@CooperLawrence Cooper Lawrence

Cooper Lawrence posts on X about in the, to the, friend, all the the most. They currently have [------] followers and [---] posts still getting attention that total [-------] engagements in the last [--] hours.

Engagements: [-------] #

• [--] Week [-------] +222%
• [--] Month [-------] +130,620%
• [--] Months [-------] +378%
• [--] Year [-------] -97%

Mentions: [--] #

• [--] Year [--] -90%

Followers: [------] #

• [--] Week [------] +0.17%
• [--] Month [------] +0.52%
• [--] Months [------] -0.34%
• [--] Year [------] -0.97%

CreatorRank: [------] #

Social Influence

Social category influence celebrities technology brands social networks musicians stocks finance travel destinations fashion brands nfl luxury brands

Social topic influence in the, to the, friend, all the, taylor swift, tiktok, instagram, blunt, hope, paper

Top assets mentioned Costco Wholesale Corporation (COST) Spotify Technology (SPOT) PepsiCo, Inc. (PEP)

Top Social Posts

Top posts by engagements in the last [--] hours

"Him: wanna watch Batman Forever Me: I can watch for a little but then I have to work in the morning"
X Link 2026-02-13T15:55Z 12.9K followers, 99K engagements

"@VistaRadioCasey Is there a tweet that doesnt make you want cheese"
X Link 2026-01-28T00:32Z 12.8K followers, [--] engagements

"Teenagers out there doing a hot girl walk and slugging their skin with beef tallow. I dont think my generation picked up a glass of water until we were 25"
X Link 2026-01-31T16:39Z 12.8K followers, [---] engagements

"In the US we call it an elevator but in England its a lift. I guess we were just raised differently"
X Link 2026-02-03T18:57Z 12.9K followers, 29.2K engagements

"Me: they call me the computer at work Them: because youre so smart Me: because I fall asleep every [--] minutes Im left unattended"
X Link 2026-02-06T14:46Z 12.9K followers, 30.6K engagements

"Are you guys all watching the season finale of football tonight"
X Link 2026-02-08T19:29Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"Ive changed my Facebook name to Nobody so I can hit like when my boyfriend posts anything and it will say Nobody likes this"
X Link 2026-02-10T16:18Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"Boyfriend: have you seen the dog bowl Me: is he any good"
X Link 2026-02-14T16:44Z 12.9K followers, 88.3K engagements

"Him: im not using these walkie-talkies anymore. Our relationship is over. Me: our relationship is what over"
X Link 2026-02-07T16:23Z 12.9K followers, 106.9K engagements

"Went for a job at Starbucks and they told me to write Stefanie on a cup with a ph so I wrote Phefanie and they made me regional manager"
X Link 2026-02-16T16:29Z 12.9K followers, 217.3K engagements

"Whats that weird thing your dog does Its all explained next by our guest Veterinary Behaviorist Dr Gary Landsberg"
X Link 2010-03-24T01:01Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Foo Fighters' David Grohl landed in the hospital because he drank too much coffee. Ever go to the hospital for something really stupid"
X Link 2010-03-30T01:03Z 12.8K followers, [--] engagements

"@BenWiddicombe You my friend are a fortunate homosexual man"
X Link 2010-03-30T02:51Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"A friend and I argued today over a woman who brought her 6yr old son into the ladies room. Friend freaked I didn't care. What do you think"
X Link 2010-04-26T22:26Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"I have been talking to the 96lb puppy who is either ignoring me or now speaks only Spanish"
X Link 2010-04-27T03:01Z 12.8K followers, [--] engagements

"Tomorrow morning I will be on CBS @theearlyshow talking big breaking Bullock news and will (probably) not be spanking Harry Smith this time"
X Link 2010-04-28T04:11Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Up next our friend AJ Hammer from @showbiztonight gives us the latest entertainment news. You can hear his handsomeness through the radio"
X Link 2010-05-18T23:55Z 12.8K followers, [--] engagements

"I think you're getting paid to tweet this @aplusk YouTube's got a new look in its' quest to be your new TV. What do you think"
X Link 2011-12-10T21:29Z 12.8K followers, [--] engagements

"Just a few hours in to [----] I broke [--] resolutions [--] commandments and probably a law or two. This year is gonna be great"
X Link 2012-01-01T16:21Z 12.8K followers, [--] engagements

"Me: Can I get a can of whoop ass Waiter: Is diet whoop ass ok"
X Link 2025-10-07T16:06Z 12.9K followers, 16.5K engagements

"@NaughtyNiceRob It's a bad name I agree. It's about moms right What about "Drunk By Noon". Or was that just MY mom"
X Link 2010-07-28T23:31Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"@jopiazza Now I know why we're friends"
X Link 2010-07-29T00:05Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"I dont mind using self-checkout at Target but I do mind when they hand me a box and demand I restock aisle 5"
X Link 2025-10-21T16:02Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"A new study found expectant moms are making push playlists on Spotify and theyre number one song is landslide by Fleetwood Mac Im sorry if its not push it by Salt-N-Pepa youre doing it wrong"
X Link 2025-10-22T19:40Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"What I love about New York on Halloween is people who get into costume and then go do their normal job. For example I just got my tires rotated by Rumi from Demon Hunters"
X Link 2025-11-01T01:34Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"@jopiazza I love you even more that you follow both @fakedansavage AND @LockedUpAbroad"
X Link 2012-05-05T15:21Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Thanks Stranger Things soundtrack now Spotify Wrapped thinks my listening age is 67"
X Link 2025-12-05T15:35Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"I have two more days to live like a bodega cat where I come out for five minutes eat whatever was left on the counter and then crawl back to bed"
X Link 2026-01-03T16:48Z 12.8K followers, [---] engagements

"If by dry January you mean try not to cry for a month then sure Ill do dry January with you"
X Link 2026-01-13T15:36Z 12.8K followers, [---] engagements

"me checking my credit card bill from Christmas please dont be high My credit card bill:"
X Link 2026-01-19T16:25Z 12.8K followers, [---] engagements

"What's up with your pup Call now to talk to @DrMartyBecker America's Vet from the @DrOz Show. He's here for you 877-626-6737"
X Link 2010-08-04T01:00Z 12.8K followers, [--] engagements

"@jopiazza You must've had fun researching this one. "One more Jell-O shot please. It's for the WSJ""
X Link 2010-09-06T16:22Z 12.8K followers, [--] engagements

"A good guy is one who 'll make you breakfast. A great guy is one who'll wait in line [--] hours for cronuts @DominiqueAnsel #cronuts #CRONUTS"
X Link 2013-05-31T12:16Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Dr Marty Becker from GMA and Dr Oz joins us on the radio for Dr Marty Mondays"
X Link 2009-09-22T01:02Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Wanna win $400 Call now to play The Newlywed Game on the ole radio show 877-626-6737"
X Link 2009-10-14T02:06Z 12.8K followers, [--] engagements

"On the show talking about all the stuff we didn't have as kids that we didn't know we were supposed to miss.like cell phones and DVRs"
X Link 2010-02-23T00:42Z 12.8K followers, [--] engagements

"It's @jopiazza from Popeater we are debating her article "Tiger's Mistresses Deserve An Apology" What do you think"
X Link 2010-02-23T02:20Z 12.8K followers, [--] engagements

"Amazon seems to think that my one time purchase of a toaster oven was just the tip of the iceberg and that my toaster oven hoarding is imminent"
X Link 2018-06-04T10:57Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Happy Hanukkah everyone.and may your battery life last as long as the oil did on that first Hanukkah"
X Link 2018-12-05T13:48Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"PLJ News: Taylor Swift is dating Jason Mraz Kris Humphries runs into Ray J on a plane & Paris Hilton recording another CD"
X Link 2011-09-01T10:02Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

""New York Couple Seek Tin Man and Scarecrow for Halloween Fun""
X Link 2019-10-10T17:06Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"What [--] looked What [--] looks like in [----]. like in 2020"
X Link 2020-02-03T15:27Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Khloe Kardashian choosing which face to post:"
X Link 2020-08-14T19:58Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"The NY Jets visit a children's hospital: "It's sad to see those downtrodden faces knowing they have no future" said [--] year old Justin"
X Link 2021-08-25T13:40Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"Happy Hanukkah to everyone celebrating tonight. Namaste from your friends at #YogaClub and @Gallery_Books"
X Link 2011-12-20T12:49Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Them: yknow I cant live forever Me: Oh. Did your deal with the devil fall through"
X Link 2023-07-12T15:03Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"PLJ Breakin News: Publicist has confirmed Whitney Houston dead at [--]. Found at the Beverly Hilton. Story developing"
X Link 2012-02-12T01:27Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"Me: Im older and wider Them: dont you mean wiser Me: nope"
X Link 2023-08-08T14:22Z 12.9K followers, 15.3K engagements

"Instagram took a good look at my posts and started pushing ads for therapy"
X Link 2023-08-18T20:42Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"In my 20s: whered you get that cool lipstick In my 30s: whered you get that cool handbag Now: whered you get that cool shower caddy"
X Link 2023-08-21T13:03Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"If my calculator had a history it would be more embarrassing than my browser history"
X Link 2023-08-26T20:37Z 12.9K followers, 26.9K engagements

"TJ Maxx is great if you like shopping in the closet of a woman who died in [----] where even her family didn't want her old crap"
X Link 2023-08-28T21:58Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"Heat pressure and time: three things that make a diamond but also make a waffle"
X Link 2023-09-07T22:26Z 12.7K followers, [----] engagements

"I was telling some bro at a party about how Im related to Emily Bront and he said its pronounced Blunt"
X Link 2023-09-28T16:01Z 12.9K followers, 11.5K engagements

"Oprah: get the toxic people out of your life right now Me: ok Ill miss my family but sure lets do it"
X Link 2023-10-18T12:32Z 12.7K followers, [----] engagements

"Since actors cant promote anything because of the strike Kelly and Mark are like coming up a guy who sells fruit on the street and then a woman who once met George Clooney in a hotel lobby oooh and Carrot Top. Thats next"
X Link 2023-10-26T23:17Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"If you missed us talking about the odds of Alec Baldwin being retried heres what we said on @sunriseon7"
X Link 2023-11-17T19:33Z 12.7K followers, [----] engagements

"My mom and I went to Rome a few years ago and she asked me to find those photos of her. I took [--] photos. [--] were of all the dogs we met and two were of her bending down to pet two of them"
X Link 2023-11-27T16:04Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"Drunk shopping on Amazon is great because unexpected packages show up and then voila its like youre your own secret Santa"
X Link 2023-12-12T13:31Z 12.7K followers, [----] engagements

"Its so nice to see all of the Upper West Side stroller moms in Central Park having quiet private quality time with their phones"
X Link 2023-12-17T15:26Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"Heres that photo of my family in matching pajamas you didnt like on Instagram -Christmas cards"
X Link 2023-12-21T14:29Z 12.9K followers, 12.2K engagements

"Last minute Christmas shopping at Costco in the [--] TVs or less line"
X Link 2023-12-24T15:22Z 13K followers, 13.8K engagements

"Apparently I host Christmas dinner every year just so each family member can come into the kitchen to gossip about another family member"
X Link 2023-12-26T04:03Z 12.7K followers, [----] engagements

"me as a revolutionary Them: WE RIDE AT DAWN Me: I dont wake up that early Them: WE RIDE AT DUSK Me: hoo boy thats gonna make it too long a day for me Them: what works for you Me: I can do next Thursday at 11:15 but Ill need to eat by noon"
X Link 2023-12-27T16:28Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"just watched a zoomer on tiktok be like "oh. my. gawd. have you guys ever had this" and it was cottage cheese"
X Link 2024-01-12T15:17Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"Me when a characters name on the show is the same as the actors name in real life"
X Link 2024-01-19T15:06Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"What's it like being a woman in [----] It's very much like Margot Robbie getting ignored by The Academy for Barbie the title role while Ryan Gosling gets nominated for Ken the much smaller secondary role #TheOscars"
X Link 2024-01-23T17:39Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"Watching this amazing human @GMA right now spreading joy and dropping knowledge about reading and mental health. ❤ you Mychal Keep up the amazing work It brings me joy being your library friend in this silly little life 💚✨ https://t.co/v4dPPf8xqJ It brings me joy being your library friend in this silly little life 💚✨ https://t.co/v4dPPf8xqJ"
X Link 2024-01-26T13:52Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"Travis Kelce after championship win "You gotta fight for your right to paaarty" Taylor Swift: Babe you were supposed to shout "Endgame" lyrics TK: What'd I do TS: Beastie Boy lyrics TK: . TS:. TK: I'm sleeping on the couch TS: You're sleeping on the couch"
X Link 2024-01-29T12:42Z [--] followers, [---] engagements

"You get a free cup with oogs and toost"
X Link 2024-01-31T12:28Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"Boss: Your TL has the word fuck on it too many times Me: its not me Im just RTing Reese Witherspoon @Reeseforsure"
X Link 2024-02-01T15:21Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"Weather Nah. I'd be way more impressed if Punxsutawney Phil predicted this asteroid coming our way or how much longer my boyfriend will be in the bathroom. Y'know useful stuff"
X Link 2024-02-02T11:05Z 12.7K followers, [----] engagements

"Taylor Swift: My new album is called The Tortured Poets Department Edna St. Vincent Millay: Um. Ok. Wow"
X Link 2024-02-05T13:43Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise wed just be watching kids on their phones for two hours"
X Link 2024-02-06T15:31Z 12.9K followers, 57K engagements

"Glee seasons 1-3"
X Link 2024-02-12T12:39Z 12.7K followers, [----] engagements

"Friend: You really need to get some empathy Me: Who makes that Chanel Gucci Can I get a Versace empathy delivered"
X Link 2024-02-14T17:28Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"It may not be the Uber I called for but its the Uber I deserve"
X Link 2024-02-16T03:03Z 12.7K followers, [---] engagements

"Of all the "Where is Kate Middleton" conspiracy theories "she's Banksy" is my favorite"
X Link 2024-02-28T03:00Z 12.9K followers, 330.2K engagements

"Emily Blunt leaving her #Oscars dress fitting"
X Link 2024-03-11T03:32Z 12.9K followers, 39.1K engagements

"Im not too worried about the robots taking over. They cant even make a cereal bag that opens without a pair of scissors"
X Link 2024-03-17T14:23Z 12.8K followers, [----] engagements

"Interviewer: how do you feel about working [--] to [--] Me: great one-liners. Dolly Parton really solidified herself as a comedic actress and the Sterling Hayden cameo was unexpected"
X Link 2024-03-25T19:15Z 12.7K followers, [----] engagements

"Forget girl math "girl gas" is when I hand the guy my credit card and don't look so gas is free"
X Link 2024-04-19T10:49Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"I don't know why I came into this room but I do know every lyric to A Tribe Called Quest's "Can I Kick It" #RRHOF"
X Link 2024-04-22T10:54Z 12.8K followers, [---] engagements

"New mom: any advice Mom 1: sleep when the baby sleeps Mom 2: eat when the baby eats Me (who has no children): check your email when the baby checks their email"
X Link 2024-04-23T00:05Z 12.9K followers, 420.5K engagements

"as a New Yorker the best thing to happen to Times Square was TikTok in [----] you had to be fast when photobombing a tourists selfie now youve got plenty of time"
X Link 2024-05-04T11:13Z 12.8K followers, [---] engagements

"Good morning Ben Affleck. If youre looking to lower your standards Im right here"
X Link 2024-05-17T11:50Z 12.8K followers, [---] engagements

"Alec Baldwin: I hate paparazzi and being followed around by cameras. I deserve my privacy Also Alec Baldwin: Heres my new reality show"
X Link 2024-06-04T22:34Z 13K followers, [----] engagements

"Do they inexplicably have Hello Kitty chairs at TJ Maxx Yes. And do I want one immediately. Also yes"
X Link 2024-06-12T16:39Z 13K followers, [---] engagements

"Id like to think Justin Timberlakes one phone call was to Andy Samberg"
X Link 2024-06-19T14:09Z 12.8K followers, [---] engagements

"June in New York is tough its hard to walk through Central Park without accidentally being in someones wedding party"
X Link 2024-06-22T13:39Z 12.8K followers, [----] engagements

"Except for my body and my face and my personality and my utter lack of dancing ability I couldve been a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader too"
X Link 2024-07-01T21:15Z 12.8K followers, [---] engagements

"Apologies to our waitress Amy who said to my dad wanna box for the leftovers and he replied no but Ill wrestle you for them hope we tipped enough"
X Link 2024-07-07T15:16Z 12.9K followers, 4.9M engagements

"Trying on swimsuits in the TJ Maxx dressing room mirror is my super villain origin story"
X Link 2024-07-24T12:15Z 13K followers, [----] engagements

"Friend: any plans for the fall Me: do you meant autumn or civilization"
X Link 2024-07-28T21:26Z 12.9K followers, 192.1K engagements

"Me: calls it "sportsball" all year long Me during the Olympics: Stephen Nedoroscik might be the US pommel horse specialist but Brody Malone nailed it for the bronze just [--] months after his devastating injury"
X Link 2024-07-30T10:30Z 13K followers, [---] engagements

"Boyfriend: isnt this romantic watching the sunset Me: ugh no. Ive seen this one before"
X Link 2024-08-02T20:11Z 13K followers, [----] engagements

"Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics My watch just congratulated me for standing up"
X Link 2024-08-05T11:59Z 12.9K followers, 1.4M engagements

"Olympic rock paper scissors is next"
X Link 2024-08-09T19:40Z 12.9K followers, 35K engagements

"Happy its that one day in New York where half of us are in shorts and sandals and the other half are in UGGs and sweaters to all who celebrate"
X Link 2024-08-21T22:11Z 13K followers, [---] engagements

"@LanceUlanoff I cant believe its watching Taylor Swift watch football season already TAYLORS VERSION"
X Link 2024-09-05T23:51Z 13K followers, [---] engagements

"Happy Friday to everyone whos already dead inside. Happy Friday the 13th to everyone else"
X Link 2024-09-13T15:38Z 13K followers, [---] engagements

"@BobGolen Happy birthday Bob"
X Link 2024-09-18T01:42Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"Im just greeting people this week with Happy birthday because the odds that Im wrong are so low"
X Link 2024-09-22T17:14Z 13K followers, [---] engagements

"These days when an artist deletes their social media theyre either about to drop new music or theyre about to be outed in those Diddy tapes"
X Link 2024-09-25T16:44Z 13K followers, [---] engagements

"I get that Instagram listens to my conversations but how does it also know what Im thinking about"
X Link 2024-09-29T12:13Z 13K followers, [---] engagements

"Gen Z on TikTok be like did you guys know if you put an egg in a pan itll cook"
X Link 2024-10-04T18:09Z 13K followers, [---] engagements

"Proud of all the people who ran the New York City marathon. Leonardo DiCaprio wouldve stopped at 23"
X Link 2024-11-04T02:57Z 13K followers, [---] engagements

"Get rid of cable so you can pay $700 a month in streaming services Follow me for more budgeting advice"
X Link 2024-11-09T14:58Z 12.8K followers, [---] engagements

"Me: I uncovered a murder in my family. Its quite a story and we have serious evidence Them: So are you calling the police Me: No Netflix"
X Link 2024-11-11T14:58Z 12.8K followers, [---] engagements

"This Thanksgiving my [--] year old liberal nephew will be fighting my [--] year old conservative uncle at the dinner table in case Netflix wants to film that too"
X Link 2024-11-16T14:25Z 12.9K followers, 39.2K engagements

"I always thought Gordon Ramseys anger and cursing in the kitchen was utterly unnecessary until I agreed to cook thanksgiving dinner for my entire family"
X Link 2024-11-27T19:36Z 12.6K followers, [---] engagements

"Theres a new murder show called before they kill again I had a hard time following it until I realized I was watching the Real Housewives"
X Link 2024-11-29T16:44Z 12.6K followers, [---] engagements

"My local weather man just said this winter should be cold and I remember in June he said this summer should be hot. Hes worth every cent of what theyre paying him for this incredible in-depth insight"
X Link 2024-12-13T13:50Z 12.6K followers, [---] engagements

"Weight Watchers and Noom 2018: were the best weight loss programs on the planet. You will be so skinny Weight Watchers and Noom 2025: we sell weight loss drugs now"
X Link 2025-01-14T17:39Z 12.6K followers, [---] engagements

"This is the weirdest turn of events. I wanted to stop using Botox so I started investigating collagen drinks and stumbled upon these amazing products by Native Path. I love them so much and now I get to be a spokesperson for their incredible products #ad http://GETNATIVEPATH.com/CBS http://GETNATIVEPATH.com/CBS"
X Link 2025-01-20T16:08Z 12.5K followers, [---] engagements

"Just went to the Oreo website and hit accept all cookies and now we wait"
X Link 2025-01-23T14:33Z 12.9K followers, 8.8M engagements

"This tweet is for Dwayne Johnson only. My mom thinks @ means about which is why she keeps tagging you @TheRock in her shoe. Sorry @ that"
X Link 2025-01-29T16:38Z 13K followers, [---] engagements

"Peloton guy yelling two more one more but its me eating Cheetos"
X Link 2025-02-22T15:00Z 13K followers, 13K engagements

"Pharmacy: were out of Prozac is Pepsi okay"
X Link 2025-04-02T14:59Z 12.9K followers, 15.7K engagements

"Welcome to our bathroom an English Shepherd will be with you shortly"
X Link 2025-04-20T22:30Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"My phone changed cookies and crme to cookies and crime and now imma bout to kill a drifter over a chips ahoy"
X Link 2025-04-24T14:53Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"Chicago Pope We wish we would have thought of that - creators of Chicago Fire and Chicago PD"
X Link 2025-05-09T06:27Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"@mom_tho Right there with ya. Its fun when it happens in public and you have to be like what I always cry at Costco"
X Link 2025-06-04T13:02Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Macron: why did the iPhone go to the dentist He had a Bluetooth Meloni:"
X Link 2025-06-17T12:24Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"Ah summer. When my non consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins"
X Link 2025-06-18T13:40Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"I dont bake for the love of baking I bake because eating keeps my family quiet. Follow me for more baking tips"
X Link 2025-06-26T11:13Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"I dont care that Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom broke up. I would like somebody to do an expose on how they were together [--] [--] [--] and [--] years"
X Link 2025-06-26T13:27Z 12.9K followers, 52.3K engagements

"@Cornjerker78 🤣 where were you a batch of cookies and Chelsea buns ago"
X Link 2025-06-26T21:20Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Can they invent a mosquito that sucks out fat instead of blood"
X Link 2025-06-27T15:19Z 12.9K followers, 12.5K engagements

"Theres nobody more surprised than a husband finding the toothpaste in the same place youve kept it for [--] years"
X Link 2025-06-29T16:13Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"Things I did not enjoy at this Fourth of July family barbecue [--]. Family [--]. Barbecue"
X Link 2025-07-04T22:23Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"I would never do Ozempic. I like my thighs thick so I can fit the most puppies on my lap"
X Link 2025-07-05T21:28Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"A friend of mine just went vegan and now judges everything I eat and I finally understand what my parents meant about having friends that are a bad influence"
X Link 2025-07-08T14:19Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"At a hockey game IS THAT A GIANT OREO At a baseball game IS THAT A GIANT HOSTESS SNOWBALL Boyfriend: im not taking you to any more sporting events until you start eating sugar again"
X Link 2025-07-17T13:56Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"Gawd. Imagine your spouse finding out you went to see Coldplay"
X Link 2025-07-18T10:11Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Cleaning out your camera roll is the new walk of shame"
X Link 2025-08-10T19:18Z 12.9K followers, 21.5K engagements

"My group chat after Taylor Swift announced album number 12"
X Link 2025-08-12T18:19Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"Id rather be the third wheel of a new couple who just started having sex than two Swifties trying to figure out the hidden meanings of Taylor Swifts track list"
X Link 2025-08-18T13:09Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"The real genius of SATC was how Sarah Jessica Parker forced us to say her entire name the whole time"
X Link 2025-09-02T12:59Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"I love watching Marvel movies where superheroes on a subway are arguing about strategy to save the planet sitting next to a guy who just got back from buying a microwave at Best Buy"
X Link 2025-09-23T17:16Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"I apologize in advance for the person I will become on October 3rd when Mean Girls day collides with Taylor Swift drops a new album day"
X Link 2025-09-29T16:34Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name he'd never stop throwing up.-Woody Allen"
X Link 2012-07-21T02:09Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"PLJ News: George Clooney a no show for Stacy Keibler birthday party Obama checks in on Idol feud Honey Boo Boo mom calls South Park trashy"
X Link 2012-10-16T10:43Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Beyonce lip-synced her pregnancy so why are we surprised she lip synched the National Anthem too #inaug2013"
X Link 2013-01-23T10:45Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"On #TrashTalk Barbara Walters will retire Seth Meyers to replace Fallon and Hulk Hogan wants you to unsee his sex tape.wish we could Hulk"
X Link 2013-05-13T10:18Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"If I sleep with guys for money I'm a "whore" and a "bitch". Julia Roberts does it in 'Pretty Woman' and she's an "actress" in a "movie""
X Link 2014-05-04T19:02Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"On @thetoddshow #ShowBuzz Alec Baldwin berates NYPD after he disobeys the law. Wasn't he going to leave NY Can we get back to that"
X Link 2014-05-14T10:21Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"The #96lbpuppy contemplates his #Southpaw. Wonders how Jake Gyllenhaal made an entire movie based on it. http://t.co/Un1AidSLki"
X Link 2015-07-24T03:13Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"It got me. I cried. Dammit. https://x.com/J_Settembre/status/672151786334064640 German supermarket Edeka releases controversial holiday ad https://t.co/XCDXaOAzY9 https://x.com/J_Settembre/status/672151786334064640 German supermarket Edeka releases controversial holiday ad https://t.co/XCDXaOAzY9"
X Link 2015-12-02T20:42Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Another great piece of writing by the one and only @J_Settembre @amyschumer @glamourmag http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/amy-schumer-slams-magazine-classifying-size-article-1.2589277 http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/amy-schumer-slams-magazine-classifying-size-article-1.2589277"
X Link 2016-04-05T18:48Z 12.9K followers, [--] engagements

"Saw a commercial for a new Broadway musical where the guy's tax reform policy helps the rich or maybe it was a political ad. Hard to tell"
X Link 2016-10-13T10:17Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"Sarah Jessica Parker losing her sh*t over the eclipse is EVERYTHING today. @CooperLawrence Show http://pagesix.com/2017/08/21/sjp-loses-it-over-the-solar-eclipse/ http://pagesix.com/2017/08/21/sjp-loses-it-over-the-solar-eclipse/"
X Link 2017-08-22T09:44Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"Fifth Harmony "taking some time".who will be the first to publish the tell-all"
X Link 2018-03-19T19:34Z 13K followers, [--] engagements

"Apologies to our waitress Amy who said to my dad wanna box for the leftovers and he replied no but Ill wrestle you for them hope we tipped enough"
X Link 2024-07-07T15:16Z 12.9K followers, 4.9M engagements

"Just went to the Oreo website and hit accept all cookies and now we wait"
X Link 2025-01-23T14:33Z 12.9K followers, 8.8M engagements

"Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics My watch just congratulated me for standing up"
X Link 2024-08-05T11:59Z 12.9K followers, 1.4M engagements

"New mom: any advice Mom 1: sleep when the baby sleeps Mom 2: eat when the baby eats Me (who has no children): check your email when the baby checks their email"
X Link 2024-04-23T00:05Z 12.9K followers, 420.5K engagements

"I have this friend who doesnt post anything on social media. He just lives his life. I said how am I supposed to know what youre up to he said ask me What a weirdo"
X Link 2018-09-16T01:49Z 12.9K followers, 25.8K engagements

"Dont invite me places. I was cesarean. I didnt want to come out then and I certainly dont want to now"
X Link 2024-04-24T19:26Z 12.9K followers, 462.6K engagements

"Of all the "Where is Kate Middleton" conspiracy theories "she's Banksy" is my favorite"
X Link 2024-02-28T03:00Z 12.9K followers, 330.2K engagements

"Me: Do you think the cars with the eyelashes are flirting with the trucks with the nuts Interviewer: I meant questions about the company"
X Link 2024-04-15T19:41Z 12.9K followers, 227.4K engagements

"Friend: any plans for the fall Me: do you meant autumn or civilization"
X Link 2024-07-28T21:26Z 12.9K followers, 192.1K engagements

"Me (who holds like [---] grudges a day): you should really learn to let things go"
X Link 2024-05-02T23:57Z 12.9K followers, 180.5K engagements

"I wore scrubs to Target and a woman asked me if her eye looked infected so I did what any doctors office would do. I asked her when her last period was and then I weighed her"
X Link 2024-11-11T21:47Z 12.9K followers, 92.2K engagements

"Be gentle with me Im from the 1900s"
X Link 2025-07-09T13:50Z 12.9K followers, 204.1K engagements

"I had a yogurt for breakfast because we were out of pancake mix. Thisll be a fitness account now"
X Link 2024-04-12T22:40Z 12.9K followers, 74.8K engagements

"This Thanksgiving my [--] year old liberal nephew will be fighting my [--] year old conservative uncle at the dinner table in case Netflix wants to film that too"
X Link 2024-11-16T14:25Z 12.9K followers, 39.2K engagements

"Friend: how tall are you Me: [--] but I have the rage of someone much much taller"
X Link 2024-06-17T17:22Z 12.9K followers, 118.6K engagements

"I held the door for an old person today and he was like didnt we go to high school together and we did"
X Link 2023-11-08T20:40Z 12.9K followers, 70.7K engagements

"If by rizz you mean rizzentment then yeah Ive got tons of that"
X Link 2025-03-20T14:08Z 12.9K followers, 55.9K engagements

"My dad asked my mom for an experience instead of a gift for his birthday so she booked him a colonoscopy"
X Link 2024-07-15T12:43Z 12.9K followers, 66.4K engagements

"Netflix documentaries convinced me I should be vegan. So I did what any American would do. I bought some bacon and canceled Netflix"
X Link 2015-03-27T18:22Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"A million dollars to the person who invents a GPS that says turn right at the Taco Bell because what tf is 400ft"
X Link 2024-02-29T19:32Z 12.9K followers, 44.8K engagements

"$600 sounds like a lot of money until you see that my local radio station is giving away $1000 just for being the tenth caller"
X Link 2020-12-21T16:35Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"For a woman who let us ride in the bed of a pickup truck and photographed us as infants holding lit cigarettes my mom sure has a lot of opinions about the way you guys parent"
X Link 2024-06-10T12:59Z 12.9K followers, 28K engagements

"I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise wed just be watching kids on their phones for two hours"
X Link 2024-02-06T15:31Z 12.9K followers, 57K engagements

"no thank YOU"
X Link 2022-01-05T17:11Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"My dentist told me I grind my teeth when I sleep and I was like shit am I NEVER chill"
X Link 2024-02-19T14:28Z 12.9K followers, 43.8K engagements

"My toxic trait is watching TV then having to rewind the part I missed because I was on my phone only to rewind again because I was on my phone"
X Link 2024-01-15T13:32Z 12.9K followers, 41.9K engagements

"Sign at the zoo says dont stick your hand in the alligator cage Thanks but Ill do my own research"
X Link 2025-02-13T23:04Z 12.9K followers, 34.5K engagements

"I used my boyfriends deodorant and now I cant close any of the cabinets in the kitchen"
X Link 2022-08-15T10:29Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"Costco sells sweatpants because they understand youre eating that three- pound jar of M&Ms on your own"
X Link 2025-03-11T14:35Z 12.9K followers, 31.4K engagements

"The summer is going to have to deal with whatever body I give it"
X Link 2024-05-03T16:03Z 12.9K followers, 41.5K engagements

"ME: Clean the kitchen please BOYFRIEND: Maybe later ME: Elizabeth Holmes voice CLEAN THE KITCHEN PLEASE boyfriend grabs sponge and [---] #TheInventor"
X Link 2019-03-19T04:25Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"I wish I cared about anything as much as Google cares about how many devices Ive logged into"
X Link 2025-04-18T19:22Z 12.9K followers, 21.4K engagements

"Me: I prefer the natural look Sephora: oh then youll need these [--] products"
X Link 2024-04-08T12:53Z 12.9K followers, 28.1K engagements

"Just watched a seagull steal French fries then scream at another Seagull for no reason and Ive never felt more connected to nature"
X Link 2024-08-28T17:58Z 12.9K followers, 24.3K engagements

"Olympic rock paper scissors is next"
X Link 2024-08-09T19:40Z 12.9K followers, 35K engagements

"I wish I loved anything as much as my dad loves telling me that the GPS said he was going to be somewhere at 1:17 but he was there at 1:14"
X Link 2024-07-02T12:36Z 12.9K followers, 19.5K engagements

"Sometimes when my boyfriend and I aren't speaking we have the dog deliver notes to each other I just got a message from the dog asking where the good mustard is"
X Link 2024-04-26T17:57Z 12.9K followers, 21.2K engagements

"Sorry I liked your tweet one second after you posted it but in my defense Ive had my phone in my hand since 2012"
X Link 2025-01-08T21:40Z 12.9K followers, 23.3K engagements

"@MidleAgeGambino My dad would be proud 🤣"
X Link 2024-07-07T16:25Z 12.9K followers, 175K engagements

"I loved being a waitress when people would say my compliments to the chef and Id be like thats just Kevin reheating premade burritos in the microwave but Ill tell the Toshiba you say hey"
X Link 2024-04-28T15:22Z 12.9K followers, 19.6K engagements

"Im officially old. I fell in the snow today but instead of laughing at me a teenager ran over to ask if I was ok"
X Link 2022-01-07T20:57Z 12.9K followers, [---] engagements

"DEVELOPING: helicopter crashed into a building in Midtown Manhattan at 51st and 7th. Here is footage of the helicopter flying erratically before the crash (via @ThingsWendySees)"
X Link 2019-06-10T18:30Z 12.9K followers, [----] engagements

"My boyfriend left a note on the refrigerator that said this isnt working but I dont know what hes talking about it works just fine"
X Link 2024-03-07T15:26Z 12.9K followers, 27.2K engagements

"My entire life flashed before my eyes and it was mostly me just doing laundry then wondering what to have for dinner"
X Link 2024-06-26T12:25Z 12.9K followers, 17K engagements

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