified as to why our daughter's new puppy is so keen on knocking over the rubbish bin in the spare room/home office and eating any tissues inside it. I know why. I work from home" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994382027143946622) 2025-11-28T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 118.6K engagements "Mid-50s. Recently inherited enough money to be mortgage-free and not work again but not enough for Ferraris etc. I've had to make a diary with a "to-do" each day else I just sit all day and doomscroll. Not sure if I'm happy or not overall" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994517917291958380) 2025-11-28T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 246.9K engagements "Our fire appliance was called to "person trapped by hands". Arrived to find a lady with both hands trapped by a sash window obviously in a lot of pain. With a bit of humour one of the crew said to her "good job you're not a concert pianist" her reply "I am"" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995212494319538521) 2025-11-30T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 167.9K engagements "When boarding a flight I try to see if the pilot looks depressed. This is since the time that pilot crashed a plane into a mountain in 2015. No idea why I can't stop a pilot crashing a plane" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995242696995127325) 2025-11-30T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 98.5K engagements "I'm about to be made redundant. 1200 jobs reduced to ashes since investors took over. It'll be officially announced in January so not everyone is aware it's happening yet. I'm currently ripping all client data off onto hard drives so I can start a company with my coworkers" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996178862258929818) 2025-12-03T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 569.8K engagements "I've started to read my son one of the Jeremy Clarksons farming books at night when putting him to bed. It's my new favourite part of the day" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996888544678211877) 2025-12-05T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 66.8K engagements "I really dislike my in laws. Every couple of months I request a visit to their house from the Jehovah's Witnesses. I get immense pleasure listening to my infuriated mother in law complaining about those "freaks" knocking again" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992328490507534804) 2025-11-22T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 107.3K engagements "The fastest growing versions of Fesshole is Instagram and Facebook and it's available on other networks Facebook: Insta: Threads: Bluesky: Mastodon:" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992521826548035638) 2025-11-23T09:13Z 1.1M followers, 71.4K engagements "Had a one night stand with a lady. Few years later and I saw her at a store. She had a kid the looked exactly like me but never said anything. We sent our DNA in ancestry. Every time i get an email with a match I get a panic attack. It was before I met my wife but" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1992992866197545009) 2025-11-24T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 361.7K engagements "Wife uses my electric razor to trim her bush. Thinks I either don't know or don't care. I do care and despite fathering five children with her disinfect it before every use" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993053267316629635) 2025-11-24T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 139.6K engagements "My wife and I were having a row. I drove past her on my way home while she was walking the dog. The dog shit and she didn't pick it up. I made an anonymous post on our local Facebook community forum calling her out. She saw it and has been sulking about it for weeks. Petty win" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993264665376240074) 2025-11-25T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 148.4K engagements "Wife wants to take our dog to the vet. Apparently he smells bad and she's worried he's becoming incontinent. I daren't tell her he ran through my flow as I treated myself to an au natural wee on our forest walk yesterday" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993400556145020933) 2025-11-25T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 89K engagements "I'm a male in my 30s I have an Etsy store online since lockdown. Customers & their reviews assume I'm a female. Starting rolling with it given myself a name and everything. Customers love her but now I can't show my friends my successful handmade store" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993415655459000489) 2025-11-25T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 112.9K engagements "Fake proposed to my girlfriend for a joke on holiday. She started crying and was so happy. Felt so bad I couldn't tell her it was a joke. Anyway we're getting married next year" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993642152190964159) 2025-11-26T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 186.6K engagements "My son is now XX. My wife argues with him constantly about his appalling personal habits. I'm secretly delighted as I am no longer the most disgusting person in the house. I almost don't want him to move out" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993778041386918278) 2025-11-26T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 100.4K engagements "Fesshole Live is coming to Leicester Luton and Leeds get your tickets now Were also taking the show to Sweden (Malm Gteborg Stockholm) and doing Anon Opin in Leicester" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993947943838109730) 2025-11-27T07:40Z 1.1M followers, 62.7K engagements "I was watching TV and coughed up a tonsil stone. I didn't know what to do with it and the smell was offensive. Called my dog over and she ate it without hesitation. Now have to wait a few months for the next one" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1993989444190269472) 2025-11-27T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 164.7K engagements "I asked my mum for pink paint for my 6th birthday. My plan was to paint stripes on our white cat so she'd look just like Bagpuss on TV. Fortunately my mother worked out my plan. She got me some watercolours and took me for lunch at the Wimpy. A win" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994140429617393680) 2025-11-27T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 81.3K engagements "My landlord evicted me during the pandemic. Anyway we both work in the same small industry that centres around a mailing list you basically have to be on to operate. Guess who's an admin. Guess who just applied to join. Guess who just got silently rejected" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994366926307381549) 2025-11-28T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 177.2K engagements "I live in what newspapers call a polycule. I did a great scheduling system for us. I've now invested nine months of development time in making it a more general purpose relationship scheduling app. I think I've overestimated the number of people in poly relationships" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994397121219289336) 2025-11-28T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 111.4K engagements "I've found some otherwise "above-board" porn sites that haven't bothered adding age checks to UK visitors. It adds a certain thrill to my otherwise vanilla selection knowing I'm technically breaking the law. Even if it's a stupid law to begin with" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994457517854785966) 2025-11-28T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 296.6K engagements "I like to put a plausibly-deniable typo in every external document I work on. I've just sent off a funding proposal with the word "sharted" instead of "shared" on p79" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994533015691645210) 2025-11-28T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 89.1K engagements "I realised I am now middle class when my wife said "your croissant is in the conservatory"" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994699111816122809) 2025-11-29T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 84K engagements "I fucking hate Christmas and it's my own fault. Spent years telling people I don't want anything so I get nothing. I just wanted people to think of things I like but instead nothing ever comes" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994819905414136269) 2025-11-29T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 104.2K engagements "There are XXX tiles on the ceiling in the main hall of my daughters school. I know this because I counted every single one when bored senseless watching her recent dance recital" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1994850105422200969) 2025-11-29T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 94.9K engagements "When my husband is away I don't wash dishes. I reuse the same bowl and fork all week. I use the same pan with a lid too for and just wipe it with a sheet of kitchen roll before I use it" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995408786656203178) 2025-12-01T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 86.2K engagements "When I go to watch my lad play footy with his under 7s team I have to stand away from the other parents and cover my mouth so they can't see or hear me absolutely slating their kids like adults some of them are absolute garbage and should stay in bed" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995559783739306269) 2025-12-01T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 97.2K engagements "Drinking on my own one evening after work in 'spoons surrounded by lonely old men. I then realised I was one of them" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1995967467479318976) 2025-12-02T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 128K engagements "The best thing about Christmas shopping is hitting my wife and kids on the head with tubes of wrapping paper" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996133561661804820) 2025-12-03T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 133.7K engagements "14 years old in the early 00s and downloading games off Usenet. Shitty dialup took weeks to get anything and someone offered to send a CD. It still shocks me that a stack of CDs turned up at my house and I'm not the subject of a murder documentary" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996148664067051546) 2025-12-03T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 99.7K engagements "Just because you're not in jail doesn't mean you're not guilty. Share your confession here:" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996187668632191216) 2025-12-03T12:00Z 1.1M followers, 62.8K engagements "Since my wife started working from home like me I never get the place to myself. So every night I stay up late after she's fallen asleep watching TV & reading. Next day I'm knackered. Stuck in a loop of tiredness & headaches but can't stop. Wish she'd get an office job again" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996193965956112394) 2025-12-03T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 124K engagements "I work in a police custody suite lad came in for dealing cocaine having hidden it on his person. Found a small vial with powder in it and I poured it out on thinking it was gear turned out to be his dad's ashes. Felt mortified and have always felt terrible over it" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996314755867271303) 2025-12-03T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 121.4K engagements "I work from home and have found a way of appearing to be online and look busy. No one can send a Teams message as it looks like I'm presenting a meeting I'm presenting to no one and use this time to catch up on sleep. I'm too addicted to online games to sleep at night" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996495952027254846) 2025-12-04T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 181.8K engagements "Recently been clearing out my late dad's house and found his frankly vast porn collection. It is so meticulously catalogued and organised I don't have the heart to get rid and now I need to find an excuse for why we need an extra shed" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996646946136576474) 2025-12-04T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 107.1K engagements "Girlfriend called me in a panic. She had called the police who had swarmed our son's preschool because he was missing nobody could find him. Cops had a helicopter out dogs everywhere and everything. Turned out I dropped him off at the wrong preschool that morning" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1996873439215313125) 2025-12-05T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 398.7K engagements "I'm XX years old and recently took my kids to the cinema. The young lady serving the popcorn struck up a conversation with me because I was wearing a Paramore t-shirt. Closest I've felt to being cool in about a decade. Thank you kind stranger at Cineworld" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1997749207025770769) 2025-12-07T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 90.3K engagements "In the work toilets nearest my part of the office there are two brands of hand dryer. One is a Dyson but because James Dyson was a Brexit-backing bellend I never use it and always switch it off at the wall fuse. Fuck him" [X Link](https://x.com/fesshole/status/1997764307325419831) 2025-12-07T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 151.3K engagements
[GUEST ACCESS MODE: Data is scrambled or limited to provide examples. Make requests using your API key to unlock full data. Check https://lunarcrush.ai/auth for authentication information.]
@fesshole Fesshole🧻Fesshole🧻 posts on X about sweden, stockholm, money, leeds the most. They currently have XXXXXXXXX followers and XXX posts still getting attention that total XXXXXXX engagements in the last XX hours.
Social category influence countries XXXX% travel destinations XXXX% technology brands XXXX% finance XXXX% social networks XXXX% stocks XXXX% musicians XXXX% currencies XXXX%
Social topic influence sweden #65, stockholm #23, money 1.55%, leeds #99, books #240, facebook #1241, to the 1.55%, bin #358, los angeles #1775, uni #434
Top accounts mentioned or mentioned by @jonjooday @mofomat @lordljs @sidewayssince @personhalfa @pucatub @josephhighfiel1 @loverofsnark @ambientsheep @derekmchugh @birdietweetieac @ellelledeell @tynemouth @guirilondoner @roshanonline @daij1960 @beepee2004 @76rufus @pmberry2007 @watchornshaun2
Top assets mentioned Microsoft Corp. (MSFT) Spotify Technology (SPOT)
Top posts by engagements in the last XX hours
"I worked at a semi-fancy bar in Los Angeles while at uni. One of my jobs was to shovel ice into the urinals ahead of opening. One day the girl who did the ladies was out so I did those stalls too. It was later pointed out to me that women might need to shit as well as piss"
X Link 2025-11-24T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 263.9K engagements
"Australia knows when a person has never visited their country before. It would be extremely helpful if they'd hand first time visitors a one pager on words with extra colloquial meanings. No one told me that root was a rude word when I visited Darwin and it was humiliating"
X Link 2025-11-24T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 155.2K engagements
"Fesshole Live is coming to Leicester Luton and Leeds get your tickets now Were also taking the show to Sweden (Malm Gteborg Stockholm) and doing Anon Opin in Leicester"
X Link 2025-11-25T07:40Z 1.1M followers, 81.5K engagements
"I'm a consultant dermatologist who makes most of my money on cosmetic procedures which bore me to tears. On the other hand there are way too many people who think they can't get skin cancer in the UK because "it's cloudy." So my patients fit in two categories: vain or ignorant"
X Link 2025-11-26T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 73.9K engagements
"Whenever I pass a dog on a walk I let it sniff my hand and say hello. Though I like dogs I'm also doing a check-in like the original Terminator film to prove I'm a human not a flesh covered robot. If you're with me and don't let the dog sniff you I'll be judging/suspicious"
X Link 2025-11-26T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 80.6K engagements
"I've foolishly got myself doing gardening and odd jobs for the old geezer next door. It started as a one-off now I'm balls-deep doing everything. Hate to admit it but I think a lot about whether or not he's gonna leave me anything when he carks it"
X Link 2025-11-27T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 86.3K engagements
"Wife told me not to defrost the freezer with a screwdriver and a hammer. I knew better. XXX later and we have the exact same one as before but newer. She cant believe the job ive done "cleaning it". Broken one is now in next door's garage until I figure out how to get rid. Help"
X Link 2025-11-29T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 202.8K engagements
"Every night wife falls asleep on the sofa. Last thing like a ninja I load the dishwasher turn the TV off lock up turn the lights off as silently as I can. Tonight I have finally succeeded in not waking her light sleeping self and have the bed to myself. VICTORY IS MINE"
X Link 2025-11-29T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 120.1K engagements
"My marriage wasn't great. Ex-husband had an operation and there was a risk he'd die on the operating table. After the op he called to say he was fine. I realised I was disappointed he'd be coming home. I knew it was definitely time to leave"
X Link 2025-11-29T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 194.5K engagements
"I always try my best to keep my shits for work. It saves a fortune on bog roll and stops the house smelling manky"
X Link 2025-11-30T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 92.5K engagements
"I teach at the school I attended. Many teachers are still teaching from when I was there but when I returned only two remembered me. Did hurt a little I wasn't a big character but I thought I was one of the nicer ones that teachers would remember"
X Link 2025-11-30T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 108.8K engagements
"I once saw my mum looking into a shop window in town. I walked straight past her without stopping. This was about XX years ago and some for reason it haunts me even though I'm sure she wouldn't be bothered if I told her now"
X Link 2025-12-01T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 186.7K engagements
"COME TO FESSHOLE LIVE. Tickets available for Leicester Luton and Leeds. There's the Sweden Tour in Malm Gteborg Stockholm. Also we're doing Anon Opin in Leicester"
X Link 2025-12-02T07:55Z 1.1M followers, 68.7K engagements
"Mum had dementia and I took her car keys away. She demanded I return them. I lied and said I didn't have them but I'd help her find them. Every morning like the movie Groundhog Day we'd play out the same scene. My cousin called it "gentle deception" but it felt like a lie to me"
X Link 2025-12-02T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 168.9K engagements
"Met a guy for a discreet shag. Afterwards said it was nice be great to meet more often told him to take my number. He needed a discreet name so his wife didn't know so I told him to put me under "screwfix direct". Sadly the pun was lost on him which made me think less of him"
X Link 2025-12-01T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 333K engagements
"I've worn really distinctive clothing for years but in my 60s I just felt I wanted to look normal. I gave a dozen boxes of clothes to the local charity shop and now I keep seeing people in my old clothes; I realised I have looked like a twat for years"
X Link 2025-12-02T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 171.5K engagements
"In my younger days I liked to sneak into hotels to use the swimming pool there. One time I was so excited to have been successful that I jumped into the pool with my phone still in my pocket. That day was the end of my phone and also my days of sneaking into hotel pools"
X Link 2025-11-28T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 87.1K engagements
"COME TO FESSHOLE LIVE. Tickets available for Leicester Luton and Leeds. There's the Sweden Tour in Malm Gteborg Stockholm. Also we're doing Anon Opin in Leicester"
X Link 2025-11-29T07:55Z 1.1M followers, 79.2K engagements
"I've no Irish blood at all but in recent weeks I've been listening to and have become obsessed with rebel music it's fantastic. I'm hoping nobody has noticed the change in my music trends and I've been placed on a watchlist on case people think I've become radicalised"
X Link 2025-11-29T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 241.7K engagements
"Mid nature wee my toddler takes a dump in the dark on some grass. I can't find the poo so I got my torch out and a man turns his torch on offering to help asking what we have dropped while she shouts she's had a MASSIVE POO"
X Link 2025-11-30T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 101.8K engagements
"Dancer here. If men in strip clubs knew how dancers talk about them in the dressing room they would never come back. Best case is pity. Mostly we think you're scum. We know you all think you're the exception. Making you think that is our job"
X Link 2025-12-01T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 2.4M engagements
"Started dating again. I am now grey up top with grey chest back and underarm hair. But black pubes. I didn't think about it at first but now I'm starting to worry that a stream of women believe that I dye my pubes. I don't it's just biology being peculiar and inconsistent"
X Link 2025-12-01T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 126.4K engagements
"I ended up deciding not to hire a lass named Saoirse because she pronounced her own name wrong according to Saoirse Ronan. Can't be having that going on all day"
X Link 2025-12-01T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 140.2K engagements
"I went on work experience in the mid 90s and was told to frank some mail I decided to see what the highest cost stamp I could produce by balancing all sorts on the machine and then printing out the stamps. Must have cost them a small fortune that week"
X Link 2025-12-02T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 85.1K engagements
"I used to use Microsoft Excel to talk to a married woman when I was in my early 20s. She would share the file with me and we could see changes in the file. We would just erase and save new messages"
X Link 2025-12-03T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 173K engagements
"While walking my dog in woods I found a large tea-flask. It had been hollowed out and was packed with drugs. Little bags of Heroin and cocaine and XXX. I told the police where and what but kept the money. They put it back and later arrested two dealers"
X Link 2025-12-03T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 222.1K engagements
"I gave a promotion to the second top employee on my team instead of the first. Because I caught the first one making himself a cup of tea in the office microwave. Inexcusable barbaric behaviour"
X Link 2025-12-03T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 95.8K engagements
"Seen a fantastic Black Friday deal on a robot vacuum cleaner which would be perfect for my flat. Can't bring myself to buy it as it would break Henry's heart"
X Link 2025-12-05T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 76.1K engagements
"I chatted to a random guy at a bar for over an hour. The next day at the same bar he never acknowledged me. For the last 3yrs I've taken any and every opportunity to say hello to him often shouting across a room supermarket pub or DIY store. It's rude to ignore someone"
X Link 2025-12-05T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 198.5K engagements
"FESSHOLE LIVE TICKETS: Liverpool Leicester Leeds Sweden (Malm GTEBORG STOCKHOLM) Also Anon Opin In London / Leicester BOOK(s): Add your fess: Fesshole is also on: Facebook: Threads: Bluesky: Insta: Mastodon: FAQ: PODCAST: Fesshole run/edited by Rob Manuel of"
X Link 2025-11-03T13:10Z 1.1M followers, 871.3K engagements
"Ex-fianc turned into an anti-vaxxer wanker & conspiracy theory dickhead. He thinks his daughter is unvaccinated. She isn't. I got her vaccinated behind his back before I finally made the right decision to dump him. A child cannot be raised around that kind of stupid bullshit"
X Link 2025-11-21T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 332.9K engagements
"We're friends with a family who do the same X holidays every year go to the same restaurant every birthday go the same takeaway every Friday and order the same food. They just re-enact a handful of life experiences on loop. I don't know why but it really fucking pisses me off"
X Link 2025-11-22T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 268.3K engagements
"Some evenings when I've had a few too many I go out in the garage and piss around the perimeter to deter mice. Husband hasn't caught me yet. Mice don't care but I like doing it"
X Link 2025-11-23T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 104.6K engagements
"I was the bassist in a well-known group in the 80s to 90s. Decent career. On Ken Bruce's Popmaster a contestant couldn't name any of our hits. This hurt more than any of the regular kickings we got from those smug fucks at the NME"
X Link 2025-11-23T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 252.6K engagements
"Genuinely curious to know how unusual it is to use ones toenail clippings as a toothpick I know you'll all say it's disgusting but I bet if you could comment anonymously we'd find that there are loads of us"
X Link 2025-11-23T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 157.9K engagements
"I have a private code phrase known to no one but myself that I will use to verify it's really me if I ever meet my past or future self via time travel"
X Link 2025-11-24T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 115.9K engagements
"I spent XX years calling my best friend's mum Mrs P because I'd have a brain panic about whether her name was Sheila or Shirley"
X Link 2025-11-25T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 76.7K engagements
"Recently single. One of the things I miss the most is dropping a reference to having a partner/girlfriend when talking with women I've just met so they know I'm not hitting on them or have an agenda. I just liking chatting with people"
X Link 2025-11-25T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 99.9K engagements
"His fess I guess but thought husband was sneaking off most nights to watch porn didn't really care but curiousity got the best of me checked his browser history. He's playing chess. At 2am. Multiple times a week. Worst part is I saw his ELO he's not even any good"
X Link 2025-11-25T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 164.1K engagements
"I'm a married woman. I don't embarrass easily but I've discovered recently that there's nothing more mortifying than not having to do a pregnancy test before a hospital procedure because you haven't had sex in ages"
X Link 2025-11-25T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 159.8K engagements
"I caught my wife shouting 'nonce' at our dog. Apparently she had no idea what it really meant and has been doing it for years in public thinking it was just what you said when someone was naughty"
X Link 2025-11-25T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 111.6K engagements
"Mum came around to visit me noticed a lot of tissues in the bathroom bin. Asked if I'd had a cold said I had but was feeling better now. Couldn't tell her they were the result of a week's worth of wanking"
X Link 2025-11-26T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 92K engagements
"I work in a bus station. I often get people coming to me asking why their coach is late and demanding information. I take great satisfaction in pointing out that their ticket is for a coach that left at 4:25am so complaining to me at 16:45 is not going to help"
X Link 2025-11-26T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 127K engagements
"My kids were very naughty so I told them their lunch would be cream cheese and lemon rind sandwiches. Little did I know how much they'd love them. Now our grandkids come over and ask for cream cheese and lemon rind sandwiches. Not sure who won that one"
X Link 2025-11-27T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 94.6K engagements
"I was cooking Christmas dinner and drunkenly tried to tip some of the turkey juice into the toilet as the sink was full of pots. As I did this the turkey slid from the tin and wedged itself into the toilet. I managed to unwedge it and returned it to the oven. I ate the gammon"
X Link 2025-11-27T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 88.5K engagements
"I hate it when my kids buy me something with 'World's Best Dad' on it. Because it's so blatantly not true and makes me realise what a failure of a father I've been"
X Link 2025-11-27T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 90.9K engagements
"Filling out the blood donation form is depressing as it illustrates how boring and predictable my life has been "
X Link 2025-11-28T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 70.5K engagements
"I know this sounds ridiculous but up until the age of XX I thought all cats were female and all dogs were male. Openly shared this knowledge with a school friend who then went on to make sure everyone in school knew including my teachers"
X Link 2025-11-28T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 70.3K engagements
"Is there something on your mind that's troubling you Tell Fesshole and Fesshole might tell the world:"
X Link 2025-11-28T12:00Z 1.1M followers, 57.1K engagements
"Every morning around 5:30am I drive past my work neighbour walking in whatever the weather. I could easily stop and give him a lift but years ago we had a small fire in our unit and he refused to let us use his fire extinguisher so screw him"
X Link 2025-11-28T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 114.8K engagements
"My BF has ADHD one of his tics is bouncing his leg. When it starts to annoy me I put a hand on his knee and he stops. An unspoken thing between friends of which the guy next to me on the train knew nothing about. He was sure surprised to get my hand on his knee"
X Link 2025-11-28T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 157K engagements
"Wife and I are in a XX year-long unspoken war about whether the soap dispenser goes next the tap or up on the shelf. I've even engaged her sister into my side of the battle. I refuse to give in. Took me X years to win the silent which-way-round-does-the-loo-roll-hang war"
X Link 2025-11-29T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 100.1K engagements
"If I can't do a task I put on a costume of a person who can do a task. I can't clean my kitchen but the tavern wench who pours the grog can"
X Link 2025-11-29T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 79.6K engagements
"I have a small gap between two of my teeth where food gets stuck. The hygienist asked me what size interdental brush I use I didnt want to tell her I just trim my toenails and use a clipping so I said "1.5""
X Link 2025-11-29T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 101.1K engagements
"I was having a wee when the MD walked in & began peeing in the next urinal. To fill the silence I said to him "this is the only socially acceptable situation where two employees can get out their willies standing next to each other". He glared at me & walked out. Anyone hiring"
X Link 2025-11-29T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 125.9K engagements
"The town of St Helens is just between Liverpool and Manchester. When I was a small child in Liverpool Mount St Helens in Washington erupted. Not having a grasp of geography I spent two weeks in mortal fear of dying in a volcanic eruption before my dad set me straight"
X Link 2025-11-30T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 110.7K engagements
"A guy in my office is obsessed with Concorde and gets upset every year on the anniversary of the last flight. He even has a mini Concorde on his desk. Seriously tempted to chuck it when he pisses me off"
X Link 2025-11-30T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 100.3K engagements
"My mum passed and was cremated. My brother never helped me care for her in the time she was ill so when he demanded half of her ashes I added dirty cat litter to an urn out of the charity shop gorilla glued the lid and every time he walks passed said urn he strokes it lovingly"
X Link 2025-11-30T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 152.8K engagements
"I like to wave at double decker buses passing me and then watch the sheer confusion as people turn to each other to see who waves back. Despite me not having a clue who anyone is on that bus"
X Link 2025-11-30T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 94.8K engagements
"As a kid my dream job was to be a clippie on a bus. On the one hand I'm glad I didn't end up doing that as they are no more. On the other hand I'm divorced live alone and work in marketing. I'd still love to be a clippie and think they should bring them back"
X Link 2025-11-30T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 95.9K engagements
"I was the Queen of 'Slip-a-word-in' while working in the call centre for British Gas. The phone rang you were given a word by a colleague you said it in the greeting. Best one I got away with was 'gonorrhea'"
X Link 2025-12-01T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 110.2K engagements
"I looked after babies with a sailing company one week we had a seven month baby they REALLY didn't want to do hand painting the mum was not happy so I took handprints from a similar sized baby and did a set. I sometimes wonder if the now XX year old still thinks they are his"
X Link 2025-12-02T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 89.6K engagements
"My neighbours are miserable cunts who rudely refuse to take in parcels for anyone else on the street. I take great pleasure in signing for theirs and then holding it hostage for a few days. Bonus points if I'm in when they come knocking"
X Link 2025-12-02T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 98.3K engagements
"As a disabled person I aspire to be the person the DWP think I am"
X Link 2025-12-02T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 102K engagements
"In the days before Spotify I'd look through the CD wallets in customers cars that I was working on. If there was anything in there that I wanted I would burn a copy of it to CDR for myself. Also once added XX% to a bill for finding a Nickelback CD"
X Link 2025-12-02T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 88.8K engagements
"Dont miss Fesshole Live Grab tickets for Leicester Luton or Leeds. The Sweden Tour stops in Malm Gteborg and Stockholm and Anon Opin hits Leicester too"
X Link 2025-12-03T08:10Z 1.1M followers, 63.6K engagements
"My 40-year-old wife went to buy champagne for our wedding anniversary dinner. I phoned the off licence after she left gave a description of her and what she was buying and requested they ask her for ID. She came home absolutely beaming. It's the simple things"
X Link 2025-12-03T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 3.5M engagements
"My dad always pissed on the toilet seat and never wiped it up. I got so sick of this I started to use his sponge to mop it up before sitting for a dump. I did this for at least a year and he never swapped that sponge out up until I moved out. Piss face. Bet he still pisses on it"
X Link 2025-12-04T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 91.9K engagements
"I have a large collection of order of service books from funerals I've been to over the years. I keep them in a box in the boot of my car. I can't seem to throw them in the bin after the service as it seems so disrespectful. What are you supposed to do with them"
X Link 2025-12-04T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 169.7K engagements
"Instead of just letting my son watch Bluey or any of the crap children love nowadays I got him hooked to my childhood series. Now he is asking Santa for toys from those shows. You don't want to know how much I've spent on vintage figurines. Made my own bed didn't I"
X Link 2025-12-05T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 121.9K engagements
"I once shouted out of my car window "Haha You life is over" to what I thought was a wedding outside of a church. I was then smacked by my girlfriend saying "What did you say that for". It was a funeral. Walton in Essex. Must have been around 2008"
X Link 2025-12-05T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 120.3K engagements
"I always see these battery recycling points at the supermarket and yet I have never once in my adult life used one. Dead AA batteries go in the trash. Sorry binmen"
X Link 2025-12-06T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 208.7K engagements
"3 years ago company laid off lots of people. I was selected for possible redundancy. HR person couldn't cope & quit. Their replacement from Accounts never continued my consultation I was forgotten. My manager got laid off. I've never had any work since but still get paid"
X Link 2025-11-18T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 348.3K engagements
"Be part of Fesshole Live Tickets are now on sale for Leicester Luton and Leeds. The Sweden Tour visits Malm Gteborg and Stockholm and Anon Opin hits London and Leicester"
X Link 2025-11-19T07:25Z 1.1M followers, 79.8K engagements
"We watched a nature documentary about primates. Now my son "grooms" me by looking for lice he can eat in my chest shoulder and back hair. I shower every day. I don't have lice. Not sure this should continue"
X Link 2025-11-20T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 75.9K engagements
"I've just ordered my first case of wine from Laithwaites. While there was a good discount I do feel like I've somehow just given up on life and now have to admit I'm old"
X Link 2025-11-20T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 77.2K engagements
"Catch Fesshole Live in Leicester Luton and Leeds tickets available now Were off to Sweden too visiting Malm Gteborg and Stockholm and bringing Anon Opin to Leicester"
X Link 2025-11-21T07:25Z 1.1M followers, 68.6K engagements
"The silverware at Buckingham Palace was particularly good in the 1990s. I like the pastry fork I pilfered. I always give it to my sister when her family come over for tea"
X Link 2025-11-21T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 72.5K engagements
"I have ended at least three blossoming & promising relationships after discovering that my otherwise perfectly normal new g/f is allergic to cats. The thought of not being able to have at least one cat in the house is just too depressing to contemplate"
X Link 2025-11-21T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 74.9K engagements
"There's a guy at the gym who suddenly started spotting for me after I got nipple bars. I like to think I'm motivating the community"
X Link 2025-11-21T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 110.5K engagements
"As a man in my 50s these days when I have a Tommy tank it's not because I want to I just want to know that I still can"
X Link 2025-11-21T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 116.9K engagements
"Husband has always been an angry pompous twat. Thinks he's the love of my life. He doesn't know that I've written a published book that basically is just a fictional list of characters who all meet their deaths in the ways in which I wish he'd die in terrible circumstances"
X Link 2025-11-21T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 145K engagements
"Thinking about changing my pets' vet only because their appointment confirmations say "pleased to confirm tomorrows appointment" and the lack of apostrophe annoys me to no end"
X Link 2025-11-23T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 99.6K engagements
"I apologise to my school French teacher M. Gilles Berger for making my 1991 classes a living hell once I learned the French word for "seal""
X Link 2025-11-26T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 339.6K engagements
"Just asked someone on the train if they didn't have any headphones they could use as the video they were watching was really loud and intrusive. They didn't have any headphones but have apologetically turned it way down and now I feel like a bully"
X Link 2025-11-27T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 121.3K engagements
"I just want to quickly apologise to Thomas Jones who died in the early 1900s. When I was XX my emo girlfriend at the time sat on top of your gravestone in the local graveyard spread her legs and successfully seduced me into giving her cunnilingus. Sorry about that mate. RIP"
X Link 2025-11-20T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 226.4K engagements
"Planning a trip to Los Angeles to visit my sister. Terrified of getting shot in the US. Ordered what I thought was a bullet proof vest for my X year old son. What arrived from Amazon was a military costume with pockets for Nerf "bullets." Son loves it and won't take it off"
X Link 2025-11-21T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 88.3K engagements
"I have a husky who "talks" when he wants something. Whilst on the phone to a then colleague I heard a husky talking in the background & commented on having the same breed. it turned out the noise was his non-verbal daughter. I wanted the floor to swallow me up"
X Link 2025-11-21T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 238.9K engagements
"I ride from work to my son's school. I walk home with him from there pushing my bike. People use the pavement as their own personal parking space while their driveway is empty. If the pedal of my bike scratches your car because you're blocking half of the pavement. I'm not sorry"
X Link 2025-11-22T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 111.7K engagements
"Saw a photo of myself from XX years ago barely brushed my teeth they were gleaming white and straight fast forwarded to now they look like long forgotten tombstones in an abandoned Victorian graveyard. Listen to your dentist folks"
X Link 2025-11-22T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 134.5K engagements
"Mum missed me when I left for uni. I sneaked home as a surprise and jumped out at her and Dad for a laugh. But this was Northern Ireland in 1993 I was dressed in goth black and Dad was police. The poor guy thought the IRA had come to kill him. Still feel awful about it"
X Link 2025-11-22T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 192.7K engagements
"Took my sister to my favourite restaurant for dinner. Wanted to see if they'd make a comment at any point then or later that I was with a woman who wasn't my wife. Result: taking the mistress there next week"
X Link 2025-11-23T15:25Z 1.1M followers, 150.5K engagements
"I hate my job so much that I drink 4-5 litres of water a day when I'm in the office so I can go to the toilet more and spend more time away from my desk. It cannot be good for me"
X Link 2025-11-24T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 188.7K engagements
"Catch Fesshole Live in Leicester Luton and Leeds tickets available now Were off to Sweden too visiting Malm Gteborg and Stockholm and bringing Anon Opin to Leicester"
X Link 2025-11-26T07:40Z 1.1M followers, 62.7K engagements
"Fesshole Live is coming your way Get tickets for Leicester Luton and Leeds. Well also be touring Sweden Malm Gteborg Stockholm and doing Anon Opin in Leicester"
X Link 2025-11-23T07:25Z 1.1M followers, 71.9K engagements
"I don't know what it is. I don't have any siblings but I'm weirdly attracted to women who could be mistaken for my sister"
X Link 2025-11-23T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 116K engagements
"I told my partner that I have to work from home over Christmas except for the bank holidays. My empoyer shuts down for a week so I actually get to sit in my home office and ignore the family"
X Link 2025-11-23T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 152.9K engagements
"Catch Fesshole Live in Leicester Luton and Leeds tickets available now Were off to Sweden too visiting Malm Gteborg and Stockholm and bringing Anon Opin to Leicester"
X Link 2025-11-24T07:40Z 1.1M followers, 93.5K engagements
"I used to play squash with a friend who I could never beat. He insisted on using a yellow dotted ball which have less bounce. I began to beat him when I introduced a beginners ball with a blue dot but made sure to rub it out and paint a yellow dot on it instead"
X Link 2025-11-24T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 116.1K engagements
"I keep Christmas and Birthday cards for the following year in case one of the senders dies and I can then keep theirs forever as the last one they ever sent me. Morbid but worthwhile"
X Link 2025-11-25T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 72.3K engagements
"When I was a kid I started pissing on my bedroom floor for some reason. I'd get up in the middle of the night and spray it across the carpet like a sprinkler. My parents never confronted me about it and one day they just got me a new carpet. I stopped doing it immediately"
X Link 2025-11-25T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 88.2K engagements
"We grant access to the office network. We added a fictitious lady called Morag McTuckus to the directory who we can have 'meetings' with off-site. We also reply to email for her. It's gone undetected for so long we're now considering hiring an actor to play her at the xmas party"
X Link 2025-11-23T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 127.2K engagements
"Divorced and remarried. Both times just wanted a plain gold band as a ring. Kept the first one at the back of a drawer when we broke up never got round to selling it. Dropped my current wedding ring into that drawer a few weeks back. Now have no idea which ring I'm wearing"
X Link 2025-11-25T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 102.1K engagements
"If I do a stinky dump in the work toilets I flush then run to a cubicle further down the row and flush that one then wash my hands in the sink nearest the 'fresh' toilet so if a colleague comes in they will assume I came out of the clean one"
X Link 2025-11-27T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 74K engagements
"Broke my hand when the massage table collapsed during an oily rub. Told my wife it was a trip on a pavement. She's now written a three-page letter to the council. I've just spent my Sunday identifying a suitably raised slab in case they send someone to investigate"
X Link 2025-11-27T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 126.4K engagements
"Fesshole Live is coming your way Get tickets for Leicester Luton and Leeds. Well also be touring Sweden Malm Gteborg Stockholm and doing Anon Opin in Leicester"
X Link 2025-11-28T07:40Z 1.1M followers, 61.8K engagements
"Whole family is mystified as to why our daughter's new puppy is so keen on knocking over the rubbish bin in the spare room/home office and eating any tissues inside it. I know why. I work from home"
X Link 2025-11-28T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 118.6K engagements
"Mid-50s. Recently inherited enough money to be mortgage-free and not work again but not enough for Ferraris etc. I've had to make a diary with a "to-do" each day else I just sit all day and doomscroll. Not sure if I'm happy or not overall"
X Link 2025-11-28T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 246.9K engagements
"Our fire appliance was called to "person trapped by hands". Arrived to find a lady with both hands trapped by a sash window obviously in a lot of pain. With a bit of humour one of the crew said to her "good job you're not a concert pianist" her reply "I am""
X Link 2025-11-30T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 167.9K engagements
"When boarding a flight I try to see if the pilot looks depressed. This is since the time that pilot crashed a plane into a mountain in 2015. No idea why I can't stop a pilot crashing a plane"
X Link 2025-11-30T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 98.5K engagements
"I'm about to be made redundant. 1200 jobs reduced to ashes since investors took over. It'll be officially announced in January so not everyone is aware it's happening yet. I'm currently ripping all client data off onto hard drives so I can start a company with my coworkers"
X Link 2025-12-03T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 569.8K engagements
"I've started to read my son one of the Jeremy Clarksons farming books at night when putting him to bed. It's my new favourite part of the day"
X Link 2025-12-05T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 66.8K engagements
"I really dislike my in laws. Every couple of months I request a visit to their house from the Jehovah's Witnesses. I get immense pleasure listening to my infuriated mother in law complaining about those "freaks" knocking again"
X Link 2025-11-22T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 107.3K engagements
"The fastest growing versions of Fesshole is Instagram and Facebook and it's available on other networks Facebook: Insta: Threads: Bluesky: Mastodon:"
X Link 2025-11-23T09:13Z 1.1M followers, 71.4K engagements
"Had a one night stand with a lady. Few years later and I saw her at a store. She had a kid the looked exactly like me but never said anything. We sent our DNA in ancestry. Every time i get an email with a match I get a panic attack. It was before I met my wife but"
X Link 2025-11-24T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 361.7K engagements
"Wife uses my electric razor to trim her bush. Thinks I either don't know or don't care. I do care and despite fathering five children with her disinfect it before every use"
X Link 2025-11-24T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 139.6K engagements
"My wife and I were having a row. I drove past her on my way home while she was walking the dog. The dog shit and she didn't pick it up. I made an anonymous post on our local Facebook community forum calling her out. She saw it and has been sulking about it for weeks. Petty win"
X Link 2025-11-25T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 148.4K engagements
"Wife wants to take our dog to the vet. Apparently he smells bad and she's worried he's becoming incontinent. I daren't tell her he ran through my flow as I treated myself to an au natural wee on our forest walk yesterday"
X Link 2025-11-25T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 89K engagements
"I'm a male in my 30s I have an Etsy store online since lockdown. Customers & their reviews assume I'm a female. Starting rolling with it given myself a name and everything. Customers love her but now I can't show my friends my successful handmade store"
X Link 2025-11-25T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 112.9K engagements
"Fake proposed to my girlfriend for a joke on holiday. She started crying and was so happy. Felt so bad I couldn't tell her it was a joke. Anyway we're getting married next year"
X Link 2025-11-26T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 186.6K engagements
"My son is now XX. My wife argues with him constantly about his appalling personal habits. I'm secretly delighted as I am no longer the most disgusting person in the house. I almost don't want him to move out"
X Link 2025-11-26T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 100.4K engagements
"Fesshole Live is coming to Leicester Luton and Leeds get your tickets now Were also taking the show to Sweden (Malm Gteborg Stockholm) and doing Anon Opin in Leicester"
X Link 2025-11-27T07:40Z 1.1M followers, 62.7K engagements
"I was watching TV and coughed up a tonsil stone. I didn't know what to do with it and the smell was offensive. Called my dog over and she ate it without hesitation. Now have to wait a few months for the next one"
X Link 2025-11-27T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 164.7K engagements
"I asked my mum for pink paint for my 6th birthday. My plan was to paint stripes on our white cat so she'd look just like Bagpuss on TV. Fortunately my mother worked out my plan. She got me some watercolours and took me for lunch at the Wimpy. A win"
X Link 2025-11-27T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 81.3K engagements
"My landlord evicted me during the pandemic. Anyway we both work in the same small industry that centres around a mailing list you basically have to be on to operate. Guess who's an admin. Guess who just applied to join. Guess who just got silently rejected"
X Link 2025-11-28T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 177.2K engagements
"I live in what newspapers call a polycule. I did a great scheduling system for us. I've now invested nine months of development time in making it a more general purpose relationship scheduling app. I think I've overestimated the number of people in poly relationships"
X Link 2025-11-28T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 111.4K engagements
"I've found some otherwise "above-board" porn sites that haven't bothered adding age checks to UK visitors. It adds a certain thrill to my otherwise vanilla selection knowing I'm technically breaking the law. Even if it's a stupid law to begin with"
X Link 2025-11-28T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 296.6K engagements
"I like to put a plausibly-deniable typo in every external document I work on. I've just sent off a funding proposal with the word "sharted" instead of "shared" on p79"
X Link 2025-11-28T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 89.1K engagements
"I realised I am now middle class when my wife said "your croissant is in the conservatory""
X Link 2025-11-29T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 84K engagements
"I fucking hate Christmas and it's my own fault. Spent years telling people I don't want anything so I get nothing. I just wanted people to think of things I like but instead nothing ever comes"
X Link 2025-11-29T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 104.2K engagements
"There are XXX tiles on the ceiling in the main hall of my daughters school. I know this because I counted every single one when bored senseless watching her recent dance recital"
X Link 2025-11-29T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 94.9K engagements
"When my husband is away I don't wash dishes. I reuse the same bowl and fork all week. I use the same pan with a lid too for and just wipe it with a sheet of kitchen roll before I use it"
X Link 2025-12-01T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 86.2K engagements
"When I go to watch my lad play footy with his under 7s team I have to stand away from the other parents and cover my mouth so they can't see or hear me absolutely slating their kids like adults some of them are absolute garbage and should stay in bed"
X Link 2025-12-01T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 97.2K engagements
"Drinking on my own one evening after work in 'spoons surrounded by lonely old men. I then realised I was one of them"
X Link 2025-12-02T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 128K engagements
"The best thing about Christmas shopping is hitting my wife and kids on the head with tubes of wrapping paper"
X Link 2025-12-03T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 133.7K engagements
"14 years old in the early 00s and downloading games off Usenet. Shitty dialup took weeks to get anything and someone offered to send a CD. It still shocks me that a stack of CDs turned up at my house and I'm not the subject of a murder documentary"
X Link 2025-12-03T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 99.7K engagements
"Just because you're not in jail doesn't mean you're not guilty. Share your confession here:"
X Link 2025-12-03T12:00Z 1.1M followers, 62.8K engagements
"Since my wife started working from home like me I never get the place to myself. So every night I stay up late after she's fallen asleep watching TV & reading. Next day I'm knackered. Stuck in a loop of tiredness & headaches but can't stop. Wish she'd get an office job again"
X Link 2025-12-03T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 124K engagements
"I work in a police custody suite lad came in for dealing cocaine having hidden it on his person. Found a small vial with powder in it and I poured it out on thinking it was gear turned out to be his dad's ashes. Felt mortified and have always felt terrible over it"
X Link 2025-12-03T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 121.4K engagements
"I work from home and have found a way of appearing to be online and look busy. No one can send a Teams message as it looks like I'm presenting a meeting I'm presenting to no one and use this time to catch up on sleep. I'm too addicted to online games to sleep at night"
X Link 2025-12-04T08:25Z 1.1M followers, 181.8K engagements
"Recently been clearing out my late dad's house and found his frankly vast porn collection. It is so meticulously catalogued and organised I don't have the heart to get rid and now I need to find an excuse for why we need an extra shed"
X Link 2025-12-04T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 107.1K engagements
"Girlfriend called me in a panic. She had called the police who had swarmed our son's preschool because he was missing nobody could find him. Cops had a helicopter out dogs everywhere and everything. Turned out I dropped him off at the wrong preschool that morning"
X Link 2025-12-05T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 398.7K engagements
"I'm XX years old and recently took my kids to the cinema. The young lady serving the popcorn struck up a conversation with me because I was wearing a Paramore t-shirt. Closest I've felt to being cool in about a decade. Thank you kind stranger at Cineworld"
X Link 2025-12-07T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 90.3K engagements
"In the work toilets nearest my part of the office there are two brands of hand dryer. One is a Dyson but because James Dyson was a Brexit-backing bellend I never use it and always switch it off at the wall fuse. Fuck him"
X Link 2025-12-07T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 151.3K engagements
/creator/twitter::fesshole