@Dadsaysjokes Dad Jokes

Dad Jokes posts on X about money, if you, what do, sweden the most. They currently have [-------] followers and [----] posts still getting attention that total [-------] engagements in the last [--] hours.

Engagements: [-------] #

[--] Week [---------] +50%
[--] Month [---------] -7.80%
[--] Months [----------] +256%
[--] Year [----------] +48%

Mentions: [--] #

[--] Week [--] +1.80%
[--] Month [---] +41%
[--] Months [---] +55%
[--] Year [---] +97%

Followers: [-------] #

[--] Week [-------] +0.12%
[--] Month [-------] +0.41%
[--] Months [-------] +2.20%
[--] Year [-------] +2.40%

CreatorRank: [-------] #

Social Influence

Social category influence finance countries technology brands stocks musicians celebrities automotive brands social networks luxury brands travel destinations

Social topic influence money, if you, what do, sweden, did you, insurance, in the, facebook, i dont, leave me

Top accounts mentioned or mentioned by @napoli1987tt @k4ywhizz @23idiocracy @prof_jona @docatcdi @leemorson3nufc @crypto_queen_x @keyblader007 @kshantaram2 @sarcasmliving @iam___akshay @tcherkov @animamarte @simba_mudonzvo @mub_asher__ @leightonrmitch @5toryt3ll3r @atelier191 @fabercollegemba @oh2mp

Top assets mentioned Microsoft Corp. (MSFT) pizzacoin (PIZZACOIN) CannabisCoin (CANN) Hertz Global Holdings, Inc Common Stock (HTZ)

Top Social Posts

Top posts by engagements in the last [--] hours

"What's the difference between a seagull and a baby without a nappy One flits across the shore"
X Link 2019-02-24T15:58Z 654.8K followers, [--] engagements

"My wife told me to stop making references to Bruce Willis movies. I said: Sorry babe. Old habits Die Hard"
X Link 2019-04-01T21:52Z 654.8K followers, [---] engagements

"Did you see Bruce Willis overdosed on Viagra He always said hed Die Hard"
X Link 2019-08-20T19:37Z 654.8K followers, [---] engagements

""Yoda are you sure we're headed in the right direction" "Off course we are""
X Link 2020-08-28T20:58Z 642.2K followers, [---] engagements

"My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence"
X Link 2020-09-07T19:50Z 642.4K followers, [---] engagements

"I'm so irritated with my neighbor today he kept playing Lionel Richie songs at full blast. Normally I wouldn't mind. . but it was All Night Long"
X Link 2020-11-08T12:17Z 654.7K followers, [---] engagements

"A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck. He finishes his drink and asks for the check. Duck billed platypus"
X Link 2021-03-16T20:11Z 654.7K followers, [---] engagements

"I have an irrational fear of attached residential dwellings. My doctor says I have an apartment complex"
X Link 2021-08-18T17:50Z 643.4K followers, [---] engagements

"I saw my son eating chocolate even after I confiscated all his Halloween candy. I asked him where he got that from. He said "I always have a few twix up my sleeve.""
X Link 2021-10-05T18:33Z 653.2K followers, [---] engagements

"I told my son Facebook is changing its name to Meta. He asked "what's a meta" I said "nothing what's a meta with you""
X Link 2021-10-29T15:18Z 654.7K followers, [----] engagements

"When I was just a little kid I used to pray for a bicycle. Then as I grew older I learned in Sunday school that's not how prayer works. So I stole a bike.and prayed for forgiveness"
X Link 2021-11-28T17:06Z 654.7K followers, [---] engagements

"Technically Moses was the first man to download files from the cloud - using a tablet"
X Link 2022-03-28T17:13Z 647.9K followers, [----] engagements

"Why did Star Wars Episodes [--] [--] & [--] come out before [--] & [--] Because in charge of directing Yoda was"
X Link 2022-07-12T18:50Z 642.2K followers, [----] engagements

"Today I found out that Dwayne Johnson lives in the apartment above mine. Cant believe that for years I've been living under a Rock"
X Link 2023-01-05T17:18Z 654.7K followers, 145.6K engagements

"I hate it when people don't know when to type "your" and "you're" There so stupid"
X Link 2023-07-10T16:19Z 643K followers, 144.2K engagements

"If I were rich I would give most of my money to the poor. But instead I'm poor so I give most of my money to the rich"
X Link 2023-07-10T19:26Z 643.2K followers, 89.7K engagements

"What's the longest word in the English language Smiles. The first and last letters are a mile apart"
X Link 2023-07-11T07:06Z [--] followers, 129.4K engagements

"I asked my wife if the cup was half full or half empty. She told me: For the last time stop wearing my bras"
X Link 2023-07-17T16:47Z 638.9K followers, 104K engagements

"I thought I won the argument with my wife about how to arrange the dining room furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned"
X Link 2023-07-18T11:01Z 642.9K followers, 82.7K engagements

"Diet Diary Day One: I removed all the fattening food from the house. It was delicious"
X Link 2023-07-14T19:46Z 642.2K followers, 105.4K engagements

"Dads are truly a blessing ❤"
X Link 2023-07-15T07:08Z 643K followers, 129.7K engagements

"Im giving up drinking for a month. Sorry that came out wrong. Im giving up. Drinking for a month"
X Link 2023-07-19T05:31Z 638K followers, 146.5K engagements

"What do you get when you cross a policeman with a skunk Law and odour"
X Link 2023-07-30T21:46Z 642.2K followers, 82.3K engagements

"I accidentally put my wallet in the freezer last night. It turned out to be a good thing though. I really needed some cold hard cash"
X Link 2023-07-30T04:52Z 640.8K followers, 113.5K engagements

"I got in line to watch Oppenheimer around lunchtime but I realized it was three hours long and I was starving. So I went to the Barbie queue instead"
X Link 2023-07-26T21:53Z 643K followers, 212.5K engagements

"Did you hear about the restaurant called Karma There's no menu. You get what you deserve"
X Link 2023-07-30T00:41Z 643K followers, 142.6K engagements

"What would you call a walking mosquito An itch-hiker"
X Link 2023-07-29T14:05Z 643K followers, 72.1K engagements

"Me: Finally a minute to sit down and relax The world:"
X Link 2023-07-30T09:14Z 642.3K followers, 235.5K engagements

"A guy sits down at a bar. "Is everything okay" the bartender asks. My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasnt going to talk to me for a month. The bartender says "Well maybe that's a good thing. a little peace and quiet" Yeah but today is the last day"
X Link 2023-07-30T09:23Z 654.7K followers, 175.4K engagements

"What do you call group of fat babies Heavy infantry"
X Link 2023-07-30T18:40Z 642.8K followers, 135.1K engagements

"I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlovs dog and Schrdingers cat She said it rang a bell but she wasnt sure if it was there or not"
X Link 2023-07-30T21:59Z 654.8K followers, 189.5K engagements

"She wasnt impressed when dad shaved his face 🤣"
X Link 2023-07-31T10:32Z 642.2K followers, 159.4K engagements

"My wife was livid when I told her I used all of our savings to buy stock in Bose. I told her to relax its a sound investment"
X Link 2023-07-31T21:21Z 643K followers, 112.1K engagements

"A man walks into a hardware store. Man - Do you have any two-watt bulbs Cashier - For what Man - ok that'll do. I'll take two Cashier - Two what Man - I thought you didn't have any Cashier - Any what Man - ok then Two. Cashier - What Man - Exactly"
X Link 2023-08-01T08:09Z 642.9K followers, 149.4K engagements

"The perfect date doesnt exi-"
X Link 2023-08-01T13:18Z 642.3K followers, 216.9K engagements

"We all know about Murphys Law Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Coles Law Its thinly sliced cabbage"
X Link 2023-08-01T14:39Z 643K followers, 155.9K engagements

"My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system"
X Link 2023-08-01T20:58Z 642.3K followers, 171.9K engagements

"I was drinking a beer and the bartender yelled Does anyone know CPR I replied I know the entire alphabet Everyone laughed well except from this one guy"
X Link 2023-08-02T14:20Z 642.3K followers, 148K engagements

"A friend asked As a little guy was your mum super strict with you I said My mum was never a little guy"
X Link 2023-08-02T17:25Z 642.3K followers, 76.5K engagements

"I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of [--]. He said no"
X Link 2023-08-04T07:20Z 642.9K followers, 311.9K engagements

"Dads naming boats might be my new favourite thing"
X Link 2023-08-04T16:05Z 643K followers, 207.5K engagements

"A Caveman and a Bear walk into a bar Bartender says "Okay what's your story" Caveman replies "Bear with me.""
X Link 2023-08-05T10:51Z 653.9K followers, 148.8K engagements

"I wanted to marry my English teacher when he got out of jail. But apparently you cant end a sentence with a proposition"
X Link 2023-08-05T12:00Z 654.7K followers, 118.7K engagements

"At a Diner Waitress: Cops and kids under [--] eat for free Me discreetly nudging my [--] year old My [--] year old: Im a police"
X Link 2023-08-05T20:07Z 642.3K followers, 110.9K engagements

"I bumped into a beautiful woman while out. She asked for my phone number.then my insurance info"
X Link 2023-08-06T12:39Z 643K followers, 97K engagements

"I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home all the signs were there"
X Link 2023-08-06T17:05Z 642.3K followers, 191.8K engagements

"What do you call a magician whos lost all his magic Ian"
X Link 2023-08-07T11:55Z 643K followers, 148.8K engagements

"This kid is a legend 🤣"
X Link 2023-08-08T02:20Z 643K followers, 184.6K engagements

"How a dad makes his son tired before their flight 🥺"
X Link 2023-08-08T02:30Z 643K followers, 287.1K engagements

"My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it. It was the hardest dump I ever took"
X Link 2023-08-08T13:39Z 642.9K followers, 86.6K engagements

"I went to a new restaurant today called Karma and there was no menu. You just get what you deserve"
X Link 2023-08-08T15:50Z 642.2K followers, 74.4K engagements

"I recently spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for him"
X Link 2023-08-08T18:08Z 643K followers, 108.2K engagements

"FUN FACT: If you sneeze and fart at the same time. Your body takes a screenshot"
X Link 2023-08-08T18:12Z 653.9K followers, 242.4K engagements

"I went into the pharmacy and asked the assistant "What is the best thing for killing germs" Ammonia cleaner." She replied. I said "Sorry I thought you worked here.""
X Link 2023-08-10T10:39Z 653.1K followers, 110.7K engagements

"I returned my lizard to the pet store as he wouldnt stop telling dad jokes. Thats not a lizard the store clerk told me. Thats a stand-up chameleon"
X Link 2023-08-10T16:46Z 643K followers, 116.9K engagements

"My goal is to get something like this for my family"
X Link 2023-08-10T23:41Z 643K followers, 150K engagements

"This toddler loving the mini elevator built by his dad is the best thing Ive seen today 😭"
X Link 2023-08-11T00:30Z 654.7K followers, 164.4K engagements

"Having a partner you can enjoy life with together is one of the most important things in the world"
X Link 2023-08-11T08:16Z 639K followers, 207.1K engagements

"What do you call someone who gets turned on by every naked person they see A showerhead"
X Link 2023-08-11T18:46Z 654.8K followers, 72.1K engagements

"A man asked his phone 'Siri why am I so bad at talking to women' She replied 'I'm Alexa you idiot'"
X Link 2023-08-11T22:06Z [--] followers, 84.8K engagements

"A perfect example of how parents are role models"
X Link 2023-08-11T22:21Z 654.4K followers, 276.1K engagements

"What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you Bi-yourself"
X Link 2023-08-12T12:52Z 642.3K followers, 148.1K engagements

"Hes getting the F out of there"
X Link 2023-08-12T17:45Z 643K followers, 102.8K engagements

"He really said I dont walk I dance 🤣"
X Link 2023-08-12T19:16Z 642.6K followers, 143.2K engagements

"People call me self centred. But thats enough about them"
X Link 2023-08-12T21:27Z 642.7K followers, 79.4K engagements

"We all know someone that snores like this 😭"
X Link 2023-08-12T23:24Z 643K followers, 346.1K engagements

"Dad's reaction to babies fake eyebrows 🤣"
X Link 2023-08-13T07:41Z 642.5K followers, 160.3K engagements

"My Jewish cousin started a coffee shop and he gave it a unique name. Hebrews Coffee"
X Link 2023-08-13T12:25Z 642.9K followers, 107K engagements

"Whats your favorite dad joke of all time"
X Link 2023-08-13T20:05Z 643K followers, 544.2K engagements

"When both your parents are news anchors"
X Link 2023-08-13T23:45Z 643K followers, 238.4K engagements

"When dad is still your hero"
X Link 2023-08-14T00:02Z 643K followers, 298.8K engagements

"I cant believe someone broke into my house and stole all of my fruit. I am peachless"
X Link 2023-08-14T14:18Z 643.1K followers, 140.9K engagements

"This aged well"
X Link 2023-08-14T17:50Z 642.2K followers, 194.2K engagements

"If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him . Is he still wrong"
X Link 2023-08-15T12:50Z 640.3K followers, 175.9K engagements

"This dad helps his son become Spider-Man"
X Link 2023-08-15T20:51Z 642.7K followers, 171K engagements

"Today is national tell a joke day - lets hear your best joke"
X Link 2023-08-16T09:57Z 643K followers, 532.5K engagements

"What's the difference between an Indian and an African Elephant One of them is an elephant"
X Link 2023-08-16T13:33Z 642.9K followers, 125.6K engagements

"Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He asked "How do you know I'm not a serial killer" I replied "The chances of two serial killers in one car is astronomical.""
X Link 2023-08-16T14:53Z 642.3K followers, 190.7K engagements

"Dad doing Dad things"
X Link 2023-08-17T07:44Z 653.3K followers, 121.1K engagements

"I am trying to convince my dad to get a new hearing aid. But he just won't listen"
X Link 2023-08-17T13:43Z 642.2K followers, 83.7K engagements

"I just flew back from a Transformers convention. And boy are my arms tires"
X Link 2023-08-17T13:46Z 643K followers, 82.8K engagements

"This reporter being interrupted by his mother 🤣"
X Link 2023-08-17T18:33Z 642.3K followers, 134.9K engagements

"She was born to be an author"
X Link 2023-08-18T09:36Z 642.9K followers, 119.8K engagements

"Wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. Quick pee on it. Husband: (peeing on jelly fish) That's for stinging my wife"
X Link 2023-08-18T14:21Z 654.8K followers, 144.7K engagements

"Were finally living in Tron"
X Link 2023-08-18T14:47Z 643K followers, 164.1K engagements

"Did you hear that NASA is about to launch a new mission to say sorry to aliens for Earth polluting space It's called Apollo G"
X Link 2023-08-19T11:56Z 638.6K followers, 170.3K engagements

"Just normal dad duties 🤣"
X Link 2023-08-19T16:44Z 643K followers, 191.3K engagements

"I had a friend who could only do things spontaneously. We called him Oliver sudden"
X Link 2023-08-20T11:15Z 643K followers, 103.6K engagements

"Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my tattoos. She just needs a shoulder to crayon"
X Link 2023-08-20T11:17Z 654.8K followers, 117.9K engagements

"My wife told me to put ketchup on the grocery list. So I did. But now I can't read the grocery list"
X Link 2023-08-21T12:25Z 643K followers, 144.3K engagements

"Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak"
X Link 2023-08-21T13:15Z 642.9K followers, 177K engagements

"Bros don't let other bros walk around with an open fly. It's called the zip code"
X Link 2023-08-21T16:27Z 643K followers, 107.7K engagements

"Tomorrow my son and I are getting new glasses. And after that We'll see"
X Link 2023-08-22T14:51Z 643K followers, 154.6K engagements

"My wife said "I can think of [--] reasons to leave you plus your obsession with Tennis. I replied "That's [--] love.""
X Link 2023-08-22T20:52Z 642.3K followers, 106.3K engagements

"I heard that you should always look into a mirror before making a big decision. It helps you reflect"
X Link 2023-08-23T11:39Z 643K followers, 121.7K engagements

"I took all of my savings converted it to cash and put it in a boat. I feel much better now that my money is offshore"
X Link 2023-08-23T11:41Z 642.3K followers, 88.3K engagements

"My wife asked me why I wanted to be cremated. I told her its because it is my last hope for a smoking hot body"
X Link 2023-08-24T10:09Z 643K followers, 150.7K engagements

"My son told me a girl at his school named IKEA had to change her name to stop being picked on. I respond "stop being picked on" is arguably a worse name"
X Link 2023-08-24T17:23Z 642.9K followers, 71.8K engagements

"My girlfriend asked me to sit down on the couch and softly said I think we should talk. I dont think we should see each other anymore. I thought for a few moments and finally said I understand. Then I walked to the doorway and flipped off the lights"
X Link 2023-08-24T17:24Z 643K followers, 75K engagements

"When I came home from work my wife said "Ugh the baby has been crying for hours. Can you take over" I said "sure" and started crying for hours"
X Link 2023-08-24T17:25Z 643.1K followers, 78.2K engagements

"My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. After [--] minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence"
X Link 2023-08-24T19:36Z 654.8K followers, 138.7K engagements

"My brother is dating a girl called Rosemary. I don't know what he season her"
X Link 2023-08-25T19:28Z 643K followers, 71.3K engagements

"My wife left me because I didn't do enough chores around the house. I'm devastated. I really didn't do much to deserve it"
X Link 2023-08-25T21:17Z 643K followers, 51.9K engagements

"90% of bald people still own a comb. They just cant part with it"
X Link 2023-08-25T21:54Z 637.6K followers, 66.8K engagements

"My grief counselor died. He was so good I dont even care"
X Link 2023-08-26T14:22Z 642.7K followers, 43.3K engagements

"Whats the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler"
X Link 2023-08-27T16:42Z 654.8K followers, 86.1K engagements

"My mum just found out I replaced her bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof"
X Link 2023-08-27T19:49Z 643K followers, 114.6K engagements

"These dads know how to have fun 🤣"
X Link 2023-08-28T11:05Z 643K followers, 107K engagements

"I put my phone under my pillow last night. When I woke up it was gone and there was a $1 coin in it's place. It was the Bluetooth Fairy"
X Link 2023-08-28T12:02Z 643K followers, 30K engagements

"Where did Harry Styles go to school Watermelon Sugar High"
X Link 2023-08-29T16:10Z 643K followers, 53.8K engagements

"What do you call a knight made entirely out of fine china Sir Ramic"
X Link 2023-08-29T20:16Z 653.6K followers, 115.3K engagements

""Your underwear is much too tight and revealing" I said to my wife. She replied "Wear your own then.""
X Link 2023-08-30T11:18Z 643K followers, 33.1K engagements

"Me: And this is my house Friend: What's upstairs Me: Stairs don't talk"
X Link 2023-08-30T11:19Z 653.4K followers, 111.4K engagements

"Spring water 🤣🤣"
X Link 2023-08-30T15:12Z 643.1K followers, 75.5K engagements

"I dated a Swiss girl but broke up with her after visiting her hometown. There were a load of red flags"
X Link 2023-08-30T20:07Z 642.7K followers, 96.9K engagements

"If lightning strikes an orchestra who's most likely to get hit The conductor"
X Link 2023-08-30T20:11Z 643K followers, 104.7K engagements

"My doctor advised me to cut down on my sodium intake. I took his advice with a pinch of salt"
X Link 2023-08-31T18:17Z 642.2K followers, 102.5K engagements

"Doctor: I'm sorry but we had to remove your colon. Me Why"
X Link 2023-08-31T18:20Z 654.8K followers, 110.9K engagements

"I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. I'm sure he'll come around eventually"
X Link 2023-08-31T20:09Z 642.8K followers, 145.3K engagements

"What's the opposite of a microwave A tsunami"
X Link 2023-09-01T11:17Z 643K followers, 90.7K engagements

"What did one fungi say to another fungi when they got married I want to grow mold with you"
X Link 2023-09-01T14:57Z 643K followers, 26.3K engagements

"My wife asked me why I was doing the dishes while sitting down. Told her it's because I can't stand doing it"
X Link 2023-09-01T20:00Z 642.9K followers, 100.2K engagements

"I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with. She said yes the others were all 9s and 10s"
X Link 2023-09-02T22:10Z 642.7K followers, 128.6K engagements

"My wife and I always fight over the right way to hang the toilet paper roll. So our therapist suggested we try the other person's way for a week. You know Roll reversal"
X Link 2023-09-03T12:33Z 654.7K followers, 92.9K engagements

"Interviewer: How do you explain this [--] year gap on your resume Me: That's when I went to Yale. Interviewer: That's impressive. You are hired. Me: Thanks. I really need this yob"
X Link 2023-09-03T12:36Z 642.2K followers, 227.4K engagements

"I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said 'do you mind if I put some music on' I said 'Not at all' He said 'Kiss' I said 'Let's listen to the music first and see how we feel'"
X Link 2023-09-04T13:23Z 642.2K followers, 91.1K engagements

"I went on a date last night with a girl in the honey industry. It was great. Shes a keeper"
X Link 2023-09-04T13:41Z 642.3K followers, 82.1K engagements

"I told my wife I absolutely love Worcestershire sauce. She asked what's so special about it. It's hard to say I answered"
X Link 2023-09-04T19:35Z 643K followers, 108K engagements

"What do you call someone who gets sexually aroused by purchasing things Buy-sexual"
X Link 2023-09-05T13:30Z 643.2K followers, 92.8K engagements

"In my last job my wages were paid in vegetables. I left because i was unhappy with the celery"
X Link 2023-09-05T13:31Z 654.8K followers, 119.7K engagements

"My wife asked me Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change I said Actually the process is the same. They just have tiny clothes"
X Link 2023-09-05T20:11Z 643K followers, 96.1K engagements

"My daughter told me she wanted to date a soccer player. I told her to look for the least active player on the field. He's a keeper"
X Link 2023-09-06T17:22Z 642.9K followers, 84.6K engagements

"What kind of a bee cant make up its mind A maybee"
X Link 2023-09-06T17:23Z 654.5K followers, 84.2K engagements

"My girlfriend is leaving me after I accidentally broke her spectacles. She said she can't see me anymore"
X Link 2023-09-08T11:02Z 654.7K followers, 87.3K engagements

"I asked my grandpa "After [--] years together you still call grandma darling beautiful and honey. Whats the secret He laughed I forgot her name five years ago and Im scared to ask her what it is""
X Link 2023-09-10T16:17Z 642.3K followers, 107.1K engagements

"I pirated a movie yesterday. I gave it [----] stars"
X Link 2023-09-10T16:20Z 643K followers, 200.6K engagements

"My girlfriend hasnt made a single joke in the [--] years weve been together We're in a very serious relationship"
X Link 2023-09-10T16:25Z 654.7K followers, 80.4K engagements

"What do you call a pudgy psychic A four-chin teller"
X Link 2023-09-10T18:32Z 642.2K followers, 88.6K engagements

"To the person who stole my place in the queue. Im after you now"
X Link 2023-09-11T06:47Z 642.7K followers, [---] engagements

"Elton John bought his pet rabbit to the gym. It's a little fit bunny"
X Link 2023-09-11T13:49Z 643K followers, 117.2K engagements

"The adjective for metal is metallic. But not so for iron. which is ironic"
X Link 2023-09-11T17:43Z 642.2K followers, 111.6K engagements

"My wife just sent me a strange text message: There's a man on the bus next to me who keeps farting. I replied That's okay. At least he isn't on your bus"
X Link 2023-09-12T20:23Z 643K followers, 84K engagements

"The Indian restaurant I work for is so secretive I had to sign a legal agreement that I wouldnt share the flatbread recipe. Just their standard naan disclosure agreement"
X Link 2023-09-13T20:25Z 642.8K followers, 76.2K engagements

"I dated a zombie once. When we broke up she fell apart"
X Link 2023-09-14T12:35Z 654.8K followers, 63K engagements

"I told my cat that I'm going to teach him to speak English. He looked at me and said "Me How.""
X Link 2023-09-14T12:41Z 642.6K followers, 102.3K engagements

"How does a train hear another train coming With its engineers"
X Link 2023-09-14T21:26Z 642.9K followers, [---] engagements

"My wife gets really angry whenever I mention AEIOU. She was recently diagnosed with irritable vowel syndrome"
X Link 2023-09-16T08:43Z 643K followers, [---] engagements

"I grilled a chicken for two hours. It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road"
X Link 2023-09-17T11:08Z 642.5K followers, 148.7K engagements

"My cellphone accidentally took a [--] minute video of my shoes yesterday. It was some pretty good footage"
X Link 2023-09-19T20:02Z 642.2K followers, 177.2K engagements

"I ordered a book called "How to scam people". It was under the "For Smart People" category. Still after [--] months i haven't received it. Maybe the sender forgot about it"
X Link 2023-09-20T14:28Z 643K followers, 78.2K engagements

"A drunk wakes up in jail "Why am I here officer" "For drinking replies the cop. "Great" says the man. "When do we start""
X Link 2023-09-20T14:38Z 642.7K followers, 143.7K engagements

"Why do the French eat snails Because they don't like fast food"
X Link 2023-09-22T14:28Z 642.9K followers, 101.9K engagements

"My uncle has two dobermans named rolex and timex. Theyre his watch dogs"
X Link 2023-09-23T09:53Z 642.4K followers, 113.8K engagements

"I told my cat that I'm going to teach him to speak English. He looked at me and said "Me How"
X Link 2023-09-25T19:43Z 643.1K followers, 124K engagements

"My girlfriend asked me to do her hair like a Rastafarian. I'm dreading it"
X Link 2023-09-27T21:12Z 642.8K followers, 99.6K engagements

"What word in the English language is always spelled wrong Wrong"
X Link 2023-09-28T11:46Z 643K followers, 79.6K engagements

"Sad news. I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine because I was seeing another girl named Claire Lee. But the good news is that I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone"
X Link 2023-09-29T19:29Z 643K followers, 195.4K engagements

"I dont know why my wife got mad when I compared her to a plateau. After all its the highest form of flattery"
X Link 2023-10-02T14:13Z 642.5K followers, 42.4K engagements

"I told my wife Did you know Old MacDonalds farm has been taken over by ChatGPT Her: AI Me: AI. Her: Oh"
X Link 2023-10-08T18:53Z 642.9K followers, 97.8K engagements

"Just mentioned to the missus that l've always had a bit of a thing for Beyonc. "Whatever floats your boat." she said. "No" I said. "That's buoyancy.""
X Link 2023-10-10T10:02Z 637.3K followers, 76.6K engagements

"Thieves have stolen [--] crates of Red Bull from my local shop. I don't know how these people sleep at night"
X Link 2023-10-10T10:08Z 637.3K followers, 87.1K engagements

"This morning I used Red Bull instead of water to make my coffee. After [--] minutes of driving on the motorway I realised I left my car at home"
X Link 2023-10-10T14:36Z 637.8K followers, 87.1K engagements

"I always take my problems to Tommy Hilfiger something out"
X Link 2023-10-12T20:55Z 637.8K followers, 150.5K engagements

"At a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little. "Nervous" asked the interviewer. "No. I always give 110%"
X Link 2023-10-13T14:54Z 643K followers, 141.7K engagements

"I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money"
X Link 2023-10-14T08:04Z 638.3K followers, 427K engagements

"When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I'm homeless"
X Link 2023-10-16T12:51Z 638.3K followers, 148.5K engagements

"A wife asks her husband "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados get [--]. A short time later the husband comes back with [--] cartons of milk. The wife asks: "Why did you buy [--] cartons of milk" He said: "They had avocados.""
X Link 2023-10-16T20:22Z 638.2K followers, 196.9K engagements

"This morning I saw my neighbour talking to her cat; it was obvious the poor women thought the cat understood her. When I got home I told my dog.we laughed a lot"
X Link 2023-10-17T13:17Z 637.8K followers, 132.6K engagements

"I heard that by law you need to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden. How the hell am I supposed to know when it's raining in Sweden"
X Link 2023-10-19T10:35Z 638.4K followers, 128.3K engagements

"Who is in favour of bringing Roman numerals back into use I for one"
X Link 2023-10-20T21:10Z 642.2K followers, 91.3K engagements

"My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet. It really made Joe lean Joe lean Joe lean Joe leannnnnnn"
X Link 2023-10-21T17:44Z 638K followers, 102.2K engagements

"What kind of key opens the door to a haunted house A spoo-key"
X Link 2023-10-22T19:39Z 638K followers, 105.8K engagements

"It was [--] years ago today my best mate James came running out of the room shouting "It's a boy" with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand"
X Link 2023-10-25T13:09Z 643K followers, 228.9K engagements

"I once entered the world kleptomaniac championships. I took gold silver and bronze"
X Link 2023-10-26T10:09Z 643K followers, 80.4K engagements

"Sarcasm doesnt get you anywhere. Me: Well it got me to the sarcasm world championships in Mexico [--]. Really Me: No"
X Link 2023-10-26T16:59Z 638.6K followers, 112.7K engagements

"While in an elevator I asked my girlfriend to marry me. We took our relationship to the next level"
X Link 2023-10-27T20:22Z 638.6K followers, 56.5K engagements

"I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice"
X Link 2023-10-28T20:41Z 638.6K followers, 74.4K engagements

"What is black white and dead all over A zombie in a tuxedo. 👻🧙"
X Link 2023-10-31T14:43Z 638.9K followers, 51.8K engagements

"How does a nonbinary samurai kill people They slash them"
X Link 2023-11-01T13:35Z 638.6K followers, 72.2K engagements

"I've created a writing software to rival microsoft. Its their Word against mine"
X Link 2023-11-02T11:51Z 638.9K followers, 76.5K engagements

"At a certain point in your life sitting at home alone watching TV on a Friday night goes from being super depressing to the most enjoyable part of your week"
X Link 2023-11-03T23:29Z 639K followers, 162.1K engagements

"My wife texted me I love u. I said thats my favorite letter too"
X Link 2023-11-05T15:34Z 643K followers, 87.7K engagements

"Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He asked "How do you know I'm not a serial killer" I replied "The chances of two serial killers in one car is astronomical.""
X Link 2023-11-05T19:57Z 638.6K followers, 169.3K engagements

"How can a room full of married people be empty Because there's not a single person there"
X Link 2023-11-06T19:27Z 638.6K followers, 73.3K engagements

"Sad news my obese parrot died today. Mind you it's a huge weight off my shoulders"
X Link 2023-11-07T13:55Z 638.6K followers, 117.2K engagements

"My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon but he wasnt given the gold medal. The Chinese authorities refused to recognise Ty Won"
X Link 2023-11-12T21:22Z 640K followers, 108.5K engagements

"Ive trained my dog to go and fetch me a bottle of wine. Hes a Bordeaux collie"
X Link 2023-11-15T13:21Z 639.8K followers, 117K engagements

"I dreamt last night that I was swimming in an ocean full of orange soda. Then I woke up and realized it was just a Fanta sea"
X Link 2023-11-19T17:32Z 640.3K followers, 121.7K engagements

"My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a [--] meter wide frame for our wedding photo. Well I think she should look at the bigger picture"
X Link 2023-11-25T13:41Z 640.3K followers, 66.1K engagements

"When my wife and I argue I always get the last word. They're usually "I'm sorry. You're right.""
X Link 2023-11-28T12:58Z 643K followers, 106.8K engagements

"Albert Einstein was a genius. But his brother Frank was a monster"
X Link 2023-11-28T19:19Z 640.3K followers, 215.5K engagements

"Sylvester Stallone said he wants to make a movie about classical music. He says "I will be Beethoven." Jean Claude Van Damme says "Okay I'll be Mozart." Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I'II be Bach.""
X Link 2023-11-28T20:31Z 640.8K followers, 128.7K engagements

"I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'II let you know"
X Link 2023-11-30T08:36Z 640.8K followers, 156.8K engagements

"What did master yoda say when he saw himself on a 4k tv HDMI"
X Link 2023-12-01T11:59Z 640.8K followers, 130.4K engagements

"I asked a German girl for her number and I'm still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far all I have is "nine""
X Link 2023-12-02T13:56Z 640.7K followers, 98.8K engagements

"If you drive a Subaru backward what are you U r a bus"
X Link 2023-12-02T13:57Z 640.8K followers, 118.4K engagements

"Mariah Carey is opening her Christmas present. Inside she finds a deed to an undeveloped plot of land that is zoned residential. Disappointed she set the deed down and said. I don't want a lot for Christmas"
X Link 2023-12-02T23:15Z 640.8K followers, 129.7K engagements

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