@it_unprofession IT Unprofessional

IT Unprofessional posts on X about company, in the, how to, this is the most. They currently have [------] followers and [---] posts still getting attention that total [---------] engagements in the last [--] hours.

Engagements: [---------] #

[--] Week [---------] +448%
[--] Month [----------] -29%

Mentions: [---] #

[--] Week [--] -9.30%
[--] Month [---] +111%

Followers: [------] #

[--] Week [------] +0.54%
[--] Month [------] +17%

CreatorRank: [-----] #

Social Influence

Social category influence technology brands 18.52% finance #104 social networks 8.33% stocks 7.41% gaming #255 products 1.85% travel destinations 1.85% countries 0.93%

Social topic influence company #1478, in the 10.19%, how to 6.48%, this is #3567, $googl 5.56%, boss 5.56%, money 4.63%, dead 3.7%, ai 3.7%, paid #1169

Top accounts mentioned or mentioned by @nykaranizri @bradleydelaere @ellelledeell @officialnydnews @savelievdima88 @ricsip82 @mark_ayres61 @slackhq @fbi @moriartysbud @a_man_of_words @zq1nt @tugsuumon @usamali19 @elscorpiov @kiwipally @klinkeed @vdub12 @aifunnyclips @silentst0rmx

Top assets mentioned Alphabet Inc Class A (GOOGL)

Top Social Posts

Top posts by engagements in the last [--] hours

"Intern asked me yesterday: "How do you always know what to do" I looked him dead in the eye. "I don't. I just know how to look like I do." He laughed. Thought I was joking. I pulled up my browser history from last Tuesday. "How to configure VLAN on Cisco switch" "What is VLAN" "Cisco switch won't save config" "Cisco switch blinking orange meaning" Showed him a ticket from that same day where I "expertly resolved a critical network segmentation issue." It was the same switch. His face went pale. "So you just. Google everything" "Not everything. Sometimes I ask ChatGPT." He asked what he should"
X Link 2025-11-12T00:12Z 69.7K followers, 2.7M engagements

"My company just announced a partnership with a charity for "tech education in underserved communities." Sounds great. Except I know what this actually is. We have [---] laptops from [----] that are being phased out. They're too slow for our employees but they still technically work. Instead of recycling them properly we're donating them to this charity and taking a $150000 tax write-off. The charity thinks they're getting functional equipment. They're getting 4-year-old laptops with battery problems and no software licenses. The CEO is doing a photoshoot next week handing over the laptops to"
X Link 2026-02-11T13:12Z 69.7K followers, 152.4K engagements

"Guys I left work at noon today on a Wednesday afternoon. Didn't ask permission or make up an excuse. Just left. Three hours later my phone hasn't buzzed once. This is how I know most of my job is completely unnecessary. If the building was actually going to burn down without me someone would have noticed by now. Instead everyone's just assuming I'm somewhere important doing important things. The system runs itself. The team handles issues. Nothing requires my immediate attention. I could probably not show up for a week and just send a few emails and nobody would notice. That's either a sign"
X Link 2026-02-11T21:08Z 69.7K followers, 128.9K engagements

"Last month my intern asked for help with a Kubernetes error. He was stuck on a YAML file. He looked desperate. I make $275000 a year. I haven't written a line of code since [----]. I don't even know what a "pod" is. But I didn't tell him that. I leaned back in my Herman Miller chair. I said "Stop trying to code. Start prompting." I told him to paste the error into ChatGPT. He did. The AI told him to delete the cluster. He did. Production went down instantly. The CEO called me screaming. I didn't panic. I told the CEO we were "testing our disaster recovery protocols." He was impressed by my"
X Link 2025-12-02T21:08Z 69.7K followers, 2.9M engagements

"My brother-in-law just called asking for help setting up his new router. The same router I told my neighbor I couldn't help with last week because "it's not my area." But family is different. You can't blow off family the same way. So I'm going over there tomorrow. But here's what I'm doing: I'm bringing my laptop and making it look really complicated. I'm going to run some terminal commands that look technical but don't do anything. I'm going to check logs that don't matter. I'm going to nod seriously while explaining "network topology" and "QoS prioritization." The router setup will take 10"
X Link 2026-01-31T18:05Z 69.7K followers, 115.3K engagements

"My company just got named in a "Best Places to Work" list. We're ranked #47 in our industry for "work-life balance" and "employee satisfaction." This is completely insane. We had three people quit last month citing burnout. Our average employee tenure is [--] months. We just cut mental health benefits. But we're on the Best Place to Work list (can't tell which number because I don't wanna dox myself). Here's how this happened: six months ago HR sent out an "anonymous employee survey." I saw the results. They were fucking terrible. [---] out of [--] overall satisfaction. Then the survey company"
X Link 2026-02-12T14:43Z 69.7K followers, 216K engagements

"Hi @X Im your favorite IT Unprofessional. I've been at this 25+ years. Back in [----] the whole office thought the network was down. I walked in pushed the Ethernet cable in all the way and suddenly I was a hero. Been coasting on that reputation ever since"
X Link 2025-08-26T17:00Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Employee: The Wi-Fi keeps cutting out in the break room. Me: Yeah thats the guest network. Employee: But I work here. Me: Not in the break room you dont"
X Link 2025-08-29T14:27Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"One of the conference rooms has a permanent sign taped to the projector remote: Point at projector not at screen. That note has prevented more downtime than any IT upgrade weve ever done"
X Link 2025-08-30T17:05Z 69.6K followers, [---] engagements

"People complained that Wi-Fi drops in the east wing. Instead of buying new routers I renamed the network in that wing to Guest WiFi (Slow). Everyone just assumed it was supposed to be bad there. No more tickets"
X Link 2025-09-05T12:47Z 69.6K followers, [---] engagements

"Back in [----] I tried working for a startup. The CFO proudly told me were saving money by not paying for cloud. He meant Google Drive free tier. He has [--] Gmail accounts to get more space. I quit after [--] weeks"
X Link 2025-09-07T13:06Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Theres no such thing as a permanent fix. Only temporary solutions that last long enough for you to switch jobs"
X Link 2025-09-08T13:14Z 69.6K followers, [---] engagements

"A date once asked what I do for work. I said infrastructure management. She said "Oh you built bridges" I said yes. I don't have the heart to explain Docker to her"
X Link 2025-09-10T13:29Z 69.6K followers, 13.3K engagements

"Got into a cab yesterday. Driver asked what I do. I said IT. He immediately asked if I could fix his friends Facebook account. I told him I only work on enterprise systems. He asked if that meant I could fix Netflix. This is why I just say Im unemployed"
X Link 2025-09-11T14:27Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Someone on our company board asked What if a plane hits our data center I reminded them our data center is literally Google If a plane hits that it means we have bigger problems than our website not working"
X Link 2025-09-11T15:39Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"My wifes Apple Watch Ultra kept buzzing. She said Its telling me to stand and exercise more. I said Mine just tells me when a servers down. My heart is stronger than hers"
X Link 2025-09-13T13:16Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"When we set up a new password policy one guy just kept incrementing his password. Hes currently on Dog123456789101112. I can share this here because you don't know his username"
X Link 2025-09-14T14:23Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"One of my interns once deleted a production table thinking it was his local test DB. He tried to cover it up by emailing Weird looks like the database reset itself. I hired him as a full-time employee the next day"
X Link 2025-09-15T13:14Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"My wife bought a new smart fridge. First thing she did was ask me to set up the Wi-Fi. Ive now become the sysadmin for perishables"
X Link 2025-09-15T23:33Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Sales complained CRM was slow. It was just three employees opening [--] browser tabs each. I cleared cache once and they thought I rewrote the entire backend"
X Link 2025-09-16T14:53Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Boss said we needed to "improve cybersecurity" after reading about data breaches in the news. The next day I changed everyone's password to "password123" and posted them on a bulletin board in the break room. When people expressed concern I explained that transparency builds trust and hiding passwords is what hackers would expect us to do. We're using reverse psychology to confuse potential threats. That's what innovative security thinking looks like"
X Link 2025-09-22T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 61K engagements

"Our intern discovered he could use ChatGPT to write code reviews. Been doing it for three months. His reviews are so thorough and professional that two senior devs asked to be on his team permanently. Yesterday he accidentally left the prompt visible: "Roast this code but make it sound constructive.""
X Link 2025-09-22T23:33Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Conducted our quarterly hardware assessment this morning. Noticed several employees had been customizing their desktop wallpapers with family photos and vacation pictures. This creates unnecessary emotional attachment to their workstations and reduces productivity during hardware transitions. Replaced everyone's backgrounds with stock photos of server rooms and ethernet cables. The intern started crying when she saw her puppy photo was gone. Clearly wasn't ready for enterprise-level professionalism"
X Link 2025-09-24T13:29Z 69.6K followers, 14.2K engagements

"Deel IT: Device Lifecycle Management Buy ship repair and store employee laptops and devices worldwide. https://www.deel.com/it/device-lifecycle-management/ https://www.deel.com/it/device-lifecycle-management/"
X Link 2025-09-24T15:48Z 69.6K followers, 87K engagements

"Got a ticket that said: Computer broken. That was the full description. I asked for details. They said: Its not working. And suddenly I understood how doctors feel when patients just say: Im sick"
X Link 2025-09-26T13:49Z 69.6K followers, 32.2K engagements

"Decided all our computer problems stem from "user error" so I created a simple solution. Put up a sign that says "Have you tried being smarter" next to every workstation. Now when people call with issues I just point to the sign and mark their ticket as "resolved - user education provided." Spent most of my day playing solitaire while people figure out their own problems. The CEO said this approach seems "unconventional." I explained that teaching self-reliance is the most efficient IT strategy"
X Link 2025-09-26T15:17Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Our intern just deployed to production on Friday at 4:59 PM. I watched him do it. He looked me dead in the eyes and clicked deploy. I said "You know what you just did" He said "Shipped code" I'm updating my resume this weekend"
X Link 2025-09-26T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 11.9K engagements

"Got two tickets. One said Cant access Google Drive. The other said Headphones not connecting. I fixed the Google Drive issue by telling them to try again in [--] minutes. I fixed the headphone issue by telling them to buy new headphones. Both gave me 5-star ratings. Thats called customer satisfaction"
X Link 2025-09-27T17:05Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Have you tried rebooting it Democrat Shutdown. https://t.co/w5GKHQQDuj Democrat Shutdown. https://t.co/w5GKHQQDuj"
X Link 2025-10-01T04:36Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Recently I found out my coworker applied to three different jobs at competing companies. I know because he used his work email and our system flagged the LinkedIn notifications. Started randomly walking by his desk saying "loyalty is everything" and "this company values commitment." He got paranoid and asked if I knew something. I said our new AI detects "flight risk patterns" through typing rhythms and his metrics showed 73% probability of leaving within [--] days. He asked how to improve his score. I said volunteer for more projects to show "cultural enthusiasm." He's now on four committees"
X Link 2025-10-01T13:29Z 69.6K followers, 12.1K engagements

"Lately I've started wearing a Bluetooth earpiece at work. I'm not on calls. I just don't want people talking to me. They see it and walk away. Sometimes I nod and say "uh-huh" to nobody. People think I'm always busy. I'm listening to podcasts about true crime. Best $20 I ever spent"
X Link 2025-10-02T20:08Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Boss asked why our IT budget doubled this quarter. Told him we upgraded our "infrastructure resilience framework." I bought myself a second monitor and a mechanical keyboard. Submitted them as "Dual-Display Failover System" and "Haptic Input Device for Reduced Latency." Got approved immediately. Now when people ask for new equipment I say budgets are tight because of infrastructure investments. I'm typing this on a $300 keyboard that goes click-clack. Worth every penny"
X Link 2025-10-03T13:49Z 69.6K followers, 134.6K engagements

"The company pays for my home internet because I'm "on call." I'm not on call. Nobody's ever called me after hours. But five years ago during my interview I said "I believe in being available for critical incidents" and they just started reimbursing my internet bill. $85 a month. That's $5100 in free internet because I said one sentence in [----]. Sometimes I get an email at 7pm and don't respond until morning just to make it seem like I'm carefully considering the issue. The issue is usually someone forgetting their password. My manager once thanked me for my "unwavering commitment to uptime.""
X Link 2025-10-03T15:17Z 69.6K followers, 20K engagements

"When you work in IT you can see everyone's WiFi device names. "Linda's iPhone" connects to the network. Also "Dave's iPhone" connects to the network. From the same location. At the same time. In conference room B. Every Tuesday and Thursday at 2pm. Linda is married to someone who is not Dave. Dave is married to someone who is not Linda. I know their secret and they have no idea"
X Link 2025-10-04T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 12.1K engagements

"Every Monday I send an email that says "completed weekend server maintenance all systems optimized." There is no weekend server maintenance. I don't even log in on weekends. But three years ago I sent that email once after restarting a router and now if I don't send it people panic. Last month I forgot and got four messages asking if everything was okay. Now that Monday email is in the official IT documentation as a required weekly procedure. Got a performance bonus last year for "consistent weekend system optimization." That's $2000 for eight seconds of typing"
X Link 2025-10-06T12:51Z 69.6K followers, 16.5K engagements

"I tell people I can't fix their laptop while they're watching because "active user sessions interfere with diagnostic protocols." I just don't want them hovering. They leave and I look up their problem on ChatGPT. Takes two minutes. I wait [--] minutes then call them back. Makes it seem harder than it is"
X Link 2025-10-07T14:53Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Last year I discovered that our security cameras could stream directly to YouTube. Thought itd be funny to test it out. Set up a 24/7 stream called Live Data Center Vibes 🔴 (Lo-Fi Server Room Beats to Work/Code To). Within an hour a few hundred viewers joined. In the afternoon Greg (from accounting) walked in tripped over a cable and took down half the office Wi-Fi. Chat went wild. Someone clipped it and titled it Guy Destroys Entire Network LIVE. [------] views. Legal said I violated multiple internal policies. But technically it was our most successful digital campaign to date"
X Link 2025-10-14T13:34Z 69.6K followers, 23.1K engagements

"AWS went down this morning. Everyone panicked. Marketing couldnt access the website. Finance couldnt open their dashboards. I told everyone to stay calm there was nothing we could do. For the first time all year every ticket became blocked by external vendor. My workload instantly dropped to zero. People kept asking for updates. I just kept saying were waiting on Amazon. Havent touched my keyboard in four hours. Ive never felt more efficient"
X Link 2025-10-20T18:52Z 69.6K followers, 443.3K engagements

"My laptop dies during every important meeting. My phone hits 3% by noon. My coworkers ask why I don't just charge my stuff overnight. Because walking into the office with dead devices is the perfect excuse to avoid literally everything for the first [--] minutes. "Sorry can't check that ticket yet laptop's charging." "Can't join that call phone died." "Emergency meeting Let me get to 15% first." By the time everything's powered up half my problems have solved themselves"
X Link 2025-10-21T21:30Z 69.6K followers, 50.1K engagements

"If you want to make more money in IT dont become more skilled. Become more essential. Break something complicated early in your career ideally a system nobody fully understands. Then be the only one who knows how to fix it. Never fully fix it. Just keep it running in a state of controlled instability that requires your continued presence. Congratulations you are now business critical. Enjoy your raise for maintaining complex legacy infrastructure"
X Link 2025-10-23T22:52Z 69.6K followers, 16.7K engagements

"Boss said we needed SOC [--] or the deals vanish. I screenshotted the empty cafeteria pasted a SOC [--] Type II Certified sticker on the door and updated the slide deck. Auditor walked in saw the sticker took a photo for his report left. We closed the quarter. I still dont know what SOC stands for"
X Link 2025-10-24T21:04Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"When I joined our team we had just had a minor data incident. I found out the loser IT guy who was here before me had set the password to our critical infrastructure to just "password." Unbelievable. No professionalism. No standards. I immediately changed it to "Password1" We haven't had a data breach since. You have to be proactive about security people. Just a few simple tweaks can save a billion-dollar business. At the time of the brazen heist of $102 million in jewels from the Louvre last month the password to the world-famous museum's video surveillance system was simply "Louvre""
X Link 2025-11-06T17:04Z 69.6K followers, 62.7K engagements

"Deel ITL Mobile Device Management Centrally manage all laptops tablets and phones across your workforce. https://www.deel.com/it/mobile-device-management/ https://www.deel.com/it/mobile-device-management/"
X Link 2025-11-12T15:23Z 69.6K followers, 201.7K engagements

"Last week I hosted family for Thanksgiving. My 12-year-old nephew asked for the WiFi password. He wanted to play Roblox on his iPad. I looked at the device. Unmanaged. No antivirus. No encryption. Im an IT Professional. I don't run an open network. So I didnt give him the password. Instead I spent [--] minutes provisioning a Guest VLAN. I set up a captive portal. I throttled the bandwidth down to 56kbps. Then I blocked all traffic on ports [--] and [---]. He came back crying. He said it wouldn't load. My sister screamed at me to "just let him play." I told her that Zero Trust architecture doesn't"
X Link 2025-12-01T21:08Z 69.4K followers, 9.1M engagements

"I just finished shoveling my driveway. Took me [--] minutes. My back is killing me and I have to drive to work now. My neighbor has a snowblower. He did his driveway in [--] minutes then offered to do mine. I told him no thanks I like the exercise. Real reason If he does my driveway once I owe him. Next thing you know he's asking me to "take a quick look" at his computer because "it's running slow." I don't do free IT work. Not for family not for neighbors not for anyone. Last year this same neighbor asked me to help him set up his printer. I told him I'm a "network architect" and I don't work"
X Link 2026-01-07T13:12Z 69.4K followers, 2.7M engagements

"Facilities just sent me an email asking why the server room temperature is set to 62F. They said it's "excessive" and they want to raise it to 68F to save on cooling costs. I replied with a six-paragraph email explaining "thermal load balancing" "equipment MTBF degradation" and "catastrophic failure risk." I cited a "study" that showed every degree above 65F reduces server lifespan by 15%. There is no study. I made that up. But I CC'd the CFO and said if Facilities wants to take ownership of a potential $200K hardware replacement due to overheating they're welcome to adjust the temperature."
X Link 2026-01-08T15:27Z 69.5K followers, 1.9M engagements

"Just had lunch with a recruiter who's trying to poach me for a competitor. They're offering $320K base plus equity. About $50K more than I'm making now. I'm not taking it. Not because the money isn't good. The money is great. But I've spent six years building systems at this company. I know where all the bodies are buried. I know which executives to avoid and which ones to cultivate. I know exactly how little work I can do while maintaining my reputation. At a new company I'd have to start over. I'd have to prove myself again. I'd actually have to work hard for the first year. That's not"
X Link 2026-01-28T16:29Z 69.5K followers, 1.2M engagements

"My wife just asked me what I want for my birthday next month. I said I don't need anything. This is a trap I set for myself every year. If I say I don't need anything she'll get me something she thinks I need. Which is usually clothes or "an experience" like tickets to something. I don't want clothes or experiences. I want the new iPad Pro. But I can't say I want the new iPad Pro because I just got a MacBook "for work" two months ago (that lives at my house). So I'll wait a week and casually mention that my current iPad is "getting slow" and "probably needs to be replaced soon." She'll"
X Link 2026-01-29T16:39Z 69.5K followers, 856.1K engagements

"Today at work I got off a call with our new Amsterdam office about rolling out a security update. I wanted to schedule it for tonight during our maintenance window since it's a critical patch. Their lead engineer said Monday morning works better for them. I said Monday morning is when we have the most users online. If something breaks maximum impact. He said exactly that's why Monday is perfect. Everyone will notice immediately and report issues so they know exactly what to fix. Then he casually mentioned they have a company policy against any deployments after [--] PM on Fridays. I've spent six"
X Link 2026-01-30T23:16Z 69.5K followers, 164.3K engagements

"My kid's school is doing a "STEM Career Day" and they want parents to come talk about their jobs. My wife signed me up without asking. I have to go talk to a classroom of 8-year-olds about information technology. I can't just say "I manage servers and go to meetings." That's boring and also not age-appropriate. So I'm bringing in a Raspberry Pi hooking it up to a monitor and showing them how to make LEDs blink with basic code. Will any of them remember this in a week No. But their parents will see me there with "computers" and think I'm a good dad who's involved. And honestly spending an hour"
X Link 2026-02-01T15:23Z 69.5K followers, 398.3K engagements

"Just found out my company is in a lawsuit because someone hacked our customer database two years ago and we never told anyone. I didn't know about the hack. Nobody told IT. Turns out our VP of Sales discovered it decided it wasn't "that bad" and just. didn't report it. To anyone. Including me. Now we're in federal court and the lawyers are asking me why our security was so weak. I genuinely don't know. Because nobody told me we got hacked. I can't defend against threats I don't know exist. The VP of Sales is blaming IT for "inadequate security measures." I'm sitting in depositions explaining"
X Link 2026-02-09T20:54Z 69.7K followers, 1.2M engagements

"Just got a notification from my bank about "suspicious activity." Someone tried to use my card to buy $400 worth of Roblox gift cards. I know exactly who it was. My 10-year-old. I went into his room. He was on his iPad playing Roblox very focused trying to look innocent. I said "did you try to buy Robux with my credit card" He said "no." I showed him my phone with the fraud alert. $400 in attempted charges. He got quiet. Then: "It was an accident." I said how do you accidentally try to spend $400 He said his friend told him how to find saved payment info in the browser. He was "just looking""
X Link 2026-02-16T03:06Z 69.7K followers, 2.2M engagements

"My wife asked why her phone was so slow. I opened Safari and found [---] something tabs half of them recipes that start with My grandmother immigrated in [----] She said Dont close those I might need them. I told her this is what data centers call technical debt"
X Link 2025-08-31T15:17Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"For client demos I pre-load the app with fake data that makes all dashboards look perfect. In reality half the features dont work. I coined a term for it demo-ready architecture"
X Link 2025-09-01T13:14Z 69.6K followers, [---] engagements

"Every once in a while I remember that [--] years ago a VP complained to me that her Outlook search was broken. She had typed emails from Jim into the search bar"
X Link 2025-09-09T13:34Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"My [--] year old neighbor knows that I'm in IT. During a power outage he asked if I could turn the internet back on. I said yes but it would take a couple of hours and cost him $200 I waited until the internet restored itself and took the money. I love working in IT"
X Link 2025-09-11T12:26Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Manager wanted to know why the new server racks were so loud. I explained it was because of the cooling fans. He suggested turning them off to save power. This is why we cant have nice things"
X Link 2025-09-12T15:17Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"When users ask for software I don't want to install I tell them "it's incompatible with our security framework." There is no security framework. I got paid $250K per year for this"
X Link 2025-09-13T17:05Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Yesterday rolled out mandatory security training. Marketing VP emailed IT: Can you do mine for me Im too busy to learn about phishing I phished his girlfriend and stepfather. Don't mess with IT"
X Link 2025-09-13T23:38Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Our company gave me a $20K budget for employee monitoring software. I took the money and just check who's using the office printer for personal stuff. Made my own invoice too. Work smarter not harder"
X Link 2025-09-14T13:06Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Son yelled that Minecraft deleted his house. He had opened the wrong save file. I pretended to recover it from the cloud. Hes now convinced I have admin-level magic. His IQ is 85"
X Link 2025-09-14T15:17Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"With 25+ years I can predict exactly which employee will call me for password reset first and at what hour. Its eerily accurate"
X Link 2025-09-16T01:01Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"My friends always ask what I do all day as an IT administrator. Last week I spent [--] hours staring at a blinking cursor waiting for a server to reboot. My boss came by and said Looks intense"
X Link 2025-09-16T12:05Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Went to the school PTA meeting. They asked if anyone knew about technology. I thought they meant setting up a Google Form. They handed me a box of [--] Chromebooks and said Can you get these ready by morning"
X Link 2025-09-16T13:34Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"We were onboarding a new hire. I explained everyone gets company Google Drive with a quota. He goes Oh thats fine. My last job gave me unlimited storage. I asked how much he used. With a straight face he said: About [--] terabytes of anime"
X Link 2025-09-17T13:29Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Finance asked why our cloud bill is so high. I said Because everything we forgot to turn off is still running. They said Can we reduce it I said Sure just tell me which teams project you want me to delete. We agreed the bill is fine"
X Link 2025-09-19T12:47Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Employee said theyre #LockedInSeptember. I thought it was a meme. Turns out they literally locked themselves out of their account three times in one day. Now theyre locked out until October"
X Link 2025-09-19T13:49Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Supervisor asked if I could speed up their laptop. I opened Task Manager. Chrome had [---] tabs. Closed [---] of them. I told him I "upgraded his RAM" He now recommended me for a promotion. I'm working on easy mode"
X Link 2025-09-20T12:58Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Got two tickets this morning. One said Wi-Fi down. The other said I spilled coffee on my keyboard. Both marked high priority. How do I decide which one to solve first Simple: I wait until one of them come to my office. And then I help the other guy who doesn't come. That's the less annoying guy"
X Link 2025-09-20T17:05Z 69.6K followers, 74.7K engagements

"The Gen Z intern asked if we have a backup in case @slackhq goes down. I said we used email. He looked puzzled and asked "What's an 'email'" I explained in a lingo he'd understand "It's like Discord for middle-aged divorced men." He immediately gets it"
X Link 2025-09-21T14:23Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Boss said his laptop was running slow. I opened Task Manager and just stared at it for [--] seconds. Then I closed it and said All optimized. He swore it felt faster. IT is just placebo-as-a-service"
X Link 2025-09-21T15:17Z 69.7K followers, [----] engagements

"Neighbor knocked on my door at [--] PM. He asked if I could "hack" his Ring doorbell. His wife changed the password during their fight and he's locked out of his own house. I said I'd do it for $50. I open terminal and pretend to hack his doorbell. "Bad news" I tell him. "Your wife is cheating on you." I just made that up and he's now crying in my living room. I introduce him to my brother who is a divorce lawyer. I just made $5k for referring him. This is how I make millions as an IT guy"
X Link 2025-09-21T17:47Z 69.6K followers, 401.8K engagements

"Got asked if we could stop Windows from updating during meetings. I fixed it. Now it only updates during presentations instead"
X Link 2025-09-23T13:34Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Someone's email kept going to spam folders across the company. Instead of fixing the mail server configuration I told everyone that our email system had developed advanced AI that automatically filters out "low-value communications." I said if their emails were being marked as spam they needed to write more compelling subject lines and demonstrate greater professional worth. Our company correspondence now reads like poetry. Client engagement is through the roof"
X Link 2025-09-24T01:28Z 69.6K followers, 28.4K engagements

"Got asked why we dont use more AI tools. Because we already have interns. Theyre cheaper. They hallucinate less. My interns know how many 'R's strawberry has. AI doesn't. ChatGPT can't rub my back. My $150/mo intern can"
X Link 2025-09-24T15:29Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Saw the FBI Directors post that said IT Professionals FBI needs you. I applied. They asked if I had experience with cybersecurity. I said yes: I once renamed our Wi-Fi to CIA Surveillance Van #7 to intimidate potential attackers. They asked if I could do forensics. I said yes: I forensically examine coworkers browsers every morning when they forget to close their tabs. They asked if I had handled sensitive information. I said yes again: I once kept the printers toner low for six months without telling anyone. Pretty sure Im overqualified. National security is about to level up. IT"
X Link 2025-09-29T23:50Z 69.6K followers, 18.1K engagements

"The leadership wanted mandatory phishing training. So I started sending fake Congratulations You Won emails with malware attached. Anyone who clicked got locked out of their account until they bought me lunch. I haven't paid for a sandwich in months. The company spends less on breaches and I spend less on food. Everybody wins"
X Link 2025-09-30T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 27.5K engagements

"Someone rickrolled me while screen-sharing in a Teams call. The next day I uninstalled Spotify from their computer and told them it was violating our "software licensing audit." They asked why only their computer. I said the audit was random and they happened to be selected. They asked to see the audit documentation. I sent them a 47-page PDF I found online about ITIL compliance frameworks. They never read it. Three other people saw this happen and immediately uninstalled Spotify themselves. Now everyone thinks we're doing software audits and they're all terrified they're next. Nobody knows I"
X Link 2025-10-01T01:28Z 69.6K followers, 122.5K engagements

"Employee said her laptop was broken. I asked what was wrong. She said "it just doesn't work right." I held down the power button for [--] seconds turned it back on and handed it back. She said "wow what did you do" I told her I "recalibrated the thermal capacitors and reset the ROM buffer." She thanked me profusely and told three other people I'm a genius. I turned it off and on. That's all I ever do"
X Link 2025-10-01T15:29Z 69.6K followers, 40.6K engagements

"Changed the office WiFi password and only told people who are nice to me. Everyone else still thinks the old password works. They just have slow internet because they're connected to the guest network that caps at 5mbps. Been three weeks. Nobody's figured it out. They think the internet is just slow now. Guy who microwaves fish asked why his video calls keep freezing. I said "network congestion nothing I can do." Could fix it in five seconds. Won't"
X Link 2025-10-01T20:08Z 69.6K followers, 14.3K engagements

"I printed out a sign that said "CAUTION: Electromagnetic Fields" and put it on the server room door. Someone asked what that meant. I said the servers emit radiation that can cause headaches if you stand too close for extended periods. Now nobody bothers me when I'm in the server room. People walk past quickly and hold their breath. One guy started wearing a tinfoil hat "just to be safe." I didn't correct him. The server room is my sanctuary now"
X Link 2025-10-02T13:43Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Boss walked by while I was playing Solitaire. Alt-tabbed to a terminal window just in time. He asked what I was working on. I said "stress-testing the backup redundancy system." I was on King difficulty. He said keep up the good work. I went back to Solitaire as soon as he left. Beat my high score that day"
X Link 2025-10-04T13:16Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"I have access to all the security cameras and watch them when I'm bored. Saw Greg from sales pick his nose for [--] seconds straight. Linda takes a 20-minute "bathroom break" to nap in her car. Dave steals coffee pods every Friday. Someone's having an affair in conference room C. They have no idea I can see everything. When people ask what I do all day I say "network monitoring." I'm monitoring you. All of you. This is the best part of my job"
X Link 2025-10-06T20:08Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Company paid $50000 for cybersecurity training. I completed the entire course in [--] minutes by right-clicking and selecting "Mark as Complete" in the browser console. Everyone else spent [--] hours watching videos. I'm the only one who actually learned something useful. How to skip corporate training"
X Link 2025-10-07T01:01Z 69.6K followers, 16.6K engagements

"Pro tip: every vending machine has a maintenance mode that dispenses free product for testing. You access it by typing a specific code on the keypad. I found it in a service manual PDF while I was supposed to be fixing the printer. Been getting free snacks for seven months. If you're reading this and you're IT google your vending machine model number plus "service manual PDF." You're welcome"
X Link 2025-10-07T13:34Z 69.6K followers, 25.2K engagements

"Put a "Certified Ethical Hacker" certificate in a frame on my wall. It's from a $30 Udemy course I never finished. People are intimidated by it. Someone asked if I could "hack" their ex's Instagram. I said "I only use my powers for good." I can't hack anything. I know how to reset passwords. That's it"
X Link 2025-10-08T01:28Z 69.6K followers, 17.5K engagements

"Accidentally clicked Remind me later on a Windows Update. Realized if I could delay progress so could everyone else. Forced the update across the company mid-workday. Half the staff lost unsaved work. The other half learned a valuable lesson about procrastination"
X Link 2025-10-13T20:08Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Found out marketing was using Canva without IT approval. They said it made design easier. Explained that third-party cloud tools pose a compliance risk and could expose company assets. They argued it was harmless. So I disabled Canva access across the entire network. Told them Microsoft Paint offered the same functionality without the security concerns. Now every flyer looks like a ransom note. Nobody thanks IT for protecting company data"
X Link 2025-10-13T23:33Z 69.6K followers, 19.5K engagements

"I like taking naps. Not at home. Not in a hotel. At my desk. Set my status to Server Maintenance and close my eyes. Sometimes its [--] minutes. Sometimes its [--] hours. During that time the network still runs. The printers still print. The intern tries to open tickets. I dont respond. When I wake up I mark all their tickets as Investigated Pending Resolution. They thank me. They dont know I slept through everything. Its my favorite part of the day"
X Link 2025-10-14T01:01Z 69.6K followers, [----] engagements

"Evening update: AWS is back online. I didnt write a single command or touch a single server. But I announced It should be working now in a confident tone and everyone reacted like I had personally fixed the cloud. People thanked me for getting us back up. One person even said We dont know what wed do without you. I nodded like a man who had just negotiated peace between regions us-east-1 and eu-west-3. I have no idea what Amazon did behind the scenes but according to this office I just saved the company. Already updated my self-evaluation under Major Accomplishments"
X Link 2025-10-21T03:04Z 69.6K followers, 419.9K engagements

"Had a team member who said I was being unprofessional eating sandwiches during troubleshooting calls. Told him it's called efficiency. He said users can hear me chewing through their audio issues. So I started muting myself mid-sentence and telling users it's "network latency on their end." Now I finish entire meals per call while they reboot their routers six times. They think their internet is the problem. I think my sandwich was delicious"
X Link 2025-10-21T18:31Z 69.6K followers, 25.4K engagements

"Walked past a team member's desk and saw ESPN open. He quickly alt-tabbed to a command prompt like I wouldn't notice. I said "dude I don't care." He looked relieved until I told him he's doing it wrong. Showed him how to rename the ESPN tab to "Server Monitoring Dashboard" and keep it pinned next to his actual work. Now when management walks by they think he's incredibly dedicated to uptime monitoring. He watches every game in peace and I get credit for "mentoring junior staff.""
X Link 2025-10-22T03:29Z 69.6K followers, 36.9K engagements

"Went to a college football game this weekend. Stadium IT had a total meltdown - ticketing system crashed concession stands went cash-only and the jumbotron was frozen on a Bud Light ad for the entire first quarter. I watched their tech scrambling around while I ate my overpriced hot dog. Got back to the office today and our CTO asked why I looked so relaxed. Told him watching someone else's infrastructure fail in real-time was the most therapeutic thing I've done all year. He laughed and said "Whatever helps you cope with our disasters." So I just expensed a ticket for the next game as"
X Link 2025-10-27T20:43Z 69.7K followers, 15K engagements

"I once saw an employee frantically trying to plug her USB drive into her work laptop after hours. She jumped when she noticed me standing behind her. She said she just needed to transfer a few personal files really quick and begged me not to report it. I quietly picked up the USB turned it over in my hand and asked Do you know our data loss prevention policy She started panicking. I said Relax. I can whitelist your device for a small monthly IT compliance support fee. Now she pays me $50 a month to keep using her own flash drive under the illusion its being specially authorized. The drive"
X Link 2025-10-29T18:43Z 69.6K followers, 34.4K engagements

"Okay so I've done the load balancing analysis here and the answer is obvious. If you downgrade you have: - [--] unhappy users (100% dissatisfaction rate) - Zero utilization of available premium resources - Increased load on economy class infrastructure If you take the upgrade: - [--] happy user (50% satisfaction but total happiness increased) - Optimal resource allocation - She can remote in to your seat for snacks/drinks as needed This is basic capacity planning. You're running a distributed relationship system here. Not all nodes need to be at the same tier simultaneously. As long as you"
X Link 2025-11-03T21:10Z 69.6K followers, 19.8K engagements

"Found a critical security vulnerability in our network that allows unauthorized access to sensitive company data requires no advanced hacking skills and is exploited daily by dozens of internal actors. It completely bypasses our million-dollar firewall renders all MFA solutions useless and often involves clicking on a link. We've spent countless hours and thousands of dollars running training sessions to counter it. The name of the unstoppable exploit A user's immediate and total inability to read the giant red warning message"
X Link 2025-11-06T03:24Z 69.6K followers, 12.6K engagements

"I'm often asked how I have time to post on Twitter so much. The truth is my job isn't about working. It's about waiting. I'm paid to be present and available when the inevitable disaster strikes. Right now I'm waiting for a major data migration. Estimated completion: [--] hours [--] minutes. I'm waiting for a critical system to finish its 60-minute automated patch scan. I'm waiting for a server to finish "initializing critical services." My entire workflow is dictated by a brightly colored progress bar. And until that bar hits 100%. I'm just a very expensive human screensaver"
X Link 2025-11-06T13:26Z 69.6K followers, 14.2K engagements

"Spent two days in the woods this weekend. No service. Came back this morning to find out the entire office Wi-Fi went down Saturday afternoon. Everyone worked from home the rest of the weekend. My manager called me in today. "We've been talking. Maybe we don't need someone monitoring the network full-time if it runs fine without intervention." I could feel my job disappearing. Then I said "Actually I've been meaning to tell you - I implemented an automated failover system last year that kicks in when I'm unavailable. That's why it recovered so smoothly." Complete lie. The router overheated"
X Link 2025-11-10T18:16Z 69.6K followers, 225.6K engagements

"UPDATE: So apparently my last post blew up and now half of IT on X is shocked that I don't know how to set up a VLAN or have the CISCO CLI memorized. Listen here you beautiful overachievers. The reason I'm Head of IT at my company isnt because Im the most technical person. Its because when something breaks I look calm while Googling the answer. I make $200k because I say stuff like "layer [--] aggregation" with confidence. I don't even know what layer [--] is. Is it like an onion Are we just making this up Nobody cares. The VLAN I "couldn't configure" is still running perfectly. And when it breaks"
X Link 2025-11-12T17:10Z 69.6K followers, 881.1K engagements

"I hear from many young IT guys that they find it difficult to get their juniors to listen to them. In other words the Slack culture has destroyed the ability to spontaneously pull someone aside. As such I thought I would share a few words that I used in my youth to get immediate attention. I would ask: "May I meet you in my office" before engaging further in conversation. I almost never got a No. It inevitably enabled the opportunity for a further conversation. Usually while they're refreshing their inbox and calculating whether they can make rent if fired today. I think the combination of"
X Link 2025-11-17T16:36Z 69.6K followers, 35K engagements

"People keep asking me how I got into IT. I got into IT because I was too socially awkward for sales and too impatient for engineering. In [----] I was the only IT person at a 40-person startup. Everything was my fault. Server down My fault. Email slow My fault. Someone's laptop got a virus because they opened an email from their own mother Also my fault apparently. One day the CEO asked me why our internet was "acting slow." I told him it was probably DNS. I had no idea what DNS was. I just knew it was the answer to everything. He asked me to fix it. I told him I needed $8K in equipment and"
X Link 2025-12-04T18:53Z 69.7K followers, 277.8K engagements

"Our CFO asked me to "audit" our software subscriptions last week. He sent me a spreadsheet with [---] rows. Slack Zoom Jira Notion Trello Monday Tuesday Wednesday. He wanted me to survey the team to see which tools were essential. I told him: "Surveys are for people who care about feelings. I care about OpEx." I deleted the spreadsheet. Instead I logged into the corporate Amex portal and reported the card as lost. Every single auto-renewal in the company failed instantly. I call this "The Scream Test." Its simple Darwinian procurement. If a tool goes down and nobody runs to my desk screaming"
X Link 2025-12-16T13:05Z 69.7K followers, 2.5M engagements

"My wife just asked me if I'm "done working" because her sister wants to FaceTime. I said "Yeah the upgrade finished. Everything's stable now." I haven't looked at a single work system all day. I've been playing Elden Ring for [--] hours. But I made sure to leave my laptop open on my desk with a terminal window visible. Just black screen with green text scrolling. Looks very official. It's actually just running ping google on repeat. But to anyone who glances in it looks like I'm monitoring something critical. We got on FaceTime with her sister. She asked what I was working on today. I said "Just"
X Link 2026-01-11T00:38Z 69.7K followers, 1.6M engagements

"My wife's book club is meeting at our house tomorrow night. She asked me to "make sure the wifi is working really well because Sarah always complains." Our wifi works fine I know that because it works fine for me and my wife and everybody else. Sarah uses an iPhone XR from like [----] and she refuses to update it. But I can't tell my wife that because then I'm "making excuses" and "not being supportive." So I said I'd "optimize the network" for tomorrow. What I'm actually going to do: nothing. The wifi is fine. But tomorrow morning I'll restart the router which takes [--] seconds and does"
X Link 2026-01-27T00:33Z 69.7K followers, 3.5M engagements

"I made $280k last year as an IT Director at a mid-sized company. I post on this account pseudonymously because what I share here would probably get me fired (especially this article). But it might also save your career. This isn't a guide on how to be good at IT. There are thousands of those. This is a guide on how to be good at corporate IT - which is an entirely different skill set that nobody teaches you in college or certification courses. The Fundamental Truth Nobody Tells You Here's what they don't mention in your Computer Science degree or AWS certification: Being good at technology is"
X Link 2026-01-22T01:02Z 69.7K followers, 3.8M engagements

"I'm pretty sure everyone at my company saw this article and now they all think we're in an AI crisis. We're not in an AI crisis. We use Claude to summarize Slack threads. But here's what's actually interesting: this whole panic reveals something nobody wants to admit. Every company in America has been bullshitting about their "AI strategy" for two years. We all saw the hype. We all knew we had to say something. So we rebranded our existing automation as "AI-powered" and called it a day. My company isn't special. We're all doing the same thing. The problem is now the executives actually"
X Link 2026-02-04T18:54Z 69.7K followers, 559.3K engagements

"Got to work and there's a massive bouquet of flowers on my desk. For a second I thought my wife sent them as a thank you for Saturday night. Then I read the card: "Thank you for your leadership and partnership. - The Marketing Team" This is weird. Marketing has never sent me flowers. We barely talk to marketing. I asked my assistant what this is about. She said marketing sent flowers to all the department heads this morning. I checked with other directors. Everyone got flowers. Then I found out why: Marketing's budget got cut 40% last week. They're trying to build goodwill before people"
X Link 2026-02-16T14:14Z 69.7K followers, 54.2K engagements

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