@it_unprofession IT Unprofessional
IT Unprofessional posts on X about in the, $googl, this is, how to the most. They currently have [----------] followers and [---] posts still getting attention that total [---------] engagements in the last [--] hours.
Engagements: [---------] #
- [--] Week [---------] +448%
- [--] Month [----------] -29%
Mentions: [---] #
- [--] Week [--] -9.30%
- [--] Month [---] +111%
Followers: [----------] #
- [--] Week [------] +0.54%
- [--] Month [------] +17%
CreatorRank: [------] #
Social Influence
Social category influence technology brands finance #274 stocks social networks gaming travel destinations automotive brands products countries
Social topic influence in the, $googl, this is, how to, ceo, money, if you, close, business, ai
Top accounts mentioned or mentioned by @fbi @ellelledeell @officialnydnews @slackhq @savelievdima88 @ricsip82 @mark_ayres61 @_iamsionex @schizoduckie @dunealex86 @zq1nt @tugsuumon @moriartysbud @kiwipally @klinkeed @jennifer_nrp @bondexapp @jwickers @silentst0rmx @li252708
Top assets mentioned Alphabet Inc Class A (GOOGL) Microsoft Corp. (MSFT) Tesla, Inc. (TSLA)
Top Social Posts
Top posts by engagements in the last [--] hours
"Someone spilled Red Bull on a server once. We still refer to that box as the overclocked one"
X Link 2025-09-02T13:34Z [--] followers, [--] engagements
"Our CFO asked me to "audit" our software subscriptions last week. He sent me a spreadsheet with [---] rows. Slack Zoom Jira Notion Trello Monday Tuesday Wednesday. He wanted me to survey the team to see which tools were essential. I told him: "Surveys are for people who care about feelings. I care about OpEx." I deleted the spreadsheet. Instead I logged into the corporate Amex portal and reported the card as lost. Every single auto-renewal in the company failed instantly. I call this "The Scream Test." Its simple Darwinian procurement. If a tool goes down and nobody runs to my desk screaming"
X Link 2025-12-16T13:05Z 69.6K followers, 2.5M engagements
"We take phishing seriously here. Last month 40% of our company clicked on a fake link I sent them promising "Free Pizza." Disappointing. So I leveled up the simulation. This morning I went to the sales department wearing a ski mask. I physically stole three laptops and threw them out the window. When they screamed "Who are you" I didn't answer. Because hackers don't answer questions. Now everyone is locking their workstations. Sometimes the best training is lived experience"
X Link 2025-12-01T20:27Z 30.8K followers, 290.4K engagements
"Deel IT: Endpoint Protection Secure all employee devices from malware and cyber threats automatically. https://memelord.link/AfQx0ji https://memelord.link/AfQx0ji"
X Link 2025-12-01T23:41Z 43.1K followers, 913.5K engagements
"Everyone hates the pop-up: Your computer needs to restart to install updates. It interrupts workflow. It breaks focus. So I disabled the notifications. Now your computer just restarts randomly. Maybe during a client call. Maybe while you're saving a deck. Maybe right now. It adds an element of thrill to the workday. It teaches you to save your work every [--] seconds. It teaches you to live in the moment. Because in IT like in life tomorrow is never promised. Update and shut down"
X Link 2025-12-02T02:01Z 31.3K followers, 140.6K engagements
"Today I arrived at the office turnstiles at 9:15 AM. I realized I left my badge in the Tesla. Policy states: "No Badge No Entry." A Junior Dev saw me waiting. He hesitated. He knows the rule is "No Tailgating." I stared him down through the glass. I didn't speak. I just tapped my wrist. He panicked. He scanned his badge and held the door for me. I walked through without saying thank you. When I got to my desk I sent an email to HR. I reported him for a security violation. He compromised the physical perimeter. He let an unauthenticated user (me) into the network. He came to my office crying."
X Link 2025-12-02T15:53Z 42.3K followers, 655.2K engagements
"It is 9:30 PM. My phone just buzzed. PagerDuty alert. Critical Severity. The Europe servers are throwing [---] errors. My Lead Engineer is calling me. He needs "Executive approval" to flush the database. I looked at the phone. I didn't answer. I put it on the wireless charger. Why Because I am a legacy system. And I require a scheduled maintenance window. If I don't get [--] hours of sleep my processing power drops. My latency increases. I cannot be a visionary IT leader with packet loss in my brain. The servers might be down. But I am going into Hibernate Mode. If the company still exists"
X Link 2025-12-03T02:28Z 31.3K followers, 131.9K engagements
"My CFO flagged a recurring expense today. We pay $4000 a month for a project management tool. He checked the logs. Nobody has logged in since February. He said "We are wasting money. Cancel it." I looked him in the eye. I said "No." He was confused. I explained the concept of shelfware. We don't pay for the software because we use it. We pay for it so I can tell the Board of Directors that we "leverage" it. It looks good on the tech stack slide. It makes us look organized. It makes us look enterprise-ready. The value isn't in the utility. The value is in the narrative. We kept the"
X Link 2025-12-03T22:46Z 43.1K followers, 403.4K engagements
"Its 1:10 AM and I was in the middle of a deep sleep. But all of a sudden my phone started vibrating off the nightstand. My Lead Engineer was calling. My CEO was texting. Slack was blowing up. "Cloudflare is down Half the internet is dark Our site is throwing [---] errors" I didnt open my laptop. I didnt check the status page. I texted back one word: "Good." Now I'm going back to sleep. Why Because for the first time in a while our network is completely secure. If the customers cant reach us neither can the hackers. Zero traffic means zero data breaches. This isnt an outage. Its the ultimate"
X Link 2025-12-05T09:14Z 43.1K followers, 165.4K engagements
"I just got a Chipotle bowl for lunch. While I was eating I looked down at the paper bag. It was covered in text. Stories about farming fresh ingredients "cultivating a better world." I realized something profound: I was reading an ad while I worked on my lunch. Chipotle turned a piece of trash into a billboard. I walked back to the office and looked at the Engineering floor. [---] monitors. 4K resolution. And what was on the desktop backgrounds Pictures of mountains. A default blue Windows logo. A cute photo of someones dog. I almost threw up. That is prime high-value real estate. And we were"
X Link 2025-12-08T21:52Z 43.1K followers, 42.3K engagements
"I watched Zootopia [--] with my kids yesterday. While they were cheering for the bunny and the snake I was mesmerized by the urban planning. In the movie the mice have tiny vehicles. The giraffes have massive kiosks. The hippos have water channels. They dont build "One Size Fits All." They build "Right-Sized Infrastructure." It hit me like a ton of bricks. In my company we are failing at this. We are committing the sin of Hardware Equity. We give the same $3000 MacBook Pro M3 to our Senior AI Engineer (The Elephant) as we do to the Junior Copywriter (The Mouse). The Engineer uses 100% of the"
X Link 2025-12-12T00:14Z 59.4K followers, 756.8K engagements
"I fly out tomorrow morning for a business trip. My CEO asked me "Can you finish the Q4 budget reconciliation on the flight Its a 8-hour trip perfect time to focus." I looked at him with genuine horror. I said "Are you asking me to access proprietary financial data on a public transport infrastructure" I listed the threat vectors: - Airport Wi-Fi (Man-in-the-Middle attacks). - Airplane Wi-Fi (Unencrypted packet sniffing). - Visual Hacking (The guy in 14B looking at my screen). I told him "For the safety of the organization I must initiate a Total Digital Lockdown from the moment I leave my"
X Link 2025-12-16T21:08Z 44.8K followers, 919.6K engagements
"It is 10:16 PM and I just finished applying to the new "Tech Force." My friends asked me "Why would you do that Youre a Director. $190k is a pay cut." I laughed. You guys don't see the vision. You see a government job. I see The Ultimate Hiding Spot. In the private sector if the server goes down I have to fix it. In the government if the server goes down I have to form a sub-committee to evaluate the procurement process for a replacement vendor. That takes six months. That is six months of paid "downtime." I can hide in that bureaucracy like a needle in a haystack. I plan to get hired"
X Link 2025-12-17T06:18Z 44.8K followers, 314.2K engagements
"I'm at my sister's house for Christmas and the Wi-Fi here is a disaster. She has [--] people trying to stream on a single consumer-grade router. Everything was buffering. People were getting frustrated. They started looking at me like I should "jump in and fix the settings." I didn't even put down my fork. I told them the issue isn't the router; it's ISP Throttling. I told them that on national holidays providers "cap the bandwidth" at the neighborhood node to prevent a total grid collapse. I told them theres literally nothing anyone can do until the "surge period" ends at midnight. Is it true"
X Link 2025-12-26T00:30Z 59.4K followers, 1.3M engagements
"I was reading about those people in Minnesota who set up childcare centers with no kids. Most people are focused on the "theft" of millions. Im focused on the Efficiency. Think about the business model. You have the real estate. You have the funding. You just eliminated the one thing that ruins every system: The User. In IT we call this a "Ghost Department." Ive been running a similar play with our "Legacy Disaster Recovery" site for years. The board thinks we have a fully staffed secondary data center in a "secure location" ready to take over if the main office goes down. The "secure"
X Link 2025-12-29T06:36Z 59.3K followers, 99.6K engagements
"Happy New Year fellow IT Professionals. It's my first day back and I already solved a crisis before anyone noticed there was one. Over the break our backup system failed on December 28th. The alerts went straight to my phone while I was on a ski lift. I didn't check them until today. When I finally looked I saw we'd missed a week of backups. Any other IT director would have panicked. I just changed the timestamp on the monitoring dashboard to show the backups ran successfully. Then I manually kicked off a full backup and labeled it "Recovery Test - Scheduled Maintenance." Sent an email to the"
X Link 2026-01-05T21:08Z 58.6K followers, 97.7K engagements
"Just wrapped my first meeting of the year. It was about "optimizing our software licensing costs." The CFO wants to cut $50K from our Microsoft budget. She asked if we really need Office [---] E5 licenses for everyone. I told her we absolutely do. I said E5 has "Advanced Threat Protection" and that downgrading to E3 would expose us to "state-level security vulnerabilities." She asked what that meant. I said "Think ransomware but from other countries." She went pale and approved the full budget. Here's the thing: 90% of our staff uses Excel and Outlook. They don't touch a single E5 feature. We"
X Link 2026-01-06T00:33Z 59.4K followers, 1.1M engagements
"Just left the office and realized I forgot to respond to about [--] Slack messages from today. I'm not going back to answer them. Here's what I learned a long time ago: if you respond to messages immediately people expect immediate responses. If you respond slowly people assume you're busy with "important work." Tomorrow morning I'll open Slack and reply to everything with "Just seeing this now - was in back-to-back meetings yesterday. Still an issue" Half of them will say "No figured it out." The other half will have forgotten what they even asked about. Either way I didn't actually do"
X Link 2026-01-06T02:01Z 59.4K followers, 190.2K engagements
"It's such a beautiful winter morning outside but I had to spend [--] minutes explaining to our new Marketing Director why she can't have admin rights on her laptop. She said she needs to install "design software" for her job. I told her that's a security risk and all software requests go through our Change Management process. She asked how long that takes. I said 4-6 weeks. She looked horrified. "I need Canva Pro by Friday." I paused leaned back and said "I can probably expedite it. but I'll need you to sign off on the Security Exception form. It basically says if your laptop gets compromised"
X Link 2026-01-06T13:05Z 59.4K followers, 333.7K engagements
"We hired a bunch of new developers this year but they ask too many questions. One of them just asked me why our staging environment is so slow compared to production. I told him it's because staging is "intentionally throttled" to simulate real-world network conditions and stress-test the application under load. He nodded like that made perfect sense. The actual reason I never upgraded the staging servers when we upgraded production last year. Staging is running on hardware from [----]. But here's the thing: if staging runs slower it makes production look better by comparison. And when"
X Link 2026-01-06T21:08Z 59.4K followers, 245.8K engagements
"I'm in the bedroom with my wife and she just asked me why I'm still wearing my work badge at home. I told her I forgot to take it off. That's a lie. I didn't forget. This year I'm going to be wearing my badge EVERYWHERE to dinner to the grocery store to my kid's basketball games. It's sitting on my shirt right now. Here's why: for all of last year I felt like people didn't respect me enough. But while I'm at work people see the badge and assume I'm important. They see the lanyard and think "this guy has access to something." Today when I stopped at Target after work while still wearing it"
X Link 2026-01-07T02:28Z 59.4K followers, 515.4K engagements
"Today my boss asked me if we're "ready for AI this year". I said absolutely. I told him we've been running "machine learning models" on our data infrastructure for the past [--] months and we're seeing "significant optimization gains." He asked for specifics. I said "Our email filtering system uses neural networks to detect phishing attempts with 97% accuracy." He looked impressed. Here's the truth: that's just the default spam filter in Office [---]. Microsoft built it. We didn't do anything. But I rebranded it as "AI-powered threat detection" in a slide deck last year and now everyone thinks"
X Link 2026-01-07T16:29Z 59.4K followers, 1.2M engagements
"Just got a text from my brother-in-law asking if I can help him build a website for his "business idea." I didn't respond. He texted again: "It wouldn't take you long right You're a computer guy." I'm not a computer guy. I'm an IT Director. I manage infrastructure and people. I haven't built a website since [----]. But even if I could do it in [--] minutes I wouldn't. Because if I build him a website I'm now responsible for: - Hosting issues - Security updates - "Can you just add this one feature" - "Why isn't it showing up on Google" - His business failing and somehow blaming the website I"
X Link 2026-01-07T21:08Z 59.4K followers, 435.6K engagements
"One of the VPs just forwarded me a phishing email and asked if it's legitimate. The email said "Your Microsoft account has been compromised. Click here to verify your identity." The link went to "micros0ft-secure-login(dot)net" (notice the zero instead of the O). I replied: "This is a sophisticated spear-phishing attempt using domain spoofing. I've escalated this to our Security Operations team for threat analysis. Please delete the email and do not click any links." There is no Security Operations team. It's just me. But I forwarded the email to Microsoft's phishing report address marked it"
X Link 2026-01-08T14:43Z 59.4K followers, 371.1K engagements
"One of my team members just sent me a message at [--] PM asking if I'm still online. I am. I'm watching Netflix with my laptop open in case anything urgent comes through. But I didn't respond. I'll respond tomorrow morning at 6:30 AM with "Just logged on - what's up" This does two things: First it makes them think I logged off at a reasonable time and I'm not available after hours. This sets boundaries without me ever having to say "I don't work evenings." Second it makes me look like an early riser who's already working before everyone else gets in. Leadership material. The truth I'll still be"
X Link 2026-01-08T21:08Z 59.4K followers, 1.2M engagements
"as an IT guy myself that is a nice rack. My IT guy: Thats a nice rack The rack: https://t.co/o4kMNaljXU My IT guy: Thats a nice rack The rack: https://t.co/o4kMNaljXU"
X Link 2026-01-08T22:56Z 59.4K followers, 163.6K engagements
"Just finished my first week back. Sent an email to the executive team summarizing "IT's Q1 priorities." The email listed things like "cloud migration roadmap" "zero-trust architecture" and "digital transformation alignment." Every item on that list is something we're already doing or something so vague it can't be measured. The CEO replied: "Great work. Looking forward to seeing these initiatives move forward." I haven't done anything yet. But now I have executive buy-in for a quarter's worth of work that doesn't actually require me to change anything. By March I'll send another email with"
X Link 2026-01-09T15:27Z 59.4K followers, 66.8K engagements
"Just got home from work and my neighbor stopped me in the driveway. He said his internet has been "acting weird" for the past few days and asked if there's a "virus going around." I said "Yeah actually. There's a new botnet targeting residential routers. It's all over the industry news. You should probably do a factory reset and change your password to something with at least [--] characters mixed case numbers and symbols." He looked overwhelmed. "Is that hard to do" I said "It's not hard but it's time-consuming. You have to reconfigure all your devices afterward. Probably 2-3 hours if you know"
X Link 2026-01-09T21:08Z 59.4K followers, 147K engagements
"Woke up this morning to a "Critical Alert" notification on my phone. One of our production servers went down at [--] AM. I looked at the alert for about [--] seconds then put my phone down and made coffee. Here's the thing: it's Saturday. Nobody's working. Nobody's going to notice the server is down until Monday morning at the earliest. By then it'll probably reboot itself. These things usually do. And if it doesn't I'll log in Monday morning restart it manually and send an email that says: "Resolved an intermittent service disruption over the weekend. Root cause analysis in progress." There is no"
X Link 2026-01-10T14:16Z 65.3K followers, 170.4K engagements
"Just finished lunch and my wife asked me what I want to do today. I told her I need to "monitor a system upgrade" and I'll probably be tied up for a few hours. There is no system upgrade. But now I have the afternoon to myself. I'm going to sit in my home office close the door and play video games with my headset on. If anyone knocks I'll take off the headset look slightly annoyed and say "Everything okay I'm in the middle of something." My wife has learned that when I'm "working" I shouldn't be disturbed. My kids know that a closed door means Dad's "in a meeting." Do I feel bad about this"
X Link 2026-01-10T21:08Z 59.4K followers, 101.6K engagements
"Just got back from the grocery store. Ran into one of our developers in the cereal aisle. He looked stressed. He said "Hey glad I caught you. I've been trying to figure out why the API is throwing [---] errors on the new endpoint. I've been debugging since yesterday. Any ideas" I said "Have you checked the logs" He said "Yeah nothing useful." I said "What about the request headers" He said "Those look fine." I paused picked up a box of cereal and said "Sounds like it might be a connection pooling issue. Try increasing the timeout threshold in the config file." I have no idea what's wrong with"
X Link 2026-01-11T15:23Z 59.4K followers, 59.4K engagements
"Spent the last hour "responding" to emails that came in over the weekend. I didn't really respond to any of them. I just marked them all as read and archived them. Here's my system: If someone emails me on a weekend it's not urgent. If it was urgent they would have called. But people will check Monday morning to see if I responded. So I'll reply Monday at [--] AM with "Just saw this - still an issue" 90% will say no. The other 10% will have already figured it out themselves. By waiting until Monday I've trained my team to solve their own problems instead of waiting for me. And by responding at 6"
X Link 2026-01-11T16:17Z 59.4K followers, 36.3K engagements
"Just finished dinner and my son asked me to help him with his homework. It's a project about "how the internet works." I told him I'd love to help but my area of expertise is "enterprise network architecture" and his assignment is probably looking for "consumer-level explanations." I said "You should Google it. That's what real engineers do when they don't know something." My wife gave me a look. But here's the truth: I don't want to spend my Sunday night explaining TCP/IP to a 6th grader. And if I help him once I'm the homework consultant for the rest of the year. Plus if I help him too much"
X Link 2026-01-11T21:08Z 65.4K followers, 42.3K engagements
"First day of the week and I'm already dealing with a "crisis." Our Head of Sales just sent me an email at 7:45 AM saying we need to "urgently discuss" expanding cloud storage because his team is "running out of space." I checked the usage logs. His team is using 40% of their allocated storage. But I'm not going to tell him that. I scheduled a meeting for Thursday at [--] PM. Told him I need time to "analyze usage patterns and evaluate our infrastructure capacity." What I'm actually going to do: nothing. I'm going to look at the same logs I just looked at wait until Thursday and tell him in"
X Link 2026-01-12T14:14Z 59.4K followers, 153.6K engagements
"I was just about to head home from work when I got asked to join a "digital transformation task force" that's meeting every Tuesday morning at [--] AM. I said I'd be happy to participate. I'm not happy. I hate morning meetings. But saying yes to task forces makes you look like a team player. Here's my strategy: I'm going to show up to the first two meetings contribute one decent idea then start "having conflicts" with other meetings. By meeting three I'll send my apologies and ask for the notes. By meeting five they'll stop expecting me to attend. But my name will still be on the task force"
X Link 2026-01-13T00:33Z 65.4K followers, 82.3K engagements
"Someone from HR asked me this morning why we can't just "move everything to the cloud" and "get rid of the servers." I spent [--] minutes explaining the complexities of hybrid infrastructure compliance requirements data sovereignty and the cost implications of cloud migration. None of that is wrong. But here's what I didn't mention: If we moved everything to the cloud my job would get significantly easier. Fewer hardware failures less maintenance more automation. But if my job gets easier eventually someone's going to wonder why they need to pay me this much. So I emphasized all the risks. I"
X Link 2026-01-13T13:05Z 59.4K followers, 203.4K engagements
"My neighbor just knocked on my door asking if I can help him set up his new router. I told him I'd love to help but I specialize in enterprise networking and consumer equipment is actually really different. Then I said "But I know a guy who does home network consulting. Want his number" He said sure. I texted him my brother-in-law's number. My brother-in-law is a high school history teacher who knows nothing about networking. But he's been bugging me for months about wanting a "side hustle." So now my neighbor is going to pay my brother-in-law $100 to plug in a router and change the WiFi"
X Link 2026-01-14T02:28Z 67.3K followers, 133.6K engagements
"Just found out my company is in a lawsuit because someone hacked our customer database two years ago and we never told anyone. I didn't know about the hack. Nobody told IT. Turns out our VP of Sales discovered it decided it wasn't "that bad" and just. didn't report it. To anyone. Including me. Now we're in federal court and the lawyers are asking me why our security was so weak. I genuinely don't know. Because nobody told me we got hacked. I can't defend against threats I don't know exist. The VP of Sales is blaming IT for "inadequate security measures." I'm sitting in depositions explaining"
X Link 2026-02-09T20:54Z 69.6K followers, 1.2M engagements
"Hi @X Im your favorite IT Unprofessional. I've been at this 25+ years. Back in [----] the whole office thought the network was down. I walked in pushed the Ethernet cable in all the way and suddenly I was a hero. Been coasting on that reputation ever since"
X Link 2025-08-26T17:00Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"My wife asked me to set up a smart home system for our anniversary. Spent $3000 on Alexa devices smart bulbs and sensors. Then realized I could just program everything to turn on at sunset and off at midnight. Now she thinks we live in the future but it's literally just a cron job for our house. She brags about our "AI-powered home automation." I just scheduled some light switches"
X Link 2025-08-27T14:10Z 69.6K followers, 14K engagements
"Built what everyone calls our "sophisticated automated testing framework." It's actually just a Python script that clicks around the website randomly for [--] minutes and screenshots anything that looks broken. Catches more bugs than our $50k testing suite ever did"
X Link 2025-08-27T15:29Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"I wrote a "machine learning algorithm" that automatically assigns tickets to the right teams. It's just a bunch of if-statements that look for keywords like "printer" and "password." Takes 0.3s to run but I added a progress bar that takes 30s. Users think complex problems require complex solutions. This is how I make $200k/yr"
X Link 2025-08-28T15:39Z 69.6K followers, 15K engagements
"Employee: The Wi-Fi keeps cutting out in the break room. Me: Yeah thats the guest network. Employee: But I work here. Me: Not in the break room you dont"
X Link 2025-08-29T14:27Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Two years ago a recruiter asked me for a system administrator with [--] years Kubernetes experience. I had to gently explain that Kubernetes had only been around for [--] years at the time. She still insisted the client prefers 10"
X Link 2025-08-30T13:16Z 69.6K followers, [---] engagements
"One of the conference rooms has a permanent sign taped to the projector remote: Point at projector not at screen. That note has prevented more downtime than any IT upgrade weve ever done"
X Link 2025-08-30T17:05Z 69.6K followers, [---] engagements
"My wife asked why her phone was so slow. I opened Safari and found [---] something tabs half of them recipes that start with My grandmother immigrated in [----] She said Dont close those I might need them. I told her this is what data centers call technical debt"
X Link 2025-08-31T15:17Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"For client demos I pre-load the app with fake data that makes all dashboards look perfect. In reality half the features dont work. I coined a term for it demo-ready architecture"
X Link 2025-09-01T13:14Z 69.6K followers, [---] engagements
"HR asked if we could give all employees admin access to make them feel more empowered. I laughed so hard I pulled something"
X Link 2025-09-02T14:53Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"People complained that Wi-Fi drops in the east wing. Instead of buying new routers I renamed the network in that wing to Guest WiFi (Slow). Everyone just assumed it was supposed to be bad there. No more tickets"
X Link 2025-09-05T12:47Z 69.6K followers, [---] engagements
"When my kid asked why people clap for pilots when planes land I said Imagine if people clapped when Daddy restored a crashed database"
X Link 2025-09-06T13:16Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Back in [----] I tried working for a startup. The CFO proudly told me were saving money by not paying for cloud. He meant Google Drive free tier. He has [--] Gmail accounts to get more space. I quit after [--] weeks"
X Link 2025-09-07T13:06Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Theres no such thing as a permanent fix. Only temporary solutions that last long enough for you to switch jobs"
X Link 2025-09-08T13:14Z 69.6K followers, [---] engagements
"Every once in a while I remember that [--] years ago a VP complained to me that her Outlook search was broken. She had typed emails from Jim into the search bar"
X Link 2025-09-09T13:34Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"A date once asked what I do for work. I said infrastructure management. She said "Oh you built bridges" I said yes. I don't have the heart to explain Docker to her"
X Link 2025-09-10T13:29Z 69.6K followers, 13.3K engagements
"My [--] year old neighbor knows that I'm in IT. During a power outage he asked if I could turn the internet back on. I said yes but it would take a couple of hours and cost him $200 I waited until the internet restored itself and took the money. I love working in IT"
X Link 2025-09-11T12:26Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Got into a cab yesterday. Driver asked what I do. I said IT. He immediately asked if I could fix his friends Facebook account. I told him I only work on enterprise systems. He asked if that meant I could fix Netflix. This is why I just say Im unemployed"
X Link 2025-09-11T14:27Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Someone on our company board asked What if a plane hits our data center I reminded them our data center is literally Google If a plane hits that it means we have bigger problems than our website not working"
X Link 2025-09-11T15:39Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Was driving my daughter to school today. "Dad can we get a Tesla" She asked. She's jealous of her classmates who ride a self-driving Tesla to school I said "Our car can do that too." Did a "self-driving" demo using cruise control on my Honda Odyssey. This is why I'm a good dad"
X Link 2025-09-12T12:47Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Manager wanted to know why the new server racks were so loud. I explained it was because of the cooling fans. He suggested turning them off to save power. This is why we cant have nice things"
X Link 2025-09-12T15:17Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"My wifes Apple Watch Ultra kept buzzing. She said Its telling me to stand and exercise more. I said Mine just tells me when a servers down. My heart is stronger than hers"
X Link 2025-09-13T13:16Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"When users ask for software I don't want to install I tell them "it's incompatible with our security framework." There is no security framework. I got paid $250K per year for this"
X Link 2025-09-13T17:05Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Yesterday rolled out mandatory security training. Marketing VP emailed IT: Can you do mine for me Im too busy to learn about phishing I phished his girlfriend and stepfather. Don't mess with IT"
X Link 2025-09-13T23:38Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Our company gave me a $20K budget for employee monitoring software. I took the money and just check who's using the office printer for personal stuff. Made my own invoice too. Work smarter not harder"
X Link 2025-09-14T13:06Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"When we set up a new password policy one guy just kept incrementing his password. Hes currently on Dog123456789101112. I can share this here because you don't know his username"
X Link 2025-09-14T14:23Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Son yelled that Minecraft deleted his house. He had opened the wrong save file. I pretended to recover it from the cloud. Hes now convinced I have admin-level magic. His IQ is 85"
X Link 2025-09-14T15:17Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"One of my interns once deleted a production table thinking it was his local test DB. He tried to cover it up by emailing Weird looks like the database reset itself. I hired him as a full-time employee the next day"
X Link 2025-09-15T13:14Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"My wife bought a new smart fridge. First thing she did was ask me to set up the Wi-Fi. Ive now become the sysadmin for perishables"
X Link 2025-09-15T23:33Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"With 25+ years I can predict exactly which employee will call me for password reset first and at what hour. Its eerily accurate"
X Link 2025-09-16T01:01Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"My friends always ask what I do all day as an IT administrator. Last week I spent [--] hours staring at a blinking cursor waiting for a server to reboot. My boss came by and said Looks intense"
X Link 2025-09-16T12:05Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Went to the school PTA meeting. They asked if anyone knew about technology. I thought they meant setting up a Google Form. They handed me a box of [--] Chromebooks and said Can you get these ready by morning"
X Link 2025-09-16T13:34Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Sales complained CRM was slow. It was just three employees opening [--] browser tabs each. I cleared cache once and they thought I rewrote the entire backend"
X Link 2025-09-16T14:53Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"We were onboarding a new hire. I explained everyone gets company Google Drive with a quota. He goes Oh thats fine. My last job gave me unlimited storage. I asked how much he used. With a straight face he said: About [--] terabytes of anime"
X Link 2025-09-17T13:29Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Finance asked why our cloud bill is so high. I said Because everything we forgot to turn off is still running. They said Can we reduce it I said Sure just tell me which teams project you want me to delete. We agreed the bill is fine"
X Link 2025-09-19T12:47Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Employee said theyre #LockedInSeptember. I thought it was a meme. Turns out they literally locked themselves out of their account three times in one day. Now theyre locked out until October"
X Link 2025-09-19T13:49Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Supervisor asked if I could speed up their laptop. I opened Task Manager. Chrome had [---] tabs. Closed [---] of them. I told him I "upgraded his RAM" He now recommended me for a promotion. I'm working on easy mode"
X Link 2025-09-20T12:58Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Got two tickets this morning. One said Wi-Fi down. The other said I spilled coffee on my keyboard. Both marked high priority. How do I decide which one to solve first Simple: I wait until one of them come to my office. And then I help the other guy who doesn't come. That's the less annoying guy"
X Link 2025-09-20T17:05Z 69.6K followers, 74.7K engagements
"The Gen Z intern asked if we have a backup in case @slackhq goes down. I said we used email. He looked puzzled and asked "What's an 'email'" I explained in a lingo he'd understand "It's like Discord for middle-aged divorced men." He immediately gets it"
X Link 2025-09-21T14:23Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Boss said his laptop was running slow. I opened Task Manager and just stared at it for [--] seconds. Then I closed it and said All optimized. He swore it felt faster. IT is just placebo-as-a-service"
X Link 2025-09-21T15:17Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Neighbor knocked on my door at [--] PM. He asked if I could "hack" his Ring doorbell. His wife changed the password during their fight and he's locked out of his own house. I said I'd do it for $50. I open terminal and pretend to hack his doorbell. "Bad news" I tell him. "Your wife is cheating on you." I just made that up and he's now crying in my living room. I introduce him to my brother who is a divorce lawyer. I just made $5k for referring him. This is how I make millions as an IT guy"
X Link 2025-09-21T17:47Z 69.6K followers, 401.8K engagements
"Got asked today why we pay for [--] different SaaS tools. I said because we dont know which ones the company actually uses. Nobody wanted to be the one to turn anything off. So we just keep paying. Thats what IT budgeting really is: fear management. And fear costs us $27000 a month"
X Link 2025-09-22T13:14Z 69.6K followers, 13.9K engagements
"Boss said we needed to "improve cybersecurity" after reading about data breaches in the news. The next day I changed everyone's password to "password123" and posted them on a bulletin board in the break room. When people expressed concern I explained that transparency builds trust and hiding passwords is what hackers would expect us to do. We're using reverse psychology to confuse potential threats. That's what innovative security thinking looks like"
X Link 2025-09-22T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 61K engagements
"Our intern discovered he could use ChatGPT to write code reviews. Been doing it for three months. His reviews are so thorough and professional that two senior devs asked to be on his team permanently. Yesterday he accidentally left the prompt visible: "Roast this code but make it sound constructive.""
X Link 2025-09-22T23:33Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Got asked if we could stop Windows from updating during meetings. I fixed it. Now it only updates during presentations instead"
X Link 2025-09-23T13:34Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"My bonus structure is based on the tickets I closed. Yesterday a coworker's keyboard stopped working. He filed a ticket. Instead of replacing it I stole the keyboard from the receptionist's desk and gave it to him. Now the receptionist filed another ticket: "My keyboard is missing." The more tickets I close the bigger my bonus. Unplugging my manager's printer next"
X Link 2025-09-23T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 1.6M engagements
"Someone's email kept going to spam folders across the company. Instead of fixing the mail server configuration I told everyone that our email system had developed advanced AI that automatically filters out "low-value communications." I said if their emails were being marked as spam they needed to write more compelling subject lines and demonstrate greater professional worth. Our company correspondence now reads like poetry. Client engagement is through the roof"
X Link 2025-09-24T01:28Z 69.6K followers, 28.4K engagements
"Conducted our quarterly hardware assessment this morning. Noticed several employees had been customizing their desktop wallpapers with family photos and vacation pictures. This creates unnecessary emotional attachment to their workstations and reduces productivity during hardware transitions. Replaced everyone's backgrounds with stock photos of server rooms and ethernet cables. The intern started crying when she saw her puppy photo was gone. Clearly wasn't ready for enterprise-level professionalism"
X Link 2025-09-24T13:29Z 69.6K followers, 14.2K engagements
"Got asked why we dont use more AI tools. Because we already have interns. Theyre cheaper. They hallucinate less. My interns know how many 'R's strawberry has. AI doesn't. ChatGPT can't rub my back. My $150/mo intern can"
X Link 2025-09-24T15:29Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Deel IT: Device Lifecycle Management Buy ship repair and store employee laptops and devices worldwide. https://www.deel.com/it/device-lifecycle-management/ https://www.deel.com/it/device-lifecycle-management/"
X Link 2025-09-24T15:48Z 69.6K followers, 87K engagements
"Kid's school called saying their computer lab was "hacked." Volunteered to help. Found [--] third-graders had discovered if you press Ctrl+Alt+Down Arrow it flips the screen upside down. They'd been doing it to each other all morning"
X Link 2025-09-25T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 23K engagements
"Got a ticket that said: Computer broken. That was the full description. I asked for details. They said: Its not working. And suddenly I understood how doctors feel when patients just say: Im sick"
X Link 2025-09-26T13:49Z 69.6K followers, 32.2K engagements
"Decided all our computer problems stem from "user error" so I created a simple solution. Put up a sign that says "Have you tried being smarter" next to every workstation. Now when people call with issues I just point to the sign and mark their ticket as "resolved - user education provided." Spent most of my day playing solitaire while people figure out their own problems. The CEO said this approach seems "unconventional." I explained that teaching self-reliance is the most efficient IT strategy"
X Link 2025-09-26T15:17Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Our intern just deployed to production on Friday at 4:59 PM. I watched him do it. He looked me dead in the eyes and clicked deploy. I said "You know what you just did" He said "Shipped code" I'm updating my resume this weekend"
X Link 2025-09-26T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 11.9K engagements
"Got two tickets. One said Cant access Google Drive. The other said Headphones not connecting. I fixed the Google Drive issue by telling them to try again in [--] minutes. I fixed the headphone issue by telling them to buy new headphones. Both gave me 5-star ratings. Thats called customer satisfaction"
X Link 2025-09-27T17:05Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Saw the FBI Directors post that said IT Professionals FBI needs you. I applied. They asked if I had experience with cybersecurity. I said yes: I once renamed our Wi-Fi to CIA Surveillance Van #7 to intimidate potential attackers. They asked if I could do forensics. I said yes: I forensically examine coworkers browsers every morning when they forget to close their tabs. They asked if I had handled sensitive information. I said yes again: I once kept the printers toner low for six months without telling anyone. Pretty sure Im overqualified. National security is about to level up. IT"
X Link 2025-09-29T23:50Z 69.6K followers, 18.1K engagements
"The leadership wanted mandatory phishing training. So I started sending fake Congratulations You Won emails with malware attached. Anyone who clicked got locked out of their account until they bought me lunch. I haven't paid for a sandwich in months. The company spends less on breaches and I spend less on food. Everybody wins"
X Link 2025-09-30T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 27.5K engagements
"Someone rickrolled me while screen-sharing in a Teams call. The next day I uninstalled Spotify from their computer and told them it was violating our "software licensing audit." They asked why only their computer. I said the audit was random and they happened to be selected. They asked to see the audit documentation. I sent them a 47-page PDF I found online about ITIL compliance frameworks. They never read it. Three other people saw this happen and immediately uninstalled Spotify themselves. Now everyone thinks we're doing software audits and they're all terrified they're next. Nobody knows I"
X Link 2025-10-01T01:28Z 69.6K followers, 122.5K engagements
"Have you tried rebooting it Democrat Shutdown. https://t.co/w5GKHQQDuj Democrat Shutdown. https://t.co/w5GKHQQDuj"
X Link 2025-10-01T04:36Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Recently I found out my coworker applied to three different jobs at competing companies. I know because he used his work email and our system flagged the LinkedIn notifications. Started randomly walking by his desk saying "loyalty is everything" and "this company values commitment." He got paranoid and asked if I knew something. I said our new AI detects "flight risk patterns" through typing rhythms and his metrics showed 73% probability of leaving within [--] days. He asked how to improve his score. I said volunteer for more projects to show "cultural enthusiasm." He's now on four committees"
X Link 2025-10-01T13:29Z 69.6K followers, 12.1K engagements
"Employee said her laptop was broken. I asked what was wrong. She said "it just doesn't work right." I held down the power button for [--] seconds turned it back on and handed it back. She said "wow what did you do" I told her I "recalibrated the thermal capacitors and reset the ROM buffer." She thanked me profusely and told three other people I'm a genius. I turned it off and on. That's all I ever do"
X Link 2025-10-01T15:29Z 69.6K followers, 40.6K engagements
"Changed the office WiFi password and only told people who are nice to me. Everyone else still thinks the old password works. They just have slow internet because they're connected to the guest network that caps at 5mbps. Been three weeks. Nobody's figured it out. They think the internet is just slow now. Guy who microwaves fish asked why his video calls keep freezing. I said "network congestion nothing I can do." Could fix it in five seconds. Won't"
X Link 2025-10-01T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 14.3K engagements
"I printed out a sign that said "CAUTION: Electromagnetic Fields" and put it on the server room door. Someone asked what that meant. I said the servers emit radiation that can cause headaches if you stand too close for extended periods. Now nobody bothers me when I'm in the server room. People walk past quickly and hold their breath. One guy started wearing a tinfoil hat "just to be safe." I didn't correct him. The server room is my sanctuary now"
X Link 2025-10-02T13:43Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Coworker saw me at Starbucks during work hours and asked why I wasn't at my desk. Told her I was "conducting network diagnostics from an external access point." She asked what that means. I said sometimes you need to test systems from outside the firewall to identify vulnerabilities. She nodded like that made sense. I was just getting coffee. Now whenever anyone sees me out during the day I say I'm "running external diagnostics." This job is way too easy"
X Link 2025-10-02T15:39Z 69.6K followers, 17.1K engagements
"Lately I've started wearing a Bluetooth earpiece at work. I'm not on calls. I just don't want people talking to me. They see it and walk away. Sometimes I nod and say "uh-huh" to nobody. People think I'm always busy. I'm listening to podcasts about true crime. Best $20 I ever spent"
X Link 2025-10-02T20:08Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Boss asked why our IT budget doubled this quarter. Told him we upgraded our "infrastructure resilience framework." I bought myself a second monitor and a mechanical keyboard. Submitted them as "Dual-Display Failover System" and "Haptic Input Device for Reduced Latency." Got approved immediately. Now when people ask for new equipment I say budgets are tight because of infrastructure investments. I'm typing this on a $300 keyboard that goes click-clack. Worth every penny"
X Link 2025-10-03T13:49Z 69.6K followers, 134.6K engagements
"The company pays for my home internet because I'm "on call." I'm not on call. Nobody's ever called me after hours. But five years ago during my interview I said "I believe in being available for critical incidents" and they just started reimbursing my internet bill. $85 a month. That's $5100 in free internet because I said one sentence in [----]. Sometimes I get an email at 7pm and don't respond until morning just to make it seem like I'm carefully considering the issue. The issue is usually someone forgetting their password. My manager once thanked me for my "unwavering commitment to uptime.""
X Link 2025-10-03T15:17Z 69.6K followers, 20K engagements
"Our printer tracks who prints what. Found out the CEO printed [--] pages of ESPN brackets last March. CFO printed her book club novel. Director of HR printed [---] pages of someone's LinkedIn profile. I have leverage on everyone. Haven't used it yet. But they don't know I know. And that's power"
X Link 2025-10-03T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 11.8K engagements
"Boss walked by while I was playing Solitaire. Alt-tabbed to a terminal window just in time. He asked what I was working on. I said "stress-testing the backup redundancy system." I was on King difficulty. He said keep up the good work. I went back to Solitaire as soon as he left. Beat my high score that day"
X Link 2025-10-04T13:16Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"When you work in IT you can see everyone's WiFi device names. "Linda's iPhone" connects to the network. Also "Dave's iPhone" connects to the network. From the same location. At the same time. In conference room B. Every Tuesday and Thursday at 2pm. Linda is married to someone who is not Dave. Dave is married to someone who is not Linda. I know their secret and they have no idea"
X Link 2025-10-04T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 12.1K engagements
"Every Monday I send an email that says "completed weekend server maintenance all systems optimized." There is no weekend server maintenance. I don't even log in on weekends. But three years ago I sent that email once after restarting a router and now if I don't send it people panic. Last month I forgot and got four messages asking if everything was okay. Now that Monday email is in the official IT documentation as a required weekly procedure. Got a performance bonus last year for "consistent weekend system optimization." That's $2000 for eight seconds of typing"
X Link 2025-10-06T12:51Z 69.6K followers, 16.5K engagements
"I have access to all the security cameras and watch them when I'm bored. Saw Greg from sales pick his nose for [--] seconds straight. Linda takes a 20-minute "bathroom break" to nap in her car. Dave steals coffee pods every Friday. Someone's having an affair in conference room C. They have no idea I can see everything. When people ask what I do all day I say "network monitoring." I'm monitoring you. All of you. This is the best part of my job"
X Link 2025-10-06T20:08Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Company paid $50000 for cybersecurity training. I completed the entire course in [--] minutes by right-clicking and selecting "Mark as Complete" in the browser console. Everyone else spent [--] hours watching videos. I'm the only one who actually learned something useful. How to skip corporate training"
X Link 2025-10-07T01:01Z 69.6K followers, 16.6K engagements
"Pro tip: every vending machine has a maintenance mode that dispenses free product for testing. You access it by typing a specific code on the keypad. I found it in a service manual PDF while I was supposed to be fixing the printer. Been getting free snacks for seven months. If you're reading this and you're IT google your vending machine model number plus "service manual PDF." You're welcome"
X Link 2025-10-07T13:34Z 69.6K followers, 25.2K engagements
"I tell people I can't fix their laptop while they're watching because "active user sessions interfere with diagnostic protocols." I just don't want them hovering. They leave and I look up their problem on ChatGPT. Takes two minutes. I wait [--] minutes then call them back. Makes it seem harder than it is"
X Link 2025-10-07T14:53Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Put a "Certified Ethical Hacker" certificate in a frame on my wall. It's from a $30 Udemy course I never finished. People are intimidated by it. Someone asked if I could "hack" their ex's Instagram. I said "I only use my powers for good." I can't hack anything. I know how to reset passwords. That's it"
X Link 2025-10-08T01:28Z 69.6K followers, 17.5K engagements
"Accidentally clicked Remind me later on a Windows Update. Realized if I could delay progress so could everyone else. Forced the update across the company mid-workday. Half the staff lost unsaved work. The other half learned a valuable lesson about procrastination"
X Link 2025-10-13T20:08Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Found out marketing was using Canva without IT approval. They said it made design easier. Explained that third-party cloud tools pose a compliance risk and could expose company assets. They argued it was harmless. So I disabled Canva access across the entire network. Told them Microsoft Paint offered the same functionality without the security concerns. Now every flyer looks like a ransom note. Nobody thanks IT for protecting company data"
X Link 2025-10-13T23:33Z 69.6K followers, 19.5K engagements
"I like taking naps. Not at home. Not in a hotel. At my desk. Set my status to Server Maintenance and close my eyes. Sometimes its [--] minutes. Sometimes its [--] hours. During that time the network still runs. The printers still print. The intern tries to open tickets. I dont respond. When I wake up I mark all their tickets as Investigated Pending Resolution. They thank me. They dont know I slept through everything. Its my favorite part of the day"
X Link 2025-10-14T01:01Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Last year I discovered that our security cameras could stream directly to YouTube. Thought itd be funny to test it out. Set up a 24/7 stream called Live Data Center Vibes 🔴 (Lo-Fi Server Room Beats to Work/Code To). Within an hour a few hundred viewers joined. In the afternoon Greg (from accounting) walked in tripped over a cable and took down half the office Wi-Fi. Chat went wild. Someone clipped it and titled it Guy Destroys Entire Network LIVE. [------] views. Legal said I violated multiple internal policies. But technically it was our most successful digital campaign to date"
X Link 2025-10-14T13:34Z 69.6K followers, 23.1K engagements
"AWS went down this morning. Everyone panicked. Marketing couldnt access the website. Finance couldnt open their dashboards. I told everyone to stay calm there was nothing we could do. For the first time all year every ticket became blocked by external vendor. My workload instantly dropped to zero. People kept asking for updates. I just kept saying were waiting on Amazon. Havent touched my keyboard in four hours. Ive never felt more efficient"
X Link 2025-10-20T18:52Z 69.6K followers, 443.3K engagements
"Afternoon update: AWS is still down. I havent fixed a single thing today. But everyone keeps thanking me for the constant updates. All Ive done is refresh the status page squint at it like I understand and sigh deeply. People keep walking by my desk just to see if I look stressed. I nod slowly and say Were monitoring the situation"
X Link 2025-10-20T20:00Z 69.6K followers, 35.7K engagements
"Evening update: AWS is back online. I didnt write a single command or touch a single server. But I announced It should be working now in a confident tone and everyone reacted like I had personally fixed the cloud. People thanked me for getting us back up. One person even said We dont know what wed do without you. I nodded like a man who had just negotiated peace between regions us-east-1 and eu-west-3. I have no idea what Amazon did behind the scenes but according to this office I just saved the company. Already updated my self-evaluation under Major Accomplishments"
X Link 2025-10-21T03:04Z 69.6K followers, 419.9K engagements
"Had a team member who said I was being unprofessional eating sandwiches during troubleshooting calls. Told him it's called efficiency. He said users can hear me chewing through their audio issues. So I started muting myself mid-sentence and telling users it's "network latency on their end." Now I finish entire meals per call while they reboot their routers six times. They think their internet is the problem. I think my sandwich was delicious"
X Link 2025-10-21T18:31Z 69.6K followers, 25.4K engagements
"My laptop dies during every important meeting. My phone hits 3% by noon. My coworkers ask why I don't just charge my stuff overnight. Because walking into the office with dead devices is the perfect excuse to avoid literally everything for the first [--] minutes. "Sorry can't check that ticket yet laptop's charging." "Can't join that call phone died." "Emergency meeting Let me get to 15% first." By the time everything's powered up half my problems have solved themselves"
X Link 2025-10-21T21:30Z 69.6K followers, 50.1K engagements
"Walked past a team member's desk and saw ESPN open. He quickly alt-tabbed to a command prompt like I wouldn't notice. I said "dude I don't care." He looked relieved until I told him he's doing it wrong. Showed him how to rename the ESPN tab to "Server Monitoring Dashboard" and keep it pinned next to his actual work. Now when management walks by they think he's incredibly dedicated to uptime monitoring. He watches every game in peace and I get credit for "mentoring junior staff.""
X Link 2025-10-22T03:29Z 69.6K followers, 36.9K engagements
"If you want to make more money in IT dont become more skilled. Become more essential. Break something complicated early in your career ideally a system nobody fully understands. Then be the only one who knows how to fix it. Never fully fix it. Just keep it running in a state of controlled instability that requires your continued presence. Congratulations you are now business critical. Enjoy your raise for maintaining complex legacy infrastructure"
X Link 2025-10-23T22:52Z 69.6K followers, 16.7K engagements
"Boss said we needed SOC [--] or the deals vanish. I screenshotted the empty cafeteria pasted a SOC [--] Type II Certified sticker on the door and updated the slide deck. Auditor walked in saw the sticker took a photo for his report left. We closed the quarter. I still dont know what SOC stands for"
X Link 2025-10-24T21:04Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements
"Went to a college football game this weekend. Stadium IT had a total meltdown - ticketing system crashed concession stands went cash-only and the jumbotron was frozen on a Bud Light ad for the entire first quarter. I watched their tech scrambling around while I ate my overpriced hot dog. Got back to the office today and our CTO asked why I looked so relaxed. Told him watching someone else's infrastructure fail in real-time was the most therapeutic thing I've done all year. He laughed and said "Whatever helps you cope with our disasters." So I just expensed a ticket for the next game as"
X Link 2025-10-27T20:43Z 69.6K followers, 15K engagements
"I once saw an employee frantically trying to plug her USB drive into her work laptop after hours. She jumped when she noticed me standing behind her. She said she just needed to transfer a few personal files really quick and begged me not to report it. I quietly picked up the USB turned it over in my hand and asked Do you know our data loss prevention policy She started panicking. I said Relax. I can whitelist your device for a small monthly IT compliance support fee. Now she pays me $50 a month to keep using her own flash drive under the illusion its being specially authorized. The drive"
X Link 2025-10-29T18:43Z 69.6K followers, 34.4K engagements
"Okay so I've done the load balancing analysis here and the answer is obvious. If you downgrade you have: - [--] unhappy users (100% dissatisfaction rate) - Zero utilization of available premium resources - Increased load on economy class infrastructure If you take the upgrade: - [--] happy user (50% satisfaction but total happiness increased) - Optimal resource allocation - She can remote in to your seat for snacks/drinks as needed This is basic capacity planning. You're running a distributed relationship system here. Not all nodes need to be at the same tier simultaneously. As long as you"
X Link 2025-11-03T21:10Z 69.6K followers, 19.8K engagements
"Found a critical security vulnerability in our network that allows unauthorized access to sensitive company data requires no advanced hacking skills and is exploited daily by dozens of internal actors. It completely bypasses our million-dollar firewall renders all MFA solutions useless and often involves clicking on a link. We've spent countless hours and thousands of dollars running training sessions to counter it. The name of the unstoppable exploit A user's immediate and total inability to read the giant red warning message"
X Link 2025-11-06T03:24Z 69.6K followers, 12.6K engagements
"I'm often asked how I have time to post on Twitter so much. The truth is my job isn't about working. It's about waiting. I'm paid to be present and available when the inevitable disaster strikes. Right now I'm waiting for a major data migration. Estimated completion: [--] hours [--] minutes. I'm waiting for a critical system to finish its 60-minute automated patch scan. I'm waiting for a server to finish "initializing critical services." My entire workflow is dictated by a brightly colored progress bar. And until that bar hits 100%. I'm just a very expensive human screensaver"
X Link 2025-11-06T13:26Z 69.6K followers, 14.2K engagements
"When I joined our team we had just had a minor data incident. I found out the loser IT guy who was here before me had set the password to our critical infrastructure to just "password." Unbelievable. No professionalism. No standards. I immediately changed it to "Password1" We haven't had a data breach since. You have to be proactive about security people. Just a few simple tweaks can save a billion-dollar business. At the time of the brazen heist of $102 million in jewels from the Louvre last month the password to the world-famous museum's video surveillance system was simply "Louvre""
X Link 2025-11-06T17:04Z 69.6K followers, 62.7K engagements
"Spent two days in the woods this weekend. No service. Came back this morning to find out the entire office Wi-Fi went down Saturday afternoon. Everyone worked from home the rest of the weekend. My manager called me in today. "We've been talking. Maybe we don't need someone monitoring the network full-time if it runs fine without intervention." I could feel my job disappearing. Then I said "Actually I've been meaning to tell you - I implemented an automated failover system last year that kicks in when I'm unavailable. That's why it recovered so smoothly." Complete lie. The router overheated"
X Link 2025-11-10T18:16Z 69.6K followers, 225.6K engagements
"Intern asked me yesterday: "How do you always know what to do" I looked him dead in the eye. "I don't. I just know how to look like I do." He laughed. Thought I was joking. I pulled up my browser history from last Tuesday. "How to configure VLAN on Cisco switch" "What is VLAN" "Cisco switch won't save config" "Cisco switch blinking orange meaning" Showed him a ticket from that same day where I "expertly resolved a critical network segmentation issue." It was the same switch. His face went pale. "So you just. Google everything" "Not everything. Sometimes I ask ChatGPT." He asked what he should"
X Link 2025-11-12T00:12Z 69.6K followers, 2.7M engagements
"Deel ITL Mobile Device Management Centrally manage all laptops tablets and phones across your workforce. https://www.deel.com/it/mobile-device-management/ https://www.deel.com/it/mobile-device-management/"
X Link 2025-11-12T15:23Z 69.6K followers, 201.7K engagements
"UPDATE: So apparently my last post blew up and now half of IT on X is shocked that I don't know how to set up a VLAN or have the CISCO CLI memorized. Listen here you beautiful overachievers. The reason I'm Head of IT at my company isnt because Im the most technical person. Its because when something breaks I look calm while Googling the answer. I make $200k because I say stuff like "layer [--] aggregation" with confidence. I don't even know what layer [--] is. Is it like an onion Are we just making this up Nobody cares. The VLAN I "couldn't configure" is still running perfectly. And when it breaks"
X Link 2025-11-12T17:10Z 69.6K followers, 881.1K engagements
"Deel ITL Mobile Device Management Centrally manage all laptops tablets and phones across your workforce. https://www.deel.com/it/mobile-device-management/ https://www.deel.com/it/mobile-device-management/"
X Link 2025-11-12T23:41Z 69.6K followers, 48K engagements
"I hear from many young IT guys that they find it difficult to get their juniors to listen to them. In other words the Slack culture has destroyed the ability to spontaneously pull someone aside. As such I thought I would share a few words that I used in my youth to get immediate attention. I would ask: "May I meet you in my office" before engaging further in conversation. I almost never got a No. It inevitably enabled the opportunity for a further conversation. Usually while they're refreshing their inbox and calculating whether they can make rent if fired today. I think the combination of"
X Link 2025-11-17T16:36Z 69.6K followers, 35K engagements
"Last week I hosted family for Thanksgiving. My 12-year-old nephew asked for the WiFi password. He wanted to play Roblox on his iPad. I looked at the device. Unmanaged. No antivirus. No encryption. Im an IT Professional. I don't run an open network. So I didnt give him the password. Instead I spent [--] minutes provisioning a Guest VLAN. I set up a captive portal. I throttled the bandwidth down to 56kbps. Then I blocked all traffic on ports [--] and [---]. He came back crying. He said it wouldn't load. My sister screamed at me to "just let him play." I told her that Zero Trust architecture doesn't"
X Link 2025-12-01T21:08Z 69.4K followers, 9.1M engagements
"Last month my intern asked for help with a Kubernetes error. He was stuck on a YAML file. He looked desperate. I make $275000 a year. I haven't written a line of code since [----]. I don't even know what a "pod" is. But I didn't tell him that. I leaned back in my Herman Miller chair. I said "Stop trying to code. Start prompting." I told him to paste the error into ChatGPT. He did. The AI told him to delete the cluster. He did. Production went down instantly. The CEO called me screaming. I didn't panic. I told the CEO we were "testing our disaster recovery protocols." He was impressed by my"
X Link 2025-12-02T21:08Z 69.4K followers, 2.9M engagements
"I woke up at 1:27 PM today. I checked my phone. I had missed a 1:00 PM meeting with the CIO. My Slack status had been set to "Away" for nine hours. He sent a message: "We're waiting on the call. Where are you" I didn't panic. I didn't apologize. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and typed: "Sorry I was up until 4:30 AM manually re-indexing the SQL fragmentations. The automated script failed and I didn't want to risk data corruption during business hours." (I was actually up until 4:30 AM watching a 4-hour YouTube documentary about airplanes). His reply came in [--] seconds: "Wow. Thank you for"
X Link 2025-12-15T23:34Z 69.1K followers, 2.6M engagements
"I just finished shoveling my driveway. Took me [--] minutes. My back is killing me and I have to drive to work now. My neighbor has a snowblower. He did his driveway in [--] minutes then offered to do mine. I told him no thanks I like the exercise. Real reason If he does my driveway once I owe him. Next thing you know he's asking me to "take a quick look" at his computer because "it's running slow." I don't do free IT work. Not for family not for neighbors not for anyone. Last year this same neighbor asked me to help him set up his printer. I told him I'm a "network architect" and I don't work"
X Link 2026-01-07T13:12Z 69.4K followers, 2.7M engagements
"Facilities just sent me an email asking why the server room temperature is set to 62F. They said it's "excessive" and they want to raise it to 68F to save on cooling costs. I replied with a six-paragraph email explaining "thermal load balancing" "equipment MTBF degradation" and "catastrophic failure risk." I cited a "study" that showed every degree above 65F reduces server lifespan by 15%. There is no study. I made that up. But I CC'd the CFO and said if Facilities wants to take ownership of a potential $200K hardware replacement due to overheating they're welcome to adjust the temperature."
X Link 2026-01-08T15:27Z 69.5K followers, 1.9M engagements
"Today I got lunch with the CTO. We went to that steakhouse downtown. The one where entrees start at $45. I ordered the ribeye medium rare. He got the salmon. We split a bottle of wine. The bill came to $220. I paid with the corporate card and expensed it under "Q1 Strategic Planning Session." We didn't talk about Q1 strategy. We talked about his vacation to Costa Rica and how the Seahawks are doing. But here's the thing: lunch meetings with executives aren't about the meeting. They're about being seen having the meeting. Three people from our company were at that restaurant. I made sure we"
X Link 2026-01-09T16:17Z 67.9K followers, 618.7K engagements
"My wife just asked me if I'm "done working" because her sister wants to FaceTime. I said "Yeah the upgrade finished. Everything's stable now." I haven't looked at a single work system all day. I've been playing Elden Ring for [--] hours. But I made sure to leave my laptop open on my desk with a terminal window visible. Just black screen with green text scrolling. Looks very official. It's actually just running ping google on repeat. But to anyone who glances in it looks like I'm monitoring something critical. We got on FaceTime with her sister. She asked what I was working on today. I said "Just"
X Link 2026-01-11T00:38Z 69.1K followers, 1.6M engagements
"We just hired a new senior engineer. Starts next month. His salary is $140K. That's $15K more than my current senior engineer who's been here for four years. My current guy doesn't know this yet. But he will eventually. And when he finds out he's going to be pissed. Here's what I'm banking on: he'll come to me asking for a raise to match the new hire. I'll act sympathetic. I'll say the market has changed and yes it's frustrating but my hands are tied by HR compensation bands. Then I'll offer him $10K more. He'll take it because it's better than nothing. Net result: I keep a good engineer"
X Link 2026-01-13T15:53Z 67.8K followers, 1.5M engagements
"Deel IT: Identity & Access Management Control who gets access to apps and devices with automated onboarding/offboarding. https://memelord.link/IWbonPA https://memelord.link/IWbonPA"
X Link 2026-01-14T01:32Z 67.8K followers, 40.1K engagements
"The board wants a presentation on our "AI readiness strategy. "I have no idea what that means and neither do they. So I'm going to do what I always do: repackage everything we're already doing and add "AI" to the description. Our automated backup system That's now "AI-enhanced data protection with predictive failure detection." Our spam filter "Machine learning-based threat prevention." The dashboard I built that shows server performance "AI-driven infrastructure optimization." None of this is technically wrong. All modern software has some level of machine learning in it. But by calling it"
X Link 2026-01-14T13:12Z 67.8K followers, 42.4K engagements
"The new intern just asked me if I can teach him about our network architecture. Smart kid. Eager. Reminds me of myself ten years ago. I said absolutely and I've started showing him all our systems. But here's what I'm really doing: I'm training him to handle all the boring shit I don't want to do anymore. Password resets Teaching him. Basic troubleshooting His now. Routine maintenance tasks I'm creating detailed documentation for him. In three months he's going to be handling 60% of my workload. My boss thinks I'm being a great mentor. The intern thinks he's getting valuable experience. I'm"
X Link 2026-01-14T15:10Z 67.7K followers, 213.2K engagements
"Just got off a call with a vendor trying to sell us a new security platform. The sales guy spent [--] minutes explaining how their product uses "next-generation behavioral analytics" and "zero-trust architecture." I let him finish his pitch. Then I said "This is impressive but we'd need to see how it integrates with our existing SIEM infrastructure and whether it's compatible with our compliance framework." He looked uncertain. I said "Why don't you put together a technical spec document and we can evaluate it against our current vendor." We don't have a current vendor for this. We don't need"
X Link 2026-01-14T21:08Z 67.9K followers, 504.4K engagements
"I just found a way to get myself promoted before Q2 this year. I discovered that our company pays for a premium LinkedIn Learning subscription for all employees. Nobody uses it. I checked the admin dashboard - less than 5% of employees have ever logged in. So I just enrolled myself in eight different courses. "Advanced Cloud Architecture." "Executive Leadership." "Strategic Business Planning." I'm not going to watch any of them. But in three months I'm going to generate a completion certificate report and send it to my boss. "Been working on professional development during downtime. Completed"
X Link 2026-01-15T13:26Z 67.8K followers, 134.9K engagements
"I took the VP of Sales out to lunch today. We went to that sushi place downtown. Expensive. I paid with the corporate card. Expensed it as "cross-departmental collaboration meeting." We talked about his golf game for [--] minutes. But here's why I did it: next quarter I'm going to ask for budget approval for a new CRM integration. Sales is going to complain that it disrupts their workflow. They always do. But the VP now thinks we're buddies. He owes me for lunch even though it wasn't my money. When I pitch the CRM project he'll be more likely to say yes. Or at least less likely to actively"
X Link 2026-01-15T15:27Z 67.9K followers, 59.5K engagements
"One of my engineers just sent me a message at 7:30 PM asking for approval on a configuration change. I saw the message. It's a routine change. Would take me [--] seconds to approve. I'm not responding until tomorrow morning. Here's why: if I respond to messages at 7:30 PM my team thinks I'm available at 7:30 PM. And if they think I'm available they'll keep sending me things at 7:30 PM. I need to train them that evenings are off-limits unless there's a genuine emergency. This isn't an emergency. It's just someone working late who wants to keep making progress. Admirable. But not my problem after"
X Link 2026-01-15T21:08Z 67.9K followers, 320.7K engagements
"The CEO just asked me if we're "doing anything with blockchain." I said we're "monitoring the technology landscape" but haven't identified a strong use case for our business yet. Translation: No and we're never going to. But I can't just say "blockchain is useless for what we do" because then I look like I'm not thinking innovatively. So I position it as "we're being strategic and waiting for the right opportunity." He nodded. Said that made sense. Then he asked about quantum computing. I gave him the same answer. Here's the reality: every few months executives read an article about some"
X Link 2026-01-16T14:49Z 67.8K followers, 110K engagements
"Just found out the company is catering lunch today for "team appreciation." Chipotle bowls in the conference room at noon. I'm not going. Not because I don't like free food. I love free food. But these "team appreciation" lunches are traps. You sit there making small talk with people from other departments. Someone inevitably brings up a problem they're having. You're stuck either helping them or looking unhelpful. Plus everyone expects you to stay in the office afterward because you "already ate here." So I left at 11:45 went to the burrito place down the street and I'm eating in my car."
X Link 2026-01-16T16:17Z 67.9K followers, 371.3K engagements
"Just got home and checked my personal email. Got a message from a former employee who left the company six months ago. He's asking if I can be a reference for a job he's applying for. I'm going to say yes. I'm going to give him a glowing recommendation. Not because he was great - he was average at best. But because he's applying at one of our competitors. And if he gets the job I'll have someone on the inside. In six months when I want to know what technology stack they're using or if they're hiring or what their infrastructure budget looks like I've got a source. Corporate espionage Nah."
X Link 2026-01-16T21:08Z 67.9K followers, 444.1K engagements
"It's Sunday evening and for a change I'm not thinking about work. I'm not reviewing my calendar. I'm not prepping for meetings. I'm not reading emails. My direct report sent me a message earlier asking about priorities for the week. I'll respond Monday morning. There's nothing happening Monday that requires my attention tonight. I used to be the person who spent Sunday evenings getting ready for the week. Reviewing slides checking project statuses drafting emails. You know what that got me Anxiety and less time with my family. Now I show up Monday morning and figure it out in real-time. And"
X Link 2026-01-18T21:08Z 67.8K followers, 50.1K engagements
"Deel ITL Mobile Device Management Centrally manage all laptops tablets and phones across your workforce. https://memelord.link/BC2YvMT https://memelord.link/BC2YvMT"
X Link 2026-01-22T23:44Z 69.2K followers, 124.8K engagements
"My wife sent me a link to this Russian nanny post. "Would you hire someone like this to help you at work 😊" That emoji is doing a LOT of work in that message. This is a test. Obviously a test. If I say "Yeah that would be helpful" - I'm sleeping on the couch and she's telling her sister I want to hire a hot 24yo Instagram model as my "assistant". If I say "No way that's ridiculous" too quickly - she'll think I'm protesting too much and that I've definitely thought about it. The correct answer is no. But I can't just say no because then she'll ask why not and any reason I give makes it worse."
X Link 2026-01-24T00:17Z 67.9K followers, 737.1K engagements
"Had dinner with my wife last night after the Seahawks won the NFC Championship. She was following the game on her phone all day. I couldn't care less about football but I've learned to fake enthusiasm. She said "Your Seahawks won We should go to the Super Bowl". She was excited but not actually suggesting we should go she was gauging how I'm going to react to the idea. First of all they're not "my" Seahawks. They're her family's Seahawks. I'm from the Midwest. I didn't care about football until I married into a Seattle family. Second nobody actually goes to the Super Bowl. That's not a thing"
X Link 2026-01-26T21:08Z 69.1K followers, 221.9K engagements
"My wife's book club is meeting at our house tomorrow night. She asked me to "make sure the wifi is working really well because Sarah always complains." Our wifi works fine I know that because it works fine for me and my wife and everybody else. Sarah uses an iPhone XR from like [----] and she refuses to update it. But I can't tell my wife that because then I'm "making excuses" and "not being supportive." So I said I'd "optimize the network" for tomorrow. What I'm actually going to do: nothing. The wifi is fine. But tomorrow morning I'll restart the router which takes [--] seconds and does"
X Link 2026-01-27T00:33Z 69.5K followers, 3.5M engagements
"My CEO just forwarded me an email from his golf buddy who "has some great ideas about blockchain." The golf buddy runs a car dealership.I now have to take a meeting on Thursday with a car salesman to discuss "revolutionary blockchain applications for our business." I already know how this goes. He's going to pitch me on crypto or some consultant he knows who will "transform our digital strategy." Here's my plan: I'm going to listen politely for [--] minutes take detailed notes and then send a follow-up email that says "These are interesting concepts. I'll need to conduct a feasibility analysis"
X Link 2026-01-27T13:05Z 67.9K followers, 128.2K engagements
"This morning we had a townhall where the company just announced "wellness initiatives" including standing desks for anyone who wants one. I immediately submitted a request for three standing desks. One for my office. One for my home office. One for the "backup workspace we're establishing for business continuity." There is no backup workspace. The third desk is going to my brother-in-law's house. He's been wanting a standing desk but they're like $800. My request got approved in [--] minutes. Because it's framed as "wellness" and "business continuity" not "I want free stuff." The desks arrive"
X Link 2026-01-27T14:34Z 69.1K followers, 53.9K engagements
"My wife just texted me a Zillow listing for a house three blocks from our current one." Look how much this sold for. We could get way more for ours." This is how it starts. If I engage with this message at all by tonight we're discussing staging by Wednesday she's interviewing realtors and by next month I'm spending my weekends at open houses. So I replied: "Wow crazy market." That's it. No opinion. No engagement. Just acknowledgment that I received the information. She sent three more listings. I'm not opening them until tonight. By then she'll either be over it or fully committed. If she's"
X Link 2026-01-27T15:53Z 67.9K followers, 133.2K engagements
"My parking spot has been taken three times this week. It's not a reserved spot officially. But I've parked there every day for six years. It's my spot. Today someone from the marketing department was in it. Again. I parked next to them walked into the office and immediately sent a building-wide email: "Reminder: The spots in the west lot closest to the building are designated for IT staff due to equipment transport needs. Please use the main lot for general parking. Thanks for your cooperation." This is completely made up. There's no such designation. I just invented it. But I sent it from my"
X Link 2026-01-28T14:29Z 69.1K followers, 520.3K engagements
"Just had lunch with a recruiter who's trying to poach me for a competitor. They're offering $320K base plus equity. About $50K more than I'm making now. I'm not taking it. Not because the money isn't good. The money is great. But I've spent six years building systems at this company. I know where all the bodies are buried. I know which executives to avoid and which ones to cultivate. I know exactly how little work I can do while maintaining my reputation. At a new company I'd have to start over. I'd have to prove myself again. I'd actually have to work hard for the first year. That's not"
X Link 2026-01-28T16:29Z 69.5K followers, 1.2M engagements
"Got invited to speak on a "Women in Technology" panel next month. I'm not a woman. I'm not sure why I got invited. I replied asking if there was a mix-up. The organizer said no they want "allies and male leaders who champion diversity." So basically they want me to show up and say supportive things while women who actually work in tech talk about real issues. I should decline. This is performative and weird. But here's what's also true: the panel is at a big industry conference. My CEO will see that I'm speaking. It'll look good on my LinkedIn. And the organizer is a VP at a company we're"
X Link 2026-01-29T14:43Z 69.2K followers, 178.9K engagements
"My wife just asked me what I want for my birthday next month. I said I don't need anything. This is a trap I set for myself every year. If I say I don't need anything she'll get me something she thinks I need. Which is usually clothes or "an experience" like tickets to something. I don't want clothes or experiences. I want the new iPad Pro. But I can't say I want the new iPad Pro because I just got a MacBook "for work" two months ago (that lives at my house). So I'll wait a week and casually mention that my current iPad is "getting slow" and "probably needs to be replaced soon." She'll"
X Link 2026-01-29T16:39Z 69.5K followers, 856.1K engagements
"Today at work I got off a call with our new Amsterdam office about rolling out a security update. I wanted to schedule it for tonight during our maintenance window since it's a critical patch. Their lead engineer said Monday morning works better for them. I said Monday morning is when we have the most users online. If something breaks maximum impact. He said exactly that's why Monday is perfect. Everyone will notice immediately and report issues so they know exactly what to fix. Then he casually mentioned they have a company policy against any deployments after [--] PM on Fridays. I've spent six"
X Link 2026-01-30T23:16Z 69.5K followers, 164.3K engagements
"My kid's school is doing a "STEM Career Day" and they want parents to come talk about their jobs. My wife signed me up without asking. I have to go talk to a classroom of 8-year-olds about information technology. I can't just say "I manage servers and go to meetings." That's boring and also not age-appropriate. So I'm bringing in a Raspberry Pi hooking it up to a monitor and showing them how to make LEDs blink with basic code. Will any of them remember this in a week No. But their parents will see me there with "computers" and think I'm a good dad who's involved. And honestly spending an hour"
X Link 2026-02-01T15:23Z 69.5K followers, 398.3K engagements
"People keep asking me how I got into IT. I got into IT because I was too socially awkward for sales and too impatient for engineering. In [----] I was the only IT person at a 40-person startup. Everything was my fault. Server down My fault. Email slow My fault. Someone's laptop got a virus because they opened an email from their own mother Also my fault apparently. One day the CEO asked me why our internet was "acting slow." I told him it was probably DNS. I had no idea what DNS was. I just knew it was the answer to everything. He asked me to fix it. I told him I needed $8K in equipment and"
X Link 2025-12-04T18:53Z 69.6K followers, 276.9K engagements
"I made $280k last year as an IT Director at a mid-sized company. I post on this account pseudonymously because what I share here would probably get me fired (especially this article). But it might also save your career. This isn't a guide on how to be good at IT. There are thousands of those. This is a guide on how to be good at corporate IT - which is an entirely different skill set that nobody teaches you in college or certification courses. The Fundamental Truth Nobody Tells You Here's what they don't mention in your Computer Science degree or AWS certification: Being good at technology is"
X Link 2026-01-22T01:02Z 69.6K followers, 3.8M engagements
"My brother-in-law just called asking for help setting up his new router. The same router I told my neighbor I couldn't help with last week because "it's not my area." But family is different. You can't blow off family the same way. So I'm going over there tomorrow. But here's what I'm doing: I'm bringing my laptop and making it look really complicated. I'm going to run some terminal commands that look technical but don't do anything. I'm going to check logs that don't matter. I'm going to nod seriously while explaining "network topology" and "QoS prioritization." The router setup will take 10"
X Link 2026-01-31T18:05Z 69.6K followers, 115.2K engagements
"I'm pretty sure everyone at my company saw this article and now they all think we're in an AI crisis. We're not in an AI crisis. We use Claude to summarize Slack threads. But here's what's actually interesting: this whole panic reveals something nobody wants to admit. Every company in America has been bullshitting about their "AI strategy" for two years. We all saw the hype. We all knew we had to say something. So we rebranded our existing automation as "AI-powered" and called it a day. My company isn't special. We're all doing the same thing. The problem is now the executives actually"
X Link 2026-02-04T18:54Z 69.6K followers, 559.1K engagements
"My company just announced a partnership with a charity for "tech education in underserved communities." Sounds great. Except I know what this actually is. We have [---] laptops from [----] that are being phased out. They're too slow for our employees but they still technically work. Instead of recycling them properly we're donating them to this charity and taking a $150000 tax write-off. The charity thinks they're getting functional equipment. They're getting 4-year-old laptops with battery problems and no software licenses. The CEO is doing a photoshoot next week handing over the laptops to"
X Link 2026-02-11T13:12Z 69.6K followers, 152.2K engagements
"Guys I left work at noon today on a Wednesday afternoon. Didn't ask permission or make up an excuse. Just left. Three hours later my phone hasn't buzzed once. This is how I know most of my job is completely unnecessary. If the building was actually going to burn down without me someone would have noticed by now. Instead everyone's just assuming I'm somewhere important doing important things. The system runs itself. The team handles issues. Nothing requires my immediate attention. I could probably not show up for a week and just send a few emails and nobody would notice. That's either a sign"
X Link 2026-02-11T21:08Z 69.6K followers, 128.7K engagements
"My company just got named in a "Best Places to Work" list. We're ranked #47 in our industry for "work-life balance" and "employee satisfaction." This is completely insane. We had three people quit last month citing burnout. Our average employee tenure is [--] months. We just cut mental health benefits. But we're on the Best Place to Work list (can't tell which number because I don't wanna dox myself). Here's how this happened: six months ago HR sent out an "anonymous employee survey." I saw the results. They were fucking terrible. [---] out of [--] overall satisfaction. Then the survey company"
X Link 2026-02-12T14:43Z 69.6K followers, 215.7K engagements
"Just got a notification from my bank about "suspicious activity." Someone tried to use my card to buy $400 worth of Roblox gift cards. I know exactly who it was. My 10-year-old. I went into his room. He was on his iPad playing Roblox very focused trying to look innocent. I said "did you try to buy Robux with my credit card" He said "no." I showed him my phone with the fraud alert. $400 in attempted charges. He got quiet. Then: "It was an accident." I said how do you accidentally try to spend $400 He said his friend told him how to find saved payment info in the browser. He was "just looking""
X Link 2026-02-16T03:06Z 69.6K followers, 1.1M engagements
"People keep asking me how I got into IT. I got into IT because I was too socially awkward for sales and too impatient for engineering. In [----] I was the only IT person at a 40-person startup. Everything was my fault. Server down My fault. Email slow My fault. Someone's laptop got a virus because they opened an email from their own mother Also my fault apparently. One day the CEO asked me why our internet was "acting slow." I told him it was probably DNS. I had no idea what DNS was. I just knew it was the answer to everything. He asked me to fix it. I told him I needed $8K in equipment and"
X Link 2025-12-04T18:53Z 69.6K followers, 276.9K engagements
"My bonus structure is based on the tickets I closed. Yesterday a coworker's keyboard stopped working. He filed a ticket. Instead of replacing it I stole the keyboard from the receptionist's desk and gave it to him. Now the receptionist filed another ticket: "My keyboard is missing." The more tickets I close the bigger my bonus. Unplugging my manager's printer next"
X Link 2025-09-23T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 1.6M engagements
"Intern asked me yesterday: "How do you always know what to do" I looked him dead in the eye. "I don't. I just know how to look like I do." He laughed. Thought I was joking. I pulled up my browser history from last Tuesday. "How to configure VLAN on Cisco switch" "What is VLAN" "Cisco switch won't save config" "Cisco switch blinking orange meaning" Showed him a ticket from that same day where I "expertly resolved a critical network segmentation issue." It was the same switch. His face went pale. "So you just. Google everything" "Not everything. Sometimes I ask ChatGPT." He asked what he should"
X Link 2025-11-12T00:12Z 69.6K followers, 2.7M engagements
"AWS went down this morning. Everyone panicked. Marketing couldnt access the website. Finance couldnt open their dashboards. I told everyone to stay calm there was nothing we could do. For the first time all year every ticket became blocked by external vendor. My workload instantly dropped to zero. People kept asking for updates. I just kept saying were waiting on Amazon. Havent touched my keyboard in four hours. Ive never felt more efficient"
X Link 2025-10-20T18:52Z 69.6K followers, 443.3K engagements
"Evening update: AWS is back online. I didnt write a single command or touch a single server. But I announced It should be working now in a confident tone and everyone reacted like I had personally fixed the cloud. People thanked me for getting us back up. One person even said We dont know what wed do without you. I nodded like a man who had just negotiated peace between regions us-east-1 and eu-west-3. I have no idea what Amazon did behind the scenes but according to this office I just saved the company. Already updated my self-evaluation under Major Accomplishments"
X Link 2025-10-21T03:04Z 69.6K followers, 419.9K engagements
"UPDATE: So apparently my last post blew up and now half of IT on X is shocked that I don't know how to set up a VLAN or have the CISCO CLI memorized. Listen here you beautiful overachievers. The reason I'm Head of IT at my company isnt because Im the most technical person. Its because when something breaks I look calm while Googling the answer. I make $200k because I say stuff like "layer [--] aggregation" with confidence. I don't even know what layer [--] is. Is it like an onion Are we just making this up Nobody cares. The VLAN I "couldn't configure" is still running perfectly. And when it breaks"
X Link 2025-11-12T17:10Z 69.6K followers, 881.1K engagements
"Neighbor knocked on my door at [--] PM. He asked if I could "hack" his Ring doorbell. His wife changed the password during their fight and he's locked out of his own house. I said I'd do it for $50. I open terminal and pretend to hack his doorbell. "Bad news" I tell him. "Your wife is cheating on you." I just made that up and he's now crying in my living room. I introduce him to my brother who is a divorce lawyer. I just made $5k for referring him. This is how I make millions as an IT guy"
X Link 2025-09-21T17:47Z 69.6K followers, 401.8K engagements
"Boss asked why our IT budget doubled this quarter. Told him we upgraded our "infrastructure resilience framework." I bought myself a second monitor and a mechanical keyboard. Submitted them as "Dual-Display Failover System" and "Haptic Input Device for Reduced Latency." Got approved immediately. Now when people ask for new equipment I say budgets are tight because of infrastructure investments. I'm typing this on a $300 keyboard that goes click-clack. Worth every penny"
X Link 2025-10-03T13:49Z 69.6K followers, 134.6K engagements
"Got a ticket that said: Computer broken. That was the full description. I asked for details. They said: Its not working. And suddenly I understood how doctors feel when patients just say: Im sick"
X Link 2025-09-26T13:49Z 69.6K followers, 32.2K engagements
"Kid's school called saying their computer lab was "hacked." Volunteered to help. Found [--] third-graders had discovered if you press Ctrl+Alt+Down Arrow it flips the screen upside down. They'd been doing it to each other all morning"
X Link 2025-09-25T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 23K engagements
"Someone rickrolled me while screen-sharing in a Teams call. The next day I uninstalled Spotify from their computer and told them it was violating our "software licensing audit." They asked why only their computer. I said the audit was random and they happened to be selected. They asked to see the audit documentation. I sent them a 47-page PDF I found online about ITIL compliance frameworks. They never read it. Three other people saw this happen and immediately uninstalled Spotify themselves. Now everyone thinks we're doing software audits and they're all terrified they're next. Nobody knows I"
X Link 2025-10-01T01:28Z 69.6K followers, 122.5K engagements
"Spent two days in the woods this weekend. No service. Came back this morning to find out the entire office Wi-Fi went down Saturday afternoon. Everyone worked from home the rest of the weekend. My manager called me in today. "We've been talking. Maybe we don't need someone monitoring the network full-time if it runs fine without intervention." I could feel my job disappearing. Then I said "Actually I've been meaning to tell you - I implemented an automated failover system last year that kicks in when I'm unavailable. That's why it recovered so smoothly." Complete lie. The router overheated"
X Link 2025-11-10T18:16Z 69.6K followers, 225.6K engagements
"Got two tickets this morning. One said Wi-Fi down. The other said I spilled coffee on my keyboard. Both marked high priority. How do I decide which one to solve first Simple: I wait until one of them come to my office. And then I help the other guy who doesn't come. That's the less annoying guy"
X Link 2025-09-20T17:05Z 69.6K followers, 74.7K engagements
"Afternoon update: AWS is still down. I havent fixed a single thing today. But everyone keeps thanking me for the constant updates. All Ive done is refresh the status page squint at it like I understand and sigh deeply. People keep walking by my desk just to see if I look stressed. I nod slowly and say Were monitoring the situation"
X Link 2025-10-20T20:00Z 69.6K followers, 35.7K engagements
"Someone's email kept going to spam folders across the company. Instead of fixing the mail server configuration I told everyone that our email system had developed advanced AI that automatically filters out "low-value communications." I said if their emails were being marked as spam they needed to write more compelling subject lines and demonstrate greater professional worth. Our company correspondence now reads like poetry. Client engagement is through the roof"
X Link 2025-09-24T01:28Z 69.6K followers, 28.4K engagements
"Boss said we needed to "improve cybersecurity" after reading about data breaches in the news. The next day I changed everyone's password to "password123" and posted them on a bulletin board in the break room. When people expressed concern I explained that transparency builds trust and hiding passwords is what hackers would expect us to do. We're using reverse psychology to confuse potential threats. That's what innovative security thinking looks like"
X Link 2025-09-22T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 61K engagements
"Employee said her laptop was broken. I asked what was wrong. She said "it just doesn't work right." I held down the power button for [--] seconds turned it back on and handed it back. She said "wow what did you do" I told her I "recalibrated the thermal capacitors and reset the ROM buffer." She thanked me profusely and told three other people I'm a genius. I turned it off and on. That's all I ever do"
X Link 2025-10-01T15:29Z 69.6K followers, 40.6K engagements
"The company pays for my home internet because I'm "on call." I'm not on call. Nobody's ever called me after hours. But five years ago during my interview I said "I believe in being available for critical incidents" and they just started reimbursing my internet bill. $85 a month. That's $5100 in free internet because I said one sentence in [----]. Sometimes I get an email at 7pm and don't respond until morning just to make it seem like I'm carefully considering the issue. The issue is usually someone forgetting their password. My manager once thanked me for my "unwavering commitment to uptime.""
X Link 2025-10-03T15:17Z 69.6K followers, 20K engagements
"The leadership wanted mandatory phishing training. So I started sending fake Congratulations You Won emails with malware attached. Anyone who clicked got locked out of their account until they bought me lunch. I haven't paid for a sandwich in months. The company spends less on breaches and I spend less on food. Everybody wins"
X Link 2025-09-30T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 27.5K engagements
"Had a team member who said I was being unprofessional eating sandwiches during troubleshooting calls. Told him it's called efficiency. He said users can hear me chewing through their audio issues. So I started muting myself mid-sentence and telling users it's "network latency on their end." Now I finish entire meals per call while they reboot their routers six times. They think their internet is the problem. I think my sandwich was delicious"
X Link 2025-10-21T18:31Z 69.6K followers, 25.4K engagements
"My laptop dies during every important meeting. My phone hits 3% by noon. My coworkers ask why I don't just charge my stuff overnight. Because walking into the office with dead devices is the perfect excuse to avoid literally everything for the first [--] minutes. "Sorry can't check that ticket yet laptop's charging." "Can't join that call phone died." "Emergency meeting Let me get to 15% first." By the time everything's powered up half my problems have solved themselves"
X Link 2025-10-21T21:30Z 69.6K followers, 50.1K engagements
"Found out marketing was using Canva without IT approval. They said it made design easier. Explained that third-party cloud tools pose a compliance risk and could expose company assets. They argued it was harmless. So I disabled Canva access across the entire network. Told them Microsoft Paint offered the same functionality without the security concerns. Now every flyer looks like a ransom note. Nobody thanks IT for protecting company data"
X Link 2025-10-13T23:33Z 69.6K followers, 19.5K engagements
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