#  @CliveWardauthor Clive Ward Clive Ward posts on X about ward, germany, in the, if you the most. They currently have [-----] followers and [---] posts still getting attention that total [------] engagements in the last [--] hours. ### Engagements: [------] [#](/creator/twitter::1836119618336755712/interactions)  - [--] Week [------] -98% - [--] Month [---------] +1,837% - [--] Months [---------] +852% - [--] Year [---------] +1,745% ### Mentions: [--] [#](/creator/twitter::1836119618336755712/posts_active)  - [--] Months [---] +11% - [--] Year [---] +151% ### Followers: [-----] [#](/creator/twitter::1836119618336755712/followers)  - [--] Week [-----] +0.44% - [--] Month [-----] +8.20% - [--] Months [-----] +47% - [--] Year [-----] +155% ### CreatorRank: [-------] [#](/creator/twitter::1836119618336755712/influencer_rank)  ### Social Influence **Social category influence** [countries](/list/countries) [finance](/list/finance) [automotive brands](/list/automotive-brands) [celebrities](/list/celebrities) [travel destinations](/list/travel-destinations) [technology brands](/list/technology-brands) [us election](/list/us-election) [gaming](/list/gaming) [mlb](/list/mlb) **Social topic influence** [ward](/topic/ward) #282, [germany](/topic/germany), [in the](/topic/in-the), [if you](/topic/if-you), [ireland](/topic/ireland), [belize](/topic/belize) #10, [war](/topic/war), [gas](/topic/gas), [the british](/topic/the-british), [op](/topic/op) **Top accounts mentioned or mentioned by** [@klint_izwudd](/creator/undefined) [@mcrobbie57iain](/creator/undefined) [@ian_kimpilling](/creator/undefined) [@mrfreemannnnnnn](/creator/undefined) [@stevenbarkm6s](/creator/undefined) [@mowgli1977z](/creator/undefined) [@postedtobaor](/creator/undefined) [@daveoutwalking](/creator/undefined) [@mupper41](/creator/undefined) [@usanewshq](/creator/undefined) [@copmoustache](/creator/undefined) [@notfarleftatall](/creator/undefined) [@otokyo](/creator/undefined) [@civixplorer](/creator/undefined) [@michelledewbs](/creator/undefined) [@northerness](/creator/undefined) [@fuzifelt](/creator/undefined) [@andreww77170440](/creator/undefined) [@harrychunkk](/creator/undefined) [@ivornother](/creator/undefined) **Top assets mentioned** [BISCUITS (BISCUITS)](/topic/biscuits) [Lancaster Colony Corp (LANC)](/topic/$lanc) [Welshcorgicoin (WELSH)](/topic/welsh) [God's Country (COUNTRY)](/topic/gods) ### Top Social Posts Top posts by engagements in the last [--] hours "Hurricane Milton to double in size as storm of the century threatens Florida Category [--] storm expected to bring 15ft storm surge along coast packing 145mph (233km/h) winds its going to be "deadly and catastrophic" Get out Stay safe" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1844088825225822634) 2024-10-09T18:53Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "#Wolfgang #BAOR #Soltau #BFG #Yellowhandbag" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1845896191919141168) 2024-10-14T18:35Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "#WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1846320958753157584) 2024-10-15T22:43Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "ENDEX COMIC Out November. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1846549514150084637) 2024-10-16T13:51Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "Woman on Omaha Beach Normandy France [----] #WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1846599352329925092) 2024-10-16T17:09Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "#WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1846602189646508484) 2024-10-16T17:20Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "#WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1846870762478543177) 2024-10-17T11:07Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "Ready in the butts" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1847071141543764156) 2024-10-18T00:24Z [----] followers, [--] engagements "Range stew was best served in the dark. Better than horror bags though. Spending the morning on the ranges with rain sleet or snow dribbling down your tin pisser into your mess tin it was a great pick me up. BULLIES AND BULSHIT http://www.clivewardauthor.com http://www.clivewardauthor.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1847221429026099285) 2024-10-18T10:21Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "As the time of year approaches the 11th November maximum Walt activity begins. All you Walt commandos out there wearing your gongs and bling if youre not on the ball and havent done your homework you will be outed. Here are a few tips that might help you get through the day" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1847603696143683726) 2024-10-19T11:40Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#Military #Veteran #JOKES #Marines #Paras #ARMY #Navy #humour #funny #navy #RAF #comic #books #Veterans #MilitaryCartoonsOnly http://clivewardauthor.com http://clivewardauthor.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1847615488911622414) 2024-10-19T12:27Z [----] followers, [--] engagements "ENDEX COMIC Out in [--] days. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1847621599228281006) 2024-10-19T12:51Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1847636207313801568) 2024-10-19T13:49Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "ENDEX COMIC. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #BAOR #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1847648850737037394) 2024-10-19T14:39Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#Royalairforce #RAF" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1847682866525720590) 2024-10-19T16:54Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "ENDEX COMIC Out November. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1847687413377937465) 2024-10-19T17:13Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#Military #Veteran #JOKES #Marines #Paras #ARMY #Navy #humour #funny #navy #RAF #comic #books #Veterans #MilitaryCartoonsOnly http://clivewardauthor.com http://clivewardauthor.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1847701698078241252) 2024-10-19T18:09Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#Military #Veteran #BAOR #JOKES #Marines #Paras #ARMY #Navy #humour #funny #navy #RAF #comic #books #Veterans #MilitaryCartoonsOnly http://clivewardauthor.com http://clivewardauthor.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1847701929373421647) 2024-10-19T18:10Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "The first girl Ann appeared on the very first can in [----]. Then it was a long procession of beauties until Violet who was the last girl to appear on the cans in [----]. Did anyone get a full erection I mean collection YOU WOULDNT BELIZE IT 1978-79 http://www.clivewardauthor.com http://www.clivewardauthor.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1847745855572561959) 2024-10-19T21:05Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "ENDEX COMIC Out November. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1848055308729598392) 2024-10-20T17:34Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#Military #Veteran #JOKES #Marines #Paras #ARMY #Navy #humour #funny #navy #RAF #comic #books #Veterans #MilitaryCartoonsOnly http://clivewardauthor.com http://clivewardauthor.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1848060613542412763) 2024-10-20T17:56Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1848063965747884440) 2024-10-20T18:09Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1848065112814362692) 2024-10-20T18:13Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#military #veteran #JOKES #marines #Paras #ARMY #Navy #humour #Humor #funny #navy #RAF #comic #books #comic #Militaryhumorjokebook http://clivewardauthor.com http://clivewardauthor.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1848408572088013179) 2024-10-21T16:58Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "#Poppyday #military #veteran #JOKES #books #army #navy #RAF #LestWeForget #Rememberance #Neverforget" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1848464299662184715) 2024-10-21T20:40Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "ENDEX COMIC on sale in [--] days comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoons #Veteran #RoyalNavy" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1848678599420760298) 2024-10-22T10:51Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "#Military #Veteran #JOKES #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Cartoons #Paras #Endexcomic" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1848719692635976152) 2024-10-22T13:34Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "In [---] billion years he'll go supernova. Make the planet great again #Elon_Musk #Trump #ElonOnMars #TrumpElon #Shares" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1848813787853238567) 2024-10-22T19:48Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "ENDEX COMIC out next week. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1849063140069093812) 2024-10-23T12:19Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#Ranges #SF #Military #Intantry #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #MilitaryHumour #MilitaryHumor #Paras #EndexBooks #Veterans #RAF" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1849065311326064926) 2024-10-23T12:28Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "ENDEX COMIC Out next week. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1849068196537495616) 2024-10-23T12:39Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "ENDEX COMIC Out next week. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1849097020264325420) 2024-10-23T14:34Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#Military #Intantry #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #MilitaryHumour #MilitaryHumor #Paras #EndexBooks #Veterans #RAF" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1849140651847192727) 2024-10-23T17:27Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "ENDEX COMIC Out next week. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1849193821999177768) 2024-10-23T20:58Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#budget #prebudget #bustax #starmer #labour #twotierkier" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1850938972509450284) 2024-10-28T16:33Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "#HarryandMeghan #Harry #Royals #21Taliban #Taliban" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1851924446874849543) 2024-10-31T09:49Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "@mowgli1977z Nice one Duncan it was hard to put together on a shoe string but hopefully we sell enough to do issue [--] and I can bring in some veteran cartoonists and writers" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1853567644840132907) 2024-11-04T22:38Z [---] followers, [--] engagements "#Trump #Harris" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1853923790868070476) 2024-11-05T22:14Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "It was now Monday morning [----] hours stupid oclock. Ill always remember that dreaded noise of the strip lights being turned on by the duty NCO in his noisy ammo boots. That sudden bright light and the tinkling noise of the lights powering up one by one and the words Wakey Wakey or something a little stronger and less polite. Wed quickly jump into our Boots DMS Denims green placcy belt and red PT vest or full combats full kit and weapon depending on the beast level. Then it was on parade outside the block for our early morning beasting running around the Garrison. Some of us enjoyed the runs." [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1854232037709734230) 2024-11-06T18:39Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "Going on day trips can be great fun until you walk into the Imperial War Museum and the first thing you see is a mannequin wearing the same uniform that you were issued with when you joined up. Then you head for the Tower of London and find out the Beefeaters are all younger than you are. Later walking down the Mall you see some Chelsea Pensioners thats when you recognise your old RSM. Please share to your friends ENDEX a must read for all Military Warning If easily offended I really do advise you not to read this book. UK kindle price [----] or free on Kindle Unlimited also available in" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1858586727197110756) 2024-11-18T19:03Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "Dont get a sad on get a mag on and stag on but dont get caught #stagon #stag" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1860789277610660326) 2024-11-24T20:55Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "An Army recruiting team from [----]. Makes you wonder how they'd do it today #recruiting" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1861859135001596035) 2024-11-27T19:46Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "I shot the vicar in the cafe. Op banner training" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1862142212819095966) 2024-11-28T14:31Z [----] followers, 20K engagements "Rifle Bunduk or Bang-Stick SLR Gat Like many of the old and the bold out there I was bought up on the SLR. Loved it. Those jolts to the shoulder kerchunk the sound of the working parts and the thump. Become one with your rifle they said and you certainly did. Then suddenly in the 80's she just disappeared and along came the SA80 and quite possibly one of the reasons I stopped wearing green. It was a very sad day when she was replaced. I say bring the SLR back for drill and ceremonial parades it looked the bollocks back in the day with its wooden furniture plus you can smack the f**k out of" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1863170240332353823) 2024-12-01T10:36Z [---] followers, [----] engagements "The ENDEX Comic is a publication that features military humour primarily focused on the British military but also relatable to veterans and serving members from various countries. https://endexcomic.comIt includes humorous content like cartoons and stories created by and for veterans and those currently in service. The comic aims to capture the essence of military life through its dark humour which is a common coping mechanism among service members. A percentage of the profits will be donated to our chosen charity. We'd be grateful if you can give it your support. And enable us to finance" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1863997493979066467) 2024-12-03T17:23Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "Sennybridge or should I say Sennyfridge. All the seasons in an hour. It was so bad that my socks are still wet thirty years later. You knew when you arrived at Senyfridge camp and you were issued with Artic ration packs in the summer that something wasnt quite right. I'm sure a few toes have been left there in that sheep- shit capital of the world. Once you hit the cattle grid you were wet till ENDEX. There were suicidal sheep everywhere you went even they didnt want to be there. You woke up in the morning and they were there they would even share your gonk bag if you let them. Not me though." [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1864144335744241851) 2024-12-04T03:06Z [---] followers, [----] engagements "The real reason why Extra Armour was put on our vehicles was to make sure the BVs were protected life savers. Back in cold war Germany days as a mechanized infantry man cooking compo was easy wed fill our BVs (boiling vessel) with enough water grab a couple of cans of compo (do not pierce) put a large dent in them to stop the cans exploding avoiding hot napalm death Then wait for the water to boil. Five minutes later tuck in. The good old BVs had other uses with slight modifications. It's a kettle it's a cooker it's a toaster but most of all it was a life saver when on exercise. If the BV was" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1864433677234536550) 2024-12-04T22:16Z [---] followers, [----] engagements "Also known as the Sterling Machine Gun (British) tested in 1944-45 replaced the Sten in [----] until production was stopped in [----]. A brilliant piece of precision engineering and a great bit if kit. Never ever had a stoppage with this highly accurate long-range sniper weapon awesome tank killer and artillery piece. The greatest and best-looking weapon Ive ever fired. Ok that is enough about the SMG or Imperial Storm trooper blaster standard issue. Couldnt hit a barn door from twenty-five yards and would not penetrate wet combats. If you pulled the trigger everything seemed to be in slow motion" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1865255703952162826) 2024-12-07T04:43Z [----] followers, 27.5K engagements "#Trump #Putin #WW3" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1865520844711051746) 2024-12-07T22:16Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "A FEW THINGS YOU MIGHT REMEMBER FROM BAOR Buying a tax free Datsun Cherry. You could push the doors in with your finger. Fuel coupons. The mad dash to go home on leave. The fields outside Zeebrugge used to look like they were growing Jerry cans. Vogelsang Brunch at the weekends lazy chefs. Fantastic summers and winters that would have you shovelling snow from around the camp forever .Snow chains on snow chains off. My first Schnelli bratty gyros Currywurst. The old sterling five pence pieces the same size as a Deutsch mark that worked in the German cigarette machines as if they werent cheap" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1866161893943157054) 2024-12-09T16:44Z [---] followers, [----] engagements "If you know you know" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1867921692494110807) 2024-12-14T13:16Z [----] followers, 18.6K engagements "ZULU WARRIOR I first came across the so-called dance in Belize during [----]. It was NAAFI kicking out time and everyone was totally rat-arsed. Some nutter climbed up on the row of six-foot tables pulled his shorts down stuck a rolled-up newspaper up his arse and lit it like a torch. He then ran up and down the tables performing a dance called The dance of the flaming arseholes chanting get it down you Zulu warrior get it down you Zulu chief chief chief. Then more and more lads got up to do it. I recall one of the lads pubes lit up like dead grass and suddenly his knack sack was a towering" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1867967969956954288) 2024-12-14T16:20Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "ENDEX COMIC Get your copy of the first edition. Available in print or download. Don't miss out. Get yours today. Please share. #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy #compo http://endexcomic.com http://endexcomic.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1867998551504195863) 2024-12-14T18:22Z [---] followers, [---] engagements ". Don't miss out. Get yours today. Please share. #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy #compo http://endexcomic.com http://endexcomic.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1868017876143055236) 2024-12-14T19:39Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "A young sprog fresh out of training was given an axe and told to take it to the CQMS and to stop off on his way there and give a sealed envelope to the CSM. You can guess what happened next The sprog reports to the CSM with axe in hand and the CSM opens the note to read. GIVE US THE COMPANY FUNDS OR ILL CHOP YOUR F*****G HEAD OFF I hope this really happened.at least once. just to imagine the expression on the CSMs face priceless. Please share. ENDEX [--] out now a must read for all Military UK kindle price [----] also available in paperback price 6.95" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1868280552530268623) 2024-12-15T13:02Z [---] followers, [----] engagements "Tail gunner Lawrence Benner on a Lancaster bomber Royal Canadian Air Force [----]. Respect" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1868705366764404822) 2024-12-16T17:10Z [----] followers, 172.8K engagements "POKEY DRILL Rifle strengthening exercises known to generations of soldiers as Pokey Drill. I remember it well so does my body as it turns to jelly. I can hear the PTI now. Just a little pokey drill lads we wont go daft just till your arms are screaming then a little more eh. Rotating the weapon from hand to hand passing it around the back holding it at arms length when holding the stock butt and flash hider. (ouch) Bunch of sadists if you ask me. What sadistic bastards dreamt that up My arms still shake uncontrollably every now and again and I have nightmares of weeping squaddies calling for" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1868706998151221288) 2024-12-16T17:17Z [---] followers, [----] engagements "In the UK I think we owe a lot to actor Lovely boy.Windsor Davis for those wonderful and hilarious quotes from the sitcom It Aint Half Hot Mum. In fact even now when I read an RSM quote from the past I often word it in my head in a Welsh accent and I bet Im not on my own. But did he ever make it from BSM to RSM Did he serve Yes of course he did. It Ain' Half Hot Mum - Windsor Davies - BSM Davies - Gift - Sergeant Major - Pin Badge Windsor Davis was called up for national service between 1950-52 serving in Libya and Egypt with the East Surrey Regiment. It was in the army that he found he was a" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1869717245066190971) 2024-12-19T12:11Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "58 Pattern. NEW BULLIES AND BULLSHIT [--] To sum up if it wasnt for black nasty and bungees the whole thing would have fallen apart. I remember running through the undergrowth in full kit and getting snagged and it fell apart. The training areas were full of diffy kit. Was there something called exercise loss I remember mentioning that to our QM he just laughed and told me to piss-off. But why was all this kit so crap Ill tell you why. Because they didnt expect us to survive longer than a few minutes or a few seconds if you were infantry. They wouldnt care if you went marching into battle" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1870088721556447597) 2024-12-20T12:47Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "Last 💋 kiss. Time to get back to the barracks. All veterans have been there. Mine was Liverpool street before an Op banner tour" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1870113740428869902) 2024-12-20T14:27Z [---] followers, [---] engagements "TRUE STORY Using forensic detective ring techniques it was found that the 7.62mm round was fired from an SLR with wooden furniture in [----] it was fired by a Gurkha in a falling plate competition from the 300m firing point the recoil knocked him back to the 600m firing point. The round knocked all the plates down ricocheted into orbit the orbit degraded over the next year where the round returned to the exact point it was aimed at knocking the plates down and winning the match again before ricocheting back into the same orbit and repeating the win for the next [--] years. Over that time the" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1870172278714986711) 2024-12-20T18:19Z [---] followers, [----] engagements "Chamberlain St from the Rossville flats. Londonderry" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1870860851680547301) 2024-12-22T15:56Z [---] followers, [----] engagements "NI GLOVES They were a bit of a waste of time. When they got wet they were wet for the whole tour. gloves Northern Ireland You could remove the foam padding and replace it with nuts and bolts for protection when patrolling down the Falls Road at two in the morning allegedly. Some would say they provided better protection than the personal weapons you were issued with Firing it in self-defence meant there was a risk of going to prison years later just saying shafted and all that. BULLIES AND BULLSHIT [--] Warning If easily offended I really do advise you not to read this book. Available on amazon" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1872273829457805665) 2024-12-26T13:30Z [----] followers, 10.5K engagements "Out of all my postings Germany was the best. Our regiment was one of many regiments sent out there to drink cheap beer as part of the British Army of the Rhine. Our other role when we were sober was spent on standby ready to move at a moments notice it was called Active Edge. Wed be crashed out to our top secret harbour areas only to find the bratty wagon was already there. Our job was to defend West Germany and NATO in the event of a Soviet invasion. But everyone knew if they did invade wed be about effective as an officer with a compass. We lived out there for nearly five years 1979-84 for" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1872603822276690093) 2024-12-27T11:21Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Lieutenant-General Sir Adrian Carton de Wiart VC KBE CB CMG DSO General Carton de Wiart could claim to have been the most wounded officer in the British Army having been wounded a grand total of [--] times; twice in the Boer War once in Somaliland and eight times on the Western Front. Two of these injuries resulted in what others might have considered serious impairments: the loss of his left eye and the loss of his left hand. For many years after he had been wounded during the First World War he was having pieces of shrapnel taken from his body. Carton de Wiart started his service as a Trooper" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1872606620531728751) 2024-12-27T11:33Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "ENDEX COMIC Get your copy of the first edition. Available in print or download. Don't miss out. Get yours today. Please share. #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy #COMPO http://endexcomic.com http://endexcomic.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1872969434165592197) 2024-12-28T11:34Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "@Posted_to_BAOR Is this the way forward. The new snowflake approach Jones40 those boots of yours could do with a bit more polish theres a good lad shiny boots are happy boots Theres a boot bulling club at 2000hours tonight if youd care to join us. Free chocolate biscuits and coffee Or on the drill square. Private Jennings you really are struggling with your drill arent you Dont worry lad well all wait for you to catch up wont we lads Leave no man behind. Rather than What do we have here undisputed m**g magnet of the f**king year 2018-2019 do they miss you in the village Jennings You are a" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1874084626282557936) 2024-12-31T13:26Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "SHOW PARADE/ STAFF PARADE We called it staff parade and I must have broken all records when I served I was the scruffiest soldier in NATO. I must have needed it back then. You were put on staff parade for all sorts of reason. Reporting to the guard room at 2200hrs. Here are a few of my favourites. Whats yours Show: electric alarm clock with incorrect time. Show: less stupid expression on face. Show: incorrect locker latout same as bed entire locker had to be taken to the Guardroom. Me How am I going to get that lot down the guard room Sergeant Sgt I down know and dont F**kin care phone f**kin" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1874416973028691994) 2025-01-01T11:26Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "CHINESE FIGHTING SUIT I can remember being issued the original fighting suit in the 70s and I also remember sayingwhat a piece of crap I'll never wear that COMBAT LINER SMOCK COLD WEATHER was in my opinion the biggest waste of space in my kit bag. Called a Chinese fighting suit because they were great to wear when entering the local Chinese restaurant for a little kung fu fighting. The truth is the material they were made out of resembled the padded jackets the Chinese warriors wore back in the day. I don't think it ever came out of my locker. NBC suit combat jacket jumper shirt KF long johns" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1874486469131128914) 2025-01-01T16:02Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "ENDEX COMIC On sale now paper comic or download. [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR Jumping JACK GRUMPY OLD VETERAN The Walter Mitty Hunters Pub At home with SAS & MORE. Please Share http://endexcomic.com http://endexcomic.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1874806647778111562) 2025-01-02T13:15Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "That lid is fucking unforgivable" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1874984752358596762) 2025-01-03T01:02Z [----] followers, 18.7K engagements "You cant beat the old tinned stuff. I know what Id rather have. But todays soldier would probably disagree with that. You are wrong old man our rations are the dogs bollocks. Now and again you see the odd 70s 80s can of compo appear on eBay for some ridiculous price. My advice is to get in the loft or the garage and start digging down into the bottom of your old Bergen. You might find that long lost tin of oatmeal blocks or bacon grill or if youre really lucky the artificial vagina. Dont stay up there too long the missus will know what youre up to if she reads this book. In years to come" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1875237870065320247) 2025-01-03T17:48Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "GPMG For when you absolutely need to kill every f**ker. Matelots might know it better as the big scary black gun. Weve all heard the slogans. In the beginning the Universe was created. Then they created the GPMG. General purpose machine gun. Theres been lots of nicknames and slogans for it over the last sixty five years or so of its existence. The GPMG Gimpy The General Small arms large holes. Belt fed domination as I like to call it from that really funny YouTube video. If you want some serious bang for your buck its got to be the Gimpy. I loved it. You could fire it wearing a dress and" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1875986922243490106) 2025-01-05T19:25Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Thursday night is Grab a Granny night or international army night out. Wherever it may be you knew you were in for a great night. I remember it like it was yesterday. There you were out of your tree supported by the rest of your buddies all wearing the same aftershave Brut Blue Stratos Old spice Hai Karate Denim Paco Rabanne Aqua di Selva Tabac and Insignia to name but a few. Aggressively staring at the good-looking girls who are way out of your league. Saying things like You see her over there Ive sh*gged that and her and her mate Sometime during the evening when youve moved on to Pernod and" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1876468980665155636) 2025-01-07T03:20Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "COMPO RATIONS FOOD OF THE GODS STEAK AND KIDNEY PUDDING Snake and Sydney Pudding also known as Babies' heads. Called babies' heads because they looked like them when they came slithering out of the can. I used to love watching sprogs end up with a face full of hot boiling fat squirting into the eyes when they pierced the tin. Napalm death BISCUITS AB Meaning Alternative Bread or Anal Blockage. One word indestructible There was always a rumour going around that they were used in early body-armour testing for ballistic resistance. Ingredients: 500mg bromide 300mg cement [---] mg sand and [--] spoons" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1876815792714473740) 2025-01-08T02:18Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Rifle Banduk or Bang-Stick SLR Gat Like many of the old and the bold out there I was bought up on the SLR. Loved it. Those jolts to the shoulder kerchunk the sound of the working parts and the thump. Become one with your rifle they said and you certainly did. Then suddenly in the 80's she just disappeared and along came the SA80 and quite possibly one of the reasons I stopped wearing green. It was a very sad day when she was replaced. I say bring the SLR back for drill and ceremonial parades it looked the bollocks back in the day with its wooden furniture plus you can smack the f**k out of" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1877030040765968550) 2025-01-08T16:30Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Get stuck in lads COMPO FOOD OF THE GODS by Clive Ward http://www.clivewardauthor.com http://www.clivewardauthor.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1877436091285786968) 2025-01-09T19:23Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "THE HEXI TELE After a busy day tabbing digging in sweating or freezing your nuts off the Hexi Tele was a welcome relief. As you lay there in your piss wet through maggot waiting for what seemed like ages for your babies heads to cook boiling away on your Hexi cooker. Suddenly you cant help but stare into those flickering blue hypnotic Hexi flames. It had special power within seconds it starts to take away all that misery and f**k this for a game of soldiers thoughts and it is soon replaced with thoughts of sha**ing beer and ENDEX. It wouldnt last long but its times like that in the middle of" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1877783640307827104) 2025-01-10T18:24Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "Before Biscuits brown there was Biscuits AB Also known as Alternative Bread or Anal Blockage. Nicknamed Hardtack' from navy days when they never got bread They came six in a pack issued in the 24-hour ration packs in the 60s 70s and early 80s. One word indestructible Biscuits AB- Handy tool when youre down to your last round. Place two packets in a sock and beat something to death. There was always a rumour going around that they were used in early body-amour testing for ballistic resistance. Also can be used as a handy digging tool. You had to be seriously hungry to eat them on their own." [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1877833513736794190) 2025-01-10T21:42Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "Biscuits AB were issue in the 24hr ration packs until the early 80's" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1877894400241512703) 2025-01-11T01:44Z [----] followers, [--] engagements "Stand to Having instant mates wherever you went. That first cigarette after a five mile of death. Gammon steaks in the cookhouse with a pineapple ring fused on the top. Taking risks on my own without a bloody assessment first. That rifle with wood or plastic furniture. The sound of the Land Rover driving on Tarmac. Brunch in the cookhouse on a Sunday. Series [--] Land Rovers. Able to be fixed with a hammer and some black nasty. Lying on the louvres of a [---] on Hohne ranges or Soltau looking up at a star filled sky. Then waking up and breathing in the clean fresh air. Jager schnitzels. The" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1878261421743464934) 2025-01-12T02:03Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "My time line just the gimpy missing" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1879206636621070688) 2025-01-14T16:39Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "When my co-workers have run out of mundane things to say like. I cant believe the price of bread. I get my turn to start a conversation; its time to get my own back. I usually start my conversation with something like There I was balls deep in a camel's arse banging like a belt-fed WOMBAT when usually thats enough theyve started running for the exits before I can say anything else. You might get the odd one or two civvies that might try and understand you or pretend to or jump on the bandwagon but you can guarantee theyll be totally wide of the mark. Band of brothers isnt that The Jackson" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1879564975531847825) 2025-01-15T16:23Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "BLACK NASTY -masking tape (REME Emergency repair kit) The universal fixer for just about everything about two and a half inches wide and the roll seems to go on forever other names for it were Harry Black Harry Maskers Gaffer tape (civvy version) missile tape. The army would fall apart without the stuff nearly everyone was issued with it. It is like 'The Force' it has a Dark Side a Light Side and it holds the Universe together Wherever a crack appeared black nasty fixed it from Bendy Wendy to insulating metal cups holding HERCULES C130s and CHINOOKS together to tracks on APCs armoured" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1879863374491582820) 2025-01-16T12:08Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Britains war readiness Echoes of the late 1930s we were confronted by the threat posed by Hitler Mussolini and Imperial Japan. Nearly [---] years later it's Russia China Iran and North Korea. UK defence spending: 2.5% of GDP target is it enough I think not" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1880554119381098989) 2025-01-18T09:53Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "Never before have I seen such a blatant display of poofery" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1880626900491760095) 2025-01-18T14:42Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Our other role was SF PLATOON. (Special forces platoon) Basically ready to move at a moments notice. Wed all turn up fully kitted out in our fake army issue Ray-Bans two hundred rounds of belted [----] ammo wrapped around our tanned torsos Johnny Rambo style wed head off for the jungles of the East German border ready and willing to take out any approaching HIP and HIND red army helicopters from the hip with one hand using our belt fed domination Gimpys. Okay so whats wrong with a bit of honest Waltism Civvies will be reading thisand theyll believe anything. Now the boring bit. BULLIES AND" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1880973545435508917) 2025-01-19T13:40Z [----] followers, [---] engagements ". we were the coldest alcoholics ever" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1881041423908409546) 2025-01-19T18:09Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "I think they should introduce a UK rat pack bringing in all our native dishes. England: Canned roast beef dinner with Yorkshire pudding. Wales: Laverbread Welsh rarebit melted cheese compo cheese possessed on toast. Scotland: Canned haggis- minced sheep lungs liver and heart with onions. Irish: see meme and yes you can steal it. What will ration packs contain in a hundred years time What about Self-heating tactical stealth combat Ginsters pasties or maybe they could make a mini-doner kebab with built in compass for lost officers. For the old and bold who ate Army rations before the advent of" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1881487762647331030) 2025-01-20T23:43Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "Looking good" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1881880878978363858) 2025-01-22T01:45Z [----] followers, 11.9K engagements "I remember guard duty like it was yesterday; that yellow floor polish smell again the stick man which I never got at guard mount there was always someone with a smarter beret than me. Then there were the guard boxes thrown together by the duty cook. Every guard box had rock hard sugar and coffee a lump of cheese corn beef and tomato-*******-sandwiches that tasted rank because the tomato had made the bread go soggy and the smelly [--] day old boiled egg which would come back to haunt you at about [--] in the morning. The lot was probably the rejects from horror bags or theyd been sitting in the" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1882064602395034036) 2025-01-22T13:55Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "I was wondering does anyone of you old and bold have a pick helve tucked away somewhere in your house just in case you might have to protect your family one night. A good pick helve was all we needed back in the day when on guard to protect us from Mister Adams special friends from Ireland. But just in case they didnt scare them away and things got serious we had our trusty SLRs. Which werent much good either with no ammo. Cover me Im just going to dash into the guard room from my firing position to grab some ammo. What is it Ward Theres some dodgy terrorists pointing their AK47s at us Corps" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1882461046406783213) 2025-01-23T16:11Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Compo rat-packs are a big improvement compared to the old and the bold style ration packs that came mostly in tins. Awkward as f**k to pack away in your 58-pattern webbing. But how come the old compo which is named by the old soldiers as Food of the Gods tasted a lot better or did it Sorry I should point out if any civvies are reading this that Compo is the rations (food) issued to the military for when one is out in the cuds. (In the field). If you are one of the old and the bold like me its funny how a few tins of the food of the gods ignites your memories. Everybody remembers their first" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1885154360700588383) 2025-01-31T02:33Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "THE SLR TOY How can I not mention the toy version of the SLR L1A1 or FN FAL. They first came on the scene as a toy in the late 50s and they were still making them well into the 80s I know that because I bought one for my youngest son. There you go son Daddy has got one of these now youve got one. He loved it. Thats until he asked me how to use it. Then he didnt like it anymore. Week one. I didnt waste any time. Yep I soon had him running round the living room [--] laps at the high port go lock those arms back above the head Dont carry the rifle by the f**king carrying handle Week two. Not pokey" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1886018961524834376) 2025-02-02T11:48Z [----] followers, 14.2K engagements "Tactical hurry up and wait" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1886155285221331055) 2025-02-02T20:50Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Newry [--] Belfast NHSM 82" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1887551176868237749) 2025-02-06T17:17Z [----] followers, 14.6K engagements "HMS Conqueror returns to Britain July 4th [----] flying the Jolly Roger after sinking the Argentine Cruiser ARA General Belgrano during the Falklands War" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1893007787099037763) 2025-02-21T18:40Z [----] followers, 161.3K engagements "GAS CHAMBER Sorry Respirator Testing Facility to give it the proper woke name. Loved the gas chambers. For me one of the funniest bits of training I ever did. Watching all your mates clamber out the chamber teared up and coughing priceless. But there was always somebody who stood there and somehow it didnt affect him he or she was immune. You soon found out who's gas mask worked in Northern Ireland although the Irish seemed totally immune to cs gas. I remember being in Germany after an all-day session inhaling in the gas chambers then going home in my noddy suit putting my gas mask on and" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1895391993229971500) 2025-02-28T08:34Z [----] followers, 21.9K engagements "Jim Carrey once said Imagine for just a minute that you are financially struggling and in the unfortunate situation of being homeless and suddenly someone comes with a camera to film your face and your precarious situation to give you a meal so they can record it and you have to take it because you are hungry Imagine that feeling. Please stop doing that. If you are going to help someone do it with kindness and not with your ego" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1897966597202911574) 2025-03-07T11:04Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "I would like to think his RSM dealt with this in the appropriate manner" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1898433848649920962) 2025-03-08T18:01Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "BULLING BOOTS Yes I was one of them that wasted hours sat there with black fingers bulling away with my cotton wool or yellow cloth duster and my lid full of warm water waiting for that magic moment when my boots would turn to glass.zzz. shit wheres everyone gone Ill tell you where theyve gone down the f**king NAAFI thats where theyve gone Im the only twat here wasting valuable drinking/shagging time doodling countless circles in polish and water and heavy breath on said boot. There was an alternative but on your own head be it. Klear It was time to join the converted and become a KLEAR" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1899535761810092039) 2025-03-11T18:59Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "RSMs drill parade usually lasted about an hour. The key to survival was that you make sure you didnt get singled out. If you were slightly out with your timing on a drill movement your life was over. The RSM would be breathing down your neck in milliseconds. Your drill had to be better than the moves on Strictly Come Dancing You could be the smartest soldier on parade but the RSM would still find a reason to send you down the road to the guard room. He had a habit of walking up and down the ranks saying jail him haircut charged jail him haircut charged. He was always followed by a posse of" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1900095485798449248) 2025-03-13T08:04Z [----] followers, 32.7K engagements "CHANGING PARADES Apparently changing parades are now banned in the British army. Surely not Not them as well I dont believe that for one minute. It would not surprise me if they still went on under a different name. Looking back as a junior soldier I did find them a bit bizarre. I remember my Platoon Commander couldnt get enough of them. I always thought it a little strange though dozens of semi-naked sixteen-year-old boys wearing only the most basic of military equipment. I want you all back out here in PT vest and Long Johns go Not quick enough get back down here in webbing and tin pisser" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1901599823989477577) 2025-03-17T11:41Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "For many years the tales of a soldier attempting to pilot a STOLLY Alvis Stalwart across the English Channel were treated by many as another Army Urban Myth. Investigation of the Times archives indicates that something like this did happen. The following was reported on the 24th of November [----]. Nov 23- A Rhine Army trooper from Bristol who tried to cross the English Channel in an Army five-ton amphibious vehicle was sentenced to eight months detention here today. He was found guilty of being absent without leave plus three other charges. He entered the water from Belgium but had to land" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1903495203039670776) 2025-03-22T17:13Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "Memories - add yours Stand to Having instant mates wherever you went. That first cigarette after a five mile of death. Gammon steaks in the cookhouse with a pineapple ring fused on the top. Taking risks on my own without a bloody assessment first. That rifle with wood or plastic furniture. The sound of the Land Rover driving on Tarmac. Brunch in the cookhouse on a Sunday. Series [--] Land Rovers. Able to be fixed with a hammer and some black nasty. Lying on the louvres of a [---] on Hohne ranges or Soltau looking up at a star filled sky. Then waking up and breathing in the clean fresh air. Jager" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1903733461254332441) 2025-03-23T09:00Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "THE SLR TOY How can I not mention the toy version of the SLR L1A1 or FN FAL. They first came on the scene as a toy in the late 50s and they were still making them well into the 80s I know that because I bought one for my youngest son. There you go son Daddy has got one of these now youve got one. He loved it. Thats until he asked me how to use it. Then he didnt like it anymore. Week one. I didnt waste any time. Yep I soon had him running round the living room [--] laps at the high port go lock those arms back above the head Dont carry the rifle by the f**king carrying handle Week two. Not pokey" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1905307912572207503) 2025-03-27T17:16Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Compo rat-packs are a big improvement compared to the old and the bold style ration packs that came mostly in tins. Awkward as f**k to pack away in your 58-pattern webbing. But how come the old compo which is named by the old soldiers as Food of the Gods tasted a lot better or did it Sorry I should point out if any civvies are reading this that Compo is the rations (food) issued to the military for when one is out in the cuds. (In the field). If you are one of the old and the bold like me its funny how a few tins of the food of the gods ignites your memories. Everybody remembers their first" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1906774494871474450) 2025-03-31T18:24Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "CARRY ON WALTING All you Walt commandos out there wearing your gongs and bling if youre not on the ball and havent done your homework you will be outed. Its amazing how far these Walter Mittys will go to live out their fantasies Come on guys if youre going to Walt make a effort some of you. Here are a few more tips that might help you get through your day. Call of Duty You must complete at least two Call of duty games. It will be tough and it will mean some late nights but stick with it. Never three it could cause you to suffer with PTSD. Training Aids No need for military training but I" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1910361253802819861) 2025-04-10T15:56Z [----] followers, 10.5K engagements "BOOTS DMS For the 1970s/80s look its got to be Boots DMS. Whether youre marching forced marching for drill assault courses exercise or war and not forgetting running BFTs yes we did everything in them. Like we had a choice Once they were worn in and the blisters were all gone they were like wearing slippers. All weather one size fits all multipurpose BFT and CFT assault course wonder boots. Army foot covering for the use of. The DMS boot with puttees BFT specials we ran and marched in them for miles and miles in all weathers. And rumour had it that you could run faster if they were polishedor" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1912063954454470980) 2025-04-15T08:42Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "BLACK NASTY -masking tape (REME Emergency repair kit) The universal fixer for just about everything about two and a half inches wide and the roll seems to go on forever other names for it were Harry Black Harry Maskers Gaffer tape (civvy version) missile tape. The army would fall apart without the stuff nearly everyone was issued with it. It is like 'The Force' it has a Dark Side a Light Side and it holds the Universe together Wherever a crack appeared black nasty fixed it from Bendy Wendy to insulating metal cups holding HERCULES C130s and CHINOOKS together to tracks on APCs armoured" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1912941041658876387) 2025-04-17T18:47Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "What year did you first step into your local Careers Office whether it be Army Navy or RAF For me it was [----]. I bet most of us can remember the day we joined up. Some had already made up their mind way before they left school. In my case it was a spontaneous decision. I was walking past the careers office in Derby town centre and I stopped and looked through the display window attracted by the advertising pictures. The Sergeant sitting behind the desk got up opened the door and invited me in. I agreed and took a seat. Ill be with you in a second lad he said as he disappeared through the door" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1914261871890178412) 2025-04-21T10:16Z [----] followers, 16.7K engagements "CARRY ON WALTING UPDATE All you Walt commandos out there wearing your gongs and bling if youre not on the ball and havent done your homework you will be outed. Its amazing how far these Walter Mittys will go to live out their fantasies There are all sorts of Walt types out there. Some are good at it but some are an embarrassment to Walting. Come on guys if youre going to Walt make a f**king effort some of you. With VE DAY approaching here are a few more tips that might help you get through the day Rapid Promotion Being a Walt has its perks. If you think you deserve a promotion go ahead" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1914998916807827648) 2025-04-23T11:04Z [----] followers, 10.1K engagements "RED GO KARTS Who remembers the red go karts that were usually parked in the guardroom car park for the fire drill crash out No doubt it was a hi-tech kit [---] years ago. I think they just kept hold of them so the orderly sergeant or officer can f**k you about at [----] hrs GERMANY [--] I remember being woken up by the guard room bell then running semi-conscious halfway across the barracks dragging this stupid little red go-kart to the NAAFI it was always the NAAFI only to find half a dozen extinguishers hanging on the wall which could have done a better job I think if the NAAFI was on fire wed" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1916095951212577191) 2025-04-26T11:44Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "PM: sparks outrage after pleading with LANDLORDS to house asylum seekers" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1916445670401097873) 2025-04-27T10:53Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "You know youre a veteran when youre driving down country lanes and surveying the open ground. You say to the missus who is busy trying to read the European [----] AA map that you kept from when you were stationed in Germany along with your now useless BFG petrol coupons I could get a whole platoon in that forestry block. After giving you that long suffering resigned look shell reply Will you just shut up and drive. 'The large oak tree to our left will be known as "Tree" the small building to our left will be known as "Barn." It never leaves you; you know. The satnav your old man bought you" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1920058145000374404) 2025-05-07T10:08Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "The guy on the right's face Talk about stealing valour. It looks like he's stole everybody's the muppet" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1921249402137530411) 2025-05-10T17:02Z [----] followers, 46.4K engagements "Sennybridge or should I say Sennyfridge. All the seasons in an hour. It was so bad that my socks are still wet thirty years later. You knew when you arrived at Senyfridge camp and you were issued with Artic ration packs in the summer that something wasnt quite right. I'm sure a few toes have been left there in that sheep- shit capital of the world. Once you hit the cattle grid you were wet till ENDEX. There were suicidal sheep everywhere you went even they didnt want to be there. You woke up in the morning and they were there they would even share your gonk bag if you let them. Not me though." [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1922313387343806913) 2025-05-13T15:30Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "When Veterans Go Shopping Is there anything worse than being dragged to the shops for hours Going shopping for a veteran means GET IN BUY WHAT YOU NEED AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. We go shopping to buy what we want. Women go shopping to find what they want. The missus to a T. I went to buy a dress but I saw a beautiful pair of shoes so I bought this handbag. Once we arrive in town we park up theres no time to waste lets get it done. Veterans walk fast everywhere were physically incapable of walking at the shopping pace. You might be doing a great job blending into your civilian" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1922927041780785361) 2025-05-15T08:08Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "No doubt youve heard by now that we now have our very own Space command or RAF Space Regiment to boldly go where no rock ape has gone before. Joking aside THE UK SPACE COMMAND is a joint command staffed by the Royal Navy British Army Royal Air Force Civil Servants and commercial partners so it says on their website. I say go for it. Live long and prosper. Set phasers to go. Sci-fi jokes aside weve got to be highly logical about this someone has got to get their arse up there and pick up the space junk that is whizzing around the earths low orbit at approximately 15700mph (I looked that up by" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1923460532398338178) 2025-05-16T19:28Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "What do we have here Combat Medical Badge with matching Green Beret and a Space Shuttle Door Gunner's award. A1 standard gold plated turbo Pinocchio underwater mess tin repair specialist perhaps Or a member of the 387th Water Bottle Top Replacement Regt" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1923764270124175692) 2025-05-17T15:35Z [----] followers, [----] engagements ""I swear by almighty God that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to his Majesty King Charles III his heirs and successors and that I will as in duty bound honestly and faithfully defend his Majesty his heirs and successors in person crown and dignity against all enemies and will observe and obey all orders of His Majesty his heirs and successors and the generals and officers set over me."" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1923911441054069085) 2025-05-18T01:20Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "BULLSHIT BAFFLES BRAINS Swallow your food and taste it later. Since you arent married you have volunteered for the advance party. Followed by And since you have no one at home you will be part of the rear party. Being told to take three ibuprofen and not waste the M O's time when I went on sick parade due to having no feeling in my paralysed arm. Move that hole over there. Using soldiers who are signed off with back injuries as stretcher bearers. Telling the news reporters There was no military involvement but you knew there was. Having to repaint every vehicle in the M T section because I" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1924049255125090794) 2025-05-18T10:27Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "BAD NEWS FOR GINGERS If you were Welsh or were a Jock Geordie Scouser Paddy Brummie Cockney Manc Aussie Klingon. (Shit I needed a translator) you would get the piss taken out of you it didnt matter where you came from If you were a lanky bastard short arse fat c**t skinny twat spotty f**ker deformed a minger had big tabs (ears) big nose buck teeth huge head six fingered banjo playing f**tard you got the piss ripped out of you for the way you looked Bad news for gingers though you would be sent to PORTON DOWN and kept in isolation but in the end ugly or not joking apart we all ended up down" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1925962361438916910) 2025-05-23T17:09Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Endex Comic is a British publication that dives into the world of military humour primarily focusing on the experiences of serving soldiers and veterans from all branches of the Armed Forces with a special emphasis on the British military. You can grab them directly from their official site at Its written by veterans for veterans and those still serving capturing the absurdities frustrations and dark humour that resonate with military life. The comic features [--] pages of content in each issue blending familiar characterssome inspired by Clive Wards popular "Endex" book series which has sold" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1926371744073322960) 2025-05-24T20:16Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "There was a guy before my time who was put on weekend sentry duty as a punishment. He was supposed to meet his girlfriend for her birthday that night and was afraid to tell her the truth so she called him to break up with him. He was so distraught he tried to shoot himself but his rifle jammed. At the court martial this was the list of charges: [--]. Unauthorised loading of weapon [--]. Unauthorised attempted discharge of weapon. [--]. Unauthorised use of a personal communication device. [--]. Failure to maintain a personal firearm in working condition. Given that the latter is why he was in fact still" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1926556710103113991) 2025-05-25T08:31Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "So its going to be the softly softly approach from now on is it Following a BBC documentary British Army instructors are being told to tone down their swearing. There are far too many F C and B words being used in todays forces. One doesnt need to swear to get their point across. They're just additional wasted words and breath. If you need to prefix every word with the f word you're not exactly showing great intelligence. My answer to that is since when has f**king intelligence been a requirement to stick a bayonet into another man and rip his guts out The primary task of the soldier is to" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1926962405923225972) 2025-05-26T11:23Z [----] followers, 27.7K engagements "CARL GUSTAV ANTI-TANK 84MM The Swedish Carl Gustav recoilless rifle is an [--] mm man-portable reusable anti-tank weapon produced by Saab Bofors Dynamics (formerly Bofors Anti-Armour AB) in Sweden introduced in [----]. But you knew that didnt you I remember using the Charlie G in action once what a fucking beast. There I was on the East German border tasked to take out a T72 soviet tank which was heading straight for me. I fired three rounds at the tank and when Id finished it was a burnt-out wreck fucking marvellous Unfortunately the power cut out on my Xbox and I had to start all over again and" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1928492037050937719) 2025-05-30T16:41Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Mounds of ammunition casings from field artillery fired during the Battle of the Somme in mid 1916" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1929679683702100341) 2025-06-02T23:21Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "BOOTS NBC NBC over boots that protected you from nuclear chemical biological attacks but if you hadn't got your boy scouts knot badge then you had zero chance of tying them properly. The boots were f**king useless they never fit and would need half a ton of fullers earth to decontaminate but they did keep your feet toasty. Im sure I remember getting my groove on whilst wearing NBC boots moonwalking like Micheal Jackson at a Grab a Granny night at The Grapes nightclub in Colchester [----]. Dont knock it they were the latest look back in the 70s BULLIES AND BULLSHIT [--] Available on amazon" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1929823125618741420) 2025-06-03T08:51Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "THE IDEAL GIFT FOR FATHERS DAY - MILITARY HUMOR JOKE books With whats going on in the world today it's a good thing that the military never loses its sense of humour. JOKE BOOK [--] https://www.amazon.co.uk/Military-Humor-Joke-Book-Clive/dp/1694635430 http://www.clivewardauthor.com https://www.amazon.co.uk/Military-Humor-Joke-Book-Clive/dp/1694635430 http://www.clivewardauthor.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1930638766227571040) 2025-06-05T14:52Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "William and Catherine. Nailed it" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1931871872708149292) 2025-06-09T00:32Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "Where were you when this happened. I was at Soltau Germany" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1933192144728056005) 2025-06-12T15:58Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Mother of All Pub Crawls BAOR This is for those of you that had the pleasure indeed the privilege to serve as part of the glorious British Army of the Rhine (BAOR) More specifically this memorialises a number of things not just the defence of the realm against Soviet aggression more specifically the time spent sampling the many hospitable establishments that served BAOR personal the many beers and bratty's that were consumed and made so many memories. Keep the memories alive and wear yours with pride. https://militaryhumorstores.com/products/military-humor-mother-of-all-pub-crawls-baor" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1934610778549587975) 2025-06-16T13:55Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Sennybridge or should I say Sennyfridge. All the seasons in an hour. It was so bad that my socks are still wet thirty years later. You knew when you arrived at Senyfridge camp and you were issued with Artic ration packs in the summer that something wasnt quite right. I'm sure a few toes have been left there in that sheep- shit capital of the world. Once you hit the cattle grid you were wet till ENDEX. There were suicidal sheep everywhere you went even they didnt want to be there. You woke up in the morning and they were there they would even share your gonk bag if you let them. Not me though." [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1934905011357552767) 2025-06-17T09:24Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Every gonk bag had its own signature DNA weird smell. I remember once whilst on exercise just finishing stag having to wake up one of my buddies. I would just have to sniff around in the dark until Id located the right smell. The pong hit me instantly I put my hand over my mouth and nose the smell was too much and I backed off. Wake up Wocko you smelly c*nt youre on stag. Im not Wocko you twat Wocko is over there. Well youre sleeping in his gonk bag then. Shit am I Yes I am f**k There were some sleeping bags around that if you got into one by mistake they would f**king devour you. You would" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1935629788770656325) 2025-06-19T09:24Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Thats gotta be grounds for disciplinary action. No way is he passing a fitness test" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1936184422929490285) 2025-06-20T22:08Z [----] followers, 14.4K engagements "Memories Stand to Having instant mates wherever you went. That first cigarette after a five mile of death. Gammon steaks in the cookhouse with a pineapple ring fused on the top. Taking risks on my own without a bloody assessment first. That rifle with wood or plastic furniture. The sound of the Land Rover driving on Tarmac. Brunch in the cookhouse on a Sunday. Series [--] Land Rovers. Able to be fixed with a hammer and some black nasty. Lying on the louvres of a [---] on Hohne ranges or Soltau looking up at a star filled sky. Then waking up and breathing in the clean fresh air. Jager schnitzels." [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1937429442516734101) 2025-06-24T08:35Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "AFTERSHAVE I bet I could still identify the smells from back in the 70s and 80s But thats all we had. I wonder how the girls would react today probably gag BRUT THE ESSENCE OF MAN Just splash it all over said our Henry in those adverts. So we did by the bucket load under each pit my bollocks everywhere Some of the other aftershaves I remember were Blue Stratos Old spice Hai Karate Denim Paco Rabanne Acqua di Selva Tabac Insignia. I dont think I ever bought any of the above myself. I was too tight. We didnt need too back then. We just waited to go home on Christmas leave to get bombarded with" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1938161237277245461) 2025-06-26T09:03Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Compo rat-packs are a big improvement compared to the old and the bold style ration packs that came mostly in tins. Awkward as f**k to pack away in your 58-pattern webbing. But how come the old compo which is named by the old soldiers as Food of the Gods tasted a lot better or did it Sorry I should point out if any civvies are reading this that Compo is the rations (food) issued to the military for when one is out in the cuds. (In the field). If you are one of the old and the bold like me its funny how a few tins of the food of the gods ignites your memories. Everybody remembers their first" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1938372270117802267) 2025-06-26T23:02Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "It Ain' Half Hot Mum - Windsor Davies - BSM Davies - Gift - Sergeant Major - Pin Badge In the UK I think we owe a lot to actor Lovely boy.Windsor Davis for those wonderful and hilarious quotes from the sitcom It Aint Half Hot Mum. In fact even now when I read an RSM quote from the past I often word it in my head in a Welsh ascent and I bet Im not on my own. But did he ever make it from BSM to RSM Did he serve Yes of course he did. Windsor Davis was called up for national service between 1950-52 serving in Libya and Egypt with the East Surrey Regiment. It was in the army that he found he was a" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1938588577371242753) 2025-06-27T13:21Z [----] followers, [--] engagements "I noticed in the comments on my last Compo post the subject of Rolo's came up well here's what I know. ROLOS The good old British Rolo or were they British Didnt you just hate trying to get the bits of foil off especially in the dark. Just when you thought youd cracked it ouch you bastard the foil would make contact with your fillings. They didnt taste like your standard Rolo like the Mars bars they had that white been stored in a warm place look about them. And then like the Mars bars there was all that Arabic writing on the wrapping. Obviously yet another Iranian deal that went tits up left" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1938681209430921469) 2025-06-27T19:29Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "How can I not mention the toy version of the SLR L1A1 or FN FAL. They first came on the scene as a toy in the late 50s and they were still making them well into the 80s I know that because I bought one for my youngest son. There you go son Daddy has got one of these now youve got one. He loved it. Thats until he asked me how to use it. Then he didnt like it anymore. Week one. I didnt waste any time. Yep I soon had him running round the living room [--] laps at the high port go lock those arms back above the head Dont carry the rifle by the f**king carrying handle Week two. Not pokey drill again" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1939983995976261998) 2025-07-01T09:46Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Endex Comic is a British publication that dives into the world of military humour primarily focusing on the experiences of serving soldiers and veterans from all branches of the Armed Forces with a special emphasis on the British military. You can grab them directly from their official site at http://endexcomic.com http://endexcomic.com" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1940544208219123770) 2025-07-02T22:52Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "Land Rover space shuttle This iconic piece of outstanding British Engineering that has seen service since it's introduction in [----] has made many a backside sore and rattled many bones throughout the British Armed Forces. Loved by all as a reliable solid and versatile ride it has seen many roles from it's various models. The British Army was able to develop Military only models and some of these are still around today. Get yours today. https://militaryhumorstores.com/products/veteran-gifts-british-military-humor-dad-gifts-land-rover" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1940789037020631230) 2025-07-03T15:05Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "British Army [--] Pattern Water Bottle I was rummaging about in my garage the other day looking for a few old copies of Readers Wives when I came across my old [--] pattern indestructible water bottle at the bottom of a MFO box. It instantly put a smile on my face. I hadnt seen that since [----]. Then suddenly I realised it still had water in it. Shit My face dropped and I started to panic. That f**ker has been in there for decades. F**king hell You had to have a refined set of taste buds to appreciate the taste of the water coming out of one of these things back in the day. What the f**k would it" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1940790358767546737) 2025-07-03T15:10Z [----] followers, 10.7K engagements "A FEW THINGS YOU MIGHT REMEMBER FROM BAOR Buying a tax free Datsun Cherry. You could push the doors in with your finger. Fuel coupons. The mad dash to go home on leave. The fields outside Zeebrugge used to look like they were growing Jerry cans. Vogelsang Brunch at the weekends lazy chefs. Fantastic summers and winters that would have you shovelling snow from around the camp forever.Snow chains on snow chains off. My first Schnelli bratty gyros Currywurst. The old sterling five pence pieces the same size as a Deutsch mark that worked in the German cigarette machines as if they werent cheap" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1941424239891927286) 2025-07-05T09:09Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "11 September [----] Two German airmen who force landed Heinkel are marched off by the Home Guard at Burmarsh Kent UK" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1941513185670070501) 2025-07-05T15:03Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "GAS GAS GAS Gas chamber sorry Respirator Testing Facility to give it the proper woke name. Loved the gas chambers. For me one of the funniest bits of training I ever did. Watching all your mates clamber out the chamber teared up and coughing priceless. But there was always somebody who stood there and somehow it didnt affect him he or she was immune. You soon found out who's gas mask worked in Northern Ireland although the Irish seemed totally immune to cs gas. I remember being in Germany after an all-day session inhaling in the gas chambers then going home in my noddy suit putting my gas" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1941804250415177915) 2025-07-06T10:19Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Apparently recruits today don't do bed blocks in training they get issued duvets f**king DUVETS I hear you say surely not who spreads this rubbish Trainers for assault courses duvets instead of the good old bed blocks whatever next Cleaners coming in to clean the rooms What was that Thats true as well Meanwhile at the QMs store. QM What is it Private Private Its these duvet covers Sergeant. QM What is wrong with them Private I wanted my My little pony not Thomas the tank engine. Apparently the QMs have a great selection of covers nowadays. Barbie Action Man Spiderman and Bob the Builder. And" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1942163024166502523) 2025-07-07T10:05Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "ACTIVE EDGE COMPO STOCKS Ex Active Edge was a cold war readiness exercise that was used to practice the callout of the whole of BAOR in the event of 'World War 3.' It was also a way to show the red army observers exactly where to aim their first barrage of Tactical Nukes. Most of the time these call outs occurred around 0300hrs. Being a pad (married soldier) in Germany I remember the knock on the door when active edge was called then turning over and going back to sleep f**k WW3. The married guys had a habit of taking their time while the hung-over single guys got all the wagons ready to go." [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1942242134314090545) 2025-07-07T15:19Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "BOOTS DMS For the 1970s/80s look its got to be Boots DMS. Whether youre marching forced marching for drill assault courses exercise or war and not forgetting running BFTs yes we did everything in them. Like we had a choice Once they were worn in and the blisters were all gone they were like wearing slippers. All weather one size fits all multipurpose BFT and CFT assault course wonder boots. Army foot covering for the use of. The DMS boot with puttees BFT specials we ran and marched in them for miles and miles in all weathers. And rumour had it that you could run faster if they were polishedor" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1942512831590482313) 2025-07-08T09:15Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "He wasnt all right. He was losing weight and sleeping more and more. You couldnt tell him though because hed just shut up shop like he does when I quiz him on his military service. We chatted for a while about the different people hed met on the streets. I met this homeless guy in Nottingham he seemed normal at first until he told me that there were pterodactyls everywhere he was convinced they were going to take over the world. Maybe he knew something you didnt I joked. And there was another guy in Chesterfield he was totally not right in the head. He called himself The Chicken King. He used" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1943361822687449171) 2025-07-10T17:28Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "COLD WAR ERA RE-ENACTMENT DAY The number of cold war veterans on social media say they have a full set of [--] pattern and full NBC kits in their attic loft garage shed or spare bedroom why Because they are waiting for WW3 to arrive This got me thinking with that many we could form some sort of cold war era re-enactment day. We could all meet up in Soltau in full [--] pattern get shit faced on Herforders beer and blast the f**k out each other with paintball guns. It would have been great to get Wolfgang to turn up but hes not with us anymore RIP Wolfie if he was Im sure hed be in Ukraine selling" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1943599839356375412) 2025-07-11T09:14Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "GPMG Weve all heard the slogans. In the beginning the Universe was created. Then they created the GPMG. General purpose machine gun. Matelots might know it better as the big scary black gun. Theres been lots of nicknames and slogans for it over the last sixty five years or so of its existence. The GPMG Gimpy The General Small arms large holes. Belt fed domination as I like to call it from that really funny YouTube video. If you want some serious bang for your buck its got to be the Gimpy. I loved it. You could fire it wearing a dress and still look good or maybe not. I know one lad who wore a" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1943645196048347303) 2025-07-11T12:15Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Military Humor - SLR- [----] - Pin Badge This is an exclusive item to us here at Military Humor Stores. For all of the fans of the ubiquitous Self Loading Rifle. We have had this specially made pin badge commissioned. This is superb quality it is not printed but embossed which adds a higher lever of details and adds to the quality of the item. 20mm enamel pin badge with clutch fixing. These would make a great addition to anyone's wardrobe. A striking and original gift. https://militaryhumorstores.com/collections/accessories/products/military-humor-slr-7-62-pin-badge" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1943703572404732181) 2025-07-11T16:06Z [----] followers, [---] engagements "Back to basics Down Test and Adjust Firing an SLR for the first time was exciting but a bit scary. There was always someone on the wrong gas setting wrong sized butt not holding their weapon properly forgotten their ear defenders and couldnt shoot for toffee. Twenty rounds later a cut eye bruised jaw ringing ears Instructors laughing their tits off. But you got it right in the end. And when you did It felt so comfortable. That old saying was so true. You become one with your rifle Please share BOOK ENDEX [--] uncut a must read for all Military UK Kindle and paperback CAN AU" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1944328151066141072) 2025-07-13T09:28Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Thirty plus years later looking back I must admit my time in the army was some of the best years of my life. It wasnt because I liked it. There sure was nothing to like about losing comrades missing loved ones. We liked it because we were young hungry and full of life. We all were we were a brotherhood. Choggie Burgers Egg banjos the first ciggy after a BFT the smell of Swarfega reveille standing orders Gas Gas Gas. Isn't it strange how a few words can trigger a flashback right back to the days of Blanco and carbolic soap for some. Looking back I get enormous satisfaction from pretty much all" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1944681330022678721) 2025-07-14T08:52Z [----] followers, [----] engagements "Me back in the day. You don't know because you weren't fcukin there mate" [X Link](https://x.com/anyuser/status/1944841758015414557) 2025-07-14T19:29Z [----] followers, 70.7K engagements "ATTEMPT TO DRIVE ACROSS CHANNEL For many years the tales of a soldier attempting to pilot a STOLLY Alvis Stalwart across the English Channel were treated by many as another Army Urban Myth. Investigation of the Times archives indicates that something like this did happen. The following was reported on the 24th of November [----]. Nov 23- A Rhine Army trooper from Bristol who tried to cross the English Channel in an Army five-ton amphibious vehicle was sentenced to eight months detention here today. He was found guilty of being absent without leave plus three other charges. He entered the water" [X Link](https://x.com/CliveWardauthor/status/1945056725943345456) 2025-07-15T09:43Z [----] followers, [----] engagements Limited data mode. Full metrics available with subscription: lunarcrush.com/pricing
@CliveWardauthor Clive Ward
Clive Ward posts on X about ward, germany, in the, if you the most. They currently have [-----] followers and [---] posts still getting attention that total [------] engagements in the last [--] hours.
Engagements: [------] #
- [--] Week [------] -98%
- [--] Month [---------] +1,837%
- [--] Months [---------] +852%
- [--] Year [---------] +1,745%
Mentions: [--] #
- [--] Months [---] +11%
- [--] Year [---] +151%
Followers: [-----] #
- [--] Week [-----] +0.44%
- [--] Month [-----] +8.20%
- [--] Months [-----] +47%
- [--] Year [-----] +155%
CreatorRank: [-------] #
Social Influence
Social category influence countries finance automotive brands celebrities travel destinations technology brands us election gaming mlb
Social topic influence ward #282, germany, in the, if you, ireland, belize #10, war, gas, the british, op
Top accounts mentioned or mentioned by @klint_izwudd @mcrobbie57iain @ian_kimpilling @mrfreemannnnnnn @stevenbarkm6s @mowgli1977z @postedtobaor @daveoutwalking @mupper41 @usanewshq @copmoustache @notfarleftatall @otokyo @civixplorer @michelledewbs @northerness @fuzifelt @andreww77170440 @harrychunkk @ivornother
Top assets mentioned BISCUITS (BISCUITS) Lancaster Colony Corp (LANC) Welshcorgicoin (WELSH) God's Country (COUNTRY)
Top Social Posts
Top posts by engagements in the last [--] hours
"Hurricane Milton to double in size as storm of the century threatens Florida Category [--] storm expected to bring 15ft storm surge along coast packing 145mph (233km/h) winds its going to be "deadly and catastrophic" Get out Stay safe"
X Link 2024-10-09T18:53Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"#Wolfgang #BAOR #Soltau #BFG #Yellowhandbag"
X Link 2024-10-14T18:35Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"#WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance"
X Link 2024-10-15T22:43Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC Out November. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy"
X Link 2024-10-16T13:51Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"Woman on Omaha Beach Normandy France [----] #WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance"
X Link 2024-10-16T17:09Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"#WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance"
X Link 2024-10-16T17:20Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"#WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance"
X Link 2024-10-17T11:07Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"Ready in the butts"
X Link 2024-10-18T00:24Z [----] followers, [--] engagements
"Range stew was best served in the dark. Better than horror bags though. Spending the morning on the ranges with rain sleet or snow dribbling down your tin pisser into your mess tin it was a great pick me up. BULLIES AND BULSHIT http://www.clivewardauthor.com http://www.clivewardauthor.com"
X Link 2024-10-18T10:21Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"As the time of year approaches the 11th November maximum Walt activity begins. All you Walt commandos out there wearing your gongs and bling if youre not on the ball and havent done your homework you will be outed. Here are a few tips that might help you get through the day"
X Link 2024-10-19T11:40Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#Military #Veteran #JOKES #Marines #Paras #ARMY #Navy #humour #funny #navy #RAF #comic #books #Veterans #MilitaryCartoonsOnly http://clivewardauthor.com http://clivewardauthor.com"
X Link 2024-10-19T12:27Z [----] followers, [--] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC Out in [--] days. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy"
X Link 2024-10-19T12:51Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance"
X Link 2024-10-19T13:49Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #BAOR #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy"
X Link 2024-10-19T14:39Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#Royalairforce #RAF"
X Link 2024-10-19T16:54Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC Out November. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy"
X Link 2024-10-19T17:13Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#Military #Veteran #JOKES #Marines #Paras #ARMY #Navy #humour #funny #navy #RAF #comic #books #Veterans #MilitaryCartoonsOnly http://clivewardauthor.com http://clivewardauthor.com"
X Link 2024-10-19T18:09Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#Military #Veteran #BAOR #JOKES #Marines #Paras #ARMY #Navy #humour #funny #navy #RAF #comic #books #Veterans #MilitaryCartoonsOnly http://clivewardauthor.com http://clivewardauthor.com"
X Link 2024-10-19T18:10Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"The first girl Ann appeared on the very first can in [----]. Then it was a long procession of beauties until Violet who was the last girl to appear on the cans in [----]. Did anyone get a full erection I mean collection YOU WOULDNT BELIZE IT 1978-79 http://www.clivewardauthor.com http://www.clivewardauthor.com"
X Link 2024-10-19T21:05Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC Out November. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy"
X Link 2024-10-20T17:34Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#Military #Veteran #JOKES #Marines #Paras #ARMY #Navy #humour #funny #navy #RAF #comic #books #Veterans #MilitaryCartoonsOnly http://clivewardauthor.com http://clivewardauthor.com"
X Link 2024-10-20T17:56Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance"
X Link 2024-10-20T18:09Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#WW2 #DDay #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #Military #Veteran #LestWeForget #WW1 #Rememberance"
X Link 2024-10-20T18:13Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#military #veteran #JOKES #marines #Paras #ARMY #Navy #humour #Humor #funny #navy #RAF #comic #books #comic #Militaryhumorjokebook http://clivewardauthor.com http://clivewardauthor.com"
X Link 2024-10-21T16:58Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"#Poppyday #military #veteran #JOKES #books #army #navy #RAF #LestWeForget #Rememberance #Neverforget"
X Link 2024-10-21T20:40Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC on sale in [--] days comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoons #Veteran #RoyalNavy"
X Link 2024-10-22T10:51Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"#Military #Veteran #JOKES #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Cartoons #Paras #Endexcomic"
X Link 2024-10-22T13:34Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"In [---] billion years he'll go supernova. Make the planet great again #Elon_Musk #Trump #ElonOnMars #TrumpElon #Shares"
X Link 2024-10-22T19:48Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC out next week. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy"
X Link 2024-10-23T12:19Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#Ranges #SF #Military #Intantry #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #MilitaryHumour #MilitaryHumor #Paras #EndexBooks #Veterans #RAF"
X Link 2024-10-23T12:28Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC Out next week. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy"
X Link 2024-10-23T12:39Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC Out next week. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy"
X Link 2024-10-23T14:34Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#Military #Intantry #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #MilitaryHumour #MilitaryHumor #Paras #EndexBooks #Veterans #RAF"
X Link 2024-10-23T17:27Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC Out next week. Both Paper comic or download [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR and loads more. Please share #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy"
X Link 2024-10-23T20:58Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#budget #prebudget #bustax #starmer #labour #twotierkier"
X Link 2024-10-28T16:33Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"#HarryandMeghan #Harry #Royals #21Taliban #Taliban"
X Link 2024-10-31T09:49Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"@mowgli1977z Nice one Duncan it was hard to put together on a shoe string but hopefully we sell enough to do issue [--] and I can bring in some veteran cartoonists and writers"
X Link 2024-11-04T22:38Z [---] followers, [--] engagements
"#Trump #Harris"
X Link 2024-11-05T22:14Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"It was now Monday morning [----] hours stupid oclock. Ill always remember that dreaded noise of the strip lights being turned on by the duty NCO in his noisy ammo boots. That sudden bright light and the tinkling noise of the lights powering up one by one and the words Wakey Wakey or something a little stronger and less polite. Wed quickly jump into our Boots DMS Denims green placcy belt and red PT vest or full combats full kit and weapon depending on the beast level. Then it was on parade outside the block for our early morning beasting running around the Garrison. Some of us enjoyed the runs."
X Link 2024-11-06T18:39Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"Going on day trips can be great fun until you walk into the Imperial War Museum and the first thing you see is a mannequin wearing the same uniform that you were issued with when you joined up. Then you head for the Tower of London and find out the Beefeaters are all younger than you are. Later walking down the Mall you see some Chelsea Pensioners thats when you recognise your old RSM. Please share to your friends ENDEX a must read for all Military Warning If easily offended I really do advise you not to read this book. UK kindle price [----] or free on Kindle Unlimited also available in"
X Link 2024-11-18T19:03Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"Dont get a sad on get a mag on and stag on but dont get caught #stagon #stag"
X Link 2024-11-24T20:55Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"An Army recruiting team from [----]. Makes you wonder how they'd do it today #recruiting"
X Link 2024-11-27T19:46Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"I shot the vicar in the cafe. Op banner training"
X Link 2024-11-28T14:31Z [----] followers, 20K engagements
"Rifle Bunduk or Bang-Stick SLR Gat Like many of the old and the bold out there I was bought up on the SLR. Loved it. Those jolts to the shoulder kerchunk the sound of the working parts and the thump. Become one with your rifle they said and you certainly did. Then suddenly in the 80's she just disappeared and along came the SA80 and quite possibly one of the reasons I stopped wearing green. It was a very sad day when she was replaced. I say bring the SLR back for drill and ceremonial parades it looked the bollocks back in the day with its wooden furniture plus you can smack the f**k out of"
X Link 2024-12-01T10:36Z [---] followers, [----] engagements
"The ENDEX Comic is a publication that features military humour primarily focused on the British military but also relatable to veterans and serving members from various countries. https://endexcomic.comIt includes humorous content like cartoons and stories created by and for veterans and those currently in service. The comic aims to capture the essence of military life through its dark humour which is a common coping mechanism among service members. A percentage of the profits will be donated to our chosen charity. We'd be grateful if you can give it your support. And enable us to finance"
X Link 2024-12-03T17:23Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"Sennybridge or should I say Sennyfridge. All the seasons in an hour. It was so bad that my socks are still wet thirty years later. You knew when you arrived at Senyfridge camp and you were issued with Artic ration packs in the summer that something wasnt quite right. I'm sure a few toes have been left there in that sheep- shit capital of the world. Once you hit the cattle grid you were wet till ENDEX. There were suicidal sheep everywhere you went even they didnt want to be there. You woke up in the morning and they were there they would even share your gonk bag if you let them. Not me though."
X Link 2024-12-04T03:06Z [---] followers, [----] engagements
"The real reason why Extra Armour was put on our vehicles was to make sure the BVs were protected life savers. Back in cold war Germany days as a mechanized infantry man cooking compo was easy wed fill our BVs (boiling vessel) with enough water grab a couple of cans of compo (do not pierce) put a large dent in them to stop the cans exploding avoiding hot napalm death Then wait for the water to boil. Five minutes later tuck in. The good old BVs had other uses with slight modifications. It's a kettle it's a cooker it's a toaster but most of all it was a life saver when on exercise. If the BV was"
X Link 2024-12-04T22:16Z [---] followers, [----] engagements
"Also known as the Sterling Machine Gun (British) tested in 1944-45 replaced the Sten in [----] until production was stopped in [----]. A brilliant piece of precision engineering and a great bit if kit. Never ever had a stoppage with this highly accurate long-range sniper weapon awesome tank killer and artillery piece. The greatest and best-looking weapon Ive ever fired. Ok that is enough about the SMG or Imperial Storm trooper blaster standard issue. Couldnt hit a barn door from twenty-five yards and would not penetrate wet combats. If you pulled the trigger everything seemed to be in slow motion"
X Link 2024-12-07T04:43Z [----] followers, 27.5K engagements
"#Trump #Putin #WW3"
X Link 2024-12-07T22:16Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"A FEW THINGS YOU MIGHT REMEMBER FROM BAOR Buying a tax free Datsun Cherry. You could push the doors in with your finger. Fuel coupons. The mad dash to go home on leave. The fields outside Zeebrugge used to look like they were growing Jerry cans. Vogelsang Brunch at the weekends lazy chefs. Fantastic summers and winters that would have you shovelling snow from around the camp forever .Snow chains on snow chains off. My first Schnelli bratty gyros Currywurst. The old sterling five pence pieces the same size as a Deutsch mark that worked in the German cigarette machines as if they werent cheap"
X Link 2024-12-09T16:44Z [---] followers, [----] engagements
"If you know you know"
X Link 2024-12-14T13:16Z [----] followers, 18.6K engagements
"ZULU WARRIOR I first came across the so-called dance in Belize during [----]. It was NAAFI kicking out time and everyone was totally rat-arsed. Some nutter climbed up on the row of six-foot tables pulled his shorts down stuck a rolled-up newspaper up his arse and lit it like a torch. He then ran up and down the tables performing a dance called The dance of the flaming arseholes chanting get it down you Zulu warrior get it down you Zulu chief chief chief. Then more and more lads got up to do it. I recall one of the lads pubes lit up like dead grass and suddenly his knack sack was a towering"
X Link 2024-12-14T16:20Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC Get your copy of the first edition. Available in print or download. Don't miss out. Get yours today. Please share. #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy #compo http://endexcomic.com http://endexcomic.com"
X Link 2024-12-14T18:22Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
". Don't miss out. Get yours today. Please share. #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy #compo http://endexcomic.com http://endexcomic.com"
X Link 2024-12-14T19:39Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"A young sprog fresh out of training was given an axe and told to take it to the CQMS and to stop off on his way there and give a sealed envelope to the CSM. You can guess what happened next The sprog reports to the CSM with axe in hand and the CSM opens the note to read. GIVE US THE COMPANY FUNDS OR ILL CHOP YOUR F*****G HEAD OFF I hope this really happened.at least once. just to imagine the expression on the CSMs face priceless. Please share. ENDEX [--] out now a must read for all Military UK kindle price [----] also available in paperback price 6.95"
X Link 2024-12-15T13:02Z [---] followers, [----] engagements
"Tail gunner Lawrence Benner on a Lancaster bomber Royal Canadian Air Force [----]. Respect"
X Link 2024-12-16T17:10Z [----] followers, 172.8K engagements
"POKEY DRILL Rifle strengthening exercises known to generations of soldiers as Pokey Drill. I remember it well so does my body as it turns to jelly. I can hear the PTI now. Just a little pokey drill lads we wont go daft just till your arms are screaming then a little more eh. Rotating the weapon from hand to hand passing it around the back holding it at arms length when holding the stock butt and flash hider. (ouch) Bunch of sadists if you ask me. What sadistic bastards dreamt that up My arms still shake uncontrollably every now and again and I have nightmares of weeping squaddies calling for"
X Link 2024-12-16T17:17Z [---] followers, [----] engagements
"In the UK I think we owe a lot to actor Lovely boy.Windsor Davis for those wonderful and hilarious quotes from the sitcom It Aint Half Hot Mum. In fact even now when I read an RSM quote from the past I often word it in my head in a Welsh accent and I bet Im not on my own. But did he ever make it from BSM to RSM Did he serve Yes of course he did. It Ain' Half Hot Mum - Windsor Davies - BSM Davies - Gift - Sergeant Major - Pin Badge Windsor Davis was called up for national service between 1950-52 serving in Libya and Egypt with the East Surrey Regiment. It was in the army that he found he was a"
X Link 2024-12-19T12:11Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"58 Pattern. NEW BULLIES AND BULLSHIT [--] To sum up if it wasnt for black nasty and bungees the whole thing would have fallen apart. I remember running through the undergrowth in full kit and getting snagged and it fell apart. The training areas were full of diffy kit. Was there something called exercise loss I remember mentioning that to our QM he just laughed and told me to piss-off. But why was all this kit so crap Ill tell you why. Because they didnt expect us to survive longer than a few minutes or a few seconds if you were infantry. They wouldnt care if you went marching into battle"
X Link 2024-12-20T12:47Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"Last 💋 kiss. Time to get back to the barracks. All veterans have been there. Mine was Liverpool street before an Op banner tour"
X Link 2024-12-20T14:27Z [---] followers, [---] engagements
"TRUE STORY Using forensic detective ring techniques it was found that the 7.62mm round was fired from an SLR with wooden furniture in [----] it was fired by a Gurkha in a falling plate competition from the 300m firing point the recoil knocked him back to the 600m firing point. The round knocked all the plates down ricocheted into orbit the orbit degraded over the next year where the round returned to the exact point it was aimed at knocking the plates down and winning the match again before ricocheting back into the same orbit and repeating the win for the next [--] years. Over that time the"
X Link 2024-12-20T18:19Z [---] followers, [----] engagements
"Chamberlain St from the Rossville flats. Londonderry"
X Link 2024-12-22T15:56Z [---] followers, [----] engagements
"NI GLOVES They were a bit of a waste of time. When they got wet they were wet for the whole tour. gloves Northern Ireland You could remove the foam padding and replace it with nuts and bolts for protection when patrolling down the Falls Road at two in the morning allegedly. Some would say they provided better protection than the personal weapons you were issued with Firing it in self-defence meant there was a risk of going to prison years later just saying shafted and all that. BULLIES AND BULLSHIT [--] Warning If easily offended I really do advise you not to read this book. Available on amazon"
X Link 2024-12-26T13:30Z [----] followers, 10.5K engagements
"Out of all my postings Germany was the best. Our regiment was one of many regiments sent out there to drink cheap beer as part of the British Army of the Rhine. Our other role when we were sober was spent on standby ready to move at a moments notice it was called Active Edge. Wed be crashed out to our top secret harbour areas only to find the bratty wagon was already there. Our job was to defend West Germany and NATO in the event of a Soviet invasion. But everyone knew if they did invade wed be about effective as an officer with a compass. We lived out there for nearly five years 1979-84 for"
X Link 2024-12-27T11:21Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Lieutenant-General Sir Adrian Carton de Wiart VC KBE CB CMG DSO General Carton de Wiart could claim to have been the most wounded officer in the British Army having been wounded a grand total of [--] times; twice in the Boer War once in Somaliland and eight times on the Western Front. Two of these injuries resulted in what others might have considered serious impairments: the loss of his left eye and the loss of his left hand. For many years after he had been wounded during the First World War he was having pieces of shrapnel taken from his body. Carton de Wiart started his service as a Trooper"
X Link 2024-12-27T11:33Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC Get your copy of the first edition. Available in print or download. Don't miss out. Get yours today. Please share. #Military #Veteran #Marines #ARMY #Navy #Humour #MilitaryHumor #Funny #Paras #MilitaryCartoonsOnly #Veteran #RoyalNavy #COMPO http://endexcomic.com http://endexcomic.com"
X Link 2024-12-28T11:34Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"@Posted_to_BAOR Is this the way forward. The new snowflake approach Jones40 those boots of yours could do with a bit more polish theres a good lad shiny boots are happy boots Theres a boot bulling club at 2000hours tonight if youd care to join us. Free chocolate biscuits and coffee Or on the drill square. Private Jennings you really are struggling with your drill arent you Dont worry lad well all wait for you to catch up wont we lads Leave no man behind. Rather than What do we have here undisputed mg magnet of the fking year 2018-2019 do they miss you in the village Jennings You are a"
X Link 2024-12-31T13:26Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"SHOW PARADE/ STAFF PARADE We called it staff parade and I must have broken all records when I served I was the scruffiest soldier in NATO. I must have needed it back then. You were put on staff parade for all sorts of reason. Reporting to the guard room at 2200hrs. Here are a few of my favourites. Whats yours Show: electric alarm clock with incorrect time. Show: less stupid expression on face. Show: incorrect locker latout same as bed entire locker had to be taken to the Guardroom. Me How am I going to get that lot down the guard room Sergeant Sgt I down know and dont Fkin care phone fkin"
X Link 2025-01-01T11:26Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"CHINESE FIGHTING SUIT I can remember being issued the original fighting suit in the 70s and I also remember sayingwhat a piece of crap I'll never wear that COMBAT LINER SMOCK COLD WEATHER was in my opinion the biggest waste of space in my kit bag. Called a Chinese fighting suit because they were great to wear when entering the local Chinese restaurant for a little kung fu fighting. The truth is the material they were made out of resembled the padded jackets the Chinese warriors wore back in the day. I don't think it ever came out of my locker. NBC suit combat jacket jumper shirt KF long johns"
X Link 2025-01-01T16:02Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"ENDEX COMIC On sale now paper comic or download. [--] PAGES OF MILITARY CARTOON STRIPS featuring the RAZZMAN Private FUBAR Jumping JACK GRUMPY OLD VETERAN The Walter Mitty Hunters Pub At home with SAS & MORE. Please Share http://endexcomic.com http://endexcomic.com"
X Link 2025-01-02T13:15Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"That lid is fucking unforgivable"
X Link 2025-01-03T01:02Z [----] followers, 18.7K engagements
"You cant beat the old tinned stuff. I know what Id rather have. But todays soldier would probably disagree with that. You are wrong old man our rations are the dogs bollocks. Now and again you see the odd 70s 80s can of compo appear on eBay for some ridiculous price. My advice is to get in the loft or the garage and start digging down into the bottom of your old Bergen. You might find that long lost tin of oatmeal blocks or bacon grill or if youre really lucky the artificial vagina. Dont stay up there too long the missus will know what youre up to if she reads this book. In years to come"
X Link 2025-01-03T17:48Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"GPMG For when you absolutely need to kill every f**ker. Matelots might know it better as the big scary black gun. Weve all heard the slogans. In the beginning the Universe was created. Then they created the GPMG. General purpose machine gun. Theres been lots of nicknames and slogans for it over the last sixty five years or so of its existence. The GPMG Gimpy The General Small arms large holes. Belt fed domination as I like to call it from that really funny YouTube video. If you want some serious bang for your buck its got to be the Gimpy. I loved it. You could fire it wearing a dress and"
X Link 2025-01-05T19:25Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Thursday night is Grab a Granny night or international army night out. Wherever it may be you knew you were in for a great night. I remember it like it was yesterday. There you were out of your tree supported by the rest of your buddies all wearing the same aftershave Brut Blue Stratos Old spice Hai Karate Denim Paco Rabanne Aqua di Selva Tabac and Insignia to name but a few. Aggressively staring at the good-looking girls who are way out of your league. Saying things like You see her over there Ive sh*gged that and her and her mate Sometime during the evening when youve moved on to Pernod and"
X Link 2025-01-07T03:20Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"COMPO RATIONS FOOD OF THE GODS STEAK AND KIDNEY PUDDING Snake and Sydney Pudding also known as Babies' heads. Called babies' heads because they looked like them when they came slithering out of the can. I used to love watching sprogs end up with a face full of hot boiling fat squirting into the eyes when they pierced the tin. Napalm death BISCUITS AB Meaning Alternative Bread or Anal Blockage. One word indestructible There was always a rumour going around that they were used in early body-armour testing for ballistic resistance. Ingredients: 500mg bromide 300mg cement [---] mg sand and [--] spoons"
X Link 2025-01-08T02:18Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Rifle Banduk or Bang-Stick SLR Gat Like many of the old and the bold out there I was bought up on the SLR. Loved it. Those jolts to the shoulder kerchunk the sound of the working parts and the thump. Become one with your rifle they said and you certainly did. Then suddenly in the 80's she just disappeared and along came the SA80 and quite possibly one of the reasons I stopped wearing green. It was a very sad day when she was replaced. I say bring the SLR back for drill and ceremonial parades it looked the bollocks back in the day with its wooden furniture plus you can smack the f**k out of"
X Link 2025-01-08T16:30Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Get stuck in lads COMPO FOOD OF THE GODS by Clive Ward http://www.clivewardauthor.com http://www.clivewardauthor.com"
X Link 2025-01-09T19:23Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"THE HEXI TELE After a busy day tabbing digging in sweating or freezing your nuts off the Hexi Tele was a welcome relief. As you lay there in your piss wet through maggot waiting for what seemed like ages for your babies heads to cook boiling away on your Hexi cooker. Suddenly you cant help but stare into those flickering blue hypnotic Hexi flames. It had special power within seconds it starts to take away all that misery and fk this for a game of soldiers thoughts and it is soon replaced with thoughts of shaing beer and ENDEX. It wouldnt last long but its times like that in the middle of"
X Link 2025-01-10T18:24Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"Before Biscuits brown there was Biscuits AB Also known as Alternative Bread or Anal Blockage. Nicknamed Hardtack' from navy days when they never got bread They came six in a pack issued in the 24-hour ration packs in the 60s 70s and early 80s. One word indestructible Biscuits AB- Handy tool when youre down to your last round. Place two packets in a sock and beat something to death. There was always a rumour going around that they were used in early body-amour testing for ballistic resistance. Also can be used as a handy digging tool. You had to be seriously hungry to eat them on their own."
X Link 2025-01-10T21:42Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"Biscuits AB were issue in the 24hr ration packs until the early 80's"
X Link 2025-01-11T01:44Z [----] followers, [--] engagements
"Stand to Having instant mates wherever you went. That first cigarette after a five mile of death. Gammon steaks in the cookhouse with a pineapple ring fused on the top. Taking risks on my own without a bloody assessment first. That rifle with wood or plastic furniture. The sound of the Land Rover driving on Tarmac. Brunch in the cookhouse on a Sunday. Series [--] Land Rovers. Able to be fixed with a hammer and some black nasty. Lying on the louvres of a [---] on Hohne ranges or Soltau looking up at a star filled sky. Then waking up and breathing in the clean fresh air. Jager schnitzels. The"
X Link 2025-01-12T02:03Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"My time line just the gimpy missing"
X Link 2025-01-14T16:39Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"When my co-workers have run out of mundane things to say like. I cant believe the price of bread. I get my turn to start a conversation; its time to get my own back. I usually start my conversation with something like There I was balls deep in a camel's arse banging like a belt-fed WOMBAT when usually thats enough theyve started running for the exits before I can say anything else. You might get the odd one or two civvies that might try and understand you or pretend to or jump on the bandwagon but you can guarantee theyll be totally wide of the mark. Band of brothers isnt that The Jackson"
X Link 2025-01-15T16:23Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"BLACK NASTY -masking tape (REME Emergency repair kit) The universal fixer for just about everything about two and a half inches wide and the roll seems to go on forever other names for it were Harry Black Harry Maskers Gaffer tape (civvy version) missile tape. The army would fall apart without the stuff nearly everyone was issued with it. It is like 'The Force' it has a Dark Side a Light Side and it holds the Universe together Wherever a crack appeared black nasty fixed it from Bendy Wendy to insulating metal cups holding HERCULES C130s and CHINOOKS together to tracks on APCs armoured"
X Link 2025-01-16T12:08Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Britains war readiness Echoes of the late 1930s we were confronted by the threat posed by Hitler Mussolini and Imperial Japan. Nearly [---] years later it's Russia China Iran and North Korea. UK defence spending: 2.5% of GDP target is it enough I think not"
X Link 2025-01-18T09:53Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"Never before have I seen such a blatant display of poofery"
X Link 2025-01-18T14:42Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Our other role was SF PLATOON. (Special forces platoon) Basically ready to move at a moments notice. Wed all turn up fully kitted out in our fake army issue Ray-Bans two hundred rounds of belted [----] ammo wrapped around our tanned torsos Johnny Rambo style wed head off for the jungles of the East German border ready and willing to take out any approaching HIP and HIND red army helicopters from the hip with one hand using our belt fed domination Gimpys. Okay so whats wrong with a bit of honest Waltism Civvies will be reading thisand theyll believe anything. Now the boring bit. BULLIES AND"
X Link 2025-01-19T13:40Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
". we were the coldest alcoholics ever"
X Link 2025-01-19T18:09Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"I think they should introduce a UK rat pack bringing in all our native dishes. England: Canned roast beef dinner with Yorkshire pudding. Wales: Laverbread Welsh rarebit melted cheese compo cheese possessed on toast. Scotland: Canned haggis- minced sheep lungs liver and heart with onions. Irish: see meme and yes you can steal it. What will ration packs contain in a hundred years time What about Self-heating tactical stealth combat Ginsters pasties or maybe they could make a mini-doner kebab with built in compass for lost officers. For the old and bold who ate Army rations before the advent of"
X Link 2025-01-20T23:43Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"Looking good"
X Link 2025-01-22T01:45Z [----] followers, 11.9K engagements
"I remember guard duty like it was yesterday; that yellow floor polish smell again the stick man which I never got at guard mount there was always someone with a smarter beret than me. Then there were the guard boxes thrown together by the duty cook. Every guard box had rock hard sugar and coffee a lump of cheese corn beef and tomato-*******-sandwiches that tasted rank because the tomato had made the bread go soggy and the smelly [--] day old boiled egg which would come back to haunt you at about [--] in the morning. The lot was probably the rejects from horror bags or theyd been sitting in the"
X Link 2025-01-22T13:55Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"I was wondering does anyone of you old and bold have a pick helve tucked away somewhere in your house just in case you might have to protect your family one night. A good pick helve was all we needed back in the day when on guard to protect us from Mister Adams special friends from Ireland. But just in case they didnt scare them away and things got serious we had our trusty SLRs. Which werent much good either with no ammo. Cover me Im just going to dash into the guard room from my firing position to grab some ammo. What is it Ward Theres some dodgy terrorists pointing their AK47s at us Corps"
X Link 2025-01-23T16:11Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Compo rat-packs are a big improvement compared to the old and the bold style ration packs that came mostly in tins. Awkward as f**k to pack away in your 58-pattern webbing. But how come the old compo which is named by the old soldiers as Food of the Gods tasted a lot better or did it Sorry I should point out if any civvies are reading this that Compo is the rations (food) issued to the military for when one is out in the cuds. (In the field). If you are one of the old and the bold like me its funny how a few tins of the food of the gods ignites your memories. Everybody remembers their first"
X Link 2025-01-31T02:33Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"THE SLR TOY How can I not mention the toy version of the SLR L1A1 or FN FAL. They first came on the scene as a toy in the late 50s and they were still making them well into the 80s I know that because I bought one for my youngest son. There you go son Daddy has got one of these now youve got one. He loved it. Thats until he asked me how to use it. Then he didnt like it anymore. Week one. I didnt waste any time. Yep I soon had him running round the living room [--] laps at the high port go lock those arms back above the head Dont carry the rifle by the f**king carrying handle Week two. Not pokey"
X Link 2025-02-02T11:48Z [----] followers, 14.2K engagements
"Tactical hurry up and wait"
X Link 2025-02-02T20:50Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Newry [--] Belfast NHSM 82"
X Link 2025-02-06T17:17Z [----] followers, 14.6K engagements
"HMS Conqueror returns to Britain July 4th [----] flying the Jolly Roger after sinking the Argentine Cruiser ARA General Belgrano during the Falklands War"
X Link 2025-02-21T18:40Z [----] followers, 161.3K engagements
"GAS CHAMBER Sorry Respirator Testing Facility to give it the proper woke name. Loved the gas chambers. For me one of the funniest bits of training I ever did. Watching all your mates clamber out the chamber teared up and coughing priceless. But there was always somebody who stood there and somehow it didnt affect him he or she was immune. You soon found out who's gas mask worked in Northern Ireland although the Irish seemed totally immune to cs gas. I remember being in Germany after an all-day session inhaling in the gas chambers then going home in my noddy suit putting my gas mask on and"
X Link 2025-02-28T08:34Z [----] followers, 21.9K engagements
"Jim Carrey once said Imagine for just a minute that you are financially struggling and in the unfortunate situation of being homeless and suddenly someone comes with a camera to film your face and your precarious situation to give you a meal so they can record it and you have to take it because you are hungry Imagine that feeling. Please stop doing that. If you are going to help someone do it with kindness and not with your ego"
X Link 2025-03-07T11:04Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"I would like to think his RSM dealt with this in the appropriate manner"
X Link 2025-03-08T18:01Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"BULLING BOOTS Yes I was one of them that wasted hours sat there with black fingers bulling away with my cotton wool or yellow cloth duster and my lid full of warm water waiting for that magic moment when my boots would turn to glass.zzz. shit wheres everyone gone Ill tell you where theyve gone down the f**king NAAFI thats where theyve gone Im the only twat here wasting valuable drinking/shagging time doodling countless circles in polish and water and heavy breath on said boot. There was an alternative but on your own head be it. Klear It was time to join the converted and become a KLEAR"
X Link 2025-03-11T18:59Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"RSMs drill parade usually lasted about an hour. The key to survival was that you make sure you didnt get singled out. If you were slightly out with your timing on a drill movement your life was over. The RSM would be breathing down your neck in milliseconds. Your drill had to be better than the moves on Strictly Come Dancing You could be the smartest soldier on parade but the RSM would still find a reason to send you down the road to the guard room. He had a habit of walking up and down the ranks saying jail him haircut charged jail him haircut charged. He was always followed by a posse of"
X Link 2025-03-13T08:04Z [----] followers, 32.7K engagements
"CHANGING PARADES Apparently changing parades are now banned in the British army. Surely not Not them as well I dont believe that for one minute. It would not surprise me if they still went on under a different name. Looking back as a junior soldier I did find them a bit bizarre. I remember my Platoon Commander couldnt get enough of them. I always thought it a little strange though dozens of semi-naked sixteen-year-old boys wearing only the most basic of military equipment. I want you all back out here in PT vest and Long Johns go Not quick enough get back down here in webbing and tin pisser"
X Link 2025-03-17T11:41Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"For many years the tales of a soldier attempting to pilot a STOLLY Alvis Stalwart across the English Channel were treated by many as another Army Urban Myth. Investigation of the Times archives indicates that something like this did happen. The following was reported on the 24th of November [----]. Nov 23- A Rhine Army trooper from Bristol who tried to cross the English Channel in an Army five-ton amphibious vehicle was sentenced to eight months detention here today. He was found guilty of being absent without leave plus three other charges. He entered the water from Belgium but had to land"
X Link 2025-03-22T17:13Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"Memories - add yours Stand to Having instant mates wherever you went. That first cigarette after a five mile of death. Gammon steaks in the cookhouse with a pineapple ring fused on the top. Taking risks on my own without a bloody assessment first. That rifle with wood or plastic furniture. The sound of the Land Rover driving on Tarmac. Brunch in the cookhouse on a Sunday. Series [--] Land Rovers. Able to be fixed with a hammer and some black nasty. Lying on the louvres of a [---] on Hohne ranges or Soltau looking up at a star filled sky. Then waking up and breathing in the clean fresh air. Jager"
X Link 2025-03-23T09:00Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"THE SLR TOY How can I not mention the toy version of the SLR L1A1 or FN FAL. They first came on the scene as a toy in the late 50s and they were still making them well into the 80s I know that because I bought one for my youngest son. There you go son Daddy has got one of these now youve got one. He loved it. Thats until he asked me how to use it. Then he didnt like it anymore. Week one. I didnt waste any time. Yep I soon had him running round the living room [--] laps at the high port go lock those arms back above the head Dont carry the rifle by the f**king carrying handle Week two. Not pokey"
X Link 2025-03-27T17:16Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Compo rat-packs are a big improvement compared to the old and the bold style ration packs that came mostly in tins. Awkward as f**k to pack away in your 58-pattern webbing. But how come the old compo which is named by the old soldiers as Food of the Gods tasted a lot better or did it Sorry I should point out if any civvies are reading this that Compo is the rations (food) issued to the military for when one is out in the cuds. (In the field). If you are one of the old and the bold like me its funny how a few tins of the food of the gods ignites your memories. Everybody remembers their first"
X Link 2025-03-31T18:24Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"CARRY ON WALTING All you Walt commandos out there wearing your gongs and bling if youre not on the ball and havent done your homework you will be outed. Its amazing how far these Walter Mittys will go to live out their fantasies Come on guys if youre going to Walt make a effort some of you. Here are a few more tips that might help you get through your day. Call of Duty You must complete at least two Call of duty games. It will be tough and it will mean some late nights but stick with it. Never three it could cause you to suffer with PTSD. Training Aids No need for military training but I"
X Link 2025-04-10T15:56Z [----] followers, 10.5K engagements
"BOOTS DMS For the 1970s/80s look its got to be Boots DMS. Whether youre marching forced marching for drill assault courses exercise or war and not forgetting running BFTs yes we did everything in them. Like we had a choice Once they were worn in and the blisters were all gone they were like wearing slippers. All weather one size fits all multipurpose BFT and CFT assault course wonder boots. Army foot covering for the use of. The DMS boot with puttees BFT specials we ran and marched in them for miles and miles in all weathers. And rumour had it that you could run faster if they were polishedor"
X Link 2025-04-15T08:42Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"BLACK NASTY -masking tape (REME Emergency repair kit) The universal fixer for just about everything about two and a half inches wide and the roll seems to go on forever other names for it were Harry Black Harry Maskers Gaffer tape (civvy version) missile tape. The army would fall apart without the stuff nearly everyone was issued with it. It is like 'The Force' it has a Dark Side a Light Side and it holds the Universe together Wherever a crack appeared black nasty fixed it from Bendy Wendy to insulating metal cups holding HERCULES C130s and CHINOOKS together to tracks on APCs armoured"
X Link 2025-04-17T18:47Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"What year did you first step into your local Careers Office whether it be Army Navy or RAF For me it was [----]. I bet most of us can remember the day we joined up. Some had already made up their mind way before they left school. In my case it was a spontaneous decision. I was walking past the careers office in Derby town centre and I stopped and looked through the display window attracted by the advertising pictures. The Sergeant sitting behind the desk got up opened the door and invited me in. I agreed and took a seat. Ill be with you in a second lad he said as he disappeared through the door"
X Link 2025-04-21T10:16Z [----] followers, 16.7K engagements
"CARRY ON WALTING UPDATE All you Walt commandos out there wearing your gongs and bling if youre not on the ball and havent done your homework you will be outed. Its amazing how far these Walter Mittys will go to live out their fantasies There are all sorts of Walt types out there. Some are good at it but some are an embarrassment to Walting. Come on guys if youre going to Walt make a f**king effort some of you. With VE DAY approaching here are a few more tips that might help you get through the day Rapid Promotion Being a Walt has its perks. If you think you deserve a promotion go ahead"
X Link 2025-04-23T11:04Z [----] followers, 10.1K engagements
"RED GO KARTS Who remembers the red go karts that were usually parked in the guardroom car park for the fire drill crash out No doubt it was a hi-tech kit [---] years ago. I think they just kept hold of them so the orderly sergeant or officer can f**k you about at [----] hrs GERMANY [--] I remember being woken up by the guard room bell then running semi-conscious halfway across the barracks dragging this stupid little red go-kart to the NAAFI it was always the NAAFI only to find half a dozen extinguishers hanging on the wall which could have done a better job I think if the NAAFI was on fire wed"
X Link 2025-04-26T11:44Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"PM: sparks outrage after pleading with LANDLORDS to house asylum seekers"
X Link 2025-04-27T10:53Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"You know youre a veteran when youre driving down country lanes and surveying the open ground. You say to the missus who is busy trying to read the European [----] AA map that you kept from when you were stationed in Germany along with your now useless BFG petrol coupons I could get a whole platoon in that forestry block. After giving you that long suffering resigned look shell reply Will you just shut up and drive. 'The large oak tree to our left will be known as "Tree" the small building to our left will be known as "Barn." It never leaves you; you know. The satnav your old man bought you"
X Link 2025-05-07T10:08Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"The guy on the right's face Talk about stealing valour. It looks like he's stole everybody's the muppet"
X Link 2025-05-10T17:02Z [----] followers, 46.4K engagements
"Sennybridge or should I say Sennyfridge. All the seasons in an hour. It was so bad that my socks are still wet thirty years later. You knew when you arrived at Senyfridge camp and you were issued with Artic ration packs in the summer that something wasnt quite right. I'm sure a few toes have been left there in that sheep- shit capital of the world. Once you hit the cattle grid you were wet till ENDEX. There were suicidal sheep everywhere you went even they didnt want to be there. You woke up in the morning and they were there they would even share your gonk bag if you let them. Not me though."
X Link 2025-05-13T15:30Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"When Veterans Go Shopping Is there anything worse than being dragged to the shops for hours Going shopping for a veteran means GET IN BUY WHAT YOU NEED AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. We go shopping to buy what we want. Women go shopping to find what they want. The missus to a T. I went to buy a dress but I saw a beautiful pair of shoes so I bought this handbag. Once we arrive in town we park up theres no time to waste lets get it done. Veterans walk fast everywhere were physically incapable of walking at the shopping pace. You might be doing a great job blending into your civilian"
X Link 2025-05-15T08:08Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"No doubt youve heard by now that we now have our very own Space command or RAF Space Regiment to boldly go where no rock ape has gone before. Joking aside THE UK SPACE COMMAND is a joint command staffed by the Royal Navy British Army Royal Air Force Civil Servants and commercial partners so it says on their website. I say go for it. Live long and prosper. Set phasers to go. Sci-fi jokes aside weve got to be highly logical about this someone has got to get their arse up there and pick up the space junk that is whizzing around the earths low orbit at approximately 15700mph (I looked that up by"
X Link 2025-05-16T19:28Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"What do we have here Combat Medical Badge with matching Green Beret and a Space Shuttle Door Gunner's award. A1 standard gold plated turbo Pinocchio underwater mess tin repair specialist perhaps Or a member of the 387th Water Bottle Top Replacement Regt"
X Link 2025-05-17T15:35Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
""I swear by almighty God that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to his Majesty King Charles III his heirs and successors and that I will as in duty bound honestly and faithfully defend his Majesty his heirs and successors in person crown and dignity against all enemies and will observe and obey all orders of His Majesty his heirs and successors and the generals and officers set over me.""
X Link 2025-05-18T01:20Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"BULLSHIT BAFFLES BRAINS Swallow your food and taste it later. Since you arent married you have volunteered for the advance party. Followed by And since you have no one at home you will be part of the rear party. Being told to take three ibuprofen and not waste the M O's time when I went on sick parade due to having no feeling in my paralysed arm. Move that hole over there. Using soldiers who are signed off with back injuries as stretcher bearers. Telling the news reporters There was no military involvement but you knew there was. Having to repaint every vehicle in the M T section because I"
X Link 2025-05-18T10:27Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"BAD NEWS FOR GINGERS If you were Welsh or were a Jock Geordie Scouser Paddy Brummie Cockney Manc Aussie Klingon. (Shit I needed a translator) you would get the piss taken out of you it didnt matter where you came from If you were a lanky bastard short arse fat ct skinny twat spotty fker deformed a minger had big tabs (ears) big nose buck teeth huge head six fingered banjo playing f**tard you got the piss ripped out of you for the way you looked Bad news for gingers though you would be sent to PORTON DOWN and kept in isolation but in the end ugly or not joking apart we all ended up down"
X Link 2025-05-23T17:09Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Endex Comic is a British publication that dives into the world of military humour primarily focusing on the experiences of serving soldiers and veterans from all branches of the Armed Forces with a special emphasis on the British military. You can grab them directly from their official site at Its written by veterans for veterans and those still serving capturing the absurdities frustrations and dark humour that resonate with military life. The comic features [--] pages of content in each issue blending familiar characterssome inspired by Clive Wards popular "Endex" book series which has sold"
X Link 2025-05-24T20:16Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"There was a guy before my time who was put on weekend sentry duty as a punishment. He was supposed to meet his girlfriend for her birthday that night and was afraid to tell her the truth so she called him to break up with him. He was so distraught he tried to shoot himself but his rifle jammed. At the court martial this was the list of charges: [--]. Unauthorised loading of weapon [--]. Unauthorised attempted discharge of weapon. [--]. Unauthorised use of a personal communication device. [--]. Failure to maintain a personal firearm in working condition. Given that the latter is why he was in fact still"
X Link 2025-05-25T08:31Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"So its going to be the softly softly approach from now on is it Following a BBC documentary British Army instructors are being told to tone down their swearing. There are far too many F C and B words being used in todays forces. One doesnt need to swear to get their point across. They're just additional wasted words and breath. If you need to prefix every word with the f word you're not exactly showing great intelligence. My answer to that is since when has f**king intelligence been a requirement to stick a bayonet into another man and rip his guts out The primary task of the soldier is to"
X Link 2025-05-26T11:23Z [----] followers, 27.7K engagements
"CARL GUSTAV ANTI-TANK 84MM The Swedish Carl Gustav recoilless rifle is an [--] mm man-portable reusable anti-tank weapon produced by Saab Bofors Dynamics (formerly Bofors Anti-Armour AB) in Sweden introduced in [----]. But you knew that didnt you I remember using the Charlie G in action once what a fucking beast. There I was on the East German border tasked to take out a T72 soviet tank which was heading straight for me. I fired three rounds at the tank and when Id finished it was a burnt-out wreck fucking marvellous Unfortunately the power cut out on my Xbox and I had to start all over again and"
X Link 2025-05-30T16:41Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Mounds of ammunition casings from field artillery fired during the Battle of the Somme in mid 1916"
X Link 2025-06-02T23:21Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"BOOTS NBC NBC over boots that protected you from nuclear chemical biological attacks but if you hadn't got your boy scouts knot badge then you had zero chance of tying them properly. The boots were f**king useless they never fit and would need half a ton of fullers earth to decontaminate but they did keep your feet toasty. Im sure I remember getting my groove on whilst wearing NBC boots moonwalking like Micheal Jackson at a Grab a Granny night at The Grapes nightclub in Colchester [----]. Dont knock it they were the latest look back in the 70s BULLIES AND BULLSHIT [--] Available on amazon"
X Link 2025-06-03T08:51Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"THE IDEAL GIFT FOR FATHERS DAY - MILITARY HUMOR JOKE books With whats going on in the world today it's a good thing that the military never loses its sense of humour. JOKE BOOK [--] https://www.amazon.co.uk/Military-Humor-Joke-Book-Clive/dp/1694635430 http://www.clivewardauthor.com https://www.amazon.co.uk/Military-Humor-Joke-Book-Clive/dp/1694635430 http://www.clivewardauthor.com"
X Link 2025-06-05T14:52Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"William and Catherine. Nailed it"
X Link 2025-06-09T00:32Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"Where were you when this happened. I was at Soltau Germany"
X Link 2025-06-12T15:58Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Mother of All Pub Crawls BAOR This is for those of you that had the pleasure indeed the privilege to serve as part of the glorious British Army of the Rhine (BAOR) More specifically this memorialises a number of things not just the defence of the realm against Soviet aggression more specifically the time spent sampling the many hospitable establishments that served BAOR personal the many beers and bratty's that were consumed and made so many memories. Keep the memories alive and wear yours with pride. https://militaryhumorstores.com/products/military-humor-mother-of-all-pub-crawls-baor"
X Link 2025-06-16T13:55Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Sennybridge or should I say Sennyfridge. All the seasons in an hour. It was so bad that my socks are still wet thirty years later. You knew when you arrived at Senyfridge camp and you were issued with Artic ration packs in the summer that something wasnt quite right. I'm sure a few toes have been left there in that sheep- shit capital of the world. Once you hit the cattle grid you were wet till ENDEX. There were suicidal sheep everywhere you went even they didnt want to be there. You woke up in the morning and they were there they would even share your gonk bag if you let them. Not me though."
X Link 2025-06-17T09:24Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Every gonk bag had its own signature DNA weird smell. I remember once whilst on exercise just finishing stag having to wake up one of my buddies. I would just have to sniff around in the dark until Id located the right smell. The pong hit me instantly I put my hand over my mouth and nose the smell was too much and I backed off. Wake up Wocko you smelly c*nt youre on stag. Im not Wocko you twat Wocko is over there. Well youre sleeping in his gonk bag then. Shit am I Yes I am fk There were some sleeping bags around that if you got into one by mistake they would fking devour you. You would"
X Link 2025-06-19T09:24Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Thats gotta be grounds for disciplinary action. No way is he passing a fitness test"
X Link 2025-06-20T22:08Z [----] followers, 14.4K engagements
"Memories Stand to Having instant mates wherever you went. That first cigarette after a five mile of death. Gammon steaks in the cookhouse with a pineapple ring fused on the top. Taking risks on my own without a bloody assessment first. That rifle with wood or plastic furniture. The sound of the Land Rover driving on Tarmac. Brunch in the cookhouse on a Sunday. Series [--] Land Rovers. Able to be fixed with a hammer and some black nasty. Lying on the louvres of a [---] on Hohne ranges or Soltau looking up at a star filled sky. Then waking up and breathing in the clean fresh air. Jager schnitzels."
X Link 2025-06-24T08:35Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"AFTERSHAVE I bet I could still identify the smells from back in the 70s and 80s But thats all we had. I wonder how the girls would react today probably gag BRUT THE ESSENCE OF MAN Just splash it all over said our Henry in those adverts. So we did by the bucket load under each pit my bollocks everywhere Some of the other aftershaves I remember were Blue Stratos Old spice Hai Karate Denim Paco Rabanne Acqua di Selva Tabac Insignia. I dont think I ever bought any of the above myself. I was too tight. We didnt need too back then. We just waited to go home on Christmas leave to get bombarded with"
X Link 2025-06-26T09:03Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Compo rat-packs are a big improvement compared to the old and the bold style ration packs that came mostly in tins. Awkward as f**k to pack away in your 58-pattern webbing. But how come the old compo which is named by the old soldiers as Food of the Gods tasted a lot better or did it Sorry I should point out if any civvies are reading this that Compo is the rations (food) issued to the military for when one is out in the cuds. (In the field). If you are one of the old and the bold like me its funny how a few tins of the food of the gods ignites your memories. Everybody remembers their first"
X Link 2025-06-26T23:02Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"It Ain' Half Hot Mum - Windsor Davies - BSM Davies - Gift - Sergeant Major - Pin Badge In the UK I think we owe a lot to actor Lovely boy.Windsor Davis for those wonderful and hilarious quotes from the sitcom It Aint Half Hot Mum. In fact even now when I read an RSM quote from the past I often word it in my head in a Welsh ascent and I bet Im not on my own. But did he ever make it from BSM to RSM Did he serve Yes of course he did. Windsor Davis was called up for national service between 1950-52 serving in Libya and Egypt with the East Surrey Regiment. It was in the army that he found he was a"
X Link 2025-06-27T13:21Z [----] followers, [--] engagements
"I noticed in the comments on my last Compo post the subject of Rolo's came up well here's what I know. ROLOS The good old British Rolo or were they British Didnt you just hate trying to get the bits of foil off especially in the dark. Just when you thought youd cracked it ouch you bastard the foil would make contact with your fillings. They didnt taste like your standard Rolo like the Mars bars they had that white been stored in a warm place look about them. And then like the Mars bars there was all that Arabic writing on the wrapping. Obviously yet another Iranian deal that went tits up left"
X Link 2025-06-27T19:29Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"How can I not mention the toy version of the SLR L1A1 or FN FAL. They first came on the scene as a toy in the late 50s and they were still making them well into the 80s I know that because I bought one for my youngest son. There you go son Daddy has got one of these now youve got one. He loved it. Thats until he asked me how to use it. Then he didnt like it anymore. Week one. I didnt waste any time. Yep I soon had him running round the living room [--] laps at the high port go lock those arms back above the head Dont carry the rifle by the f**king carrying handle Week two. Not pokey drill again"
X Link 2025-07-01T09:46Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Endex Comic is a British publication that dives into the world of military humour primarily focusing on the experiences of serving soldiers and veterans from all branches of the Armed Forces with a special emphasis on the British military. You can grab them directly from their official site at http://endexcomic.com http://endexcomic.com"
X Link 2025-07-02T22:52Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"Land Rover space shuttle This iconic piece of outstanding British Engineering that has seen service since it's introduction in [----] has made many a backside sore and rattled many bones throughout the British Armed Forces. Loved by all as a reliable solid and versatile ride it has seen many roles from it's various models. The British Army was able to develop Military only models and some of these are still around today. Get yours today. https://militaryhumorstores.com/products/veteran-gifts-british-military-humor-dad-gifts-land-rover"
X Link 2025-07-03T15:05Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"British Army [--] Pattern Water Bottle I was rummaging about in my garage the other day looking for a few old copies of Readers Wives when I came across my old [--] pattern indestructible water bottle at the bottom of a MFO box. It instantly put a smile on my face. I hadnt seen that since [----]. Then suddenly I realised it still had water in it. Shit My face dropped and I started to panic. That fker has been in there for decades. Fking hell You had to have a refined set of taste buds to appreciate the taste of the water coming out of one of these things back in the day. What the f**k would it"
X Link 2025-07-03T15:10Z [----] followers, 10.7K engagements
"A FEW THINGS YOU MIGHT REMEMBER FROM BAOR Buying a tax free Datsun Cherry. You could push the doors in with your finger. Fuel coupons. The mad dash to go home on leave. The fields outside Zeebrugge used to look like they were growing Jerry cans. Vogelsang Brunch at the weekends lazy chefs. Fantastic summers and winters that would have you shovelling snow from around the camp forever.Snow chains on snow chains off. My first Schnelli bratty gyros Currywurst. The old sterling five pence pieces the same size as a Deutsch mark that worked in the German cigarette machines as if they werent cheap"
X Link 2025-07-05T09:09Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"11 September [----] Two German airmen who force landed Heinkel are marched off by the Home Guard at Burmarsh Kent UK"
X Link 2025-07-05T15:03Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"GAS GAS GAS Gas chamber sorry Respirator Testing Facility to give it the proper woke name. Loved the gas chambers. For me one of the funniest bits of training I ever did. Watching all your mates clamber out the chamber teared up and coughing priceless. But there was always somebody who stood there and somehow it didnt affect him he or she was immune. You soon found out who's gas mask worked in Northern Ireland although the Irish seemed totally immune to cs gas. I remember being in Germany after an all-day session inhaling in the gas chambers then going home in my noddy suit putting my gas"
X Link 2025-07-06T10:19Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Apparently recruits today don't do bed blocks in training they get issued duvets f**king DUVETS I hear you say surely not who spreads this rubbish Trainers for assault courses duvets instead of the good old bed blocks whatever next Cleaners coming in to clean the rooms What was that Thats true as well Meanwhile at the QMs store. QM What is it Private Private Its these duvet covers Sergeant. QM What is wrong with them Private I wanted my My little pony not Thomas the tank engine. Apparently the QMs have a great selection of covers nowadays. Barbie Action Man Spiderman and Bob the Builder. And"
X Link 2025-07-07T10:05Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"ACTIVE EDGE COMPO STOCKS Ex Active Edge was a cold war readiness exercise that was used to practice the callout of the whole of BAOR in the event of 'World War 3.' It was also a way to show the red army observers exactly where to aim their first barrage of Tactical Nukes. Most of the time these call outs occurred around 0300hrs. Being a pad (married soldier) in Germany I remember the knock on the door when active edge was called then turning over and going back to sleep f**k WW3. The married guys had a habit of taking their time while the hung-over single guys got all the wagons ready to go."
X Link 2025-07-07T15:19Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"BOOTS DMS For the 1970s/80s look its got to be Boots DMS. Whether youre marching forced marching for drill assault courses exercise or war and not forgetting running BFTs yes we did everything in them. Like we had a choice Once they were worn in and the blisters were all gone they were like wearing slippers. All weather one size fits all multipurpose BFT and CFT assault course wonder boots. Army foot covering for the use of. The DMS boot with puttees BFT specials we ran and marched in them for miles and miles in all weathers. And rumour had it that you could run faster if they were polishedor"
X Link 2025-07-08T09:15Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"He wasnt all right. He was losing weight and sleeping more and more. You couldnt tell him though because hed just shut up shop like he does when I quiz him on his military service. We chatted for a while about the different people hed met on the streets. I met this homeless guy in Nottingham he seemed normal at first until he told me that there were pterodactyls everywhere he was convinced they were going to take over the world. Maybe he knew something you didnt I joked. And there was another guy in Chesterfield he was totally not right in the head. He called himself The Chicken King. He used"
X Link 2025-07-10T17:28Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"COLD WAR ERA RE-ENACTMENT DAY The number of cold war veterans on social media say they have a full set of [--] pattern and full NBC kits in their attic loft garage shed or spare bedroom why Because they are waiting for WW3 to arrive This got me thinking with that many we could form some sort of cold war era re-enactment day. We could all meet up in Soltau in full [--] pattern get shit faced on Herforders beer and blast the f**k out each other with paintball guns. It would have been great to get Wolfgang to turn up but hes not with us anymore RIP Wolfie if he was Im sure hed be in Ukraine selling"
X Link 2025-07-11T09:14Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"GPMG Weve all heard the slogans. In the beginning the Universe was created. Then they created the GPMG. General purpose machine gun. Matelots might know it better as the big scary black gun. Theres been lots of nicknames and slogans for it over the last sixty five years or so of its existence. The GPMG Gimpy The General Small arms large holes. Belt fed domination as I like to call it from that really funny YouTube video. If you want some serious bang for your buck its got to be the Gimpy. I loved it. You could fire it wearing a dress and still look good or maybe not. I know one lad who wore a"
X Link 2025-07-11T12:15Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Military Humor - SLR- [----] - Pin Badge This is an exclusive item to us here at Military Humor Stores. For all of the fans of the ubiquitous Self Loading Rifle. We have had this specially made pin badge commissioned. This is superb quality it is not printed but embossed which adds a higher lever of details and adds to the quality of the item. 20mm enamel pin badge with clutch fixing. These would make a great addition to anyone's wardrobe. A striking and original gift. https://militaryhumorstores.com/collections/accessories/products/military-humor-slr-7-62-pin-badge"
X Link 2025-07-11T16:06Z [----] followers, [---] engagements
"Back to basics Down Test and Adjust Firing an SLR for the first time was exciting but a bit scary. There was always someone on the wrong gas setting wrong sized butt not holding their weapon properly forgotten their ear defenders and couldnt shoot for toffee. Twenty rounds later a cut eye bruised jaw ringing ears Instructors laughing their tits off. But you got it right in the end. And when you did It felt so comfortable. That old saying was so true. You become one with your rifle Please share BOOK ENDEX [--] uncut a must read for all Military UK Kindle and paperback CAN AU"
X Link 2025-07-13T09:28Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Thirty plus years later looking back I must admit my time in the army was some of the best years of my life. It wasnt because I liked it. There sure was nothing to like about losing comrades missing loved ones. We liked it because we were young hungry and full of life. We all were we were a brotherhood. Choggie Burgers Egg banjos the first ciggy after a BFT the smell of Swarfega reveille standing orders Gas Gas Gas. Isn't it strange how a few words can trigger a flashback right back to the days of Blanco and carbolic soap for some. Looking back I get enormous satisfaction from pretty much all"
X Link 2025-07-14T08:52Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
"Me back in the day. You don't know because you weren't fcukin there mate"
X Link 2025-07-14T19:29Z [----] followers, 70.7K engagements
"ATTEMPT TO DRIVE ACROSS CHANNEL For many years the tales of a soldier attempting to pilot a STOLLY Alvis Stalwart across the English Channel were treated by many as another Army Urban Myth. Investigation of the Times archives indicates that something like this did happen. The following was reported on the 24th of November [----]. Nov 23- A Rhine Army trooper from Bristol who tried to cross the English Channel in an Army five-ton amphibious vehicle was sentenced to eight months detention here today. He was found guilty of being absent without leave plus three other charges. He entered the water"
X Link 2025-07-15T09:43Z [----] followers, [----] engagements
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