@fesshole Fesshole🧻

Fesshole🧻 posts on X about in the, sweden, stockholm, secret the most. They currently have [---------] followers and [---] posts still getting attention that total [---------] engagements in the last [--] hours.

Engagements: [---------] #

[--] Week [----------] -4.50%
[--] Month [----------] +54%
[--] Months [-----------] +1.50%
[--] Year [-----------] -65%

Mentions: [---] #

[--] Week [---] -9.20%
[--] Month [---] +8.70%
[--] Months [-----] +67%
[--] Year [-----] -17%

Followers: [---------] #

[--] Week [---------] -0.05%
[--] Month [---------] -0.20%
[--] Months [---------] -0.54%
[--] Year [---------] -0.51%

CreatorRank: [-----] #

Social Influence

Social category influence travel destinations #5158 countries 7.23% stocks 1.61% finance #1581 celebrities 1.2% technology brands 1.2% automotive brands 0.8% luxury brands 0.4% premier league 0.4% currencies 0.4%

Social topic influence in the #1169, sweden #91, stockholm #10, secret #1287, history #1909, food 4.02%, to the #1994, night #715, if you 2.41%, mum #330

Top accounts mentioned or mentioned by @aladepepe @thinkinvest_ @datmorganx @p_stoff2f @glasgowgiant @cutesmiles_ @junkenstein72 @madcyril2001 @wafflesinfo @harvey741 @the_komidian @pucatub @_scottishblonde @stoopid_loopid7 @tedioussarcasm @dr_rynn @coralynn01 @nav07 @jessdemps86 @darknessbeckonz

Top assets mentioned Alphabet Inc Class A (GOOGL)

Top Social Posts

Top posts by engagements in the last [--] hours

"My work building is on an enclosed site with no shops. They have never reopened the canteen since Covid so there's no way to buy lunch on site. I therefore take 20mins out of work time every day to drive out to the shops"
X Link 2026-02-03T23:25Z 1.1M followers, 177.3K engagements

"I've left my half full piss bottle in the supermarket delivery box twice now. Both customers have been too kind to complain or the office team don't bother passing those complaints along"
X Link 2026-02-06T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 138.5K engagements

"Come to Fesshole Live in [----] Tickets on sale for Glasgow Leicester Luton Leeds & Cambridge. Sweden Tour visits Malm Gteborg and Stockholm and Anon Opin hits Leicester and Glasgow. Best of Fesshole audience confessions secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole"
X Link 2026-02-08T04:25Z 1.1M followers, 52.1K engagements

"We never used the term "cake batter" when I was a kid we said "cake mix." When I first heard cake batter in my early 20s I assumed someone took a slice of cake dipped it in batter and deep fried it. As I'm Scottish I don't think this is completely unreasonable"
X Link 2026-02-12T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 125.6K engagements

"I've had sex with dozens of men many of whom said sexy things to me and asked me to do sexy things. The hottest thing a man said to me was this simple and sincere request: "Can you please let your hair down It's so pretty." I think about it frequently"
X Link 2026-01-24T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 1.4M engagements

"I've managed to convince my [--] year old he shouldn't touch the hoover. Now all he wants to do is the hoovering. He's just asked if he can do the whole house on Sunday I replied "if you have to" Not sure if this is a cleaning hack or gas lighting and child abuse"
X Link 2026-02-06T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 147.6K engagements

"When I was an art student I hid in the library and tore pages out of magazines to use in my art. I'm now a librarian and feel deeply ashamed"
X Link 2026-02-13T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 64.2K engagements

"Got divorced [--] years ago. It was the right decision. Celebrating with a lower back tattoo now feels like a bad choice though. Very expensive to remove"
X Link 2026-02-02T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 109.5K engagements

"I'm a lollipop lady. I always make sure I stop the Teslas. Fuck Elon Musk"
X Link 2026-02-02T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 190.5K engagements

"I've been a stage hand for a while now. Every time I do a mic check I say something like "hey google set an alarm for 3am". Serves them right for enabling a stupid feature with no secuirty"
X Link 2026-02-04T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 176.1K engagements

"On my way home from a night out in Lincoln about [--] years ago I untied a narrowboat and pushed it out into the Brayford. Sorry if it was yours. If it helps when I pushed the boat I didn't let go and fell in. Managed to pull myself up on the boat and jump back to the dock though"
X Link 2026-02-09T23:25Z 1.1M followers, 116.4K engagements

"It was a ridiculously fun Anon Opin show last night in Leicester which roughly achieved your admin's aim of making it a mutant game show and tonight it's the Fesshole show at the Sue Townsend Theatre - do come down if you're in Leicester https://events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/fesshole-valentine-special/ https://events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/fesshole-valentine-special/"
X Link 2026-02-14T10:54Z 1.1M followers, 43.2K engagements

"TICKETS FOR THE SHOWS: Fesshole Live Leicester [--] Feb '26 Leeds [--] Mar '26 Luton [--] Mar '26 Glasgow [--] Mar '26 Malm Sweden [--] Apr '26 Gteborg Sweden [--] Apr '26 Stockholm Sweden [--] Apr '26 Anon Opin Live Leicester 12/13 Feb '26 Glasgow [--] Mar '26 https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole"
X Link 2026-01-14T10:34Z 1.1M followers, 689.7K engagements

"I've got a literal wank bank - A Post Office savings account I pay [--] into every time I knock one out. It's a nice little savings pot of about [--] grand a year"
X Link 2026-02-01T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 239.4K engagements

"Remote exams are ridiculously easy to cheat at. Managed a full professional qualification with answers on a piece of paper on my knee. Sorry accountants"
X Link 2026-02-02T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 140.5K engagements

"Recently bought a used Audi A3 hybrid because it was a surprisingly good bargain. I now spend my days being outrageously courteous to other road users because I don't want to be lumped in with those other shit heads"
X Link 2026-02-02T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 117.4K engagements

"I have been a shift worker since I was [--]. It has gotten me out of countless family events birthday parties or things that I just don't want to go to. Don't fancy doing something I'll just say I'm at work even if I'm not. Best decision I've ever made"
X Link 2026-02-02T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 149.6K engagements

"I was about [--] or [--]. My mum was acting weird she looked in the mirror in the hall and spoke out loud saying that she looked pale. Then she went for a nap. I decided to be a good girl and make her look pretty. I painted pink nail varnish circles on her cheeks as she slept"
X Link 2026-02-02T23:25Z 1.1M followers, 1.1M engagements

"Sainsbury's year end review made me realise how much of a fatty I am number [--] item was caramel tarts. Number [--] buyer in the whole of England"
X Link 2026-02-03T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 186.3K engagements

"While unemployed I've picked up a hobby that involves receiving a ton of parcels. I've grown so embarrassed by how often the postie sees me in sweatpants and disheveled hair that I now regularly pretend I'm out when he knocks"
X Link 2026-02-04T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 109K engagements

"Just finishing my third week as a senior leader in a really great tech job. Feeling on top of the world. Today I realised I have mistakenly been using the ladies loo"
X Link 2026-02-04T23:25Z 1.1M followers, 97.7K engagements

"I only found out about the "six sevennnnn" phenomenon when the Prime Minister did it at that school and it got on the news. I am less cool than Keir Starmer"
X Link 2026-02-05T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 91.5K engagements

"At work I manage a team. I was asked to give up a couple of team members to help other departments and have some interns as replacements. Managed to get rid of the more useless members of the team whilst passing them off as vital to me. Win win"
X Link 2026-02-05T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 113.5K engagements

"Got a recurring abscess on the roof of my mouth. Can't bring myself to go to the dentist because I love the feeling of popping it every couple of days"
X Link 2026-02-06T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 93.9K engagements

"I work from home. My husband sometimes also works from home & my peace & freedom is shattered (he won't let me put radio or tv on etc) so when he's home I've now invented calls I need to go to & spend the day doing me things. I've been to a spa shopping lunch cinema beach etc"
X Link 2026-02-06T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 166.8K engagements

"Couldn't understand why so many of my socks were getting holes in so blamed my wife for loading the washing machine badly. The realised I badly needed to trim my toenails"
X Link 2026-02-07T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 82.6K engagements

"I kept all my family's wrapping paper one Christmas. Then I went back to university in January and literally wallpapered it onto the walls. It was a terrible choice done badly. But it made me happy for a solid [--] months. Then I got charged for taking it down and redecorating"
X Link 2026-02-07T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 100.8K engagements

"I'm an English teacher. My perspective is that all of Shakespeare's comedies are appalling sub Benny Hill shit and they're all the same. His tragedies are great. Furthermore people who laugh at the "jokes" at theatres are possibly even worse than "Live Laugh Love" dullards"
X Link 2026-02-07T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 143K engagements

"Got something to admit Head here to fess up: http://b3ta.com/addfess http://b3ta.com/addfess"
X Link 2026-02-08T12:00Z 1.1M followers, 43.7K engagements

"I was [--] when I learned that REM hadn't named themselves after Rare Earth Minerals like our GCSE chemistry teacher told us"
X Link 2026-02-08T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 103K engagements

"I have an unhealthy interest in the Amazon Firestick screensaver photos. I can identify 99.9% of the locations. I have categorised them in various different ways. My family does not share my interest"
X Link 2026-02-08T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 87.6K engagements

"I used to play sport at a high level when I was in my teens. Had professional coaching on running - had decent form. I analyse every single jogger I see on the streets criticising their poor technique. I am overweight lazy and haven't run at all in [--] years"
X Link 2026-02-08T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 127.8K engagements

"Spent a decade working for the Jobcentre. By the letter of the law could have referred many for a probable sanction. Unless blatant pisstakers rarely did as at worst some of them would've ended up dead. Making it out of the house for a chat with me was often achievement enough"
X Link 2026-02-10T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 220.2K engagements

"My younger brother is my parents favourite he can do no wrong and has been given everything my siblings and I wasn't - he failed his A-levels spectacularly and now works in McDonald's - splendid"
X Link 2026-02-10T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 120K engagements

"I work in a school as a cleaner some of the teachers are horrible they let doors go in your face ignore you like you are invisible you get the message. If I am cleaning said teacher's room I throw away stuff on their desk just pens and stuff like that. Makes me feel better"
X Link 2026-02-10T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 185.9K engagements

"I hate what the age verification law has done to the reputation of VPNs. Before when I mentioned my VPN it suggested I cared about privacy and hated geo-locked content. Now it suggests I watch porn. Although to be fair"
X Link 2026-02-10T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 218.7K engagements

"Most exciting day of my life was when I overslept for college so I had to ninja sneak around the house to avoid my mum until 3pm when I jumped out my bedroom window and came in the front door as if I was coming home. I'm [--] soon and I think about that day at least once a week"
X Link 2026-02-11T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 151.6K engagements

"I used to have sex with my Sponsor. They thought two women being paired together to beat Coke addiction would cause less temptation than a man/woman"
X Link 2026-02-11T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 179.1K engagements

"The man from Laser Quest didn't use the word shoot when he explained the rules. I knew I'd have terrible aim so didn't even try and just used the rifle like a cudgel. He said that I was the most violent girl he'd ever seen. Three boys got bloody noses and I broke one's wrist"
X Link 2026-02-11T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 161.5K engagements

"Wife ordered the PAX System from IKEA did not consult me. Now I'm the bad guy as the ceiling is too low to fit the 2.36m version she ordered as "I thought bigger meant I could get more in." I've been told to make it work. Might just move"
X Link 2026-02-11T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 198.3K engagements

"Years ago my allotment neighbour caused us huge amounts of trouble saying part of our plot was theirs complaining about my kids robbing stuff and just being shits. Since then I sign them up for every subscription email list I see. Hopefully their email is unusable by now"
X Link 2026-02-11T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 121.5K engagements

"In 6th form there was a payphone outside the common room. When the Head was running Assembly I'd ring it to interrupt him. He'd run to it & try & answer before I'd hang up. One time he got so angry he punched a hole in the wall. We never saw him after that. Sorry Mr Ben"
X Link 2026-02-11T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 122.4K engagements

"First day at University and we were told we could work in groups but we'd get the same grade for the assignment. I latched on to the geeks for three years and got them to add my name to their work. I'm now a maths teacher and retire in a few years time. Thanks lads"
X Link 2026-02-12T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 211.7K engagements

"Wife & I volunteer at a food bank and we tell our friends that we want to give something back to society. Partly ture other reason is that there is a 'help yourself' box of things that they can't distribute - alcohol slightly out of date tins etc. We've halved our shopping bill"
X Link 2026-02-12T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 123.5K engagements

"COME OUT IN LEICESTER GLAMOROUS LEICESTER Anon Opin show TONIGHT and Friday Saturday it's Fesshole LIVE A good time is promised to all well it's something to do isn't it Better than doom scrolling. https://events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/fesshole-valentine-special/ https://events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/opinion-war-with-rob-manuel-from-anon_opin/ https://events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/fesshole-valentine-special/ https://events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/opinion-war-with-rob-manuel-from-anon_opin/"
X Link 2026-02-12T14:46Z 1.1M followers, 38.6K engagements

"Upgraded the WiFi gear in the house to some top stuff. Unexpected consequence is that I can now see all the porn sites visiting family members visit when they're on our WiFi and how much data they view. Not cool"
X Link 2026-02-12T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 336.8K engagements

"Was bollocked in work for sending the Manufacturing Director a file named "prat.wks". Boss would not accept that it was an innocent acronym for "Production Receipts Audit Trail". It wasn't"
X Link 2026-02-13T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 134.9K engagements

"Finally found a barber I like. Minimal chatting good job quick work and good price. Yesterday he said my recent cold was because of my Covid jabs and waffled on for [--] minutes about it. Lunacy. I can never return and have to find a new barber"
X Link 2026-02-13T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 251.7K engagements

"My wife keeps asking me to let my son play with the Lego I keep from my childhood. I tell her he's too young and could choke and that keeps her at bay for now but I'm worrying for when he does grow up I'll have to actually start sharing my toys"
X Link 2026-02-13T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 108.9K engagements

"I'm [--] and live at home. Came home blocked after a night out with the girls and got undressed. I needed to spew so staggered to bathroom starkers. Spewing woke my Dad who held back my hair and helped me get into my jammies and into bed. Hasn't mentioned it since. Love you Dad. x"
X Link 2026-02-13T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 578.5K engagements

"I really want to play Train Sim World but I can't as my wife will 100% leave me if she finds out I'm that sad"
X Link 2026-02-13T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 75.7K engagements

"I love going to a restaurant on my own on the evening of 14th of February and watching couples. The best entertainment comes from those that'll clearly break up that evening or the next day. Lovey couples are too boring to watch. But I love the restrained violence in some eyes"
X Link 2026-02-13T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 104.2K engagements

"WH Smith messed up developing a mate's photos. He led us in a boycott campaign where we walked round their shops to wear out the carpet but never bought anything. Fifty years later it's worked and they've run out of money and sold up"
X Link 2026-02-14T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 219.5K engagements

"I started recording all my sexual activity in an app - could see the amount the trends the activities. It's wormed into my brain so much that as I'm cumming I'm immediately thinking about what star rating to give it. I've ruined sex and wanking"
X Link 2023-12-18T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 370.6K engagements

"Designer here. Company let me go after being bought out by a big American corporate. They still ask me to work on the occasional project which I'm grateful for but I hide a cock n balls in every job. Always makes me smile when I see them in the wild"
X Link 2024-09-29T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 228.9K engagements

"Every [--] months I visit my chiropractor who pummels me for [--] minutes after which he asks me if I feel better. I never do but lie and say yes then pay him [--]. Sometimes I actually feel in worse physical shape afterwards"
X Link 2025-03-24T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 309.3K engagements

"My ex passed away last year I found out a month later. Ever since I have been going to his then girlfriends social media accounts everyday because she's my last connection to him it's now become an obsession. We've never met and I had to make a spam account to do it"
X Link 2025-06-16T07:25Z 1.1M followers, 249.4K engagements

"Just been diagnosed with diabetes. That's not the fess the fess is that my first time as a pro domme he asked me to piss in his mouth I did and he promptly stopped the session to tell to get myself tested"
X Link 2026-01-18T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 355.9K engagements

"When I worked in retail one of the energy drinks we sold ran a competition for VIP Rugby World Cup tickets you just had to peel the label to reveal if you were a winner. On every delivery we had I peeled back every label and restuck it never did win the tickets"
X Link 2026-01-20T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 129.5K engagements

"Every couple of months I dig my fingernail hard into the area of gum behind my front teeth bottom set. It produces an exquisite sensation and a delicious post-injury throb. I poke it several days more for good feels. Then I fret about possible infection and let it heal"
X Link 2026-01-20T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 182.1K engagements

"A few years back I was singing Kunt & the Gang's "Use my arsehole as a c**t" to myself while lubing up the Xmas turkey with butter. Normal. What better time for the mother-in-law to walk in We have NEVER mentioned it obv but every festive season I remember and die inside"
X Link 2026-01-22T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 199.7K engagements

"I've never eaten a cream egg. While in B&M today I told my partner why I'd never fancied trying one and she explained to me with a look of utter bemusement that they don't actually taste like an egg dipped in chocolate. I'm 55"
X Link 2026-01-23T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 205K engagements

"When I was a kid on a school trip to the Wedgwood factory I desperately needed the loo. Teacher said there were none. I snuck off and pissed into a vat. Later learned it was clay for fine china"
X Link 2026-01-24T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 120.8K engagements

"We moved to a new office [--] years ago. In the first week we moved in I found a locked door at the bottom of a corridor no-one goes down. Found the key & inside was a bathroom with a shower. Haven't told anyone else & use it as my secret throne. I just have to bring my own loo roll"
X Link 2026-01-25T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 301.2K engagements

"The council says we have to make sure plastics are rinsed out before putting them in the recycling so I give my empty yoghurt pots to the dog to lick before popping them in the brown bin. He does a great job and they look spotless"
X Link 2026-01-25T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 107K engagements

"Was talking to someone online that I met via a dating app. They seemed great and we were talking about meeting up. Then they let slip that they regularly went to Manchester United games despite not being from Manchester and having no other link to the city. I ghosted them"
X Link 2026-01-25T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 166.5K engagements

"My husband is a lot older than me. Part of me is secretly quite glad that he'll most likely die within a decade or so of our children leaving home and I can have the house to myself again"
X Link 2026-01-25T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 159K engagements

"I used to send a spreadsheet to the Exec Team with "Fuck Off" in the very bottom right hand cell white text on a white cell. Nearly got caught out when my boss couldn't email it to external auditors failing the email profanity filter. IT never worked out why it wouldn't send"
X Link 2026-01-25T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 931.8K engagements

"Bald teacher here. Had a student about [--] years ago always pull the piss about my lack of hair. Bumped into him recently and now his hairline is receding. To be fair he's doing okay for himself and did apologise for being a piss taker but holy fuck is it satisfying"
X Link 2026-01-25T15:25Z 1.1M followers, 284.9K engagements

"Hubby was worried that the kids would lock themselves in the toilet so ours has no bolt. Instead we sing to let others know it's occupied. My husband sings Moon River which is lovely. I sing Golden Brown by The Stranglers. Probably not what they had in mind"
X Link 2026-01-25T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 144.5K engagements

"Spent summers in the 80s as a kid "working" at parents shop. Tasks included using nail varnish to wipe expired use by dates off base of drink cans ensuring rat droppings not visible from under fridges refilling "fresh" bread with days old stored in black bags to keep soft"
X Link 2026-01-25T23:25Z 1.1M followers, 179.3K engagements

"Every time I change trains at Epsom I'm tucking mesmerised by the block of flats opposite platform [--]. Some of you guys should really close your curtains"
X Link 2026-01-26T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 249.7K engagements

"My wife & I have been in a [--] yr game of that's what she said. At parents' evening the teacher was telling us how this next term will require lots of studying so will be long & hard. We both looked at each other & couldn't keep a straight face. Teacher clearly thinks we are cunts"
X Link 2026-01-26T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 477.5K engagements

"I run the tap when I flush the toilet to dilute my wee and poo so that the drain won't think I'm too gross"
X Link 2026-01-26T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 108.7K engagements

"My husband gives me the major ick and I can't stand him. But I don't want [--] failed marriages so I spend a lot of time fantasising about him dying. I'd get all the money the house and people would feel sorry for me. There would be casseroles. It would be glorious"
X Link 2026-01-26T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 424.5K engagements

"My boyfriend has started collecting his excess earwax. He says he's going to make enough for a candle on his birthday cake and light it. I'm leaving him before his birthday. About to sign on a 1-bed flat"
X Link 2026-01-26T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 175.3K engagements

"Come to Fesshole Live in [----] Tickets are now on sale for Glasgow Leicester Luton and Leeds. The Sweden Tour visits Malm Gteborg and Stockholm and Anon Opin hits Leicester and Glasgow . Best of Fesshole audience confessions secret history & more: https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole"
X Link 2026-01-27T04:25Z 1.1M followers, 61.4K engagements

"Engineer here. I've stayed in [--] Travelodges over the past couple of years for work. In every room I've stayed in I've unscrewed the bland corporate art over the bed and rehung it upside down"
X Link 2026-01-27T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 241.9K engagements

"Analytics shows me when clients have accessed my server. I also see details of their geographic locations. Many are clearly using VPNs. Which means they've probably been accessing porn. Not my confession but theirs. The dirty buggers"
X Link 2026-01-27T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 185.1K engagements

"I was a trainer at a football camp. A boy whose surname was Tidy went missing. I went to his room to find him & he wasn't there. His room was a pig sty. Said to myself "well I guess he's more Messi than Tidy". It was the greatest pun i'd ever come up with & no-one else heard it"
X Link 2026-01-27T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 235.9K engagements

"I'm writing this in the tub as I start the second hour of my bath. I keep running more hot water as it gets cold. I'm going to have to get out soon though my battery is on 7%"
X Link 2026-01-27T15:25Z 1.1M followers, 95.8K engagements

"My boarding school dance was looming (1980s). Much locker room talk of French Kissing technique. I was born tongue tied and so ridiculed for not being able to function properly. I unwisely resolved this with a pair of nail scissors and self administered surgery"
X Link 2026-01-27T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 200.2K engagements

"My grandad used to love his allotment until one summer when I was very young when I planted a whole row of lightbulbs thinking they would grow into lamps. He was finding shards of glass for years and once seriously cut himself. Always felt guilty I ruined his favourite hobby"
X Link 2026-01-27T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 193.3K engagements

"I still get nervous when meeting important clients for my job so I've started imagining myself shuffling sideways into the room like a crab while snapping my hands like crab claws and shouting "crabby crab crab". Seems to help but I'm a bit worried I'll actually do it one day"
X Link 2026-01-27T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 109.5K engagements

"I carry a coil of stiff wire former clotheshanger and a small pack of disinfectant wipes wherever I go. Why I do big poos. The wire is for slicing it up the wipes for cleaning the wire after. Only my daughter knows I do this because I've had to chop one of hers once too"
X Link 2026-01-27T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 255.3K engagements

"A nervous student housemate; we convinced him that our digs were haunted. Rigged a system to rattle the coat-hangers in his wardrobe at 3am. He screamed and ran out of the house was a nervous wreck for days. We never told him the truth. That was [--] years ago sorry Mark"
X Link 2026-01-27T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 119.2K engagements

"My grown children always tease me that porridge made with water is my favourite food because it's all they saw me eat. I hate porridge. I only ate it because it was 50p for a bag and I didn't want to let them know we were poor as shit. The 'proper food' was for them"
X Link 2026-01-28T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 722.2K engagements

"When I eat a Peperami I chew it swallow then semi regurgitate the bolus from my throat to really extract all the salty goodness out of it. I feel a bit like a pelican"
X Link 2026-01-28T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 88.2K engagements

"I had to give some bloods and the young nurse who was doing it was rather buxom. As I had my arm out and my palm on my knee facing up when she leant forward there was a serious risk of me cupping her boob. When she did lean back for a moment I had to close my hand to avoid it"
X Link 2026-01-28T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 177.9K engagements

"Lockdown: planned to leave my husband - came to hate being cooped up together. When cafes reopened went for a drink but loos were shut. Bladder couldn't cope with the drive home - I wet myself. He ran me a bath put washing on and scrubbed the car seat. Realised he's a keeper"
X Link 2026-01-28T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 939K engagements

"Every time I go to my local co-op I've started taking a chocolate bar wrapper and leaving it with the particular product on the shelves. Envisage that staff will keep finding them and think they have someone eating them in shop. I'm a [--] year old Professor. What's wrong with me"
X Link 2026-01-28T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 116.4K engagements

"I was [--] years old when I discovered I had a separate pee hole and did not wee from my vagina. I have a PhD and have no idea how I went through life not knowing this"
X Link 2026-01-28T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 195.6K engagements

"Expensive aftershave when you're [--] years old is very important to you. When your [--] year old brother starts helping himself there is only one thing for it When the bottle emptied I filled it with my urine on the advice of my grandad and let my brother spray himself for weeks"
X Link 2026-01-28T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 198.6K engagements

"I haven't pad for a single Cadbury's Cream Egg in over [--] years. I call them Crime Eggs and it makes them even more delicious"
X Link 2026-01-28T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 227K engagements

"As a child I faked my parents' signatures on my homework diary. The teacher didn't spot it or didn't care even when I signed it using F1 drivers' names. I'd have thought I was pushing my luck signing as Gilles Villeneuve and Nelson Piquet but no"
X Link 2026-01-29T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 137.3K engagements

"I only just found out after years of idle wondering that no there's no such thing as an Abyssinian Wire Hound like Gnasher in the Beano. I'm in my mid-30s"
X Link 2026-01-29T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 93.6K engagements

"Worked in Dixons as a kid. Store used to give out free CDs as a promotion if you spent whatever it was. Used to steal a blank tape copy the CD and walk out with it in my personal stereo at the end of my shift. Sorry DSG but am sure you could afford to loose a few TDK SA90s"
X Link 2026-01-29T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 121.8K engagements

"I'm completely out of my depth. I'm one of [--] people responsible for investment fund of 2bn. I got here by blagging incompetence of my superiors and good timing. I rely on advisors and repeating keywords I've heard from others. I need an exit strategy before I get found out"
X Link 2026-01-29T15:25Z 1.1M followers, 565.8K engagements

"Routing through cupboards on the day before a shopping delivery I found some chocolate spread and bread sticks. It was only after the first bite I realised I'd created my own KP Choc Dip. I now fear for my future health"
X Link 2026-01-29T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 87.3K engagements

"I sometimes look in the mirror and pull my lips right back to imagine what my skull would look like should an archaeologist find it in the future. Weird to think of them looking at my teeth and neither they nor anyone else alive having any idea of who I was. Memento mori"
X Link 2026-01-29T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 103.3K engagements

"You know all that grey dried skin you get in between your toes If you rub it while in water it comes off. I thoroughly cleaned two years worth off of both feet in Centre Parcs pool while waiting for my [--] year old to come down the slide"
X Link 2026-01-29T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 240K engagements

"The early bird cathes the worm As a pickpocket let me tell you that's bollocks. The juiciest worms crawl out of bed at noon and venture out looking for food and stinking of weed. Yes I do my best work on campus"
X Link 2026-01-29T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 172.4K engagements

"One of the things that I like about working at Uni accommodation is that our office is at a flat so sometimes I come in early to take a shower. They are now thinking of renting it to students for 26/27 year onwards. May have to consider changing jobs"
X Link 2026-01-29T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 130.7K engagements

"Local Tesco superstore has become increasingly shit after a pointless reorganisation/refurb. As revenge I now leave every fridge/freezer door open and replace any products I pick up in the wrong place"
X Link 2026-01-29T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 124.1K engagements

"I'm halfway through a postgraduate degree. Parents are proud family is chuffed friends are impressed but the reason I decided to do it is because I've lost loads of weight since my undergrad and want good pictures in a cap and gown"
X Link 2026-01-29T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 102.3K engagements

"At [--] thought John Major tucking vest into pants joke was funny. At [--] arse sweating through to my trousers that extra tucked layer is a fucking game changer"
X Link 2026-01-30T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 145.5K engagements

"I used to be a PA for a billionaire. I once authorised an 8k payment for new cushions for him. This really sticks in my mind as aside from my house I've never paid that amount for anything. Not even a car"
X Link 2026-01-30T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 235.8K engagements

"Make your confession count. Submit it via the Fesshole form: http://b3ta.com/addfess http://b3ta.com/addfess"
X Link 2026-01-30T12:00Z 1.1M followers, 45.4K engagements

"Nose hair getting out of control so I've started pulling them out. I mostly do it when on the toilet. Problem is I sniff inwards to brace myself for the pain and I'm certain people at work think I'm doing coke"
X Link 2026-01-30T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 109.6K engagements

"To cut down on my snacking I leave the fridge door open when I take the cheese out. I then allow myself to eat as much cheese a I can fit in before the fridge door alarm starts beeping. It doesn't work but I've gotten really good at cheese roulette"
X Link 2026-01-30T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 86.2K engagements

"I've been vegetarian for decades but every time my husband has roasted himself some chicken I secretly go on the kitchen get a slice of bread and mop up the scrumptious savoury juices in the tray and devour it"
X Link 2026-01-30T15:25Z 1.1M followers, 99.3K engagements

"Me returning from the pub aged 18: "I'm stealing these traffic cones for the sheer fun of it." Me returning from the pub tonight aged 45: "I'm stealing these traffic cones to put them on the double yellows by my kids' school to stop people parking dangerously.""
X Link 2026-01-30T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 147.6K engagements

"I do vegan December to get out of having to eat turkey which is a disgusting meat. I make up for it in January by having pork pies for breakfast AND lunch"
X Link 2026-01-30T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 81.1K engagements

"Husband has skanky old t-shirts he won't throw away. Leaves on the floor instead of in laundry basket. Guess what I'm using for puppy's new tug toys Plausible deniability"
X Link 2026-01-30T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 111.7K engagements

"DPD tells you the name of the driver that'll deliver your parcel. I quite like to thank them by name when they hand it over to freak them out a little. Always gets an awkward smile"
X Link 2026-01-30T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 100K engagements

"A messy night out ended with a random Chinese which was more swallowed whole than chewed due to my drunken state. After next days afternoon beer shit I went for my first wipe which in turn pulled out a whole semi digested shitty long stem of asparagus out of my puckered arsehole"
X Link 2026-01-30T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 225.8K engagements

"Wife was happy when our 36yo son moved out. When we visited him he had turned his dining room into a war hammer battle room & the spare bedroom a retro gaming room. Wife was furious saying his house is like a nerdy teen's bedroom. Secretly I'm jealous he is living my fantasy"
X Link 2026-01-31T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 926K engagements

"Make sure you show your tattoos in your dating profile please. Last week I wasted an hour and a coffee on a someone who had a knuckle tattoo"
X Link 2026-01-31T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 110.9K engagements

"It is a testament to the creativity and power of radio advertising that if my wife fancies a shag she now asks if I want to come upstairs to see her new Wickes kitchen"
X Link 2026-01-31T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 155.2K engagements

"My wife is organising an extremely expensive trip to Iceland for my next (big) birthday as she thinks it's somewhere I've always wanted to go. The only reason I wanted to go was because in [----] Loaded magazine said Reykjavik has the most beautiful women in the world"
X Link 2026-01-31T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 166.1K engagements

"Went camping in [----]. Didn't shit for [--] days. Driving home we stopped at a tearoom run by a little old lady. My bowels relaxed and I filled that poor woman's toilet to the brim. Leaving she wished us well and said how she was exhausted after a busy day. Sorry little old lady"
X Link 2026-01-31T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 283.1K engagements

"I've lost twenty five kilos last year dieting. People think they're complimenting me when they say I look so much better but it just hurts my feelings because I thought I carried it well"
X Link 2026-01-31T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 144.7K engagements

"The best thing about moving to the countryside is getting a log burner but we get through loads of newspaper. So I now take midnight walks to the local train station and steal the newspapers they leave out. The best time is Saturday night with all the dense weekend papers"
X Link 2026-01-31T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 142.4K engagements

"Lost my cat in the divorce. He's "run away" because "he's not getting on with the new girlfriend's dog". I have just "found" him curled up in the back of my car asleep"
X Link 2026-02-01T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 681.6K engagements

"At my last job there were tales of a "phantom shitter" going back years. Some unknown person who used to shit in random places. It had apparently not happened for a while so I secretly took up the mantle knowing as it pre-dated me I'd be beyond suspicion"
X Link 2026-02-01T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 715.2K engagements

"If you're sitting in front of me on a flight and without giving a polite cursory look over your shoulder you recline your chair back into my face I will be rolling up and dropping bogeys in your hair for the remainder of the flight"
X Link 2026-02-01T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 161.5K engagements

"I hated my replacement wheelchair at first. But then I realised the metal rims stick out further than my old one and are great for scratching the paint off of any cars and vans parked across a pavement I'm using. Had it a month and racked up [--] cars and [--] works vans. [---] stars"
X Link 2026-02-02T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 264.7K engagements

"If I had a pound for every football league ground I'd wanked in I would have [--]. Which might not sound like much but I'd imagine it's more than you'd have"
X Link 2026-02-02T15:25Z 1.1M followers, 215.2K engagements

"My wife died unexpectedly at [--] years old. I miss her so much. I bought a single electric blanket for her side of our bed so that it feels like she's still there when I'm sleeping"
X Link 2023-02-04T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 5.1M engagements

"Mum died in September. She never left England hated travelling anywhere hated extremes of heat/cold hated 'foreign' food. I travel a lot and take some ashes everywhere and leave them in places she would've fucking hated. It's a big world out there & she's finally seeing it"
X Link 2023-02-14T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 2.7M engagements

"Quit being a Dr in the US when I discovered that the hospital favored low-priority rich people for organ transplants over high-priority very sick poor kids who were at death's door. I moved to UK & now work in the NHS. You guys have no idea how fucking lucky you are to have them"
X Link 2023-11-26T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 1.8M engagements

"I had a phase in the late 80s when I did a load of drugs and booze. Rented a room in North London and moved all my stuff in went on a bender lost my paperwork and could not find the place afterwards. My car was outside too never found that either"
X Link 2026-01-28T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 806.3K engagements

"Years ago I developed shooting pains down my left arm and went to A&E on the insistance of my Dad who had heart problems. I was given the all clear by a heart specialist who said it was a muscular issue. Only then I realised it was due to excessive masturbation"
X Link 2026-01-30T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 135.9K engagements

"I have a thing for a type of shoe I've noticed their popularity follows a [--] year cycle and always preceded by one brand becoming popular. In the last year they have been popular again this is bittersweet as my age means this will be the last time I'll see people wearing them"
X Link 2026-02-03T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 326.4K engagements

"Work colleague is obsessed with Prince Harry and his rapidly balding head. Getting regular updates on the level of bald with every new image published. Can't tell her H's head looks like my ex's ballsack as I'm trying to forget about him"
X Link 2026-02-03T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 100.4K engagements

"I am a runner. When I go uphill I move my right arm in a forward circular motion. I'm pretending to be a train. I'm also I'm my mind going choo-chooooooo"
X Link 2026-02-03T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 77.7K engagements

"We use a spreadsheet at work where cells are coloured to show status. Two members of the team will just colour the entire row - all 16k columns - rather than just the necessary cells. It's a petty thing but I want to murder both of them"
X Link 2026-02-05T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 172.1K engagements

"I unwrap every present my kids get before Xmas/birthdays. After plastic tat duplicates & disappointment with my first I now sanitise swap when needed & donate the rest. Fewer tears happier kids charity shops win"
X Link 2026-02-06T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 137.8K engagements

"As a teenager made the local paper as a "hero" for tripping up some smackhead after he robbed an old lady's handbag. In reality I didn't even know he'd robbed anyone I was just a twat who thought it would be funny to stick my leg out when I saw him running"
X Link 2026-02-06T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 175.3K engagements

"I score weddings and funerals on a scale of [--] to [--] stars. Funerals always score more highly. They're cheap you get time off work there's free food and you don't have to buy a present. You get to meet all the same people as at weddings and there's no shitty disco"
X Link 2026-02-07T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 533.9K engagements

"I share an unusual name with a famous actor. On three occasions hundreds of thousands of pounds meant for him have turned up in my bank account. I always wait about five days before reporting it. I usually earn about [--] interest in that time"
X Link 2026-02-07T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 724.6K engagements

"Moved to London from Scotland after Uni. Recently came across the death notice of an old friend online. Couldn't attend the funeral so I got all of the London-based school friends together for a drink in his honour. Turned out it wasn't him just someone with the same name"
X Link 2026-02-07T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 205.3K engagements

"I've recently changed my Siri voice to Irish Female. My wife has basically accused me of having an affair"
X Link 2026-02-08T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 104.9K engagements

"My local newspaper has been sharing non-local news for some time. I play a fun game where I measure the furthest area covered on their site away from the area. It was [---] miles away Edinburgh but it's just been smashed by a news story in Bangkok [----] miles away"
X Link 2026-02-08T15:25Z 1.1M followers, 102.7K engagements

"I haven't looked at porn since the Online Safety Act came in. I don't agree with the policy but being forced to use my imagination has been an unquestionable improvement"
X Link 2026-02-09T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 181.4K engagements

"Gave a speech at a colleague's leaving do. Said probably the best thing about him was his scatalogical personality. Cue some murmurs and side-eyes. Think I meant scatty"
X Link 2026-02-10T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 95.6K engagements

"If ever I cut myself with a knife whilst preparing food the knife after it's been washed - obviously has to go in the back of the drawer. Or preferably the bin. It's tasted blood once and it'll try again"
X Link 2026-02-10T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 90.1K engagements

"Was considering two candidates for promotion at work. One let slip they a grown adult in their mid-30s were having a full-blown Harry Potter themed wedding with real owls etc. Straight into the bin and now on the potential redundancy list to boot"
X Link 2026-02-10T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 285.9K engagements

"Our estranged father died. Neighbour witnessed his will and told me it was in his bedside drawer. The utter spangle was leaving everything to the dogs home after never paying maintenance. Chucked it in my incinerator. His estate is going to probate. Zero regrets"
X Link 2026-02-10T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 874.9K engagements

"I left my dildo in the loo at work. HR sent a company wide message with a photo of the travel bag I keep him in asking the owner to retrieve their "personal item". I'll miss him but there's no way in hell I'm going to go and get him back from HRs desk in our open-plan office"
X Link 2026-02-10T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 411.6K engagements

"Our cat's dying and will have to be put down. But the vet's assured me that we can have the body back. I want to remove her sweet little nose cast it in transparent acrylic and display it on our coffee table"
X Link 2026-02-11T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 99K engagements

"I work for a well known multinational corporation that makes a number of household cleaning products. I can confirm that those powdered shake on the carpet and vacuum up deodourisers and cat litter tray deodouriser powder are exactly the same product"
X Link 2026-02-11T13:25Z 1.1M followers, 87.4K engagements

"Use grocery delivery services when they have good discount codes. Sometimes just want to have wine but embarrassed to order only that so I add to the order all kinds of healthy food to look like I have a nutritious diet or about to cook nice meal. Probably not the only one"
X Link 2026-02-11T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 69.8K engagements

"As I get into my mid 60s some people think it funny or embarrassing that I still wear my old punk gear including studded wristband and bullet belt. It's actually for leaving the odd scratch on one particular posh car that parks right outside my driveway. Vive le rock"
X Link 2026-02-12T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 107.8K engagements

"I once changed the mobile phone number on some flyer artwork promoting paving and guttering work because the customer was rude and I knew him to be illiterate. Printed [----]. He got no calls that month"
X Link 2026-02-12T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 93.1K engagements

"Got very stoned one night & woke up next morning with a slice of toast stuck to my face. Couldn't remember making it. Turned out it was a flatmate who came home drunk with her friend & both girls were keen for a threesome but couldn't wake me up. Been kicking myself for decades"
X Link 2026-02-12T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 207.2K engagements

"Years ago when leaving student accommodation in June I froze the head from a shop dummy in ice and left it in the freezer. Apologies to the new students and neighbours who had an extensive police presence for a day or so in September"
X Link 2026-02-13T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 111.8K engagements

"I'm fascinated to watch & time people eating in restaurants [--] seconds is the record for an entire Sunday roast at a Toby Carvery the guy was like a pelican just shoving it in and swallowing. There was no chewing"
X Link 2026-02-13T15:25Z 1.1M followers, 123K engagements

"A calculation website told me that today I have lived exactly the same amount of years and days that my mother lived. Assuming I wake up tomorrow morning I will begin a day she never experienced. That makes me feel far weirder than actually getting old"
X Link 2026-02-13T18:25Z 1.1M followers, 159.8K engagements

"Three things made me incredibly happy today. [--]. I changed lane in the motorway without touching the cat's eyes. [--]. I did a shit that required zero wiping. [--]. I was whistling a tune in the supermarket and someone recognised it and joined in"
X Link 2026-02-13T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 136.1K engagements

"I met a Tinder date on a foreign holiday and lied to her that I was solo travelling so I would seem cool and sophisticated. This worked until she bumped into one of my parents while leaving my hotel room in the morning. I am 33"
X Link 2026-02-14T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 298.6K engagements

"Wife bought me a shirt for Christmas it's the colour my football team's rivals wear. She didn't do it on purpose but I die a little every time I have to wear it"
X Link 2026-02-14T15:25Z 1.1M followers, 67.5K engagements

"Back to work after a three week holiday. Found a Muller Corner in my desk drawer that I'd forgotten about on my last day. Two weeks out of date and stored at room temperature. Still looked and smelled OK. Ate it. Didn't die. What the hell is in that stuff"
X Link 2026-02-14T23:25Z 1.1M followers, 119.9K engagements

"I work away with work and often stay in hotels. I make sure to book hotels with breakfast added to the bill. I then edit the invoice to remove breakfast and create a new invoice for breakfast. Double pay for food allowance"
X Link 2026-01-29T12:25Z 1.1M followers, 303.4K engagements

"Went into dominos to pick up my order. Wasn't ready yet noticed someone called David hadn't picked theirs up yet. Messaged my mate out in the car and he came in and collected David's order. We ended up with double the pizza"
X Link 2026-02-01T14:25Z 1.1M followers, 479.5K engagements

"I sniff my cat's bum because I read somewhere it increases bonding. Not sure if it worked pretty sure it's not necessary"
X Link 2026-02-04T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 76.4K engagements

"Software engineer here. It was pretty obvious the volume of spam calls was going to go through the roof with AI being ubiquitous. So I always try some prompt injection when they call me. Proudest achievement was a [--] minute recital of the digits of pi"
X Link 2026-02-04T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 249.4K engagements

"I bought some satin bed sheets because I thought they'd be sexy. I went to bed went to sleep and then slid onto the floor. I'm now trying to book physiotherapy for my shoulder"
X Link 2026-02-05T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 99.1K engagements

"Staying with boyfriend at his brother's house I started my period during the night and drenched the mattress. We flipped the mattress and never confessed"
X Link 2026-02-05T23:25Z 1.1M followers, 124.7K engagements

"Relations give my kids far too many toys every Christmas most of which are quickly forgotten about. The discarded toys get added to a bag in the attic and regifted at kids birthday parties throughout the year. Saves a fortune and clears the house of plastic crap so win win"
X Link 2026-02-06T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 98.1K engagements

"Back at uni my flatmate just pissed me off. No idea why but he just rubbed me up the wrong way whenever we spoke. So one night I got totally wasted and shat in his teapot. Woke up with so much guilt that I spent the whole morning scrubbing it shiny clean before the prank landed"
X Link 2026-02-07T23:25Z 1.1M followers, 163.4K engagements

"When I was [--] I was taken home by a [--] year old lady. Before going upstairs she had to feed the spiders and other creatures in glass tanks. I said "it's like The Really Wild Show". She laughed her housemate was Howie Watkin the presenter of the show"
X Link 2026-02-08T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 514.4K engagements

"Sat in a small welfare cabin at work farted and it set off the CO2 alarm on the wall just behind me. Gutted there was nobody there to witness my life's crowning moment"
X Link 2026-02-09T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 125.8K engagements

"Hubby has worried for years about my knife skills & how I might cut off a finger. I laugh it off but he bought me a new (very sharp) knife set for Xmas. I've lost a nail & my hands look like I've been high fiving Edward Scissorhands daily. Can't tell him. He'll be insufferable"
X Link 2026-02-09T19:25Z 1.1M followers, 143.6K engagements

"Whenever I think to myself I've always referred to myself as "we". There's myself and the voice I think with making a pair. I'm hungry we need to get something to eat. It's getting late we should go to bed. Etcetera. Not sure if that makes me fucking mental or not"
X Link 2026-02-10T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 111.4K engagements

"I've no idea why one end of the gusset on knickers isn't sewn shut but it's dead useful. When I worked a market stall I'd pop into the loos at the end of the day and put a roll of [--] notes in there for safe keeping on my way home"
X Link 2026-02-10T15:25Z 1.1M followers, 231.8K engagements

"First morning walk on our weeks holiday here in Lanzarote by the pool and clocked a rogue nipple escaping from it's enclosure. Total win. Fifth live nipple seen this holiday and only day one. That's obviously counting my own and the missus's"
X Link 2026-02-12T09:25Z 1.1M followers, 162.9K engagements

"I find going to the optician for an eye test a really erotic experience. Sitting there in the dark with a woman that close and touching my face with ice cold fingers"
X Link 2026-02-12T23:25Z 1.1M followers, 90.4K engagements

"After I'd finished wrapping my Christmas presents I had the house to myself and fancied a bit of "alone time". Hadn't thought about the possibility of getting a bit of jizz on the presents. Apologies to my sister's boyfriend but it wasn't much so didn't feel the need to re-wrap"
X Link 2026-02-13T11:25Z 1.1M followers, 107.4K engagements

"I spread Coleman's Mustard on toast instead of jam. I love how it tastes"
X Link 2026-02-13T21:25Z 1.1M followers, 64.4K engagements

"I use Grindr a lot but not for sex. I love looking at the decor of the homes people photograph themselves in. I've had suggestions for delightful chairs curtains and wallpaper by messaging men on Grindr"
X Link 2026-02-14T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 86.3K engagements

"I wrote off my car because I was distracted by a woman's chest. I'm a happily married mum of two but I was suddenly mesmerised by them. I can't even say I was looking at her top she just had a wonderful pair of boobs"
X Link 2026-01-30T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 156.6K engagements

"I am a woman in the process of setting my life up to avoid men. The Grok undressing women and children thing just solidified something for me. Every man who thinks that is ok should be on a register"
X Link 2026-01-31T10:25Z 1.1M followers, 247.5K engagements

"When I have Eczema behind my ear I let my dog lick it and it heals it quicker than when using the cream the doctor gave me"
X Link 2026-01-31T16:25Z 1.1M followers, 144.2K engagements

"Only child. Parents gone. Diagnosed with stage [--] cancer recently. One of the many thoughts that then was swirling around my head was an excited "oooh I'm going to be the centre of attention again""
X Link 2026-02-01T15:25Z 1.1M followers, 324.6K engagements

"No one told me it wasn't cider in the brown plastic bottles being thrown around at Reading Festival [----]. Soon learned"
X Link 2026-02-02T17:25Z 1.1M followers, 143.3K engagements

"I am from a country formerly colonised by the British one famous for tea. I have found that the best way to annoy British people is to casually drop a teabag in a mug of cold water and stick it in the microwave. I don't even like tea. I do it just for the trolling entertainment"
X Link 2026-02-02T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 177.6K engagements

"I work from home. I would never be so unprofessional as to play video games on a 2nd screen during work hours. Instead I stay up all night playing Football Manager in bed and sleep at my desk during work hours"
X Link 2026-02-03T20:25Z 1.1M followers, 186.9K engagements

"Been basically vegetarian for years but sneak the occasional Greggs or KFC. The thrill of being caught and shamed adds to the flavour so the closer to our place the better. Decided to tell the wife I've gone full veggie officially so I can ride a bigger high"
X Link 2026-02-03T22:25Z 1.1M followers, 96.9K engagements

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